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WHY
THIS MAY SEEM A LITTLE CRAZY TO YOU, IT DOES TO EVERYONE ELSE,SO I AM LEFT WITH NO ONE TO TALK TO ABOUT IT, BECAUSE EVERYONE JUST THINKS I'M NUTS, BUT HERE GOES...MY BF AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 11 YEARS. I LOVE HIM MORE THEN ANYTHING.
I QUESTION HOW HE FEELS ABOUT ME. HE HAS THIS LITTLE DOG, WHOM WAS AROUND BEFORE ME. SHE IS CRIPPLED AND OLD AND HE ADORES HER. HE SLEEPS WITH HER RIGHT NEXT TO HIM (HE WANTS TO CUDDLE WITH HER, BUT I GOT TIRED OF IT AND MADE HIM PUT HER OFF THE BED, SO SHE IS RIGHT NEXT TO THE BED AT HIS HEAD WHERE HE CAN REACH HER TO SLEEP WITH HIS HAND ON HER.) HE RUNS TO HER AT HER EVERY BARK, HE SHOWERS WITH HER, IS ALWAYS PETTING AND RUBBING HER, TELLING HER HOW MUCH HE LOVES HER. MY PROBLEM IS THAT HE WONT GIVE ME EVEN HALF THE ATTENTION HE GIVES THAT DOG. HE ALWAYS TELLS ME THAT SHE'S A DOG, YOUR SICK TO COMPAIR MY FEELINGS FOR YOU AND MY FEELINGS FOR MY DOG. HE IS NOT INTO SEX, HE MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I AM NOT ATTRACTIVE (BUT I AM ACCORDING TO EVERYONE ELSE-I LOOK ALOT LIKE ROSEANNA ARQUETTE, SO I'M TOLD)BUT HE MAKES ME CRY AND HURTS MY FEELINGS, AND WHEN I TELL HIM THESE THINGS HE JUST SAYS HE DONT CARE. I DO EVERYTHING FOR HIM (HE'S DISABLED AND DONT DRIVE, I WAIT ON HIM, I TAKE CARE OF HIM, I DO EVERYTHING FOR HIM). BUT WHEN I ASK FOR SOMETHING, (I AM VERY INDEPENDANT) ITS OF THE EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL CLOSNESS SORT, I JUST GET PUT OFF, SET ASIDE, AND HE CAN JUST GO OFF TO SLEEP KNOWING THAT I AM IN THE OTHER ROOM CRYING BECAUSE OF HIS BEHAVIOR. HOW DO I GET HIM TO UNDERSTAND THAT HE IS HURTING ME TO THE POINT THAT I JUST WANT TO GO AWAY, AND FORGET ABOUT HIM AND ALL OF IT? I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW HE CAN SAY HE LOVES ME, BUT HIS ACTIONS SAY OTHERWISE. HE IS ALSO BIPOLAR. OUR AGES ARE 35 HIM 38 ME. I JUST WANT HIM TO SHOW ME THE AFFECTION THAT I NEED, BUT HE JUST DONT GET IT, BUT THE DOG DOES!!
PS I HAVE SEEN HIM WITH MY OWN EYES TOUCH THAT DOG INAPPROIATLY, HE DENIES THIS WITH INSTANT ANGER! HE IS NOT DISABLED TO A POINT THAT HE CANT CARE FOR HIMSELF, HE JUST CANNOT DRIVE OR WORK OUTSIDE OF THE HOUSE.....I JUMP FOR HIM, HE WILL ONLY DISAPPONT ME AND BREAK PROMISSES
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Look at what you've said. He 'will only disappoint' you and 'break promises.' He gives a mere dog more attention and affection than he gives you. Is this the sort of relationship you had ever pictured yourself being involved in? Is this a fair way to let someone treat you - or a fair way to treat yourself?
It sounds as if you've told him your feelings, and I'll be the first to back you up. I think you have ever right to feel frustrated, hurt, and used. Have you told him exactly how serious you are?
If he knows you are considering leaving him, he might shape up. If he doesn't, you can try couple's counselling - if that doesn't help or he won't agree to outside help, then I guess you have your answer. He doesn't love you.
I think you would be justified in leaving, and I don't think his status as a disabled person should make you feel guilty or like you have to stay. I think the first thing you need to do when you finish reading my reply is ask yourself a few questions: 'Do I love him? If he doesn't change, can I be happy in this relationship? Is this how I want to spend the rest of my life?'
You deserve someone who will show you how much he loves you - cuddling you, caring for you, not taking advantage of you. You sound like a warm-hearted, giving person who already really knows what she wants - she just wants to know if other people agree.
And I do. You need to take care of yourself; you need to respect yourself. Whether that is trying to make things work (and leaving if they don't), or leaving now - that choice is up to you. Listen to your deepest feelings and act on them. There is no shame in getting out of a bad relationship.
Good luck. My thoughts are with you.
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