I aim to give you solid advice on your problems. I don't sugarcoat things and I'm always straight up. Don't come asking for what you want to hear as I always give the truth even if you don't want it because it's what you need and the only way to grow.
Gender: Male
Member Since: December 31, 2006
Answers: 3591
Last Update: August 30, 2022
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13/f
Okaay, so me(13/f) and my boyfriend(13/m) had plans to go downtown today. my mom was on board with it yesterday. And today when i went to ask her she said no. she says its because she doesnt know my boyfriend...but i think its because she doesnt trust me. i've been downtown with friends before. and i want her to be able to trust me. I've never done anything for her not to trust me. so why now? its not because she doesnt know my boyfriend because she could just meet him, when she dropped me off. this is ridiculous. she's never going to learn to trust me if she doesnt let me try something new. how do i get her to trust me and do more with my boyfriend? (link)
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I understand your frustration. She's not trying to ruin your life here. She trusts you but maybe not him and wants to know where he is coming from before she sends you off together.
That much is reasonable. She can't get a good read on him in a split second meeting when she drops you off. Here's what I would do. Be mature about this and no whining, backtalk etc. and ask her why she doesn't want you to be alone with him when she said at first you could go.
Next tell her you want to set up a dinner with him and his parents so she can meet them. I think after that she will be more comfortable. She's only trying to protect you and perhaps wasn't ready to deal with you dating boys this early.
You can't convince anyone of anything especially wen it comes to trust. By observing her rules and showing consistently that you are trustworthy she will see it and grant you the ability to be independent and make choices about boys.
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I'm Muslim I'm not a virgin. I need to find a way to bleed on my wedding night. It's a culture thing. Don't talk about trust please. (link)
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The only thing I will add is that you could tell him because you use tampons for your period insertion of them has stretched the hymen and bleeding likely won't happen. That is something he should understand.
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18/F
I know I have social anxiety. I always have. My heart starts pounding, I get short of breath, and I have Tourettes, which also tend to go out of control in social situations so I'm standing there listening to someone and my body's twitching all over the place. I used to make my friends take up my papers in school because I was too scared to get up in front of everyone. Even getting picked on during class to answer a question made my face get really hot and my chest all tight.
I even do it over the Internet! If someone tries to chat me on Facebook, I get super nervous and spend at least five minutes trying to think of something proper to say, but then I feel like an idiot because when I do manage to finally speak, I always put my foot in my mouth. I know there's always going to be someone in the world who won't like me, but I guess the idea of that freaks me out so much that I try and please everyone when we first meet.
It doesn't help that this is preventing me from a job search. I hate using the phone because I start to stutter over the phone and at my last job interview, my mind drew a blank so I was stammering and tripping over words and saying extremely stupid things.
I have a therapist that I'm talking to, but I honestly don't think it's helping me overcome this. And it's so hard to force myself, because I know that I may get pumped up and ready to say something, but once I'm faced with the situation, my mind goes blank and I'm left stammering and picking words out of the air.
What I want to know is if there's anyone else with this problem, and what they may do to ease the suffocating sensation in a social situation because I'm never going to be able to get a job or make new friends this way. In fact, I think I'm losing some of my friends because of the way I talk when I finally get around to socializing. (link)
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I wish I could give you a mammoth bear hug and tell you things will all turn out okay. This reply I hope serves as the next best thing.
I'm sure your therapist means well but isn't meeting your needs. This person isn't a doctor. What you need is a psychiatrist. They are the ones who can handle what is at the core of the problem--crippling anxiety and to some extent irrational fears.
I have a hunch (having been there)that if they placed you on an anxiety medication, provided counseling, and treatment your therapist couldn't that you would thrive. This doctor can also teach you how to handle situations where you have to speak in front of others a hell of a lot better than anyone else.
You have to understand that when it comes to other kids some can be cruel but it's not your problem as they act out of ignorance or fear of that which they can't understand easily. For you the best thing to do is align with a teacher you trust. Tell them how hard it is to get up there with Tourettes and make it through.
Make it your mission to educate your classmates about the condition and that hey can't get hurt etc. but that your body reacts in ways that you can't always control but you're otherwise exactly like them.
Overtime, they will warm up to you and see you for you and not notice the ailment that much if at all. Anyone who did give you a tough time is an A-hole not worthy of worry after you explained the condition.
On the Internet in chats or emails try to remember that the person really wants to hear what you have to say and in most cases cannot see you and does not know of the condition. Try to picture yourself as lets say Barack Obama in your mind delivering important information to the public and type what you want to without thinking anything other than the other person needing it. It's a good trick.
You could also tell them about your condition, that you like them and want to talk but are nervous when talking on or off line. Most will put you at ease.
What you should also do is join student council. Have a teacher arrange it. This is great because you will have to deal with people from multiple types of backgrounds and learn how to speak to them as well as do presentations. That will help you greatly and will help educate a ton of people about Tourettes.
Also, if your school doesn't offer it find somewhere in your city that offers an improv class for teens. Through playing trust games and embracing differences you'll learn how to socialize better and earn real friends who will stick by you after.
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I'm nearly 20 and in my first serious relationship...
I've never had to shop for a boyfriend and this has been causing some worry!
Guys, what do you like relieving from your girls?
I want it to be from the heart, and unique... but something he'll actually LOVE.
Help? (link)
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When it comes to this your best ally is his mom. You could call her up or visit and tell her how much he means to you and you want to get him something that you know he's been wanting and don't want to get something he will dislike. Trust me, she'll totally understand. Same thing with a sister if he has one. Also, consult your own mom too for her take.
Most people guys or girls like spending quality time together on top o getting a gift or more so. What you could do is plan a nice dinner that you made yourself, watch a movie at home, or do something that allows you to be together.
I've seen people who actually made their own coupon books that could be redeemed for cuddling time, kissing, massage, video-game time, or whatever else that could be redeemed spur of the moment any time. It spices things up a bit. That's one idea.
Try and think of something creative he'd like that nobody ever thought of. I'm sure you'll figure out something unique. No matter what you get him he'll love it because it came from you.
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Do I need to seek e/r treatment if the only substance I am pooping is blood? What might this be a sign of? Accompanied by mild stomach cramping. Has happened about 8 times within 24 hrs. (link)
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Definitely! No two ways you need to. We're not doctors and as such aren't allowed to offer a hypothetical on what it could be. However, NONE of this is normal and cause for concern if you're bleeding in that fashion and have cramps that won't go away despite the level of intensity. I would head to the ER and get it looked at. Better safe than sorry especially if it's lasted 24 hours.
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16/F
I am extremely lonely and constantly really left out. My father works away and my mother is constantly working. I go to school and feel like everyone doesn't like me and talk crap behind my back including teachers.
I've been feeling rebellious lately and feel like everytime I go out I have to drink excessively and
do more drugs. My parents just don't care anymore and my school are just over me. I have never so suicidal before as well as lonley. Please help I don't know who I am anymore and who cares anymore . (link)
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You sound like you could be clinically depressed. You really should go to an emergency room because you feel as though you can't function and have suicidal thoughts. They can put you on the right treatment and medication that will over time change things.
You perceive that people at school be it teachers or others don't care about you. While there may be some kids that don't overall perhaps more people care than you think but that's clouded by the depression.
I KNOW your parents care about you even if you don't think so. They are probably ill-equipped to help and don't know what to do.
When you go to the emergency room tell them that you also have an out of control alcohol and drug problem and need help with it too. They will know exactly where to send you for help.
Right now you could call Alcoholics Anonymous and tell them how old you are and you need help and likely they will refer you to their program for teens. Same thing with Narcotics Anonymous. They can provide support and resources.
Over time you will get better and will discover who you are but you've got to totally want it and be prepared for incredibly difficult work you can't give up on.
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I got 2 little bumps near one of the labia. they don't hurt nor itch. i'm not sexually active and it happen once before but it went away on it's own. why do I get this? and how can i make it go away? (link)
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We aren't doctors and cannot diagnose you with anything or tell you what the bump is even with your description never having seen it.
I know you are probably embarrassed to show anyone else be it your mom, sister, adult female you trust or a doctor. I'm an adult myself and don't like a doctor looking at my genital region either but it's better they do than be sorry later and worried over it if it's nothing.
Your mom's a girl too and has had to deal with this stuff. If you showed her the bumps and asked her if they were anything to worry about that would definitely ease worries. She's changed your diapers, has the same girl parts and knows by now what's normal and isn't in that area.
If you see a doctor mom can be in the room and they make it as quick as possible because they know how awkward this stuff is for people. At least you'll have an answer and treatment if need be.
The other thing is people can get blemishes, pimples anywhere however, if this is NEW and raised bumps that really seem odd to you and have lingered get it looked at.
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I'm 16 and I'm a female my boyfriend just turned 29 and we have been together almost 7 month on the 18th and we are both Christians so we believe and agree that we shouldnt have sex til we are married but my friends hate him because he is white and is 29 they try to tear us apart and sometimes they tell me that its Either them that I let go of or my boyfriend but I don't know what to do?! By the way my boyfriend promised me and my mother that he isn't in this relationship to get in my pants that he wants to wait until marriage... what do I do? How do I keep them both?! (link)
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Definitely keep the boyfriend as he's 100% right for you. Next, and pardon my French who gives a shit what your racist friends may think of him. It's they who have a problem to fix and not you. Whether he's white or a different race really doesn't matter. They have no business causing you problems over this.
What you have to do is tell them that their business ends at the tip of their nose and that if they have a problem with him they have one with you and kindly shut the hell up about him with your negativity and leave it at that. If I were you I would chuck these so-called friends permanently and find better ones. They're replaceable a guy like him isn't. He's a perfect gentlemen and that's rare especially with what he told your mother. Keep him. Ditch them.
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I am for sure majoring in Communication and I really want to major in Nursing as well. What kind of jobs could I get using both of those degrees?
Thank you very much! (link)
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Communications: Journalist, Publicist, Researcher, Broadcaster, Producer, Photo Journalist.
Nursing: Obviously work in a hospital or a doctors office. You could also work as a professional care giver for those that need people to work on shifts around the clock taking care of elderly.
There's tons of jobs for each career but these stand out to me right now.
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My boyfriend keeps telling me that he is masturbating and this bothers me. We are having a long distance relationship and its a 2 year relationship. We've met several times over the summer vacations but when he tells me he is masturbating I get saddened and angry. He knows that I get mad but he doesn't do anything. He also watches porn which makes me sad and angry. He knows how I feel but yet he continues. (link)
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I don't think it's the fact he's masturbating that is the issue. It really shouldn't bother you as it's a normal activity that males and females of all ages engage it. Pretty universal with your age group. Stats say 90% of males do it and 77% of females.
Are you upset that he does it because you have been taught negatively about it? It's a good thing he's doing this to release tension and does not mean he loves you less. It's better he handles sexual tension this way than cheating with someone else because you can't be with him in person.
As far as porn goes it's common with either sex and just a fantasy thing with guys. He's not wanting those girls at all and you shouldn't be jealous. Again, it's just a way to let out that level of tension.
Likely, he thinks it's fine (which it is) and that you probably do the same exact thing yourself when he's gone for extended periods. I would relax and see it for what it is as well as work at accepting this as normal behavior for you both and that it bears no weight on the status of your relationship.
It shouldn't make you angry or sad as it's common. In all honesty everybody has and or will do this at some time in life. It's completely healthy and normal of him or you to engage or not in it. To ask him to stop really isn't fair when it's something people in relationships that are committed or even married do.
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Please help me on how I can lose weight. I'm tired of being fat and I need to lose it NOW. I don't need gestures on how I can just "not eat desserts" or anything like that. Just please tell me how I can lose weight. Please name the excersize and how many calories burned (I don't play sports. Just excersizing please). I can't go to a doctor or my PE teacher or my mom or anything like that. I don't want my mom to think even more that i'm fat. And my mom will have to go with me to the doctor. And my PE teacher hates me. So please help me before I starve myself (I don't need a gesture on that. If I can't find any excersize, that's what i'm going to do no matter what)... (link)
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Your weight is based on height. To calculate the weight you ought to be Google BMI Index Chart and type in your height and that you are female and an adolescent. It will pop up your target weight.
Although you may think you are fat the reality is you may not be. Before beginning any diet or exercise program you need to visit a doctor for advice and have them put you on a program and monitor your nutrition and eating habits. It's the only way to succeed.
Why can't you talk to your mother or a teacher? It's confidential with teachers and I'm sure by now you can come to your mother with any concern no matter how embarrassing you think it is. Trust me, your mom was your age once and likely grappled with the same things you are. I would talk to her.
If you are overweight or in need of a diet she would be a powerful ally wanting to see you reach your goals, same with a doctor or a teacher. Don't be afraid to talk to people about this. It's no big deal.
You said the PE teacher doesn't like you. Are you sure that's 100% so? They may be critical of your gym performance but not of you as a person. If you don't want their help try another teacher or counselor you feel you can trust. Best person is mom or a doctor. Anything you tell a doctor alone can't be told to parents and that includes taling about sex, puberty or anything troubling you unless you are causing physical harm to yourself.
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so i guess i've been a really bad person. i cheated on my ex boyfriend with someone else whom i didnt tell that i was in a relationship with someone. then i met someone who i truely started loving and started a new life with him. we're still together and i've never cheated on him, we're a great couple.
i never loved either of the other guys, i just used them because i didnt want to be all alone and i knew that they wouldnt want to be just friends. i didnt have anyone else because its hard for me to make friends. i was suffering from depression too and used to cut myself a lot which made both of them feel bad. i still used them even though they where there for me all the time. i guess i just wanted to feel loved. i know that all of this is over but the things ive done make me hate myself so much. how do i get over this and how do i forgive myself? am i even allowed to forgive myself? (link)
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Yes you should forgive yourself and are worthy of it. You learned from the experience and never repeated the behavior so you are fine. I think the guilt lies with being remorseful and wanting to reach out to those you hurt and tell them why. That's admirable.
Even if they were hurt I'm sure they don't have animosity after all this time. Forgive yourself because you have learned a life lesson. You are not a horrid or evil person. You made a mistake because you were confused and dealing with mental health issues. You wouldn't have done it otherwise. It was a complete 360 from your true character.
What you should do is get a referral to a psychiatrist. You aren't crazy but could use support for the depression, cutting, negative thoughts about yourself, guilt, inability to make friends and relationships in general so that you make healthy choices and flourish later on.
You have someone who loves you and isn't going anywhere. You have two options. If your past is affecting you currently with him you can tell him what happened, the reasons and that you never will nor have with him but have to chuck guilt or B: Don't involve him but seek counseling for it privately and enjoy life as it is. Either way telling someone is ideal. we're human and make mistakes but provided we learn our lesson we all deserve forgiveness.
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I have been liking this guy for over a year and a half. Eventually last year I thought that he wold of asked me out but he never did, but I don't get why? Ok so we would have two classes together and we got pretty close, eventually I would get mixed signals, because he would stare at me during lunch class and sometimes even in the hallways, but then he would always be around this other girl who is extremely pretty. He would walk her to class and talk to her i front of me, and would glance at my direction. We always held glances and I would feel chills. And a couple of days ago when we were in art detention we both sat together and I was like someone smells good and he was like I know I do, and I was like sure... Eventually he then said that people get attracted to certain cents and I just looked at him and smile. He looks back at me and smiles back, but when we are in regular school he doesn't even say hi to me, I'm confused please help (link)
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I think he's interested but too shy to stick his neck out as he dreads rejection. He's trying to get you to pull the trigger first so he doesn't need to. That's why all the glances, mild flirting etc. He's just a tad rattled.
Although it's not an easy thing you NEED to be honest and talk to him. Mention that you may be reading his body language and signals wrong but that you want to know where things stand with him so you don't miss a potential opportunity.
Another approach would be to invite him out with a group of friends for a movie, party or whatever comes to mind and see if he takes the invite. If he's in to you he will move mountains to go--trust me. Sometimes if a gal wants something she has to get gutsy and go after it. At least you will know.
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Ok so I'm 13 and I have a boyfriend and I had to have sex with random guys in front of him,my boyfriend took videos and stuff and now I must do it everyweek with atleast 5 guys I think I'm pregnant though(no period,nasias,tired ect...)And I'm scared that I am because my mom and dad will kill me and propbably disown me! Please help! (link)
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Your parents won't be happy but they will not disown their child. You need to come clean and let them know you made a huge mistake getting sexually active and what this boy did with extortion and blackmail and other people. Tell them it's documented on film.
They can have these people charged and properly dealt with legally and or otherwise and get you removed from a horrible situation. With pregnancy tell your parents your suspicion and see a doctor about it. They will know how to help you. You have to TELL them as you know this situation is wrong and won't be able to escape it otherwise.
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how can i clean my vagina? (link)
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This link should help http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20081202060113AAgNpIw
It's the labia, outer part (vulva) that you cleanse as the article says. The internal part (vagina) is something you don't clean with soap or water or anything because it can cause infection. Furthermore, the vagina is an organ that self-cleanses.
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I have just been feeling depressed for a while now. I have no friends,just only the co-workers I work with. I really don't talk to my family like that anymore. I just go thru the same routine everyday. I feel like no one is there for me. I have struggle to keep myself together for the last past three years. I graduated High School about 3 years ago. I lost all my best friends. Arguements,lies happen after high school. So, No more friends. I don't want to go to school or work. No one ever texts or calls me unless it's family members wanting someone or asking something. I just don't know what to do. I never make plans because i'm always alone. I never been on a date. I'm have been single my whole life. I'm only 21 years old. I'm gay. I gotten sick with the shingles about 6 months ago. Because of stress and it was really bad. Cause of work,ex-friends,lonely,didn't feel like i belong,hiding about beening gay(which i am still). I need someone to talk to. I hate this feeling. I sit at home or ride around before i go home everyday or go to the park and just think and cry all the time. I dreamed about me dying in a car accident all the time and wondering what would my family do with out me. I just don't know who i am anymore. I need answers and help.It's not the world's business to know what i'm going thru and to know that i'm gay. Not,my families either because i will get disown.:/ My family is so christian. Now, It hurts. Having to lie to them about everything and can't be my own self. Advice please?
(link)
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I am here to listen if you need to vent. Hit my inbox. I think the best thing to do is to see a doctor. You appear clinically depressed (and I can say that being bipolar) If you saw someone and got treatment and medication the feelings of worthlessness will over time fade.
You also have a ton of fear that you need to chuck. Coming out is not an easy thing and never would pretend to think otherwise but you need to. While you can't control the reaction you need to stop lying to yourself and others as it's destroying you to keep it in. You need to be yourself bottom line and to hell with what anyone else thinks. You can't and shouldn't hide it.
One of the best things you could do is come out to family in front of your doctor or a support group like PFLAG. Your folks may be conservative Christians butt deep down they would love you no matter what. You have to give them benefit of doubt that they won't disown you. What makes you so sure they would? You're their child and the same person as before but they didn't know your orientation (which you can't change).
As far as dating goes it's something that just unfolds and you can't push for. It's best if you don't. The right person comes along for everyone eventually and you'll know when it does. In the meantime, work on your social skills with a therapist so you can make friends easier or find a partner. It doesn't matter if you are 21 or even older to start dating. It'll come just relax.
What started the lies with friends and that fuels it? If you stop the behavior and apologize and ask for another chance and never lie to anyone else you might be in better shape. From now on move forward as a gay man or woman and be honest with everyone you meet and things will gradually change.
Everyone in the world even if they don't know it or accept it has a purpose and reason for living. You're very young and will find it. Stick in there no matter what card you're thrown and make it work. In the end you become a better person and will wind up with what you desire if you work on things. Doing this is the only way to have all that fear and stress dissolve. Come clean and let everything out.
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12/F well I have a 18 year old boyfriend and he wanted to have sex and I'm to scared that if I say no he won't love me anyway now he's always expecting me to have sex with him and when I don't want to he asks me if I don't love him anymore and he has naked pictures of me and I don't know how he got them what must I do(my mom doesn't know about our relationship) (link)
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Your mom definitely should know EXACTLY what is going on PRONTO. Normal 18-year-olds are not dating 12-year-old kids or trying to coerce them into an illegal sexual act or acts.
This is one of those things you shout from every mountain as adults have to go after this creep and protect you. You may be confused right now but this was never love. You aren't going to get in trouble with your parents and MUST tell about those photos and threats he made. It's child porn and he must be stopped from potential distribution let alone owning it. You know this isn't right so you have to tell your parents about it. He should be in jail.
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I'm in 7th grade and I was thinking of trying to write a book. I want it to kinda be a dairy like dork diaries but I want it to b based of my real dairy. I don't really know how to do that without but their real name without getting confused and I don't want to put to much info because if I let my parents see it I don't want them to know certant stuff. If that sounds to complicated than can I give me an idea on how I could write a normal story or mayb a script. Thanks for the help!!!
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It's a cliched phrase but "write what you know about." If there's something you are passionate about and you want to write about it just write for yourself without needing or want to share it. When you do that your best work comes out. Then maybe you will share it with others.
I'm not familiar with Dork Diaries but I am with the Diary Of a Wimpy Kid films and books where the protagonist more or less narrates them as though it's a diary.
What you would do is start out in first person reflecting on what happened in the past with you and other characters and blend fiction and fact and have each person tell their own story and make it into that type of thing where it's a diary entry but told from different perspectives.
As far as your parents are concerned I believe in NEVER hiding anything that shouldn't be hidden but that you should have privacy for a diary and I'm sure they wouldn't read it. If they did you could tell them that it's fictional and an assignment to write fiction mirrored after those books.
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This morning I was playing around on the phone and called 911 because I was being stupid and not thinking and I hung up after a few seconds not knowing they would call me back, (I've never been in this sort of situation) anyway I panicked and told them my little sister did it but the thing is I dont have a little sister so it was a huge lie and about 10 minutes later they showed up at my house and asked to see her and instead of telling the truth I told them she had left for school.The point is I feel so guilty about lying and my mom says I should forget about it but now i'm paranoid that they will come back and feel like I should call the police station and tell them the truth but I dont know if I should do it or just let it go and i'm afraid of what they might say. I'm 18 years old and I should have known better, it just got out of hand so quick. what should i do? (link)
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They would find it extremely odd to get a call confessing such a thing. It happens all the time. All they care about is that you learned or whomever they thought dialed learned that you don't dial unless your life is in danger or someone else's is because it clogs up their resources.
If you learned this move on. They won't come back to your house as they have bigger problems to police and deal with.
All they would have said or done had there been a kid sister is to lecture her on how 911 is not to be used and when it should be so she understood that dialing isn't a game.
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Me and this guy have been hanging out for a little while now and Im starting to think that he's just hanging out with me because he wants in my pants. He tried having sex with me once already and I said no, and then another time he was over and said we should after my friend fell asleep.. I wasn't going to do that but I have a hard time saying straight up no to people so I acted upset/not in the mood so he'd stop trying to kiss me (I was kind of upset because of it) I'm a virgin still, I do want to have sex but not unless I have some kind of comitment atleast, I don't want to have sex with someone and then them just stop talking to me. He doesn't know that though, I haven't explained why I haven't done anything with him and I don't know if I even should. I don't know if/how to turn him down. I don't want to scare him away or anything because I like habging out with him, I just kinda wanna say "if you're just hanging out with me to get in my pants you might as well give up..'' but I don't have the guts to say something like that. I just wish he'd get to know me to see that I'm actually a cool person and maybe we could date and THEN if we actually liked eachother have sex..not when we don't know eachother that well and who knows if he's sleeping around with other girls while he's trying to get with me. Anyways, what do I do? Lol
18/F (link)
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If he's this aggressive and only focused on wanting to take you to bed then he doesn't truly love you or respect you. You damn well should say and have every right to "I like you but if you're here just for sex you're wasting our time. I'm not ready." You HAVE to say something or he will keep at it. This will help you see if he's a decent person worthy of dating or not.
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