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Having to lie to them about everything and can't be my own self.
I have just been feeling depressed for a while now. I have no friends,just only the co-workers I work with. I really don't talk to my family like that anymore. I just go thru the same routine everyday. I feel like no one is there for me. I have struggle to keep myself together for the last past three years. I graduated High School about 3 years ago. I lost all my best friends. Arguements,lies happen after high school. So, No more friends. I don't want to go to school or work. No one ever texts or calls me unless it's family members wanting someone or asking something. I just don't know what to do. I never make plans because i'm always alone. I never been on a date. I'm have been single my whole life. I'm only 21 years old. I'm gay. I gotten sick with the shingles about 6 months ago. Because of stress and it was really bad. Cause of work,ex-friends,lonely,didn't feel like i belong,hiding about beening gay(which i am still). I need someone to talk to. I hate this feeling. I sit at home or ride around before i go home everyday or go to the park and just think and cry all the time. I dreamed about me dying in a car accident all the time and wondering what would my family do with out me. I just don't know who i am anymore. I need answers and help.It's not the world's business to know what i'm going thru and to know that i'm gay. Not,my families either because i will get disown.:/ My family is so christian. Now, It hurts. Having to lie to them about everything and can't be my own self. Advice please?
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
I think you should go to a doctor, too. You shouldn't have to deal with this sort of depression. You should live a happy life! If I were you, I'd take depression medication. It'd also make you feel more confident with yourself and make you want to make friends.
Good luck and take care,
Bella xoxo
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While a clinical evaluation of your mental state is impossible via internet, depression is a common diagnosis with relatively simple treatment.
I do think that you should see a professional, but having been under the care of shrinks for many years, myself, I can understand any reservations you may have about such things. There are things you can try first, on your own, if you're not ready to submit yourself to a shrink.
First of all, you should get active. Now, I am the last person that advocates exercise very often. I would much rather eat a whole cake and watch the Discovery Channel than go on a run, but whenever I get low, exercise does help. The endorphins you get from being active lift your mood, and when you lift your mood, even a little, life looks better. You need to crawl out of the depression before you can really take affirmative action.
I know it's hard when all your high school friends disappear. Happened to me. You have to just go make new ones... which sucks and can be really hard if you haven't made friends in a while, but it's really very easy once you get the hang of it. You just go do something you enjoy (which can be hard to think of, I know, but start small and just go be around people). If you're out amongst people that like things you like, you just have to start a conversation with someone. It won't be magic. You probably won't make life-long friends every time you talk to someone, but it's a start. You talk, you exchange numbers and you call them later. You have to do the work.
As for your family... I don't talk to my family either, and that's not really totally uncommon. Fmailies have problems, and just because you're related to people doesn't mean they'll understand you, and it doesn't mean you'll like them... it just means you share some DNA. If your family is going treat you like a black sheep... then you just have to file that away and try to not let it get to you. My family sucks and they don't like me for a lot of various reasons. I stopped caring. Sure, I still get upset about it. Whenever my dad calls me (birthday, thanksgiving and christmas) I get really upset and wonder why he's such a bad father and why he doesn't care except on mandated holidays... but then I get out that anger and frustration at my situation and life goes on.
You have a long way to go. I'm 24 now. When I was 21 I had a lot of sh*t going on that I didn't think I could deal with, too. I was horrifically depressed, along with being on medication for a mood disorder that kept backfiring, my family was growing farther apart all the time (or dying... lots of them just up and died on me), I had no friends and no way of knowing how to get some...
But things get better. You just have to help it a little bit. You have to try. You also have to accept things you can't change and learn to celebrate things you can change instead. It's crappy but it's just how life is. You either roll with the waves or you drown.
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I think you need to see a doctor. First a psychiatrist to be properly diagnosed as clinically depressed and put on proper medication. The primary cause of clinical depression is stress.
Your not crazy the need to see a psychiatrist rather than your family doctor is that the chemicals that control depression are in the brain and the psychiatrist is the best medical doctor trained to help you. Make sure to choose a board certified psychiatrist.
After speaking with the psychiatrist you will be referred to a psychologist for talk therapy. This is where the real work is done. One of the first things you need to talk about is your being gay. One thing that jumped out at me is you wrote; "hiding about being gay(which i am still). Being gay is not something you chose, it is the way you are born. You need to decide if you are gay or just think you are for whatever reasons that make you feel this way.
Once you have come to terms with being gay you can then find ways of making friends within the gay community. It is not all that hard to do. There are many websites dedicated to the gay community that are designed for people such as yourself to find others like yourself. These websites are run by groups and organizations that will also help you come to terms with who you are and the problems that you face being gay.
You are not the first person from a devote Christian family to be gay. These groups can help you with coming out to your family. This will help with some of the stress you are having. We parents are funny. We say one thing but when the rubber meets the road as they say we do the unexpected. Meaning I don't think your parents will disown you, especially your mom. It may come as a shock to them and you may have to give them a chance to adjust to the revelation. But most parents eventually gather behind their child and support them as much as they can.
My advice is to see the doctors I recommend. Then search out the groups in your community I spoke off. Between the psychologist and these groups you will be able to find out just who you are and what you want form life. When this happens you will be able to make friends and be much happier. It will take some effort on your part. Though nothing worth while comes easy.
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Hi there,
This has already been asked, and answered here:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
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I am here to listen if you need to vent. Hit my inbox. I think the best thing to do is to see a doctor. You appear clinically depressed (and I can say that being bipolar) If you saw someone and got treatment and medication the feelings of worthlessness will over time fade.
You also have a ton of fear that you need to chuck. Coming out is not an easy thing and never would pretend to think otherwise but you need to. While you can't control the reaction you need to stop lying to yourself and others as it's destroying you to keep it in. You need to be yourself bottom line and to hell with what anyone else thinks. You can't and shouldn't hide it.
One of the best things you could do is come out to family in front of your doctor or a support group like PFLAG. Your folks may be conservative Christians butt deep down they would love you no matter what. You have to give them benefit of doubt that they won't disown you. What makes you so sure they would? You're their child and the same person as before but they didn't know your orientation (which you can't change).
As far as dating goes it's something that just unfolds and you can't push for. It's best if you don't. The right person comes along for everyone eventually and you'll know when it does. In the meantime, work on your social skills with a therapist so you can make friends easier or find a partner. It doesn't matter if you are 21 or even older to start dating. It'll come just relax.
What started the lies with friends and that fuels it? If you stop the behavior and apologize and ask for another chance and never lie to anyone else you might be in better shape. From now on move forward as a gay man or woman and be honest with everyone you meet and things will gradually change.
Everyone in the world even if they don't know it or accept it has a purpose and reason for living. You're very young and will find it. Stick in there no matter what card you're thrown and make it work. In the end you become a better person and will wind up with what you desire if you work on things. Doing this is the only way to have all that fear and stress dissolve. Come clean and let everything out.
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