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Social Anxiety
18/F
I know I have social anxiety. I always have. My heart starts pounding, I get short of breath, and I have Tourettes, which also tend to go out of control in social situations so I'm standing there listening to someone and my body's twitching all over the place. I used to make my friends take up my papers in school because I was too scared to get up in front of everyone. Even getting picked on during class to answer a question made my face get really hot and my chest all tight.
I even do it over the Internet! If someone tries to chat me on Facebook, I get super nervous and spend at least five minutes trying to think of something proper to say, but then I feel like an idiot because when I do manage to finally speak, I always put my foot in my mouth. I know there's always going to be someone in the world who won't like me, but I guess the idea of that freaks me out so much that I try and please everyone when we first meet.
It doesn't help that this is preventing me from a job search. I hate using the phone because I start to stutter over the phone and at my last job interview, my mind drew a blank so I was stammering and tripping over words and saying extremely stupid things.
I have a therapist that I'm talking to, but I honestly don't think it's helping me overcome this. And it's so hard to force myself, because I know that I may get pumped up and ready to say something, but once I'm faced with the situation, my mind goes blank and I'm left stammering and picking words out of the air.
What I want to know is if there's anyone else with this problem, and what they may do to ease the suffocating sensation in a social situation because I'm never going to be able to get a job or make new friends this way. In fact, I think I'm losing some of my friends because of the way I talk when I finally get around to socializing.
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it gets better but you need to look at your self talk to dont overdramatise catastrophize a situation and think of things in shades of grey terms cause nothings for certain that kind of self talk can be helped by cognitive behavioral therapy with a psych
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I wish I could give you a mammoth bear hug and tell you things will all turn out okay. This reply I hope serves as the next best thing.
I'm sure your therapist means well but isn't meeting your needs. This person isn't a doctor. What you need is a psychiatrist. They are the ones who can handle what is at the core of the problem--crippling anxiety and to some extent irrational fears.
I have a hunch (having been there)that if they placed you on an anxiety medication, provided counseling, and treatment your therapist couldn't that you would thrive. This doctor can also teach you how to handle situations where you have to speak in front of others a hell of a lot better than anyone else.
You have to understand that when it comes to other kids some can be cruel but it's not your problem as they act out of ignorance or fear of that which they can't understand easily. For you the best thing to do is align with a teacher you trust. Tell them how hard it is to get up there with Tourettes and make it through.
Make it your mission to educate your classmates about the condition and that hey can't get hurt etc. but that your body reacts in ways that you can't always control but you're otherwise exactly like them.
Overtime, they will warm up to you and see you for you and not notice the ailment that much if at all. Anyone who did give you a tough time is an A-hole not worthy of worry after you explained the condition.
On the Internet in chats or emails try to remember that the person really wants to hear what you have to say and in most cases cannot see you and does not know of the condition. Try to picture yourself as lets say Barack Obama in your mind delivering important information to the public and type what you want to without thinking anything other than the other person needing it. It's a good trick.
You could also tell them about your condition, that you like them and want to talk but are nervous when talking on or off line. Most will put you at ease.
What you should also do is join student council. Have a teacher arrange it. This is great because you will have to deal with people from multiple types of backgrounds and learn how to speak to them as well as do presentations. That will help you greatly and will help educate a ton of people about Tourettes.
Also, if your school doesn't offer it find somewhere in your city that offers an improv class for teens. Through playing trust games and embracing differences you'll learn how to socialize better and earn real friends who will stick by you after.
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I can understand exactly where you are coming from because I used to be the same way. Everytime during a presentation you start talking and all these things start running through your head like, don't look at your notecards to much or don't look people in the eye and especially don't look up or down. I know that when I did presentations and I hear someone giggle I start thinking that they're laughing at me when in all actuality they're laughing at something their friend said.
In order to try and be more social with people, you have to learn how to be comfortable with yourself. IT ALL STARTS WITH YOU. You have to have confidence in yourself. I noticed that when you have respect for yourself others will follow.
Now facebook should be easy. If someone talks to you, the first thing you should do is say "hi" or "hey" or "hey how are you" or "Hey how's it going". It's the same as writing a business letter: ALWAYS BEGAN WITH A GREETING! Now I have never been interviewed in my whole life but when you do an interview I think you should talk to the interviewer proffessionally but be very open and honest. Tell them your strengths and how you could be a great benefit if they hire you. Be very social and tell all the good things about yourself.
Remember the key to being sociable starts with YOU. The best way to do it to just be yourself and don't try to please everybody you meet because that's impossible. You don't want to be known as a people pleaser but an INDIVIDUAL!
Good Luck and I hope I helped in some way.
~Andrew~
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I don't have the problems you have though I am disabled and unable to do certain things. So I think I can understand to a degree how upsetting your anxiety is for you.
First of all if you are not making any progress with your current therapist find a new one. I, as part of my disability, fell into a deep depression. I went through 3 therapists until I found one I was comfortable working with. When I did things got better and my depression is now in remission.
I don't know much about stuttering and learned the most about it from the movie the Kings Speech. As for Tourettes, one of my friends fathers when I was a child had a mild form of it. That was over 35 years ago. Today I believe much research has been done and medications found that can help relieve some of the symptoms.
Below are two websites I found that you might find helpful. One is the national Organization website for Tourettes. The other is a site that has some resources you might find useful.
Most importantly remember this: You will never be able to please everyone. The only one you have to please is yourself; the only one you have to be better than is to be better tomorrow than you are today. IF you can adopt this motto you will be much better for it and I believe your problem with stuttering will be easier to get under control.
The heck with what other people think. While I understand, though do not approve of children who would pick on you for your stuttering. At your present age if your peers are still doing so they a very immature and you do not need them. There are better people in this world then the ones you know today. So stop trying to impress them and work on impressing yourself first. Find a new therapist to work with and ask about what I just said for it is my belief that once you stop trying to impress others and work only on impressing yourself the stress that causes the anxiety will be lifted and you will make greater progress.
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