I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 173034
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what does prude mean? (link)
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'Prude' generally means that someone is unwilling to have any sexual contact with someone else. It's usally not a compliment, even though it's totally up to everyone about how far they want to go - and when they feel comfortable doing so.
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I hate myself. Does anyone have any ideas to stop a persons perceptions of things, or path of thinking change? I dont beleive in any kind of religion and i beleive that there is no reason to anything and that life and existance in general is just so pointless. If people live to be happy and content, yet are mainly overcome by other stronger emotions such as pain and anger what is the point of living? there is no afterlife its just nothing. why be afraid of something you wont be aware of. why bother searching for peace of mind which you already know you will never get. each and everyone of us are unique so no one is. no one will remember me when i die because i have had no impact upon anyone. i have achieved nothing and have had nothing able to be achieved because of how many billions of people in the world that are better then me. nothing has meaning me running around in an endless circle compared to going to school and learning are of about the same value. .. should i get help? (link)
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Should you get help? The simple answer is 'yes.'
It sounds as though you are feeling sad, disheartened, hopeless, and angry. Regardless of what you currently think, not everyone is overwhelmed with these emotions. Some people do have peace of mind.
How is that found? Writing, religion, therapy, medication, art, music, growing up, inner strength, friends, family. Any of these, all of these, or something completely different.
Your first step is to let someone know how seriously bad you feel. Don't try to gloss over your feelings; let someone know how truly upset you are. A counsellor is a great place to start, if your school has one. It's a chance to talk openly and confidentially with someone who doesn't know you, your family, or your situation. They're totally unbiased and completely there for you.
If you feel uncomfortable approaching a counsellor, you could talk to a teacher, a family member, or your doctor.
Best of luck.
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Im 23 years old and have been with my husband whos 33 for 6 years. It takes me along time to reach orgasim and can only do so my oral sex or by him touching my clitoris.
I put alot into our sex life to keep things spiced up and enjoy it but when sex is over he acts like performing any sort of "favor" for me is a chore. Ive tryed to tell him his behavior makes me feel like he dosent want to do it and only is doing so to make me happy. When Im thinking this its impossible to reach orgasim.
He dosent understand its not that hes doing the wrong thing its just how hes doing it.
Ive tried and tried to explain this to him,them women need more emotional stimulation and not just physical. I would like him to say nice things or act like he enjoys it but he acts like its just a chore to do it. I though all guys liked to touch woman. Whats the deal with this? Its so frustrating because I get aroused during sex but then when there is no release because I dont want to have him touch me as a chore I just end up feeling used. (link)
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I suppose that if your husband is doing something he doesn't like because he loves you, then he is being considerate in his own way. Still, it's easy to see why you would feel frustrated, hurt, or confused.
The first thing I would ask is: Have you confronted him about this OUTSIDE of the bedroom? Having discussions about sex while still in the heat of the moment - or just afterwards - isn't a good idea. Emotions are too high, and people are more likely to react in negative ways.
Your husband could have the exact same worry as you - that you don't enjoy having sex with him because he has to do all of these 'extra chores.' Now, you and I both know they aren't chores. People like different things, and partners should love them enough to be supportive as long as they're safe and consensual.
But if you let your husband know that you love him and find him attractive, maybe that will boost HIS confidence. When he's feeling better about himself, he will be more happy to stimulate you in the way you need.
Communicate, communicate, communicate.
Best of luck.
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I just started having my period i've had like 4 or 5. this one month it didn't come.(that whole week i spent it at the beach)is it normal to skip periods when you first have them? please help and no smart ass stuff i'll give 5's!! (link)
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When it comes to first getting your period, almost anything is considered normal. You might be regular as clockwork, only get your period every few months, or have no way of predicting when it will turn up.
Changes in diet, travel, and stress can affect your periods...but it's most likely your hormones just trying to get a balance. There's nothing to worry about, though if you are concerned you can always talk to a parent or doctor.
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ok so, last night i went to a party and met this really cool guy. he's a friend of one of my ex's. he said it was a birthday party when he invited me so one of my friends wouldnt feel lonely. well i found out later that the party is for his girlfriend. but he really wants to end the relationship. she controls him all the time. and so idk i just kinda like him. and he called me up last night and we talked for a couple of hours and he asked me out on a date tonight so we can get better aquainted. it seems fine to me but im just not sure, hes 18 and im 16, which isnt bad because ive dated 18 yr olds before, like all last year. i just dont really kno what to do. is being interested in him wrong?
(link)
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Well, you can't help who you like. But you CAN help getting yourself into a potentially bad situation.
What defines bad? Well, the fact that he is still with his girlfriend and is calling you and asking you out, anyway. He's willing to cheat on her. Whatever reasons he may give to explain his actions, that's the fact of the matter - he's keeping his options open.
If he is truly unhappy in his current relationship, he needs to be strong and END it. He is not doing his girlfriend favours by staying with her out of pity. Nor is it normal for him to be trying to fix her up with someone else.
He needs to take responsibility for himself and his own happiness, and you need to do the same for yours. Best case scenario, you should NOT go out with him until he is well and truly single.
That's having respect for his girlfriend, for him, and for yourself.
(I'll also point out what I'm sure you already know - in many areas, being 18 makes him an adult while you are still considered a child in the eyes of the law.)
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its hard to say that my golden years are gone and i have to help my family do stuff witch i dont care about that but when something happens to me i cant tell my mom what im feeling because my mom would tell the world so i want to depend on my friends but im ganna move because im ganna loose the house well not me but my parents i cant do anything to help but i cant fall on anyone to help me and my only cloose cloose friend is kayliegh and she likes my 17 year old brother but has never mate him or said 1 word to him so thats the problem i dont know if shes just useing me to get close to scott im not sure i dont know if i can fall on her without getting hurt.im a 13 year old girl and im interrested to boys not girls (link)
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It sounds like you need someone to talk to, and probably someone that you don't doubt. Have you ever thought about seeing a counsellor? Or even joining a chat room or message board for young people with similar problems?
At thirteen, you may feel that a big part of your life is over. It's true that getting older means taking on more responsibility. But you should remember that however old you may feel, you are still thirteen.
At that age, you are not responsible for your family's finances. If you might need to move, that is not your fault. You are right in saying that there's nothing you can do to help - after all, your job is to attend school and be a teenager. You CAN offer emotional support to your family, but you also need to make sure that you are getting support from someone.
There are free helplines you can call if you just want to talk.
As far as Kayliegh goes, was she your friend before she met your brother? Or did she like him and then latch onto you?
If you are doubting whether she is a true friend or not, you probably have a reason to do so. There ARE other people to talk to, if you are brave enough to open yourself up to them.
Best of luck.
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ok heres the thing....
im getting adopted and my parents have alot of trust in me...........
well iwent to my friends house and then i was goin with her brother and i did somethings(for the first time)
an now i think i might be pregnant!!!!
i dont want them to find out if i am but of course im gonna get fatter (if i am)
and u kno they will notice.
please help me asap????
:( (link)
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'Some things' could mean a lot of different things, and not all of them will give you a chance of getting pregnant. If you feel fairly sure there is a chance, then you'll need to take action.
If your period is regular, you can take a pregnancy test once it's late. If your period is irregular, you'll need to wait until it's about 3 weeks after the sexual activity.
Keep in mind that stress and anxiety can cause your period to be late, and worrying that you are pregnant definiately falls into this category.
If you ARE pregnant, your parents will not stop loving you because you made a one-time mistake. You have several options, and you can probably even access confidential advice or support in your area.
Best of luck.
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how should a normal healthy teen relationship be? how much should you see eachother? what kinda things should u do, where should u go? what are some bad things to do w/ your boyfriend? is fooling around a bad idea? ive been w/ my bf for 11 months.... but i feel too tied down, like im married.... (link)
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I guess there's really no normal, because every person is different. When you think about how unique everyone is, it's easy to understand why one relationship might be totally different from another.
The best way to judge these things is to think about what you would like YOUR normal to look like. What would your ideal relationship be like? How much time would you spend together? Apart? How free would you like to feel? How committed?
It's up to you to define what you would like for yourself, and then to work with whoever you are dating. They will also have a picture in their mind of what they'd like out of a relationship. While these might not perfectly match up, sometimes talking can help create a compromise that both people are happy with.
Best of luck.
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wherever i go, i call my boyfriend before i go and tell him or he makes me feel bad
whatever i do, i call my boyfriend and tell him before i do it or he makes me feel bad
when we fight, i am given all the blame
if i want to hang out with friends, i can, but he makes me feel bad
if he is stressed out, i am feeling bad because hes telling me what i try is not enough and i should always put him before me
hes needy, and he knows it!
if im happy spending time away from him and im w/ friends, he feels bad and makes me feel bad
but he says nothings ever his fault, he cant help it if he feels bad
i am the one who has to do EVERYTHING!, because he used to do things for me in the beginning of our relaitonship but now if i dont do it, he makes me feel bad.
im always made to feel bad. (link)
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Do you enjoy feeling this way? Because it's definately not the way someone in a respectful, loving, real relationship should feel.
In fact, it sounds downright abusive. Your boyfriend is emotionally bullying you. This is not your fault.
You do, however, have a choice here. You CAN end this relationship out of respect and love for yourself. You also are not doing your boyfriend any favours - every minute he's treating you this way and you accept it, he's learning that it's okay to force other people to totally bend to his will.
Everyone deserves to be respected, to have freedom and flexibility, and to have an equal committment. And let's not rule out that relationships are about feeling GOOD about ourselves and our partner.
If that's not happening, it's time to really think about whether you want to choose to allow yourself to remain unhappy.
Best of luck.
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My tampon gets stuck ALL the time so I need some good brand names so Im not soo embarassed when I go to the bathroom...HELP PLEASE!!! (link)
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Tampons getting stuck are usually tampons that are too large or getting changed when they are still mostly dry. Either way, the cotton will tug against your vaginal skin and make it harder to get the tampon out.
The best thing to do is experiment with tampon size and absorbency. If you're using regular tampons and they are still at least halfway dry when you change them (usually once every four hours), then why not try a teen sized tampon for light periods?
Best of luck.
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I have a job interview in a few days, and I am deathly afraid to go. I am a very reserved person who has never been too social in school. I am uncomfortable around people I don't know because I never have anything to say to them. I have been this way my entire life, and I am way too old to be acting like this still. Is there anything I can do to get over this feeling and to be more relaxed when I am in situations such as this? (link)
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There are a few strategies that might help you. First, you could think of someone you really admire - an outgoing, confident, and assured person. This could be a friend, family member, or even someone famous.
Figure out what qualities they have and how they show them, and then go into the interview imaginging that you have these skills and traits. Eye contact, good body language, and appearing comfortable with yourself are key.
Another option is to write out questions you might imagine the interviewer might ask you, and prepare answers. Give the written questions to a friend, and have them ask you. This allows you to practice your answers outloud.
Finally, think about why you applied for this job. You obviously have knowledge or abilities relating to it, or you wouldn't have applied. Concentrate on these talents, and focus on how you can express them to an interviewer. It sounds hokey, but repeating something like 'I am capable and confident' in your head while waiting for the interview to start can also help.
Best of luck.
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ok, well my parents are divoreced and i live with my mom. i see my dad like every other weekend. well lately hes been pressuring me more then usual to move in with him. he even plays guilt trips on me like if i lived with him then he wouldn't have to pay child support(niether would my mom, my sis would stay there), anyway i dont want to live with him cause i know like 2 people there and i'd leave all of my friends(the best in the world, great listeners, mostly). i dont want to hurt my dads feelings but i dont want to live there with him, is there any way i could kind of let him off easy? i'll rate high for good answers.
sorry this is so long. (link)
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The only way to stop your father trying to convince you to move in with him is to let him know your mind is made up.
Realistically, you would hurt either your mother or father, no matter what decision you made. But at the end of the day, YOU are the child and both of your parents should be committed to doing what makes you happy.
If you let your dad know you love him dearly, but then explain you don't want to leave behind your friends and life, that can let him know that the decision wasn't just based on which parent you liked best.
Don't put up with guilt trips. It's understandable your father would want you to live with him - you sound considerate and caring - but ultimately he should respect your decision.
Best of luck.
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I keep having these sexual fantasies where I'm sexually dominated - the guy hits me or forces me to have sex; mostly, they revolve around rape. These are my most frequent fantasies. I'm a very strong-willed girl in my actual life, and what I can't get is, why is this the most surefire way to turn me on? Would this scare guys? (I've never had a boyfriend). Am I a sadist? (link)
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Fantasies are just that - fantastic ideas to amuse or arouse yourself with.
People often fantasize about things that would not turn them on in real life - whether that's forceful sex, sex with a different gender than you'd normal go for, etc. Some of these transfer into real life, but some are just spicy things meant to live in your imagination.
When you do begin having sex, you might surprise yourself that you don't want to play out fantasies - or that you do. As long as things are safe and consensual, everything will be okay.
Best of luck.
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symtom for lime disease when pregnet (link)
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The symptoms for Limes disease should be the same whether you are pregnant or not. I'm not that familiar with the disease, but I do know that it is often marked with a target-shaped rash around the point where the tick burrowed in.
Go to Google and do a search for Limes disease to find out symptoms, and if there's a chance you have it, go see a doctor as soon as possible!
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I just gave my boyfriend head. We didn't use a condom.. He didnt cum or anything, can I still get an STD? (link)
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Yes. If your boyfriend has an STD, you could have gotten it.
Have you heard of precum? It's that liquid that leaks from the tip of the penis BEFORE a boy ejaculates - this can start happening from the minute his penis is erect.
Precum is a bodily fluid, and as such, it can transmit infections. There are some infections that you could get without any fluid at all, such as warts, herpes, or lice.
Safety is always best.
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their is this gurl that i met on the internet and i think i rlly love her im 13 and she 25 but she thinks im 21 she says she really loves me but we are supose to meet in a few days n i duno what 2 do if she rlly loves me it shouldnt matter that im like 13 right? plz help me. (link)
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You need to let her know what your age is, as if you really care about her you wouldn't want to put her into a bad position. And this is a bad, BAD position for an adult to be in.
She's an adult. You are a child. It's as simple as that, and if anything were to happen between the two of you, it's against the law. Nothing would happen to you, but she could end up in jail. Is that how you want to treat someone you think you love?
You'd be better off finding someone your own age. Relationships with huge age gaps rarely work out, and it'd be less painful for you to discover why if you end this now.
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this isn't really that big of a question, and before I go on this is NOT a protection issue. I don't want like... OMFG YOU DON'T USE A CONDOM shit, alright? I'm with him, he's with me. period, he has nothing (I have proof) and I have nothing.
I really -want- to start using condoms more but that fact is it just kills sex. PERIOD. he's had enough to get off as it is but doing it with a condom is next to impossible.... if anyone has any tips... it'd be much appreciated.
and I'm NOT a girl... I'll get pissed if you assume so and go "well hey grrl whatzup" kind of deal x.x
oh, and forgive the harshness. it's 3:00. I'm tired. (link)
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Well, maybe experimentation is something you need to try out. There's all sorts of condoms - texture, flavour, etc. Since spermacide won't be an issue, that opens things up even more for you.
If condoms are treated as an ordinary part of sex, you'll both have to adjust and find things that work for you. It's when they're treated as an extra pain-in-the-butt type thing that sex can get complicated.
Figure out what each of you likes individually and as a couple, and then try new things. Incorporate the condom/other safe sex things into your new practices, and hopefully things will work out.
Best of luck.
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I'm like a hugeeee tomboy. Like I wear long shorts and football jerseys. Im 14 and going into highschool, never had a boyfriend. Will i ever get a boyfriend. I mean, i dont wear makeup, and im big bulky and muscular. I want a bf, but i think maybe they are intimidated by me. Changing the way i am is NOT an option, i like who i am. PLEASE HELP. (link)
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So don't change who you are. If you stay genuine and real, then eventually you'll find someone who cares for you the way you are.
If you were to change, you'd only find someone who liked the person you were pretending to be.
Many people going into high school have not had a relationship; take your time, enjoy all the new people you're going to meet, and try to find some you can be friends with. One of those people might be the right one for you!
Best of luck.
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what is STD? i have seen people write about it on here and i don't know what it is is it short for aids? or something? (link)
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STD stands for 'sexually transmitted disease.' Some places call it STI - sexually transmitted infections.
These include AIDS, but also HIV, herpes, chlamydia, gonorrhea, sypphilis, and warts.
STDs can be transmitted in several ways, including blood and bodily fluid. You can help prevent transmission by by having safer sex - which is more than just condoms.
It includes knowing the risks, taking appropriate caution (in whatever form), and being open and honest with partners.
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hey, so me and this guy want to be kind of like friends with benefits and do stuff but not sex you know so if i gave him head would i have to use a condom? he has gotten head from 2 other girls and for both of them it was their first time and i have never given it before and yeah anyt tips? can he really have any stds? i hear guys dont like it with condoms so what should i do (link)
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Okay. The only way this type of thing can work is if both people are perfectly clear on the boundaries - if neither one likes more than the other and is hoping this will bring them closer together, if both are consenting, and if both are responsible.
This means that you should not be doing all the giving, and you should not be putting yourself at risk. Guys may not like condoms, but are you willing to put your health (and possibly life) at risk just to please some guy you aren't even dating?
Please understand I'm not judging you, just trying to point out some of the realities you could be facing.
Best of luck.
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