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Q: whats up wit this whole poser thing i just dont get it people r age r just tryin to figure out what they want ot be like im 14 and a girl and i recently start going out wit my boyfriend he is so sweet and so funny and hes what youd call a skater and yeah i like all that skater kinda stuff like punk rock and metal music and sk8tbording and all that but i dress in ambercrombie and ae and armini and goochie and all that kinda stuff but all that pop music and crap just hurts my head now people are starting to get mad at me cause im going out wit my b/f sum of the bikers at my school are all like you shouldnt be going out wit him hes not a biker ( my last boyfriend was a bmx biker so i know all the bikers) and then all this people have started calling me a poser cause this girl saw me in zumies wit my friend and b/f and it jsut makes me mad its not like they have any say in what im doin but I jsut wanted to know why do people think its any of there bisnnes
thanks bunchs
~*~ Me ~*~*

This may be lame, but if there's one thing I've learned in the past year, it's that labels are for soup cans, not for people. Just be yourself and people will realize that you're cool for it. Don't change your image into a "skater person", because then people will just call you even more of a poser for changing just because your boyfriend is like that. I'd like to say that those people will stop teasing you, but I'm not sure that they will because sometimes there are just morons in your school and you have to live with them.

Q: what do u do when ur best/f wants to kill herself and u cant do anything about it bc u dont live any where near her any more?

Keep in touch, don't ever lose communication with her because that's probably the only thing keeping her here. A lot of the time when this happens they aren't actually contemplating suicide, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't take her seriously. If things don't start to change, you need to talk to your parents or her parents.

Q: i was with this guy and he broke up with me and i still have feelings for him and im in summer school so is he in class he is always starring at me and talk to me a whole lot more than he did when we were together how do i find out if he still has fellings for me if im to shy to ask. i am 15and a half

From what you've said it seems like he would have feelings for you, but don't bring the subject up. Play, "hard to get", if you wish. He broke up with you, that means that it's his fault you aren't still together. Maybe he's just feeling guilty, and he thinks he still likes you. It really depends on the reason he broke up with you. Maybe it was because of his family or something?

Well, I ramble, but my main point is: Don't bring it up. (Although I suppose that's not a problem since you said you're too shy to ask)

Give him time.

Q: My boyfriend and I started dating after an internet freindship of about 3 and a half years. This isn't the problem per se, but I think it has something to do with it.

The family is very close, so they knew quite a bit about me, including my somewhat dysfunctional family (My father's an alcoholic). Add in the major class differences (we're low working class, his parents are filthy rich corporate lawyers) and you have a huge problem on your hands.

Apparently I remind his father of his ex wife, his mother thinks my boyfriend is in too deep and I'm going to get pregnant (Considering we both practice abstinence, highly doubtful), and his sister thinks I'm an idiot because of the writing style in my journal (Apparently I'm not New York enough or something?).

Especially after my family and I sat down with them, his mom (who was basically in total control) was a completely polite ice queen. It was very uncomfortable for everyone involved because they kept talking to my father and being very lawyer-ish about everything.

I feel like they've unjustly made an opinion of me from that one failed meeting, and I have no idea how to fix things, because they want nothing to do with me. I feel really rejected and this is gnawing at me like crazy. What should I do?

Be as nice as you can to them. No matter how they act toward you, be friendly and cheerful. If they're throwing insults at your or something, commpliment her on her sweater. Be as nice as possible and eventually they'll be baffled into liking you. Bring over some flowers every time you come, or try to bond with his sister,(despite what she has come to think about you). I'm sure this will work!

Q: I have a friend that is a boy. His name is Marco and he is really nice. We e-mail each other, and I sit in back of him in language arts and social studies. I really would like to hang out with him, but I don't want to tell him that. WHAT SHOULD I DO?????

desprate 4 help

What do you mean by hanging out with him? If you want him to be a friend, just invite him to go with a bunch of your friends to a movie or arcade or something. If you honestly don't want him to know you consider him a friend...I don't really see the problem there.

If you seriously like him, I suggest doing the same thing as wanting him to be a friend. Get to know the person he is outside of school and hang out with him as a friend more if you're afraid of telling him. After awhile, you'll become more comfortable around him and be able to talk to him about your feelings.

Q: My oldest daughter's biological father lives in a different country and we haven't spoken to each other since I was 19. I am now 30 years old. I let my daughter use my maiden name in her birth certificate but have indicated there who her real dad is. I've been married for 8 years now and my husband has been great to my oldest daughter. My dilema right now is should my husband legaly adopt my daughter so she could have his last name. My daughter sometimes says she is the only one in the family that has a different last name and that she doesn't look like her brother and sister. She already knows that her father is different from her brother and sister and I told her that it is not important that she uses a different name but what's important is how much her dad and her siblings loves her very much. I just wanted to get opinion if it would matter if she changes her last name or not.

This is something that you really need to discuss with your daughter. She seems to feeling different from everyone else. Perhaps having her change her name would make her feel more accepted into the family. Even though she knows her siblings and her father love her, she feels like the outcast of the family. Talk to her seriously about what she wants. I think that it should be a combination of your desicion and hers.

Q: okay, this guy likes me (im pretty sure) and i want him to ask me out, but hes too shy, obviously, so how do i get him to ask me out soon?

Ask him out yourself. Obviously, if he's really shy, you won't get him to ask you out soon. Perhaps you have to be the daring one in this situation and be the first to make a move. This shows that you like him too, and you are committed to the relationship. Why not ask him if he wants to go see a movie over the weekend? That way you won't make him feel awkward if he doesn't like you, because you could go as friends, but since you think he does like you, he'll definitly accept and then maybe he'll work up the nerve to ask you to be his girlfriend. (I'm not sure what "going out" means to you, but I think it's a little different than dating sometimes)

Q: Hola. I was the one complaining about the immaturity of people (teenagers) when it comes to dating. Ah, yes. Looking at it now, I realize I was not asking for advice. But, more of people's opinions. Which, when people give advice they use their own opinions, right? I think it fits. Hmmph. I don't know. Bye bye.

Yes, it does fit. I completly agree with your opinion as well! It's more of a rant than anything, but it's a good topic.

Q: Ok, I'm only 16, and maybe I'm just being stupid. And maybe some of you will think I'm just bitter because I'm single. But, it's not that I'm bitter or jealous. I just don't understand why people my age so immature about relationships? I mean, they post everywhere on the internet about how "hot" their boyfriend/girlfriend's are. And it's like, if they're going to post something about them, then why not post about the things that REALLY matter? Like, for instance, how: funny, brilliant, and/or talented they are. I just don't get it. I mean, one day, they're going to be old and wrinkly, and def. not hot. But, they will be more funny, brilliant, and/or talented. And, I'm not saying a physical attraction isn't needed, because it is. But, why is it that most people are so pathetically consumed with the things that are the least important in relationships? Ahhhh. Some days, I wish I weren't 16.

I agree with you completely. I'm afraid I don't see the advice you're asking for here, but I must say I agree. We live in a world where people throw around the word "love" and go out with each other just because they fit into the same social class. Kids are starting to date earlier and earlier, just so they can be popular. And this gives them a sense of immaturity toward relationships. Unfortunately, a lot of people don't grow out of this phase. I've always prefered personality over looks, however, I've only had a few boyfriends. Perhaps we just aren't seeing it the way the rest of the world is. *rolls eyes*

Q: how can i tell a boy i like him (he is my neighbor)with out anyone finding out like his mom cuz she doesnt liek him having any girlfriends or stuff like that and she doesnt want me ot tel him that i like him cuz she says that we are"good friends right now"

Maybe she's right. If she thinks he's not ready for a girlfriend, he might not be. Just ask yourself if you think losing a friendship is worth telling him you like him.

If you think that telling him is the best thing to do, I suggest you just be blunt about it. Tell him when his mom's not around. Just say, "Hey..I sort of like you.." and see how he reacts. That's the only thing I would suggest doing. Writing notes or having your friends tell him makes things really complicated and it seems childish, which is definitely something you don't want.

Q: i think is is totally gross and disgusting to be a gay guy or a lesbian is it wrong to think that i dont think it is

It's your opinion. As long as you don't hurt others or force it on other people, you're entitled to it. I don't nessecarily agree with you, but I can't change how you think.

It really depends on how you act toward gay or lesbian people. If you treat them differently because they are homosexual, I just don't think that's right. You shouldn't judge a person by just one quality. However, if you just disagree with it because of religious beliefs and you don't do anything to harm the other person, physically or mentally, I think you're perfectlly entitled to think that. It really just depends on your actions.

Q: okay. one of my best guy firends...yeah...i think im falling for him. ive been thinking about this for the past 3 months. we're really close and i really love spending time with him. my school's semi formal is coming up and id really REALLY like to ask him.
but i have some issues.
a) i dont want to ruin a quality friendship by throwing "love" into the mix
b) I dont know how to "ask" guys out. im just not really "into" the whole guy thing...WHTA THE HELL DO I DO????
c) how do i even know if he likes me? what are some hints that he would drop? because my friends are pretty sure that he feels the same way about me as i do about him. but im just not sure!!

HELP!

My friend did this one thing to ask a girl he likes to homecoming. He left a note in her locker saying "Come to Starbucks after school" and he was waiting for her there with a red rose and a yellow rose. Being the romantic person he was, he gave her this mini-speech about how the yellow rose symbolizes friendship, while the red symbolizes romance. Then he asked her if she'd like to go to homecoming with him as a friend or a girlfriend by picking a rose. She picked the red! Try something cute like that. That way it's a desicion both you make. You're always going to have the risk of losing a friend through a stronger relationship, but if you feel that's a risk you're willing to take, I'd say, "Go for it, sista!"

Q: my director hates me. shes constantly yelling at me, even when i'm not the one doing stuff. she gets all hyped up over nothing and i'm afraid she won't pick me for any pplays next year. is their any way i can make her change her mind?

Sometimes director's decide to hold a grudge against kids. It's not always clear why..they just decide to, and sometimes you can't do anything about it. I suggest being as good as you can around her. I know you said that she yells at you when you aren't doing anything, but are you sure? Maybe you just don't realize it, but you're talking when she's talking or, saying something that could be interpreted as disrespectful. Just be good and maybe she'll reconsider. After all, it doesn't sound like you're positive she won't cast you in anything else. And if that's the case, sign up for tech crew or makeup. That will make her see you're really dedicated to theater and she'll like you more.

Still try out for the other plays. My guess is, your director's just under a lot of stress. (Especially if opening night is drawing near) Just be patient with her, and she'll appreciate you.

Q: MY BF IS MOVING OUT OF STATE AND I LUV HIM SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH! I CANT STAND NOT BEING AROUND HIM AND I WAS GOING TO ASK HIM IF HE LUVS ME! WE TELL EACH OTHER WE LUV EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME BUT I DONT KNOW IF HE MEANS IT I AM REALLY SCARED HE IS GOING TO MEET ANOTHER GIRL! I LUV HIM AND HE SAID HE COULD STAY IF HE WANTS BUT HE WOULD HAVE TO STAY WITH HIS UNCLE. BUT HE REALLY WANTS TO GO! I DONT THINK HE CARES ABOUT ME! WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Honestly, maybe he doesn't care about you. Moving can be tough on people, but you have to consider the oppourtunities that he will gain by migrating somewhere. He may not mean it when he says he loves you. A lot of people take that for granted now and days. However, I think if you really love him, you should let him go. Don't tie him down with his uncle, that's seperating him from his family. Clearly, if he wants to go, you should let him. You'll probably grow farther apart by bossing him around than appreciating his wishes and having him move. And if he does meet another girl, he couldn't provide the care that you need anyway. Just move on.

Q: I'm not very popular at school and kids pick on me. I don't really know why they do it, it's been that way since 1st grade. I'm in 8th grade now and I'm sick of it. I don't know what I did to deserve this. They hurt me emotionally and physically, should I stand up to them?
Respond please, I'm desperate,
Hurt and confused

Some kids are just jerks. I suggest you respond to them, but don't seem mad or hurt. If they call you a name, respond CALMLY, "Well, I'm glad you think that, but some of us don't like to comment on the flaws of other people. Such as their constant need to hurt other people with shallow insults to make up for their humble non-existance." It will really get them confused, and then they won't bug you for awhile. I'm sorry you get picked on, hon. You probably don't deserve it. Just remember,(if I can quote Jimmy Eat World) "Live your life, just be yourself. I doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else." As long as you're happy with yourself, you don't need other's to appreciate the great person I'm sure you are.

Q: if my neighbor came over andh e was on my trampoline and i was in the spa and he kept like talking and showing off and looking at me does that mean he likes me??? shouldi tell him i like him or ask him how he feels about girls or what???

It may mean he likes you, or he's just a natural show off. Some guys just like to show off in front of people. I wouldn't push the question unless you really like him too. If you're willing to risk rejection, ask him. If not, don't. Hang out with him awhile and if he likes you, it will come out sooner or later.

Q: there's this guy at school who's girlfriend just broke up with him. my friend said i should ask him out, but he said he might just rest awhile.

Give him time. Try to become a friend to him first. I know this one guy I liked for quite some time broke up with his girlfriend, he said he couldn't date me yet because he needed time to "heal". We ended up going out the next year, so I'm glad I let him take some time off. If you ask him out now you may seem pushy and he probably wouldn't like that. Just become a friend to him, and let him know you're there if he needs to talk.

Q: ok i liek this boy buti thin i justl iek him becuase of his looks i mean he is funny and makes me laugh but im always catching myself just wanting him for his looks i really like him and i want ot marrie him but do u think i could only liek him for his looks?

Umm..I highly doubt you want to marry him, but it's entirely possible you just like him for his looks. Often times we may think we like somebody for their humor, when really we're just so smitten with their looks, we find everything they say is Groucho Marx material. And I don't want to sound judgemental, but by the way you're typing, it makes you seem a tad bit more shallow at times. I'm sorry if that offends you, I can be brutally honest. However, that makes me think that perhaps you do just like him for his looks.

Q: Well I think the subject pretty much gives away what I'm going to ask you...what should we do?

We went to see a film (The Last Samurai btw) on Sunday.

I'm 16, he's 18. Clubbing (my friends suggestion) is not really an option).

Any ideas?

You could go laser tagging! Laser tag is always fun, and it will save you from any awkward conversation. After that you could go out to eat, so you still get to have some quiet time alone.

Q: i wanan know what love is ? i wanan feel what love is?

Love is something completley different for every person. You only know what it feels like when you experience it.That's really all I can tell you, except, don't go looking for love. It will find you eventually. Right now, stick with the strong love you get from your family and friends and some time that special someone will come to you and give you exactly what you're looking for.

bio

Hiya! I'm dwarp. A crazy 19 year old from Chicago with too much time on her hands.I started this column when I was about 14, I think and I keep coming back. My friends tend to come to me for advice, so I've gotten pretty good at answering most problems. I'm a crazy Greek vegetarian, and yes, I have seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding. It's exactly like my family, so I am really great at answering questions about insane families. I study political science and international studies and I like to learn languages. I speak English, French, German, a bit of Greek, and I'm learning Italian next semester. I've had lots of weirdo love/sex-life experiences, so I'm pretty knowledgeable in that area. Ummm.....ask me anything!
Peace!