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To change or not to change name
My oldest daughter's biological father lives in a different country and we haven't spoken to each other since I was 19. I am now 30 years old. I let my daughter use my maiden name in her birth certificate but have indicated there who her real dad is. I've been married for 8 years now and my husband has been great to my oldest daughter. My dilema right now is should my husband legaly adopt my daughter so she could have his last name. My daughter sometimes says she is the only one in the family that has a different last name and that she doesn't look like her brother and sister. She already knows that her father is different from her brother and sister and I told her that it is not important that she uses a different name but what's important is how much her dad and her siblings loves her very much. I just wanted to get opinion if it would matter if she changes her last name or not.
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I've known a couple of people who've taken their stepfather's name, and it's worked out great. I've also known people in the same situation who kept their birth names, and it's also been fine. It really just depends on what your family is most comfortable with. Since her biological father is not at all involved in her life, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't at least give her the option.
You do want to be absolutely sure that your husband understands what he's getting into. I'm sure that your marriage is completely stable and happy, but if he adopts her, then he'd still be just as much her father if the two of you ever split up, and he has to be okay with the principle of that.
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Talk to her. Does she want to change the name? Is it important to her? If it's important to her and will make her feel better and your husband is willing to do this for your daughter, go ahead.
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If she wants to change her name, and if the whole family has adopted your husband's name, it sounds like a good course of action to make the name change formal. Go for it, it'll cause less confusion now than later when she has all kinds of work experience and documents and stuff.
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That should probably be up to your daughter, what is she 11? I think anyone over the age of eight can make thier own decision on their name. I know a lot about changing names, my best friend changed her last name when she was six, and she hated it and regrets it, i changed my first name and i love it! If she is too young to make the decision, wait a few years, everything will be ok. Good Luck
Lizzy
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Actually, it's not up to anyone whether she changes her name or not but her. She, is the one that feels the need to have the name for one reason or another. And the importance of doing so is only known to her. She's already expressed her feelings on being the only one to have a different last name and apparently, that makes a difference to her. Talk to her about what she feels as a result and if she still feels that it's something that she'd like to do and it can be accomodated, why not?
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Ask her if she wants it. It might make her feel better. If your husband is willing to officially adopt your daughter, that would be a nice way of saying that I love you and we are from the same family.
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If she wants her name to be changed and the rest of the family is comfortable with it I see no reason for you not to go through with this. It can only help.
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I think it is important that her last name be changed to the rest of the family. If your husband wants to legally adopt her, I think that is a good idea. I believe if I were her, I would feel like an outsider, and not a real part of the family. Her biological father not only has not been a part of her life, you didn't even use his last name for her. I am not sure why you would not want her adopted.
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This is something that you really need to discuss with your daughter. She seems to feeling different from everyone else. Perhaps having her change her name would make her feel more accepted into the family. Even though she knows her siblings and her father love her, she feels like the outcast of the family. Talk to her seriously about what she wants. I think that it should be a combination of your desicion and hers.
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Actuallt changing the name isn't going to matter much, but does she know her step father isn't her biological father? Because if she doesn't be ready for some fireworks because she might not take that to well, she will most likely be confused and angry because you didn't tell her the truth. But it is to my experience that if you don't tell your child when she grows up your going to have a harder time explaining to her why you waited so long. But if she already knows I suggest you change the name because something that small could make a huge impact in the future for the better and sometimes for the worst.
Cspinoza1
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You should ask her. My older brother and sister have the same problem, they have a different dad than I do. I know that my sister really doesnt like her last name and would prefer mine, but it all depends on the matter of opinion. Also ask your husband if he would be willing to adopt your daughter which Im sure he'll be okay with.
-shay :-)
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