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Q: This might be long, but please read and help. My boyfriend broke up with me a month ago. He was my first real boyfriend and we learned so much from eachother. I lost my virginity to him, and we had more great times than bad. He said the relationship wasn't the same and needed to start focusing on himself. It was a complete shock to my heart. We hadn't talked for weeks, but finally I made the first move and called him. I wanted to just catch up and see if maybe we could be friends. He seemed up for it and we hung out together. The only thing he seemed to want was sex and he was just being mean to me. He was never like that before. I held my own, but I'm even more hurt. I just can't seem to let him go no matter what. I wake up depressed and go to bed depressed. I can't believe that this boy has control over my happiness. Is there anyway you can be friends with someone you had a really intense relationship with? How do I even go about moving on? Nothing is working.
If he was a nice guy who treated you with respect and valued your friendship then you would not be asking this or be depressed. He only wants sex from you and does not care about you. He is not worth your friendship or being depressed over. Girls attach themselves about a million times more to a guy emotionally when they have sex. Guys have no such issue usually. He has no emotional tie to you, but is a jerk who will use you for sex and then be mean to make sure you know it did not mean anything to him. You are hurt because you have been rejected much more harshely this time and he turned out to be a creep. You are hoping he will change and you don't want to admit that he probably always was selfish. When you are ready to see him for who he is, then you won't want him anymore. You move on by giving yourself forgiveness for being taken in by his charms and learn from the experience. He is not your friend, and he does not want friendship from you. He is like gum on the road, a reminder of what once was sweet, but now just something yucky you need to step over and avoid.

Q: i have been with my boyfriend for a year in 4months and it seems like were falling out of love what can i do?
You might be right or you may just need a break! Tell him you'd like to spend a few extra days with your friends, but don't break up. See if you two miss each other or are glad for the separation.

Q: 16/f;
my bf and i go to different schools fyi. well i know this is really early but i was thinkin that when valentines day rolls around [which will also be our 7 month!] i would get checked out early and go over to his school at the end of the day and have a rose delivered to him. is that something a guy would like? or is that just more of a chick thang? im not sendin like a dozen, just one, but otherwise i have no creative, simple ideas. he'll be 17 then if that helps.
Too early to plan that far ahead! Way too early! Concentrate on the present and get your head out of the clouds!

Q: Me= 17/f Him= 15 almost 16/m

We're dating.
He's indecisive(sp?)
Making stupid choices..
He's breaking my heart..
It hurts so bad...
I can't let go..

How do I?
Help? =[
Are you lowering your standards? Being his doormat? Stop it right now! Tell him you are not going to wait around for him and that he needs to make a choice. Someone can only break your heart if you continue to give it to them! Take back your dignity and control of your life. If you lose him, because he does not value you, then what have you really lost? Nothing! You can't change someone by hanging onto them. You only get dragged around! Let go and see what happens.

Q: Okay I'm 15 and been dating my boyfriend for a year now and we were at homecoming and we danced every slow song together because we said we would. He has these two friends who like to hang out with him and his other friend and the two girls are nice, but they flirt with him and one of them just went up to him right in front of me when she heard a slow song come on and grabbed my boyfriend and started dancing with him. So I went over and started talking to some of my friends and tried to act like it didn't bother me cause I didn't want to be mean and say no you cant dance with him. But I wanted to burst out crying. And I told him that I didn't like it when he did that. So do you think that I should just tell him that I don't like it when he hangs around this girl or just ask the girl to stop flirting with him or just let it go on as if nothing is wrong? Thanks!!
I would not tell him that he "can't" do anything, but make it clear that it is disrespectful to you to hang out with a girl that dissed you and continues to ignore the fact that he is taken. Tell the girl that you understand that she is attracted to your guy, but that she needs to find her own guy, because she is making a fool of herself. Don't let on to her that you are hurt or jealous or vulnerable in any way, because she will enjoy that power. I would even laugh at her a little with my friends and boyfriend for her desperation. The last suggestion is a little iffy, but there is a saying: "Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer." If it works for you, you could befriend her, but always you would have to watch your back. This would help you know what she is up to, and possibly take the thrill of going after your guy down a notch. She may have a crush on him, or just be a girl that only wants what she cannot have. Suggest another guy to her. Tell her, "I bet you could never get (whoever) to go out with you." She might just take the bait!

Q: I met this guy at a party about two weeks ago. There was drinking and we started dancing. He seemed pretty into me. We we talking and i was sitting on his lap. Before i left we exchanged numbers and we kissed. It was such an innocent kiss though.
He called me the week after. and we've been talking since. He invited me to a concert but i didnt go. Now he invited me to his house to hang out and watch a movie this weekend. I want to go but i'm unsure.
He's 19 and i'm 14. He knows it but he doesnt really care. His last girlfriend was 15. Im pretty sure he likes me...i Guess i dont really have a specific question...i just want to know some of your opinions.
He is definately too old for you right now. He could go to jail for statutory rape even if you consented to sex. It is NOT NORMAL for a nineteen year old guy to go out with a fourteen year old girl. He WILL end up pressuring you for sex, I guarentee it. Do not go to his house. If you want to date him in a few years that will be different. Every year difference is much more dramatic the younger you are. Five years won't be a big deal when you are BOTH adults. Right now you are still a minor child and he is legally an adult. He should not be pursuing you, and he could even be lying about his age and be older! That happens all the time! Stick with guys around your own age by a year or two at most, and you will most likely have more positive dating experiences. You will have a billion chances to date older men in the future, but now is your time to date guys your own age and at your own pace.

Q: I was wondering what peoples opinions are on telling a guy you like him. If you like a guy that you're fairly close to, do you tell him or not?
If your expectations are realistic and profitable then tell him. However, if you would be devastated by his rejection and think he is not interested in you, then take it slow. Once you put your heart on the line and say the words, you can't take them back. You can always say, "Hey, you are a pretty cool guy, and I'm glad we can hang out." Or whatever, just keep it no pressure, and not overly done. He will respond to you and perhaps give you a clue as to how to proceed from there.

Q: my brohter and i were in car accident recently and i was driving and totaled my brand new escalade. my brotehr told the police and our parents that he was hte one driving so i wouldnt get in trouble since i had only had my licnese for a few months and he has had his for about 6 years. i feel horrible about the whole thing. should i tell my parents the truth or just let it be?
The problem with one lie to cover up a truth is that it never goes away. Sometimes the one little lie multiplies until you can't even remember the details of the lies and get caught in the web. Guilt can be another biggie, that won't go away and affect you in other areas. I am a fan of the truth, unless it is unnecessarily cruel to another. Your brother will probably have his insurance go up. Lying to the police and insurance company about the details of the accident can get you into trouble. You might consider telling your parents and letting your brother off the hook. It is often really hard to do the right thing, but taking an "easy" path sometimes leads to the worst place.

Q: so your saying that even though all 3 of us had the 3some..my husband was 1st then the other guy...and after that i got straight up and went to the rest room..then unexpected company came by...and i felt it leaking out of me...then later that night on the 14th me and my husband did it again...then again on the 17...so even if i got right up...and my husband was 1st...there still is a chance of being the other guyz...and i know i have no STD'S...im pregnant , and always go to my appointments...plz!!! we are so stressed about this, but the good thing is i still made it thru the 1st trimester...even though we are terribly stressed
So the husband had more chances with the number of times, but if the other guy has faster swimmers...which I don't have any idea, then it could even the odds. I always got pregnant about three days prior to my ovulation, because my body is like clockwork. You could have your husband take a sperm count test at another doctor office and say he is having fertility questions about his sperm. Can you share the info. with the other guy or does it matter? Since you are married and planning on keeping the baby, would your husband be okay with your baby if it technically was not his sperm? I would just want my husband to get a paternity test before the baby was born to end the stress of the unknown. Reality brings a lot of consequences that fantasy conveniently escapes. I am not judging you and that part of it is over. What is important is concentrating on making the best of the situation and being there for each other and the baby. The baby will need an actual commited father more than he or she will need to know who the sperm donor was. If the two of you can live with it, just be at peace with the miracle that has been bestowed on you by the universe, no matter the details of the conception.

Q: Im not sure what its called... but i think its called monkey cake... its like brown... and you pull little pieces of and they are round... what is that cake called?
Monkey-Bread or pull-apart bread recipes here:...http://web.foodnetwork.com/food/web/searchResults?searchString=monkey%20bread&site=FOOD&searchType=Recipe

Q: we would just like to ask about a pregnancy..ok to start off my ovulation day was july 17th the doctors tell me.july 14th me and my husband had a 3some..with a guy, then later that night me and my husband only had sex again...then me and my husband didnt hav sex again until the 17 of july...but now we hear that semen can live for up 2... 5 days in a woman...do the husband has a better chance since he had her 2 times on the 14th and on her ovulation day...or did we make the biggest mistakes of our lives...or does age matter on who semen gets there 1st....plz!!! help
You obviously made a huge mistake to think that you should have any sexual contact without condoms and any other necessary protection. You could be carrying either or both men's babies if it is twins...unlikely, but possible. The sperm have to travel and the other guy's sperm could have already reached the egg before your husband's made it there. A paternity test is your best bet if you continue the pregnancy. Your husband and the other guy could also get a sperm-count test to rule out any infertility. I would suggest a full STD check as well.

Q: ok well..i was with my bf for about a year and a half..and he accused me of calling him all the time..and we broke up and got back together yesterday and then i called him last night to leave him a voice mail to say goodnight..not wanting him to pick up and he didn't so i just left him a voice mail (he was at work) and then he just got done telling me that he wants me to grow up and not to ever call him ever again and he doesn't want to talk to me ever again..and i just dont know what to do..i really love this guy and when we talked yesterday he really loved me to..but what do i do..i really need help! please help me!!
He has no trouble playing with your feelings like a yo-yo, and it is not kind. Forget him and his manipulations. You deserve and can do better.

Q: Im a 26 y/o female and in nursing school and i have a problem . I am very attracted to my male meacher and im pretty sure he likes me too. I am white and 98% of the students and teachers are african including my teacher. He is always talking about me in class saying he has never met a white woman so comfortable around africans and he is always staring at me . So what do i do tell him how i feel ? am i misenterpreting his comments about me? there is only 3 weeks of school left and i need some advice.
You need to wait until you are not his student before going any further. There is a great risk of jeopardizing your grade and academic standing and his job, if it was reported that a student and teacher were personally involved. He is probably attracted to you if he is staring a lot. I don't know if there is a great age difference or if he is married or with someone else, so be aware of those things. Also, if he crosses an ethical line while you are his student, it probably is not the first or last time such a thing has/will happen. I would not pursue a relationship until you are certain that he can be appropriate and wait until you are out of his class at least.

Q: i am 13 and the kid i like is 17 his name is will. we made out about 3 months ago. it was just a one night stand. =/ but ever scine then i can never stop thinking about him. like ill just be in class and ill day dream about him. at first i thought ill get over it. but it had been 3 months and i still havent. i only see him once every 2 weeks. whenever i see him i run up to him and hug him so tight. and some times he sleeps at my friends house with me. but latly he has been mean to me. i didnt do anything. i just want to stop thinking about him. anyone have any advice?

-confused.
The easiest way and quickest to get over one guy, is to start paying attention to the other hundreds of guys available. You are sure to find nicer guys that are cute, too. Forget the meanie, and don't let yourself get used again.

Q: Well, there is this guy who is in a grade above me and he flirts a lot with me and I really like him. The thing is that I don't have any classes with him and I only have lunches with him on A days. I see him sometimes after school and at other school activities---

Well, he got tickets to the homecoming and I don't know if he has a date to go with or if he's going by himself. I don't know if he has a gf or not either. I really want to know if he's taken or not because I personally don't have facts that I can use to say "He's not taken"

By the way I don't want to go to homecoming nor can I buy the tickets anymore. So yeah...thought you gusy should know that.

How do I find out if he has a gf and/or a date without anyone suspecting I like him? I don't have friends that are close to Charles other than Daniel but I don't see him at all at school.
You just have to ask him casually who he is taking to the dance. If you are already talking or hanging out with him, then it should not be a big deal. When he tells you, you can ask if the girl is a friend or girlfriend. I would even hint that if she can't make it, you would be willing to be his back-up date as a friend. Tell him to have fun and play it like you are just a good friend until you see your opportunity.

Q: what happens if you take three dosuse of your birth conrtol pill ?
If you are worried about being pregnant, then you should look into what emergency contraceptives are and the risks. Call the doctor who prescribed the medicine to find out more information about the specific dosage of your pill. There are a lot of different ones that women can take, and I don't know your pill or your health. Taking too much of any medicine could be harmful, so check with your physician first, or if you have already done it, call them to see if you are okay and for further direction.


http://www.plannedparenthood.org/east-central-illinois/facts-about-emergency-contraception.htm

Q: Ok well this isn't exactly an illness but it seems to the closest category. Well I don't know what it's called but when I eat I accidently bite my mouth really hard and there's like a bump in my mouth from it because I bit down so hard. What is it called? Cold sores?
You can get cold sores (a type of herpes) inside your mouth, too. Sometimes these are caused by stress or allergic reaction to walnuts for example. Sometimes having dental work or biting your mouth will entice a sore to break out, but the virus is in virtually everyone. Some people are just more prone to the reaction. Just like warts are caused from a virus (not from toads) that most of us carry, but only certain people break out with them. All true viral sores are contageous.

Q: alright so me and my friend are having a black and white dance for our sweet 16. we invited our whole grade and are sophmores and i was looking for any suggestions to make it really fun im wicked nervous..i know all kids dont like dances too. pllllease any suggestions lemme know! thank you alot.
For those that would rather sit and talk, get chairs together in a quieter section and place card games, funny conversational items and pictures out. Everyone says they hate party games, but usually they end up rejuvinating a weak party moment, so have something silly planned. Guys love competition, so think along those lines. Prizes for games are a must! Voting prizes are fun to. You could have a ballot box for anonymous voting for cutest couple, best smile, wildest dancer, whatever! Make sure to have nametags, too! You could even color code them and then tell people to meet up with their matches and dance or talk with them, or have a prepared question you have to ask the other person...just be creative, people love having the pressure off them to think of stuff to say and do. Your party will be the best!

Q: what is yeast infection? my friends told me is a vaginal infection??? im 17/f and i think i might got yeast infection... im a pure virgin and sure that never sit on ne thing that is contaimanated. but i got alot of yellowish and something brown discharge and some time it kinda got smells too and between rectal and vagina there are little cuts too it hurts and some time i feel the discharge is alot ( i could feel is kinda wet, sry if is kinda grows) and it itches alot... when i take shower i could feel the pimple like bumps around my girl part! what is it? if is yeast infection what could cause it???? i never had sex before how could i caught some thing like this???? pls help me im very afarid
PS: i cant tell my pareants or go c dr for a very personal reason sry... BUT PLZ NE HELP WILL BE VERY NICE!!!
The bumps don't sound like a yeast infection, so especially if the medicine does not clear it up in a few days, then you have to at least call a doctor. There is no reason at all you should not get medical help, or at least talk to a nurse-hotline or someone at a free clinic. You need to take your health and your body seriously. You may have little cuts from scratching, but I don't know. Are the bumps from shaving and ingrown hairs? That's all I can suggest. Get better!!!

Q: Im 17/f.

I live with my stepdad and have since i was 2 years old. Well ever single he finds a way to critize me. Like he'll say kim you going to take shower you stink. And i just got out of the damn shower he was just sleeping and came downstairs and decide to be a smartass because he didnt know i had taken a shower. Or if i wash my clothes. He goes you are causing my bill to go up when you wash and dry your damn clothes. He says i alwasy loook fake because i wear foundation and eyeliner and you cant even tell i have it on. If i buy a drink at work so i can drink it at home he tells me that i need to drink slim fast instead of vitamin water or sobe drink. He calls me a whore & ho because i wear thongs ( i dont let the world know that i wear them ) He picks me up from work and i usually work till 9pm. If im not out by 9:02 he bitches at me when i get in the car. ( i cant help what time i get off )

There is so much more. But those are the basics,
Im so sick of this shit. He treats me like crap but when i tell him to shut his mouth he calls me a stupid teenager and i think i know everything.

Please help me
Words that mean should not be coming out of his mouth. Instead of telling him to shut his mouth, tell him that saying those things to you really hurts and that you don't need to hear that debasement from someone who is supposed to be caring. Talk to another adult about this, maybe an aunt or someone who is nice. The good news is that you can be out when you turn eighteen and I would start planning on it. You don't need to know everything to know that he is mean, and you don't deserve that treatment from anyone. Try to ignore his comments like you would a barking poodle or a hammer in the distance. His words have no meaning in reality, and they are proof of his own self-worth, not yours. The eyes may be the window to the soul, but the mouth is its hearth. An icy soul speaks coldly and a hot soul will make your ears burn. The wise and healthy person keeps a balanced temperature and radiates words both true and kind.

bio
BitsandPieces
"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable. To say something you value deeply to another and to have him or her value it equally by listening to it carefully and apppreciatively is the most universal way of exchanging social interest or demonstrating affection." David Augsburger, CARING ENOUGH TO HEAR AND BE HEARD.


All sincere persons will be given thoughtful examination and reply. Please be specific about your situation as it applies to your question, the applicable information and facts necessary for me to properly assess your situation and give you the benefit of my knowledge and experience, which includes: experience/education with mentoring, relationship study, self help, spirituality, poetry, literature, philosophy, psychology, color theory, teaching, parenting, and debate that will be used to your advantage. I am concerned with offering an objective and realistic perspective more than ratings, because this will help YOU. Artificial sweetness is found in diet soda, not in my advice. If you feel that I did not understand your question or need more specifics to help, please let me know, but while all truth is subjective, questioners should be mature enough to hear answers not necessarily agreed with. If you are only looking for someone to tell you just what you want to hear, then you may not be ready for my advice. I believe in personal responsibility, self and other awareness and your power and ability to recreate and redirect your own life. All our misery and joy begins and ends within ourselves, but our willingness to be open can bring the positive or negative energy we seek. If you or someone you know is open to positive help, the resources and caring individuals needed are available now.

http://www.coolnurse.com/

http://www.4woman.gov/violence/

http://www.childhelpusa.org/about/programs-and-services/childhelp-national-child-abuse-hotline-1-800-4-a-child

drug/alcohol abuse help go here: http://www.4drugabuse.com/addiction-treatment.html

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/1800-273-TALK(8255)
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. If you need help, please dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With over 120 crisis centers across the country, our mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential. -----------------------------------

http://www.kidscrisis.com/

http://www.teenadviceonline.org/gethelp/numbers.html

You can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN, 24 hours a day, free & confidential. 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

For info. on birth control etc.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

The Girls and Boys Town National Hotline is the only hotline that children and parents can call with any problem at any time:
Open 24-hours a day, every day at 1-800-448-3000

Spanish-speaking counselors available; translation services for 100+ languages

TTY line available for the hearing-impaired at 1-800-448-1833

Counselors can help find services and agencies in the callers' local community

Help at the End of the Line
Callers talk to highly-trained, professional counselors who listen and give "right now" answers. They're sympathetic people who have expertise dealing with these and other problems:

depression

suicide

running away

parenting problems

relationship concerns

physical, sexual, and emotional abuse

chemical dependency

mental health

anger

aggressive behavior

Toll Free
Operated by Father Flanagan's Boys' Home, hotline services are free of charge to every parent and child in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, U.S. territories, and Canada.

Toll-Free: 1-800-448-3000

http://www.sex-ed101.org/links.html

http://www.anorexicweb.com/anorexicweb.html

Report Child Abuse
Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD TDD: 1-800-2-A-CHILD



--------------------------------
All our motivations stem from two: Love or Fear. When in turmoil or indecision, ask yourself from which of these you are acting. If you want an honest response outside of yourself, you need to first be honest within yourself. Bless you on your journey!

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