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can't let him go.
This might be long, but please read and help. My boyfriend broke up with me a month ago. He was my first real boyfriend and we learned so much from eachother. I lost my virginity to him, and we had more great times than bad. He said the relationship wasn't the same and needed to start focusing on himself. It was a complete shock to my heart. We hadn't talked for weeks, but finally I made the first move and called him. I wanted to just catch up and see if maybe we could be friends. He seemed up for it and we hung out together. The only thing he seemed to want was sex and he was just being mean to me. He was never like that before. I held my own, but I'm even more hurt. I just can't seem to let him go no matter what. I wake up depressed and go to bed depressed. I can't believe that this boy has control over my happiness. Is there anyway you can be friends with someone you had a really intense relationship with? How do I even go about moving on? Nothing is working.
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Le sigh. The first boyfrend. The first sexual partner. I am sorry to tell you this because I know your pain, EXACTLY, but alas, it's the truth. Chances are that you will never be friends, especially since this breakup is so incredibly painful. The worse the breakup, the less likely the chance that you will ever be friends.
There are no simple answers for moving on, either. In fact, you're essentially screwed until your brain SLOWLY begins to realize that you can function without him. Some people get over it in a day, others a week, others take years, and some people live with broken hearts for their entire lives. Just do the things that have always made you happy (hanging out with buddies, singing, painting, whatever it is that your passion was prior to him).
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Alright, I haven't really read the other answers, so I' afriad there might be repetitions, but that's good majority wins. :)
Anyways, here's a cuple of ways of looking at it.
1) Things have changed. I don't really know how old both of you are, but if he's still young, then I guess he just needs the space. Most male do. He wants to fly, curious about the world, be independent, wants to learn the world by himself. I guess it might sound selfish, but honestly, dear, you would be selfish, too, if you don't let him be.
2) Heart Broken, Love Sick, etc.
This is an essential phase for all. We all need go through the stage of getting hurt, healing yourself and falling in love again. Though it might sound impossible now, but you might just end up laughing about the whole episode in the future. One door closes, another opens.
3) It takes time to heal. Nobody said that fixing a broken heart is easy. It's your first time, and I guess it's okay to mourn about it for a few months, but remember, life is too short to be upset all the time. You will be fine, my dear.
Go out with your friends. Keep yourself occupied, get a part time job. Go exercise. Go spoil yourself on the things you're deprived off when you're attached. Now you're free as a bird.
4) And yesh, you can be friends with him, but not now. Give it a whole generous period of time.
He is your first anyway. He laid out the bench mark for the other guys. You have to get over him first. Thoroughly.
5) just remember. You're not the only one who have their hearts crushed. There are mainly survivors from that Broken-Heart disease.
:)
This is SilkStuy.
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first of all, im sry that yer in this situation at all. i rlly am :(
but you need to kno this, guys are not worth it. i have had my feelings messed up ovr a guy & he never knew or seemed to care..it hurt, and it took time BUT im in a new relationship now and happier than ever. im guessing yer a teen, and us teens go thro a lot. & tho yer ex is acting lyk a jerk im guessing hes confused too. but that still doesn't give him the rite to treat you lyk shit.
i guess what im TRYING to get at is that I KNO YER CONFUSED AND STILL HAVE FEELINGS FER HIM,BUT, YOU HAVE TO TRY TO MOVE ON ..it'll take time and will be had defintitly, but in the end you'll find someone better and be happy that you did
xoxo
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If he was a nice guy who treated you with respect and valued your friendship then you would not be asking this or be depressed. He only wants sex from you and does not care about you. He is not worth your friendship or being depressed over. Girls attach themselves about a million times more to a guy emotionally when they have sex. Guys have no such issue usually. He has no emotional tie to you, but is a jerk who will use you for sex and then be mean to make sure you know it did not mean anything to him. You are hurt because you have been rejected much more harshely this time and he turned out to be a creep. You are hoping he will change and you don't want to admit that he probably always was selfish. When you are ready to see him for who he is, then you won't want him anymore. You move on by giving yourself forgiveness for being taken in by his charms and learn from the experience. He is not your friend, and he does not want friendship from you. He is like gum on the road, a reminder of what once was sweet, but now just something yucky you need to step over and avoid.
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Something was working love: Not talking to him was working. Time was working for you in its usual plodding way. You messed up when you invited him back into your life so soon, without any conditions.
If you really want to pursue a friendship with this boy AND be able to move on, I will let you in on Razhie's Friends with the Ex Guidelines (Patent Pending):
1.) Do not talk about 'feelings' for more then two sentences. New 'Friends' do not need to have long drawn out conversations about their feelings about each other and your friendship with your ex is a new one, something completely separate from the relationship you once had. Don't load it down with lots of emotional talk, that's for couples. Instead, do what you would do with a new friend: If you are uncomfortable or unhappy in their company, politely decline to be in their company so often.
2.) Don't make plans that are exactly the same as the plans you made when you were together. If a date involved take out, a movie and then sex on the basement floor, then for goodness sake do not have take-out: We all know where it's gonna lead. Meet for coffee instead. On the other hand, if you regularly had caffeine-fueled sex, go for pizza.
3.) Lastly, and most importantly, realize what you can control and what you can't. You can't control his feelings, his thoughts or his actions, so worrying about any of those is nothing but a waste of time. What you can control is you, so focus on you. If you find you can't focus on you and be his friend, then don't be his friend.
The old saying it true, time heals all wounds, but time won’t heal a scab you keep picking at. Follow my advice and you’ll stop re-opening your wounds each time you see him and might find you can be friends, and move on at the same time.
If you can’t do this, or find yourself falling into your old relationship habits instead of building new friendship habits anyways, then give up on friendship for a while.
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You can probably be friends at some point, but not right away. Its still to raw. He only wants one thing and if he isn't going to be with you through other stuff he sure shouldn't get the good times!
The only way you are going to move on is to start thinking of other guys and maybe going out with a couple. Start off in a group if that is easier but don't just sit at home and pine for this guy.
I know it will be very hard to do but you just have to make yourself do it. For the time being don't give him the time of day. He wants to focus on himself...let him. In every way. :)
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