Siren_Cytherea's advice column

askSiren_Cytherea

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: well i have a gyno appointment next week and i'm kind of scared because i've never been there before. my mom doesn't know that my boyfriend and I have sex, but she made a comment about going on birth control if i think me and drew are going to have sex. i think i should but yet i dont know what to do because she will automatically know that me and drew have sex or that we are thinking about it. my mom says to tell her if me and drew were ever to do it but im afraid. should i go on the pill ? what do you think ?

You're in the same situation I was in a few months ago.
If I were you, and you're not comfortable with telling your mom you've BEEN having sex, tell her you're thinking about it, and go on the pill to be safe. That's what I did, because I didn't want to admit to my mother that I'd been lying about not having sex. If you're comfortable telling her you've been, then go for it.
Your mother sounds pretty cool about the whole situation. Know, though, that she probably won't be happy with the fact that you are/going to have sex. No parent would be - however, she does seem to know that teenagers are teenagers and that they'll do what they please, no matter what a parent says. She just wants you to be safe about it. I would, too, quite honestly. She's opened the door for you to talk to her about so much - so many parents don't do that, and their kids are afraid to talk to them. She's a person, too! Chances are, she's gone through similar things, and now she wants to help you deal with the things she went through. Take advantage of that fact. I did, and my relationship with my mom is great.
I would go on the pill, if I were you. Just know that it takes a month to go into full effect.
I hope this helps!
-Siren =)

Q:
Hey, theres this girl that I really like. And it turned out she liked me too, so I asked her out last night. She said she wanted to think about it. So then later today after school she gave me a note... it explained that she said "I hope we have a good time together, not only as friends but also a couple..." But also later in the note it said "I also found out that (friend of mine and hers) likes me too, but I felt sorry for him because I told him I like you, do you see how I'm feeling? Anyways you're so shy!! You made me feel like a 'sister'~~ haha! Sorry! Hope you can understand what I'm trying to say!" Well anyways my question is... does that mean we are going out or does she want to stay friends?? THANK YOU FOR READING PLEASE HELP

Wow, that confused even me, and I'm usually good at understanding people...I think you need to ask her what's going on. Tell her you don't, in fact, understand what she's trying to say. She's giving you mixed messages, and that's not too cool. First she says she wants to be a couple...then she says you made her feel like a "sister". That's...confusing.
If I were in your position, I'd go up to her and ask her to spell it out for you.
I hope this helps!
-Siren =)

Q: ok, there's this guy and me and him have liked each other since the beginning of school.. we tried to hook up but something happened and we didn't.. but we both still like each other. and he always tells me he loves me and stuff.. and all my friends tell me i should go out with them.. and i front like i dont want him anymore bcuz i know how pathetic this is.. but i do, i want him so bad. and when im with him he's always saying how great it would be if we went out and he knows i like him but he just wont ask me out.. does anyone have any suggestions to let him know that he should just ask me out already??

Well...you're probably not gonna like what I'm gonna suggest, but if I were in your situation, I would ask him out myself instead of dropping hints.
You tried to hook up but it didn't work out, or it just didn't happen? It's fine to like someone from the beginning of school, and I don't think it's pathetic that you still like him. I mean, I've had friends who have had a crush on the same guy for years.
If he knows you like him, and you think he likes you, just ask the boy out. He's always talking about how great it would be if you two went out? Next time he says it, say "why don't we?" and see what he says. Sometimes a girl's gotta take the initiative...make the first move! Be bold!
I hope this helps!
-Siren =)

Q: hi.. i'm 5'6 and i'm 160 pounds.. but everyone tells me i'm not fat.. *blushes* what do you think? =\

Hey!
I don't think you're fat either. Your opinion should be the only one that matters to you. If you feel like you'd like to lose a few pounds, go for it. If you don't think so, excellent, you agree with me! Lol.
If you don't feel fat, you're not fat. It's all perception, m'dear.
However, according to http://nhlbisupport.com/bmi/bmicalc.htm you're just at the edge of "overweight" That doesn't necesarily mean anything, though. BMI calculators don't take into account your build, or your possible muscle mass, so I don't like to use them.
I hope this helps!
-Siren =)

Q: Hey, this is selectopaque. I wanted to tell you that this person who just called you a "good kid" is a 16 year old kid who has no power what so ever to delete anyone. A couple people have complained because they are getting harrassed by someone threatening to get their cousin to delete their account. It's all the same person. I was going to wait to see if the admin answers these people before I bann this girl. She's gone overboard with power that she doesn't even have.

Thank you for letting me know, I appreciate it. It's been bothering me, and I wasn't sure if it was someone who really had any influence or not, so I was forced to be nice...Lol. Not that I have issues being nice...I just don't like feeling like I'm sucking up to someone. I also don't like my advice being put down when I really don't think it's that bad...
Anyway, thanks a lot.
-Siren =)

Q: This school year, I've noticed that nearly all my friends are boys. I've never really got on with boys before but nowadays I'm always hanging out with them. Is there something wrong with that? I do have friends who are female but I find I relate to boys better.
13/f

There's absolutely nothing wrong with having a lot of guy friends. Most of my friends are guys. I've always found girls to be rather bitchy in general *shrug* (no offense meant). The person who knows the most about my social life is a guy, lol. It's totally fine to relate to boys. When I was little, I ONLY used to play with boys - I hated the girls. They took too long to decide what to play at recess. ^_^
You know what's great about guys? They're not nearly as judgmental as girls are. They're generally nicer, I've found, and more fun. They don't worry about breaking nails. (Again, no one be offended, I'm making a bad generalization to further emphasize my point) Well...most of 'em don't, anyway.
Nothing wrong with having guy friends. Hope this helped!
-Siren =)

Q: how do you get rid of back cramps when your in your period???

I take tylenol, but that's cause I can't take strong meds. Heating pads, or hot bubble baths. Heat, heat, heat. Heat helps relax muscles. Walking helps too, if you have the energy, and drinking water - warm or room temp water, though. I dunno about you, but cold always makes my cramps worse.
I hope this helps!
-Siren =)

Q: Ok, i have this friend, lets call her Jane. Jane used to be really friendly last year, and we were REALLY good friends. Now, we're still friends, but shes not very friendly anymore, she lies all the time, she steals away the guys i like, and shes just not the same Jane she used to be. What do i do? Do i tell her?
-Concerned Chick

Concerned Chick, you've gotta tell Jane what's going through your mind. She's not psychic - she can't know you think she's changed unless you tell her. Give her examples, and maybe tell her you feel like she's stealing away the guys you like.
You should always communicate your feelings if something's bothering you. Lack of communication is a BIG killer of all kinds of relationships, not just boyfriend/girlfriend ones. So speak your mind, chica!
I hope this helps!
-Siren =)

Q: what is a good black eyeliner? im useing mac right now and in school im in swim class and even when im not wet it seems 2 run down my face.. Does ne one know a good black eyeliner that does not run when i get wet or ne thing.. THANKS

I know Clinique quickliners stay on pretty well. I mean, I've cried with it on and it didn't smear, lol. I haven't tried going swimming with it, but I imagine if tears don't make it run, chlorinated water probably won't. Hope this helps!
-Siren =)

Q: I dont know what to put this under but ok here it goes my best friend is 13 and to scared to ask neone else bout this but she was wonder if the nipple was the last part to develop on breasts

If you answer I will rate you high no matter what

Thanxs

Heh.
You know what, I think it may be the last part to develop. 'Cause mine aren't fully develloped and I'm 17. If she's wondering if she's normal, I'm sure she is, 'cause I am. Feel free to ask me anything you want/need to. I answer everything I can. I hope this helps your friend!
-Siren =)

Q: My Boyfriend and me just had a little fight , well the head cheerleader heard about it and now she's al over my boyfriend and were not even broken up , well we made up and she still wants him , she like bends down in front of him with her cheerleader clothes on or she trys to sit with us and well she drives me crazy , but the thing is my boyfriend dosnt like her and he's the star Quarterback on the football team, and he tells her to back off , is he the good kind of boyfriend every gurl wants? plz help

Yes!
Any guy who would tell a girl who hits on him to back off is a great guy.
(i.e. my boyfriend is the best boyfriend ever...he went to Vegas this summer and he told me he had girls trying to get with him, hitting on him and all that, and he said "back off. I have a girlfriend." Even his uncle, who he was staying with, was trying to get him to cheat on me, but he didn't. He is therefore the best boyfriend ever...Lol)
Your guy sounds like a keeper. KEEP HIM!!! Lol. It's great that you two can have a fight and not break up. But if the cheerleader doesn't back off, I would try to explain the situation to her calmly, that you two are still together, and you'd appreciate it if she left your guy alone. (Try it calmly at first, if it doesn't work, get bitchy. Lol)
I hope this helps, and congrats on finding such a great guy!
-Siren =)

Q: Well my boyfriend is acting really strange...well he always act like he doesnt want to do anything with me i always have to make the plans...he doesnt call me....he doesnt ask to meet me places accept for at times that is really not a good time...and i call him all the and he doesnt pick up unless i send a text message saying PICK UP YOUR PHONE...and i think that is very unacceptable i dont want to take up tooo muck of your time but please help HELP

Instead of asking him to pick up the phone, ask him what's going on. Let him know what he's doing is unacceptable. You've gotta set limits with your guy. Tell him you want him to call you sometime and let him know you feel like you're doing all the work in the relationship. You've gotta work together to make a relationship work. One person cannot do it.
Sounds like a communication problem to me. That's a HUGE relationship killer. You two need to talk about what's going on - you need to tell him what's going through your head, and you need to find out what's going through his. Communicate, communicate, COMMUNICATE!!!
I hope this helps!
-Siren =)

Q: This guy is new to one of my classes. He's extremely cute, funny, sweet, smart and just really outgoing. He's always asking to borrow my notes, and no one else's. He does anything to try to find a way to sit next to me, too. I can't even tell if our conversations are flirting or just normal chit chat. I'm starting to really like him, but I do have a boyfriend. I just can't help daydreaming about this boy. He's not like any other boy I've ever met and he seems to possibly, like me back. We've only been talking for a a week or so, and I'm just scared if I lead on I like him, he'll back away. Should I just flirt for now or try to be more forward about how I'm feeling?

Whoa, whoa. First off, I think you have a decision to make...who do you want to be with, your boyfriend or this guy? If you want to be with this guy, break up with your boyfriend before you start flirting and letting him know you like him. If you want to be with your boyfriend, lay off flirting with this guy, and get rid of your li'l crush on him.
If you decide you want to be with this guy, break it off with your boyfriend. THEN after you've done that, you can do whatever you want - flirt or be forward...heck, jump on the boy and start making out with him...(kidding...just kidding...)but NOT while you have a boyfriend! I'm very opinionated on the whole "no cheating" thing. I know you're not talking about cheating, but to me, getting a crush on someone else and considering telling the guy you like him is like cheating. That's just me, though.
I hope this helped on some level!
-Siren =)

Q: My period is very heavy on the first few days. I usually use pads and slender tampons. I was wondering is there any way for me to make me period less heavy? I tried using a 'super' tampon but it hurts because I'm not big enough down there. Is there anything I can do? I'm sick and tired of feeling like I'm wearing a diaper but my period's too heavy for the small tampons.

What kind of tampons do you use? I'm not exactly big down there either, and I found that the really "slender" ones didn't work to stop the flow. (I used to use Playtex slimfits) Try regular Tampax Pearl. Those are GREAT. Lol. I hate pads too, so I know how you feel. Try tampax pearl. Those are a little bigger than things like playtex slimfits, but not big enough to hurt.
I hope this helps!
-Siren =)

Q: Ok here is my problem!!...

There is this guy i like.. Lets call him rascal..
He brings me to school everyday and takes me home when he has time. He offers to do this 4 me!! IDK y tho. I like him A LOT!!! he knows that too. But today he asked me to go to the Mt. Pleasant Halloween Parade to watch him. Im going anyways because my little sister is a cheerleader and shes in it too. But anyways.. Does this sound like he likes me? Or what the heck is goin on?
He also told me that hes gonna make sure i c him in the firetruck!! Should i be scared or not?
Then this weekend we're going to this party for halloween. Do you think anything special will happen? I hope.. I like him very much!!
We text messege each other all day while hes in tech. and while i have freshman classes.
What should i do?

Signed..
Alf Alfinator

Aww, that sounds kind of like what my boyfriend said to me before we started dating...we were talking and he kept offering me rides and stuff like that.
Sounds to me like he likes you. Who can say what will happen? Stuff might, it might not. It depends on how much he likes you, and how much nerve you both have. If he doesn't make a move, you might want to. ^_^ Or if he does...
I hope you have fun at the party, and I hope this helped a little!
-Siren =)

Q: i know you can practice to hit higher notes, is there any way to pracice my lower notes? i can go high, but i cant seem to hit low notes in singing.

OOH! I had the same problem! I used to be unable to sing any lower than middle C. Try these range-expanders. These are what I did. Do fifth slides. Like, start on middle C and sing on whatever vowel is comfy for you - I like "ah". sing C to G, then back to C. Then go down a half step. Start on B and slide to F sharp, then back to B, and so on. a half step down each time. Whatever you do, do NOT push for volume down low!!! The volume will come later. If you have vibrato, make sure you're using it down there.
Always, always, ALWAYS relax into the low notes. Like even close your eyes and feel like your whole body is relaxing. Don't tense any muscles at all. If something hurts your throat, stop doing it. Lol. If it's too low for you, don't sing it.
If you're in choir, let your director know you're having trouble with low notes. He or she will probably say "then don't sing that". The worst thing you can do is push your voice.
My voice teacher did that and ended up with nodes. She had to have surgery. >.<
If you have vocal questions, let me know. I may be seventeen, but my voice isn't - I know a lot about the physical aspects of voice, and I'd be happy to help you out.
I hope this helps!
-Siren =)

Q: You said your writing a series..Are your books going to be published? What kind of books are they? (Drama, Romance, etc)

Hey!
I am writing a series, and they will be published...eventually...Lol. I just have to get an agent first. The books are pretty much fantasy with elements of everything. Action - lotsa fun weapons (lol), Drama - fist fights between friends about a girl, stuff like that, elements of romance - because I am, in fact, a totally hopeless romantic...Lol. Book 1 is kind of funny 'cause all the characters are young. The others get more serious. But they're still good, if I do say so myself...^_^ If you wanna know more, lemme know!
-Siren =)

Q: i meen i really want a boyfriend but i guess im can be picky about who i like , some of my friends will go out with sum 1 that they have very little feelings for but i want to go out with some i really lik e but i dont liek anyone in my shcool and theres jsut no one thats i liek yet i jsut wish i would find him is this ok should i look harder be less picky or will i find him

Hey, I'm like...the pickiest girl ever, and I found my dream guy.
Don't lower your standards. You'll find a guy - don't settle for one you don't quite like enough. You'll just end up with an icky breakup. I mean, if I found a guy, it's possible for ANYONE. Be stubborn about your standards, if you want to.
Or lower them. it's up to you, but you'll find better guys for you if your standards are higher. Trust me on that one...^_^
I hope this helps!
-Siren =)

Q: I have a great accomplishment. I am a big poetry writer and so I gathered all of my best from my teen years and present when I was 20, 3 years ago. I put together and published an 80 page book of poetry called, "Running Through the Blue." It includes my own artwork, too. This project took 2 years to complete. I paid $800 for 25 copies that took me a year to save for. Now, I know I should have done things differently when I got my copies becasue friends and family scoffed them all up for $10 a copy. I made only $120, but not all at once of course, so that money was intertwined into my life's needs and it is spent. I should have marketed my book and now I only have 2 copies left (3 if you count my own). Does anyone have any suggestions what I can do with these 2 books left, like maybe get them into the "right hands" somehow? I know my poetry is really good and I know my friends and family all appreciated it but I think those books are just filling shelf space maybe to look at and say, "cool, I'm proud of her." Yeah, okay, but I worked so hard for this, I would like it to go recognized in a deeper place, like with someone that could help me become something. Does anyone have any ideas? I already know what it is I should have done, but what can I do now that what's done is done? I can't just buy more copies, I'm a stay at home mom now, I never have money, I don't work again for another 2 years or so. Please help me find my way in the right direction!! Thank you.

Go to the library and check out (Or go to a nearby bookstore and buy) Writers Market 2005 edition.
That's what Doug Allyn told me when I asked him what the first step I should take was. Get an agent. You don't pay anything up front for an agent - they just take a percent of the profit. An agent will help you get a deal with a publisher, and then it'll start selling and all that and you should make more than $20.
I'm an unpublished writer (just have to...y'know, break into the market) and that's the route I'm going to take. I hope this helps!
-Siren =)

Q: To all the guys: why is it that you like girls/ what is it that makes you ask them out?

i think right now i just need to know that not all guys are shallow.

Well I'm not a guy, but I can tell you what my boyfriend said when I asked him what made him even consider asking me out.
He told me he liked that I had a personality. "A lot of girls are all highlights, gossip and giggles. You actually have a brain," is the direct quote.
Not all guys are shallow, but the deep ones are difficult to come across. Keep looking - There's gotta be someone out there for you if I, of all people, found a quality guy.
-Siren =)

bio

I'm a laid-back 26 year old with a Psychology BA, starting my MA program, and working my way into the field as quickly as I can. It took me an extra Bachelor's degree (in vocal performance and creative writing) to figure it out, but I was put on this Earth to help, to heal, and to love.

I have made the decision to dedicate my life and career to helping others. I am here to do just that.

I've been a member since 2004, and since I signed up, I've gone through quite a lot and learned quite a lot from it. I'm here to give guidance where I had none; no one should have to go through the difficulties I went through alone.

Feel free to visit my website/blog, if you want to read my experience with domestic violence and my thoughts on it.

***While I do tend to answer mental health and other health-related or medicine-related questions, I am by NO MEANS a licensed physician or practitioner of any sort. Any and all advice I give for these questions is from my own experience or studies.***

If you need to get a hold of me quickly, my screen name on AIM is SirenCytherea. Just let me know you found me here.

I'm a strong believer in the idea that there are no stupid questions except the ones left unasked, so, please, keep an open mind, heart, and mouth.

Siren