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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

what's a nice idea for a website?

If you are talking about designing a web, you might find a greater chance of help if you look up web designers in your area.

If you simply want to own a website and want to know what it should be about, that really depends on you. That is what your question seems to ask. There are websites for everything. An author will have their own website about their up and coming books where readers can interact with the writer, a ballet Mom might have a site giving tips to Moms on how to make ballet costumes or where to buy the best, a person who does furniture repairs, or redecorating will have a site for their business. And the list goes on.

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Hi there,

So I was seeing this girl for about two years however the final few months were a bit on and off so I just say two years as it’s easier. So we broke up and I still wanted her in my life so I said I’d be Friends with her as I was still madly in love with her as you can guess it was her that did the dumping. She was going through a rough patch and as always I was there on hand to help her through it she went on holiday and met this fella that she was seeing when we were off at one point. One thing led to another and they had sex but the next week she still came to my house and stayed for a week being friends but always that little bit closer than friends if you get me. But nothing sexual happened. Ended up going to a concert with her into about 3/4 hours away during this time and I seen him sending her kissing emojis so I think that’s when I realised I couldn’t do the friends thing you ended up leaving her in the carpark the following day saying that I couldn’t do this anymore and that we can’t be friends and I knew by her that she was devastated. Summer passes by and no contact however as we are both teachers the week before we are due back to school she contacts me asking if I was at home however I wasn’t and she wanted to meet up. Turned out that I was in her home town and she was in mine and we live 3 hours apart so I said that as she was travelling home I would meet her in hers however she got really upset and started saying that she couldn’t so we didn’t meet. Instead while I was driving home she ended up sending me an email stating how she was feeling and all the reasons as to why the relationship didn’t work out on her end. When I received the email it was everything I wanted all summer but I don’t know I felt nothing as a result. So we’ve been in contact since then we met up twice since then and have been texting everyday. However this is where it gets tricky. She is a workaholic and the reason it didn’t work out last time or the main reason was this as there was never no time for the relationship or me and now on top of work she is doing a masters degree too so she doesn’t have time at all. We met there earlier and she asked how I feel and I really do want to get back with her but I know if I get in it I won’t be second best I’ll be third best after her studies and work. Is it wrong for me to want to be number one? And I’m wondering should I even try to get back into this or is there too much things telling me that it’s not right

You worded this a little different but its the same thing, I looked back at my history of answering questions and My answer to you went out, in great length and detail.
All I can guess is that you couldn't get into your account to see it, or perhaps you didn't go look for answers and just posted again, or you saw my long answer and didn't want to read that much. If that last guess is true, I can make it easy for you. The short version, instead of explaining in detail is that most humans are alike, they don't like change. Also, they feel a great need to see others change, and hope to make others change, but they can't do that. Change comes from within, so the girl has to want to change and no longer be a work o holic. As long as she is, she will not have time for you. But don't trust me, get back together with her. All that will do is show you for sure that it can't work out unless you get used to being low priority on the totem pole. Yeah it hurts to love someone who isn't going to work out for you. I've been there done that but there is no way to sugar coat this. You want more anquish, heart ache and feeling unimportant etc, then be my guest and get back with her. If you think I am exaggerating, sure get back together with her. You will eventually learn something hopefully. I only try to give enough detail to help a person make their decision. I wish people could use good advice and avoid going through things the hard way, by the school of hard knocks...living it. If that is the only way you prefer to learn, then as I said, go for it.

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I am a high schooler and right now my goal is to become a classical musician. However, I want to become a doctor. With my low gpa and lack of knowledge is it possible to become a doctor?

Beccming a Doctor will take lots of schooling, lots of study and ability to get good grades. If it were even possible to become a doctor but you struggle to grasp everything taught to you, would you go to such a person for care, surgery or more? I certainly wouldn't. If you are simply thinking of what you could do to earn good money, there is a big job gap between white collar jobs such as you mention and blue collar jobs that can be learned at trade schools. Working with your hands can earn you great money. Mike Rowe of Dirty Jobs fames learned from the employers he did shows on, that they have trouble finding anyone to hire as most students are directed to going for white collar jobs. This takes lots less money, and if you learn by being shown how things are done, that is already part of it.

You also mention becoming a classical musician. You'd have to be exceptionally good to get into an orchestra for a job. You might think about doing something more small scale on as a side job, getting together a group of musicians, maybe 5 or 6 and advertiser playing live music for a fee doing weddings, other special events. And work a blue collar job for the real income to cover all your bills. If interested, look up you tube videos on Mike Rowe and the job gap and listen to what he has to say, it's really informative and I wish my kids had seen that when they were the age of starting college.

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So, I'm starting a new year at high school-

and wanna be in a group and shit like the others, but it's kind of hard because it's a small school and it's as if you have to be a certain type of person
or you have to be like them to join them? Wondering what I should do to be happy and comfortable in my school cuz SHIT broooo this fucking sucks ass a bit;

but thank you for your consideration and reply advice

I don't talk like this at school though in case you were wondering if it's just my lack of social skills. feek you- but I did move from Europe a few years ago so maybe I just still feel out of place... :/

Its been a while since I was in high school but less time for my kids so I will share what I know from how they coped. I had all girls and while they may have had male friends at school, none had a boyfriend. Of their girlfriends, usually only one had a boyfriend. Every single one did not belong to any kind of group that you would think of as popular ones like the outgoing kids, popular for being rich or a bit on the side of doing risky things, then there was a group of the brainiacs, those who studied hard and always got A's, nope my kids werent in either. So that left the Goths, Emos, poor kids, ones from broken homes, nerds, from a different country or religion other than your traditional lutheran, catholic baptist type. Funny thing but just as in my time, this mish mash group was the largest group of all and it was out of this group that I found friends and my kids found friends. All that I asked of my girls is that they be themselves, not change who they are to be liked. Changing who you are to be accepted in a group means they don't really like you or respect you, and changing to get into a relationship and pretend to be what they want, ends up building resentment and eventual hurtful break ups. Its not worth it, I tried this as a teen in getting accepted for freinds, and also after i married to please my husband. It didn't work.
So it is best to be yourself.But don't wait for someone to approach you, do something. What you do depends on you. I know of a girl who started a club in grade school, she started one in HS, a club that did not exist before, one part of the clubs the officials approve of, advertise and any students with similar interests are welcome to join. I am an older adult and outgoing but started out with social anxiety in HS. I am cured of that and learned things along the way. About 905 of people are friendly and receoptive when approached but afraid to make the first move, not just as young poeple, as adults of any age. I went out to meet all my neighbors by knocking on their door, especially new ones moving into the neighborhood.
You might have no idea where I am going with this so I will make it clear, you don't have to belong to a group, all you need is self confidence, no fear of reaching out and being friendly for one thing. Smile often, great people by name and remember a smile means you are approachable and friendly. So that works in a small school. It may be too small for a variety of clubs within it. But find areas where you can help and support others. I was a teachers aide. A daughter was assigned as a study buddy to a developmentally delayed girl going to a regular school. Her school did lots of that since there wsan't much choices of schools for mentally handicapped.

They had friends, who were Jehovah witness and such, Pagans, the obese shunned kids, non athletics, emos, goth, underachievers, and so on. They learned how to be friendly and accepting of the person inside, no matter what other labels or garbage came along with.
As for having come from Europe, It may be real obvious to them that you are different from having been raised elsewhere, a different culture with different traditions. What you could try to help others want to get to know you and set home countrys or blood lines aside, is to see if any staff would like the idea of a cultural heritage day or party held at school. Its best if done as an asembly and on a school day rather than after. So once approved, kids all have to check on their heritage. There seriously is no one in the U.S. with the exception of Native Americans who can say they are Americans because they were born here. But where did their ancestors whose blood lines they carry, come from. I guarantee unless Native American, they come from Europe, Asia, Africa the UK, Middle East. Traditional costumes can be worn, traditional foods brought to a school wide potluck to ahare. Foods from same countries grouped together and bite size for tasting only pieces served. Some may know a few words or more in native languages but it would be great if teachers got in on this and came up with charts of simple words like yes, no, thank you, good morning tranlated into other languages. Maybe even items in a section of show and tell tables, displayed for others to see with adults watching over to be sure nothing is touched or picked up. For somewhere in the new school year to put this together, I know it can help bring d own the walls of percieved differences and show how interesting and non threatening other cultures can be, even if you are from Serbia, Germany, Ethiopia, etc. I know stuff like this was done when I was in HS but not quite on so grand a scale with the large school. It may be easier in a smaller school and teachers can use the opportunity to do a study on other countries and always use experiences from the cultural fair to refer back to for students. With teens, it is important that something like this be organized to break the ice and bring down the walls of what they put up between themselves and others, or to bring in a little change from the way things have always been which is like getting stuck in a rut. This is all I can think of to suggest. Making frieds with anyone, who might be labeled an outcast. I was for my social anxiety. It can be anything and nothing so big and bad that you wouldn't enough the friendships

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hi! I’m 17 (turning 18 in November) and I just moved to Texas from New York I’m in July and it’s been okay, only reason I like it here is because my sisters kids are here and I love them sooo much. other than that I’d rather be back in New York. Life for me was sooo simple and one of the main reasons I want to move back is because the love of my life lives there. I’m july after I moved this guy that has been in my class for 2 years in high school confessed that he liked me and I like him back. He’s everything I ever want in a guy. he’s 18 and goes to college in Albany. I would love love love to go back to ny and visit him when we are both off from college but the main issue are my parents. They would never let me go back to ny myself esp if it’s because I want to meet a guy. I want to move out when I’m 18 but I don’t have anything. They never let me work so I don’t have money. I don’t know how to drive. they made me completely dependent on them. i know I should cherish family and love them but they honestly cause me 90% of my stress. when I’m 18 though I’m gunna find a job and save up money. my plan is that I’m gunna save up money, finish college and if he is still willing to be with me after all that time then I will move back to ny or we will work something out but I’m sick and tired of my parents controlling everyyything I do. I want to be happy and this guy makes me beyond happy so why shouldn’t I be able to be with him. he’s the same religion as me and we both have the same values and morals. I might be too young to be in love or whatever but I want him I want to be with him. what should I do ?

I just want to clarify some thing here for your benefit. You say he said he likes you. I don't know what like means to you but I will explain how certain words mean to me and then you will know what I am talking about. For me, liking is not as strong as loving. For example, I can say I like Asian food if asked where I want to go eat, but if I don't care which restaurant, then liking is good enough and I will be happy no matter where. If I have a favorite restaurant and already know I don't like the others, you could say I 'Love' a certain restaurant because of the way they prepare foods, maybe the atmosphere.

Lastly, between love and being in love, there is actually a difference. I have lived it. I married at 20 to a christian man who soon showed his real self after the wedding, he was verbally and emotionally abusive yet he could say he loved me.

I am now married a second time to a man who is in love with me. And there is a difference. This is what you are looking for if wanting to be with someone forever as your mate. To love means a person can love certain aspects of your character, talents but they don't love your whole self, the bad with the good, and instead of loving unconditionally, its conditional. So if just dating and getting experience to learn what you do and don't like in a guy, then it might be enough but for a life long commitment, in my case, it is not enough. I have experienced a world of difference with second husband. Together 10 years now and we are closer to retirement age but young at heart. We have a vibrant sex life that keeps on evolving and getting better. We like the same things and have same libido or sex drive. This is one thing important in the foundation of an important couple relationship. The other is being best of friends. A good f riend doesn't treat you like crap or likes you on again off again, You are always spoken to kindly, supported, complimented, special things done for you that you can do yourself, when you do something irritating to your partnet, they might let you know but with a smile and a chuckle, not tearing you down about it. It always comes out as a suggestion. The list goes on but hopefully you can recognize what a good friend in a romantic partner is like because you both will enjoy being together more, find mundane thoings more fun simply because of being with them.

So you decide if this is the real thing. Although they can happen, HS romances and love are very very rare to end up in marriage.
There is a reason for it that I'd like to explain next. You can look up the following on line, Frontal lobe development in teens. Scientists have studied the brain of adolescents and found that when the body has matured into its adult form, the frontal lobe of the brain is immature, not done growing and worst of all, isn't done until ones mid twenties. Yes you read that correct 25 or so. Thats about 7 years off. Whys its important, is that it helps with decisions making, seeing all the angles and especially the future consequences to any action you take. Its all missing until you get older. How you judge things too is not mature yet. Your parents may not have seen a need for you to drive living back in NY with all the subways.

Since you speak of visiting and possibly pursueing something with him later, after college, you will be closer to your mid twenties. How we think will change from whats important to us now and where we are later. I know it may not change for you, but your interests or ideas of what you really want and things you never thought important before, might be when a bit older. So theres always the chance that what you both like now, may not be as strong or enough for a couple relationship. You won't know until you are older. So if you go to visit him, thats one thing but before marriage, I would suggest setting up house together and see what he is like 24/7 because people can't hide anything bad traits about themselves when dating and seeing each other only on scheduled meet ups.

I understand about controlling parents. I knew a man who was ccntrolling to his wife, my friend and neighbor. Think Tyrant and you have the picture. I have heard from plenty of teens but mostly college aged people who say they are still stuck under the thumb of controlling parents.
I will tell you what I remind all of them, at 18, you are legally an adult and they can no longer tell you what to do. You do not have to have their approval for anything because obviously they are not going to approve of any of your choices if it doesnt line up with theirs. Then only thing they hold over you if living with them is offering you a place to live. Parents have told their kids to do as they say, even when 25 yrs old, or they will be kicked out of the house. Thats blackmail and a terrible thing but some parents are like that. And its their home and they have the right to kick you out, no matter what once you turn 18. If you don't want to end up beholden to their whims and demands, then it is best to think of getting independant sooner than going back to NY. If it takes you and three other girls who also want to escape their home and each pitches in to pay for an apartment, then once you are living out from under the parents roof, you will have opportunity to learn all the things they kept from you to keep you dependent on them. Don't listen to all their tales of what could go wrong. Block them on your phone and make sure it is your own, not theirs on a family plan or better yet, a new number, your own phone and service provider and don't give them the number. I know this is not about what to do about the guy as you turn 18, but gaining some experience now on living away from parents is way better than living under their thumb until the point you want to leave their home to go to NY. As you already know, they would be against that because they wouldn't have you around to control. They could pull out all the tricks and try things to sabotage your leaving. I understand about Honoring Mom and Dad but the Bible also talks about how to treat others, and controlling and holding them back are not Godly traits so feel free to leave them. When I left my unreasonable abusive ex, I couldn't get him to agree to a divorce so I was separated and met and began to live with the man I married. It took the ex 7 years to calm down, not be angry and willing to start divorce procedures. So your parents being how they are, It may take a long time of no contact with them before they come to grips with the fact that you have moved on with your own life.

Warning; If as a teen you have a settlement account, like from an accident, or any other kind of savings, your parents names will be on the account and if you don't get it switched over as soon as you turn 18 to just your name, they could take all that money. I know of people in their twenties who has a single parent with access to their account because the child helped pay bills but the parent abused it and should never have been on the account in the first place. So if you haven't thought of it, or choose to open your own account when you start work, do NOT let them talk you into putting their names on the account. They may kick you out for not putting their names on the account so if I were you, I would be lining up emergency living arrangments now, before you turn 18. If you attend a church, talk to the priest about it and perhaps there is someone in the congregation who will let you stay free until you land a job and then take a minimal fee to help with water bill, etc. My oldest simply wanted her independance but couldn't yet line up friends to rent together with so she asked at the church she attended and an older lady let her live in a spare room for close to a year before daughter was able to rent with friends. If you have girlfriends and know their parents, perhaps they have a spare room and could let you stay in the case you are given an ultimatum to do as the parents say are they are kicking you out. Even if you do not attend a church, try some of those closest to where you live and tell your story and ask for help there, in case the parents do kick you out so you have a back up place to go.

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I want to know that can i get job in Germany in English language?

If yes, then where and how?

No expert as I haven't done something like this nor know of anyone. But just an idea here on using the internet. If you want to teach English in Germany, I know there are jobs because I had some relatives there. Lost contact once my Mom died. But I was younger and astounded that my cousins could speak great English. I am thinking it may be one on the choice of languages or perhaps required.

I would search on the internet looking for listing of whichever you are interested in, High schools or colleges, find out about the towns they are in and the cost of living. I do remember as a teen hearing Mom tell of distant cousins wanting to marry but back then the big problem was housing and you had to get on a waiting list for an apartment and the wait time was a year. I don't know if that was an issue only in their city or whether that is the case all over but it would be worth checking on housing because they scheduled their wedding for when an apartment became available. You would be in a bad spot if offered a job but have no where to live.

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Hi there,

So I was seeing this girl for about two years however the final few months were a bit on and off so I just say two years as it’s easier. So we broke up and I still wanted her in my life so I said I’d be Friends with her as I was still madly in love with her as you can guess it was her that did the dumping. She was going through a rough patch and as always I was there on hand to help her through it she went on holiday and met this fella that she was seeing when we were off at one point. One thing led to another and they had sex but the next week she still came to my house and stayed for a week being friends but always that little bit closer than friends if you get me. But nothing sexual happened. Ended up going to a concert with her into about 3/4 hours away during this time and I seen him sending her kissing emojis so I think that’s when I realised I couldn’t do the friends thing you ended up leaving her in the carpark the following day saying that I couldn’t do this anymore and that we can’t be friends and I knew by her that she was devastated. Summer passes by and no contact however as we are both teachers the week before we are due back to school she contacts me asking if I was at home however I wasn’t and she wanted to meet up. Turned out that I was in her home town and she was in mine and we live 3 hours apart so I said that as she was travelling home I would meet her in hers however she got really upset and started saying that she couldn’t so we didn’t meet. Instead while I was driving home she ended up sending me an email stating how she was feeling and all the reasons as to why the relationship didn’t work out on her end. When I received the email it was everything I wanted all summer but I don’t know I felt nothing as a result. So we’ve been in contact since then we met up twice since then and have been texting everyday. However this is where it gets tricky. She is a workaholic and the reason it didn’t work out last time or the main reason was this as there was never no time for the relationship or me and now on top of work she is doing a masters degree too so she doesn’t have time at all. We met there earlier and she asked how I feel and I really do want to get back with her but I know if I get in it I won’t be second best I’ll be third best after her studies and work. Is it wrong for me to want to be number one? And I’m wondering should I even try to get back into this or is there too much things telling me that it’s not right

I might point out you can't get back with her unless she is wanting it and willing. So she has to be willing as the final point here.
As to wanting to be number one in her life and top priority, I oonce listened to a guy in a video on line talk to women about how men think and he said that men can juggle only about three important things at once to keep at the top. He likened it to a totem pole with everything else falling to a lesser spot on the pole. Time for each other was one of the three but he was talking of normal average people, not a work a holic. Job was one, your male buddies or a sport team you're on and the female is the other. Men are able to juggle all three. I can't say for women but I have heard variations of this in many places, even sermons at church where God is in a number one priority along with your mate. Children actually come second to working on your relationship cus if not working on it, there won't be united parents to raise the kids. In pretty much every area of life, it all comes down to making time for the person most important to you.
This you say she doesn't do. You've known it a while. The issue is whether she sees it as a problem of hers, and wants to find a way to stop wanting her work at job so bad. If she is not ready to admit it's out of whack, no therapist can help her if shes even willing to go. She will not change on her own just because the two of you get bsck together. Since you have no idea when this revelation will come to her and she wants to change, be it a few months from now, 2 years from now, ten years f rom now or never, waiting for her is not an option unless you are willing to be single the rest of your life until your death bed as it could never happen. Telling her before she is ready won't help. I had an ex like that and all he did is tell me I was the problem and he was okay. A friend talked him into going to a psychologist which he did a hand-ful of times and then stopped. I was there at first couple meetings. He was going only to keep me but still told Dr. there was nothing wrong with him and Doc should be examining me. He'd already talked with me and ruled me out as being any problem in any way shape or form. All this to prepare you in case it happens that you don't get back together.

The heart falls easily for someone. But what keeps a person with the someone they fell for, is having a full foundation for a couple relationship. It consists of two things, one is being each others best friend and the other is being each others sexual equal. Most people end up having only one of those, dating or married and end up breaking up or divorcing because of it. I will explain what I meant here in detail.
On the friendship part, both get, and understand each other, so even if one is doing something irritating, deep down it doesn't really bother you, you find you can laugh it off and actually get a chuckle out of it when they are in a frenzy about something and I am speaking out of my own life with my second husband. He and I are two peas in a pod so to speak. We love being together and doing the most mundane of tasks is always fun or more fun when we are together. We don't hold on to negative feelings and share when we feel frustrated or something needs changing but since our hearts still really love the person unconditionally, that means no matter what they do wrong, any suggestions or corrections are met without feeling like one is being chastised like a child. From the little bits you shared, I am already wondering if on a scale of 1 to 5 you have the best friendship around being a 4 or 5. Three would be average and 1 or 2 is an on again off again friendship in trouble. I can't say that you are the problem from what you shared but it seems her expectations are all wrong. If I had been told He was in my home town while I was in his, I would have laughed hilariously for a while at how life unfolds. Yes, its a hassle when wanting to get together, but its not the end of the world and getting angry at something you nor she was not responsible for causing, is not going to change the issue. All it does is make yourself more uptight and upset and unwilling to see reason and find a solution. She would need to be willing to compromise somehow but she can't even keep her cool over something like that. She cancels getting together but she is still mad and wants to blame someone...not herself of course so she mulls it over in her agitated state, and comes up with a list of reasons of why the relationship didn't work for her. I don't know that list and it doesn't matter because no matter what was on her list , she has to want to compromise and meet you halfway. The best relationship is one where both are so on the same page most the time that there is no need for compromise. What might be best for her is to focus on studies until she is fully done with her degrees and then she can focus on finding someone to date, who is just like her and puts their job and other things before her and they can give each other the little time that is left, and take separate vacation, have separate friends and activities. If a person wants the relationship and the degrees but puts the degrees first, they've made their choice, there is no room for the relationship. Sure degrees are important but if it is so overwhelming for her that she doesn't have time for herself, down time or time to connect with you, she is going to burn herself out at some point or another. The human body is not made to be a work machine, a robot is. She will find that she will constantly be having mental emotional issues come up because of how she is pushing herself, even if you were never in the picture. So this isn't really about you, its all about the choices she's making, no time to stop and smell the roses and enjoy the simple things in life. I can tell all this from how she reacted to you both being in opposite places. I have known too many people like this to know that seeing it once was not a fluke, it simply means there is a lot more of that where it came from, like a nasty liquid sneaking out from around the cork in a bottle. If you were to remove the cork, it is logical that whatever snuck out, we would expect to see the rest of it inside the bottle. However people go through life expecting a sweet tantalizing wine instead. Then how does one explain how the nasty stinky liquid ended up oozing around the cork? Where did it come from? I had to learn that when I saw an undesirable behavior, that it wasn't a one time happening that I would forgive and it never happens again. I learned that in first marriage and I left. The next couple, well three guys I went out on dates with also showed me something undesirable in behavior after around the third date when they felt comfortable enough to let the false facade go and be themselves. As soon as I saw the first big lie and coverup, the verbal abuse of their maid, and such other things, I was out of there. I was tested I believe so that I could know I had learned the lesson to suspect more problems on the inside ready to come out and bite me in the ass so to speak.
I did mention having sexual compatibility. This I wouldn't know for you but I can use my ex and I as an example to give you an idea. I had the high libido and he had a low one. There is nothing wrong with having a low libido as long as you are with someone who also has a low one. The only way you learn this is over time being sexual with each other. If one wants it daily, twice a week or once a week, thats great. If the partner doesn't want it any more than once every two weeks or once a month, you have a problem. Usually you hear of the guy frustrated cus the wife won't put out after having kids and he loves her as his best friend but he's going crazy without sex so he cheats and finds a woman willing to be his outlet. And that goes the other way too although I never cheated on my husband. This will kill a relationship and all it means to me is that the two were never perfectly matched in the sexual area. Another thing about the ex was he did not like oral sex giving or receiving and I did. Okay, you figure you can live without one aspect and enjoy the rest. Well, his eyes never were filled with desire for me. Oh I know what it looks like, saw it in the eyes of other men. And that is just a couple things of how we did not match up there.

So you may have the compatibility sexually, I don't know, but I truly feel there may be a problem with the friendship. If the only time you get along is in bed, and other times one is frustrated or both are upset or angry or fighting argueing, then it means too many things are different from how one sees their worlds, their beliefs, their expectations, personality traits, and so one, that there can not be a truce. Even if both all willing to smooth out the friendship but not willing to change things about themselves, it wont work. About changing oneself, I did that early on in marriage but no matter what changes I made to be perfect for what his expectations were, and letting my wishes go by the wayside, eventually I saw it didn't matter to him anyways and I stopped trying. A person should never change themselves to be a perfect fit for the other becaues the one who changes, will eventually feel strong resentment for their partner. So even if your gal came to a compromise to keep you and spend time with you, some part of her subconscious may begin to resent you for it and it builds until eventually she leaves again and for good.
Feel willing to try it again, or based on what I said, know this is a really big project that could still go either way.
If you want to get over her to move on, it won't be easy. The thoughts about her have feelings attached. You want to reach the place where you can think of her but no longer feel the hurt and all. So it means telling your own subconscious, either aloud or in your head, that yes you once wanted a life with her but it is not going to work out so you want it to stop bringing up thoughts of her. You want to stop having feelings for her. Your mind will bring her up over and over each day and you will be surprised how often you think of her and have to repeat these instruction to your inner self. Don't think it is okay to skip because it is llike training a child, has to be constantly repeated to get results. After multiple times the first couple days, you will find the sting lessens every day and it worked for me in about ten days. A man who was in love with me and left his wife while they were contemplating divorce, actually decided to go back to her when she told him she wanted to go to therapy and work things out. Since they had adult kids together and a history, he went back to her although he was crying at leaving me, he loved too people. So i had to use this to get over the sharp heart break of his decision. I wish you the best/

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So my best friend and I've been friends for 5 years and in those 5 years of friendship i never felt like we are drifting apart till now. There is my another friend, because whom i feel like we're drifting apart. She would compliment my best friend alot and talk to her alot and leave me out. She would agree to everything my best friend says and would talk about the time when they hung out without me. She has her best friends or that's what she says,but when we all are together, she would come and stay with us and talk to my best friend alot. She would talk about the secrets they have often too and when me and my best friend talk or laugh about something she would ask us again and again why are we laughing which annoys me and when I would ask them the same question she would reply "Oh you won't get it. It's our inside joke". I would just smile at the time but i feel really hurt at times like that. My best friend is not like ignoring me. She still talks to me about everything and stay with me or go out with me whenever I want to but i feel like my other friend is trying to be with us and honestly i wouldn't mind it. I'm not possessive about my best friend but the thing is she talks to my best friend and talks about the things about the topics she knows I'm not interested in. I want to ask what can i do to strengthen my and my best friend's friendship, Is my other friend really trying to become my best friend's best friend or is it just me. I know some people will say things like make a new best friend but i don't want to leave my current best friend. And i also cant just talk to my other friend about this because I don't want to ruin our friendship just because i think like that.

I will assign names so it doesn't seem confusing. Sara will be your best friend for 5 years and Tina will be the one who is trying to horn in and become Sara's closest friend instead of you.

I am going to guess that either the way Tina is acting is something she is dealing with inside of her, a weak trait or acting out due to what she observes in other people she sees often, whether other classmates in cliques or her own family.

The question remains as to why she has singled out Sara, rather than you to try to become the best friend of. There is definitely something wrong if she is trying so hard to win over Sara and frustrate you enough so you'll walk away from Sara.

I can say one thing, just a guess, but it would seem she is jealous of what you and Sara have. She wants the same thing. I don't see why there can't be a three or four member group of girls who are all the closest of friends, all best friends together. It is not only two people max as you may think. I can think of a three way best friend group right off a TV series, H20 a show about 3 close best friends who accidentally become mermaids. Chloe, Rikki and Emma. Okay so that is fiction but there are trios of men and women that are best of friends and this is most visible a nd known in the industry, like Peter Paul and Mary, 3 close friends who became a musical hit.

I will also say I don't believe you are imagining or blowing things out of proportion. Females have intuition and yours is telling you something isn't quite right.
So lets go through the list of things you've had to say about Tina.

Complimenting your friend and talking to her alot. Unless Sara tells you that Tina complements her alot at times you were not around, my guess is Tina is doing this especially as a production in front of you. I am guessing that when she sees you and Sara together, she'll walk up and look at Sara, not acknowledge you are there, compliment Sara and hold a conversation with her as if you were not even there. She is acting like a teen or younger so if she is a teen, that can explain some of it. If this behavior is coming from an adult, then she has serious issues and has not outgrown them or learned and was probably the same kind of mess for a human in the past as she is now.

She agrees with Sara in conversation. I wonder if you mean that she goes as far as disagreeing with you or simply ignoring any remarks you make.


When you and Sara are laughing and she has to ask about it, well, it is natural if people seem to be having a good time and laughing hilariously, to want to know what you have missed so you can laugh too. This is something people will do if they feel they missed out on something or feel on the outside, looking in and wishing they could be part of it all.
However, when you ask her why the two of them are laughing, and she says Oh you won't get it. It's our inside joke, that can't be an inside joke every single time. Maybe once or twice. She is not considering how you will feel, at least that is what it may seem like but saying what she does is meant to make you feel left out, which is exactly how she still feels, no matter how much time she gets alone with Sara. I understand smiling and thats the right thing to do, not let her see that the barb she meant to hurt you, did not, even if thats how it felt. As you say next, you wouldn't mind if she wants to be part of a trio with the both of you and that would mean treating both of you equally, which she isn't doing. Maybe she sees you as the stronger person and not as easy a pushover so thats why she didn't bother to single you out as her new best friend and ignore Sara instead, treating her like she treats you.
My guess is she believe a person can only have one best friend or as I also call it, close friend. Sara is not ignoring you and treats you the same as ever. But I have to wonder if she has noticed what Tina is doing.

Then there is the fact Tina had to point out she has her own best friends. If that were true, her other best friends would have a problem understanding why she is so busy trying to gain another best friend when she already has them. If she is spending most her time alone with Sara or when you are there, messing with you, then she has no time for these so called friends which frankly i don't believe exist. Usually if someone has to tell you that they have other friends, they usually don't.

It might be that you and Sara need to have a private talk without Tina around. If Tina wasn't really the enemy and troublemaker here, what else could she be? Some one who has no idea of proper ways to socialize or make friends, a friendless who feels like an outsider, to put it simply a lost dog that has come to you for help but no's no more than to distrust and bite you when you try to help. You and Sara need to think of Tina as a lost dog and both share with each other what you have seen heard and witnessed, not for the sake of uniting against her, not yet because she may truly need help. If she continuously rejects help and continues to try to divide and conquer, then the both of you will have another talk of making a united front and both Sara and you telling her that neither of you want her to attempt hanging out around you anymore. Yes, Sara would have to do this.

People don't usually put so much effort and energy into breaking up a couple of friends so I can only imagine something else is up with her in her personal life and that is what Sara and you need to try to find out. You might have to agree on what questions Sara should ask if Tina evades you too much. Kids with parents who moved too often and were always in new schools and neighborhoods are some that have no friends and never learned social skills or how to socialize and make friends. It might be a good thing to try to hide out but actually be spying on Tina to see what she is doing when not with Sara or both of you. Does she actually have other friends? How is she doing as a student and do either of you know what her grades are because grades are affected by emotional stuff and not every teen comes from a good stable loving home. The twins my daughter wanted to go see after school has a Mom who was a drug addict and her drug addict friends sleeping it off at late afternoon all over the living room floor. I made sure to go meet the parents of any home my kids wanted to visit. So of course she wasn't allowed to go there but the twins were allowed to come to our house. They. were not a problem and quite pleasant for the situation they lived with. I had a friend in 9th grade whose Dad ask him to drop of out school because his Mom had died and he had to take her place running the house and helping look after his siblings. That guy had no freedom to make and keep friends. She could have abusive parents or who know who living under the same roof who fight or are abusive. She has to have observed some of the language and techniques somewhere. If it was from peers, you'd have seen her hanging out with bad people by now. Maybe an alcoholic parent who threatens and everyone, maybe just verbal abuse, maybe her parents are so busy they ignore her all the time, wishing they'd never had kids. That has to hurt, not being wanted, so a kid would have to act up and cause trouble to get noticed. Kind of what she is doing.
So I actually recommend that you do talk to your best friend whom I am calling Sara. If you can keep your heart right, knowing you won't try to keep Sara all for yourself, and that you dont mind if Tina wants to be part of you both and accepted as long as she would act friendly to both. Tell Sara about what I just brought up. Don't let the problems be the first thing you share. Let Sara know that you want to see what is truly going on in Saras life as she may be hurting, in a bad home life, or moved so often she never had a chance to make and keep a friend. Let her know that its possible Tina feels like an outsider. But if its not due to her circumstances, then it may be just her thoughts and mental health issues. Ask if Sara has noticed how Tina attempts to do all the things you told me. If you can't get Sara to agree there is something fishy going on, then see if she's willing to read this. It is not embarrassing that you asked for advice, that is actually a very smart thing to do, especially when facing a situation you haven't before and have no way to know how to deal with it or look at it from a different angle. It would be ideal if Tina realized both of you want her to be a part of you as a trio as long as she stops fighting to have one friend only and accepts and likes both of you. Sure you will all have things you don't have in common but all friendships do. Focus on the things you do have in common. I'd like to hear back how this is going in the future is you remember.

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Hello, this is my second question for you- because you gave great advice last time. I was wondering what I should do when I get really stressed out about unresolved tension or weirdness between classmates and me. I still have to see them everyday at school- what should I do? (It can be a bit too hard to just stop caring)

Example: Guy asked me out and I told one friend and they ended up telling more people without my permission- and I ended up rejecting him and people knew. Now he hardly looks at me and I feel really bad because he was cool- I want to talk to him but I don't want to tell him now because it's been like a firkin school year or more since and I don't wanna show him I care THAT much about it. It just feels SO AWKWARD for both of us.

Then, other dudes won't even look me in the eye for some reason, like they never knew me or don't want to be associated with me. Should I go up to them and try and talk? Because I tried that with one of them but they STILL ended up ignoring me. I don't know what to do- they are not friends, just classmates who would tease me last year (a lot of people tended to do that in freshman year- my friends say I'm "fun to tease"). Could it be that they were ACTUALLY picking on me and there's just something wrong with me? (This has happened with like 4 dudes or something, seriously).

IN ALL: AM I JUST MAKING THINGS AWKWARD?

There was a mistake made. I will show you how it happened so that you can learn from it. Mistakes are okay to make as long as we learn from them. The problem is when we keep making the same mistakes. In your case, the tension you feel from classmates has you at least thinking about why it's happening and that is good. I don't mean to make you sound terrible for what I will now share, just know that almost all people I know, when they were your age, me included, did variations of the same mistake. I learned from mine.

Heres the first question I want to answer: I was wondering what I should do when I get really stressed out about unresolved tension or weirdness between classmates and me

Well the key word here is unresolved. I am sure you realize it means that a problem that was started has not been ironed out yet, or in other words, taken care of with apologies by those involved. So maybe we should move on to figure out what started it all and was the cause of tension.
You don't say tension between you and friends, only other classmates and guys in particular.

This is important as you will see in a moment. Heres the next part that stood out:I told one friend and they ended up telling more people without my permission- and I ended up rejecting him .
It was your reaction as you wrote it that I think might be the issue here. You did not say you talked to the friend about all the people she shared the fact that you were asked out by (lets call him Pete). Learn to do this next thing well and you will come to answers easily on your own. This is called putting yourself in the other persons shoes. This means you replace the other person with yourself and try to imagine how you would feel if the same were happening to you.

So lets do it. We'll pretend that you asked Pete out, got brave enough to do it and Lo and behold, he actually said yes. He was so excited he told his buddy who blabbed it to all the rest of classmates. He now felt embarrassed that he was going on a date and how others might rib him and tease him becuase he's got a date and they don't, that he couldn't handle worrying about what others might say, so he decided to make what his friend said, to look like a lie and the only way to do that was to approach you and tell you he doesn't want to go out with you and who knows what else he might say, rejection is rejection. HOw do you feel being rejected by him with no explanation, or if there is one, it is so flimsy you can tell it is false and there is something he isn't telling you. You tell all the females in school you know to avoid having anything to do with him because he is wishy washy, can't make up his mind and maybe gets a kick out of saying yes only to turn around quickly and dump you before the date. So all of your friends feel sorry for you, and just by what you shared about Pete, they end up avoiding him and everywhere Pete goes in school he meets an icy wall of stares and glares from pretty much a great amount of females. These girls have nothing to do with him so he can't figure out why there is so much bad tension when ever he is around any of the female population.

This is my best guess of how things went. So if a guy asked you out only to reject you before the date could happen, how would you feel.? If honest, you would not be happy at all, you'd be upset and confused, maybe wondering if it was something you were observed doing, or lies told about you by other classmates that had him decide to back out. You would forever be wondering because there was no explanation. Well guess what? This is probably just how he was feeling. He just might be wondering still what could possibly have gone wrong. Considering its a teen girl, guys might just wonder if hormonal stuff that caused it and know all girls pretty much act hormonal at times. This is true if you consider that from the onset of puberty through the entire teen years about up to age 18, females are flooded with hormones so their bodies can mature but this flood affects the emotions and those go wacky with extreme highs and lows. Example: Irritation is no longer just that, it becomes violent, angry, mean and being sad changes to unending tears and maybe depression for no reason other than the hormones. Guys don't understand when a gal acts as you did. So I am guessing all the males in school have now heard the warning to avoid you because you are unpredictable, mean, not fair, hormonal, what ever they thought was a reasonable explanation for your behavior and above all, no males trust you. They don't want to get treated the same way. Guys may like to act tough, but they have a soft spot inside their heart that can get hurt as easily as yours. So all these males you were chatty with last year, now avoid you and I am betting my guess is the correct one as to why.

When you ask at the end if you are making things awkward, unfortunately, yes it goes back to you and how you treated Pete.

To fix up all this tension, you'll have to be honest with yourself, ask your self some questions and then ask yourself how you could have handled it differently.

So first question: Why did you feel so embarrassed that others heard you were asked out by Pete? Is it that you lack self confidence and are afraid of what other people might be thinking. (I can relate as I used to be this way into my twenties) I was so worried just about what others might think that I would do anything to not stand out, and in your case, not standing out means not going on a date and possibly being the talk of your class. You will have to get over your fear of humans, and feeling like you are a speciman under a microscope. Its not the easiest thing at your age but eventually you should grow out of it.

Next, ask yourself why your friends needed permission. If something should not leak out to all, then do not share with anyone. If anything and you do share, the thing to do is be clear that you want her to keep it secret and why you want it kept secret. If this is a real friend, they will undestand once you explain why but to be able to tell her why its so important to be kept secret, you'd have to understand yourself well and not be afraid to share with a friend that you are afraid of what others will think and say like making a big fuss over it and teasing you unmercifully about it. A Friend who really knows you will understand you are dealing with worries over what think of you and not feel free to go say anything to others. I do not know if you told your friend to say nothing to others, that she is the only one who can know. If you did and she talked anyways, it should be her that you got angry with and had a good talk with or dropped as a friend.
If you had not told her to keep it quiet, then she is not to blame. She was simply as excited for you as you were and wanted to simply spread the good news.

Third, ask yourself if it's really about so much time gone by, a year or more or that you don;t want to explain now, or that you are looking for excuses to not have to face him and explain. I don't think explanations have an expiration date, at least, I've never heard of it. Going on and on and explaining and/or apologizing over and over odes have an expiration date. After the first time, you don't repeat it. You only do it once.

Four, ask yourself why you don't want him to know that you care that much, care enough to treat him as you would like to be treated in his place, to recieve an explanation. What is the worst thing that could happen if he knew that this has been eating you up and bothering you in side since it happened. I can venture a guess but its what you think that matters. I think if a guy knew I still cared about how I handled things all this time later, it just might show him that I am a real person, who makes mistakes and owns up to them, apologizes, asks for forgiveness and that means I had all sort of other good emotions to share. I am not the stone statue-unmoving, the ice maiden;acting so cold, cruel and harsh with him. I might even make a good enough by confessing the root of it all, the fears I had (yes you have to own your fears) and since he is human and has had fears of his own, he will simply know you are human, same as him. Throughout my life, I have learned people can relate to what it is you are going through because they have thought, said or done the same. IT doesn't make you seem weak or awkward as I thought when I was young. It actually does the opposite and makes me come across, bold and strong and ready to make a difference.

You say it feels awkward for both of you. You can't know what he is feeling, you'll have to ask him how it affected him and what he felt. THat is important so you can know how one little action of yours caused pain in him and a domino effect with the other male classmates at school. All I will agree with is that you feel awkward and now that you realize, you are the one who started it all, its up to you to do what you know you would want someone to do to you if you were in his shoes.

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My marriage is now 6months old.My husband's parents and sister were pretty nice to me but I noticed that these people are completely insolent and irrational when it comes to handling any situation that they are not comfortable to talk about.On the other hand,my parents were and are so rational and considerating.There is no such thing in this world which I can't share with my parents.Its the complete opposite case in my husband's family.He and his sister do stuff which they know their parents would have not approved of and then they blatantly lie on their faces.Which,honestly,I can't.But my parents-in-law,specially my MIL is very pretentious of a person.She asked me to be totally free and frank with her,as she claimed her children are befriends only with her and not with my FIL.Whenever any crisis happens or any situation takes place in her son's life(be it related with me or not)she goes straight away accusing me of it and start rebuking and insulting me and not her son.So when I tried making her understand frankly and rationally about the incidents,she silenced me with a sentence that I don't know how to talk to my elders and thus I shouldn't talk to her unless and until I learn it.Whereas her daughter has repeatedly insulted me and said on my face that I am not fit to be her brother's wife and to get lost, just immediately before my wedding.Even then my MIL tried to coerce me into talking to her and mend things up with her as she refused to take part in the wedding so according to my MIL it is my responsibility to mend everything alright by talking to my SIL.My husband also forced me into taking the initiative to talk to my SIL.So I texted her and that backfired on me.I sent her the text in a good faith that we would find the common ground and turn into friends again as the situation was taking toll on her brother's mental as well as physical health.What she did was she provoked her mom by saying that I went overboard and her mom directly called my momand started shooting.But then my SIL realize and said sorry.But after my marriage the whole family started comparing me with my MIL.Its like they want to start a nasty competregion between her and me.My MIL started playing mindgames with me.She acts cool in front of my husband in terms of observing tradition and customs and asks me to be loosen up too but rebukes me for loosening up in observing those customs in front of my FIL.She misleads me and then rebukes me in front of my FIL to make her look clean and protray me as arrogant.So when I finally had spoken up about all these misdeeds they did to me,they blocked my husband n me from everywhere.My SIL texted her brother saying she was boycotting me from her life as I am rude,arrogant,and mental patient.I literally cried to my MIL to talk to their son,as he was the one suffering the most and how can a parent block and disown their own son as he is married to a person they don't like!So they talk to him now but the whole family shunned their connection with me.I also recently got to know that before our wedding my SIL and my hubby were discussing about that pre-marital insulting incident my SIL caused me,and she texted him that their father can smash my mother in no times,but they are not doing this because of my husband's sake.She also told him to teach me etiquette as I lack them and my mom couldn't teach me etiquette.Now I don't talk to them but I am hurting to the core of my heart and unable to forget what did they say n do with me.I am depressed and agree. I don't know what to do!.

You said you knew this all before the wedding, how his family acted. That was your warning sign to not marry so hastily and see if things could be worked out. They sound like high society snobs which means they are all about show and totally empty inside, void of all the things it takes to be a good person like approachable, forgiving, down to earth, sharing, caring, slow to anger and quick to complement, praising others, supporting and building others up, and believing in unconditional love. There may be lots more but this is what comes to mind and it sounds like none of them qualify for any of it. With parents like that, I wonder how much rubbed off on your husband. It could be he thought he was strong enough to branch off, away from them and be his own person. If he and sis didn't like some rules the parents set because they were unreasonable and petty, and there is no changing their mind, I see no problem in keeping this from the parents and yes, the lieing when it comes down to it. People like his parents are so set in their ways that they may never change up to the day they die. That is a long time to put up with them.
If they have written you out of their life, I would think this a good thing for you, less mental anguish. However it still comes down to your husband. The right thing would have been for your husband to tell his parents to apologize to you the moment they first said anything nasty to you which I suspect was already before marriage. If they did it a second time, he would tell them this was their last chance and if they repeated treating you without respect, then they would not see him either as he would cut them off. As it was, they cut him off the family. So if he had the backbone to do it the ideal way, both of you would be happily living on your own and whatever the parents are thinking wouldb't even be on your mind. When I say cut off, I don't mean forever. Dont bar a person forever just because of a past offense if they have really changed. Who knows what it make take, nearing their death bed? But some people after years of keeping their loved ones shut out of their lives, may have regrets and a change of heart and want to ask forgiveness. So it this ever happens, I hope you would forgive and accept and love them as if there wasn't a nasty past with them. That would be the Godly thing to do. I am getting the feeling from how you wrote that this is eating up your husband. He may love you but as far as I can tell, he did not demand respect for you. Respect should be given to all. But he or you and anyone in the world can't demand someone love them. Respect would be treating others civilly, friendly, like acquaintenes but not close friends or family. It's okay if they want to not accept you as daughter in law, but in that process, they still owe you the respect shown to anyone, as if you were the governor of the state at a party of theirs.

It sounds like the two of you going to counseling would be the best move for both of you. You both may have your own issues regarding his parents and siblings. But either way, it is emotional stuff that can and will affect your lives, even if neither of you ever see or speak to his family ever again. Do not allow the load of crap they dummped on you both, affect you the rest of your life or they will have won in destroying you.

Seriously, I believe counseling will help you both to know what to do regarding them in the future S#&T they dumped on you both. Once you get your minds in a place where although you wish things were different and they were pleasant and loving and supportive, you will be able to function without the guilt, the anger, the anguish. You can't ever forget it but the emotions tied to it can be dealt with.

As for MIL saing you don't know how to talk to your elders, that is a way of saying you don't know how to respect her. But in psychology, you learn a person will think they see in others the very thing that they battle with. So this is really about her not knowing how to respect others, not about how you lac respect for her as your elder. Being older doesn't mean you automatically know everything or do everything right. And she is the one messed up. I suspect she is using that phrase as a way to force you to her ways, a way to control you. If she finds that saying this phrase gets you to apologize and grovel at her feet and say you will do anything she wants and says, because you know she is smart and knows all the right things, then its boosts he low self esteem and makes her happy that you didnt find her unreasonable, that you were actually weak and saying those words are the way to get you to do her will. I doubt you ever did, tried to be respectful. However someone like her, if a person gives up and does as they wish just once, they will think they can get the same everytime so when you don't comply with their will next time, they throw a royal fit, and start making threats, which is the next line of defense in their arsenal. Such people are unhealthy to be around. My ex wasn't exactly like that but he did try to get his way, not mine, and was verbally abusive every day, never satisfied, even when I wrote down specific instructions he gave, showed it to him, he approved and I said I would follow it to the letter. When I finished the project and had him check, he called me all sorts of names and how stupid could I be to do it that way. I showed him the note and how I had followed every order which was his ideas only. So it wasn't my ideas as I had done exactly as he specified. I told him he was upset with himself and his own ideas. And from that day, stopped trying to please him, ignored him, spaced out and went to another part of my mind when he did try chewing me out, and somehow survived long enough til I got the guts to leave him. The stress of what I went through affected me physically, with many stress related illnesses and sickness. Stress has to go somewhere, either the mind/emotionally or physically and will build up over time. This is just 6 mos to a year considering time before the wedding. Imagine 5 years of this, ten, a life time! I couldn't and that is what helped me leave. I still treat him civilly and don't hate him, I jsut feel sorry for him that he is still stuck in a rut and has found and lost 3 girlfriends since me. Eventually they all see that the only way to go about it, is to leave him. So as bad as it feels right now, the health for both of you will ultimately be better without contact with them. But I still feel the emotional health will need some help from a professional. The damage already done to you both emotionally can't be ignored and expected to go away. I wish you both the best.

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Can't get a group of friends like everyone else because I feel like everyone secretly hates me, even though a lot of people have told me they think I'm super nice or funny and shit. I just always feel out of place in high school (well it's a bit of a small school but still), or like I can't make friends with people even though I know it'd be pretty easy to. I feel stuck- I guess I'm only overthinking it, but I still feel that way. I don't want to be labelled as a specific kind of person in a specific group- but that's bull cuz I'm with the rejects a bit and I know I suck for saying that but I can kinda see why they are. They can be great friends sometimes but god sometimes even I question their actions. And to be honest, I kind of want to get away from them and make new friends. I'm a bit tired of seeing the same shit over and over again like I used to before I moved from that island. I just should socialize but it's hard to be good company when I'm feeling this weird or down. Teenage hormones?

You do say the words 'I feel" 3 times in here. I don't know if it will help at all, but I think it might help you if you understand how a person gets the 'feelings they have. A Feeling comes from your emotions. And our emotions are generated from our thoughts.
Lets stop there and go over what that means. Keep with me as I am sure this should help you at least a little. Here's a thing about emotions that most of us don't realize, I certainly didn't until somewhere in the last 10 years. Our subconscious mind is always awake, not just at night as most believe due to the fact the sub. mind generates dreams. So any real life experiences that you yourself go thru, something you watch happening to others or in a TV movie/show or read in a fiction novel, the subconscious mind will react to these things. If a sad movie, you might cry, if a horrible nasty character is being mean to another in a story, you might get really worked up, angry with adrenaline going as happened to me in a story I read. These emotions then help you to form thoughts. Heres an example. You try a new food you haven't had before. ITs terrific so you THINK you want to make it yourself. You ask what the ingrediants are since you want to try to make it at home. Once you have the list of ingrediants you FEEL eager to make it at home.

I am simply saying this so you can monitor yourself and see if your thoughts might be having some affect on how you feel. In psychology, there is such a thing as people having distorted thoughts, thoughts not based in reality in most cases. Everyone will have such odd thought occur to them daily if not weekly. The difference is when such a twisted negative thoughts hits our mind and we are aware of it, we have two choices, laugh at how silly it is and dismiss it or believe it and keep dwelling on it and then our emotions get involved.

Another thing you may want to know, your subconscious mind is like another person inside of you and I liken it to being connected to my inner child. Mostly I say that because the subconscious thinks a lot like a child would. Your subconscious wants to please you, make you happy. Unfortunately, in child like ways, it believes that what you concentrate most on, are the things most important to you, no matter if it is good stuff or bad stuff. It doesn't seem to see the difference between good and bad so it will do what it can to bring to you all the negative or distorted thoughts of even bad things, the things you fear, agonize over, etc. I myself am a good example. So I will tell you that story to help you understand what I am saying:

I was socially anxious as a child from as young as I could remember. You know how kids pick up things from watching their parents. I think perhaps my Mom being shy, quiet and introverted was the one I chose to model myself after. It wasn't until I was older in school and really suffering that I realized it was not normal and that other kids did not worry so much or had the same problems I did. It took until I was about to graduate HS when I realized I did not want to be like this anymore and wanted to do something about it. I wanted to model myself after my Dad who was outgoing, an extrovert, friendly and understanding but it was going to require some great changes in me. I had to get past fears, fears of what other people might think, fears of being expected to talk in conversation with people and so on. I won't go into how I followed a recipe to be healed of that and it worked. I wasn't don't yet. I still cared a bit about what others might think of me, only I no longer held back because of it. I had to get to a place in life where I didn't care what others were thinking when they heard me say or do something. I was no longer embarrassed easily. I found out that my worst enemy, Fear, combined with distorted thoughts was at the root of any troubles I had in my life. I also learned at least for myself, that the saying, "Take a leap of Faith" is a bunch of nonsense. If it really was up to faith ruling out fear, then it wouldn't be a big deal. The reason is that any change is always a "Leap of Fear". For me, I was still scared when taking each step to get over social anxiety. Once I mastered one step, I was no longer fearful of it but the next one was very scary, because it was a place I had not yet mastered. So I took my leap into what I knew I wanted to do, completely with shaking and numbing fear. However, it did not take much time after taking that leap that fear slowly faded away. Fear is like a Puffer fish, blowing itself up out of proportion to seem scary when there is usually nothing at all to be scared of.

In High school, kids haven't figured out much yet when it comes to making friends or dating. When it comes to relating socially with others, we tend to compare and see if there is somewhere we can fit in. Unfortunately, in order to be accepted in many cases, you either need a great self confidence or to be willing to change who you are to fit in to whatever it is they all huddle under as a label, like the popular kids, richy kids, misfits, nerds, emo's, goths, high achievers, trouble makers. I know its not a good way to go and understand how you do not like the labeling part. Neither do I. At this age, if you choose to be yourself and not try to change to fit a group, you may not find great numbers to be part of in a group. It was like that for me in HS. I had about 5 friends who were just friends and did not belong into any of the groups mentioned. There is a lot of bullying, shaming, ignoring, judgements made at this age and its not part of any group, other than being an issue all kids and teens face.
If curious, do search on the frontal cortex of brain in teens and you will get a good picture of how it affects teens and early twenties even, since this part of the brain isn't done growing until our mid twenties. Looking back, I know now that it was true. So I think in many cases, you really can't expect more of HS students. There will always be nice friendly people but not consistently yet, that comes in their twenties before they really learn. Yes, some people grow older and as older adults, never really grew up, something may be interfered with the growth of this part of brain, a head injury, drugs, and drinking can all affect this part of the brain so I am not saying you won't come across this later in life, but it just isn't as prevalent. Don't change who you are to fit in. Only change how you think about yourself or how others may see you. Its easier than you may think. At the first moment a thought enters your head that you know makes you feel down like 'You know she/he only invited you to her party because your mom knows her/his mom from the gardening club. This thought if you let it stay and dwell on it, can make you feel down or blue or worse. Deciding to not go, due to how you feel and even if the fact is that the inviter doesn't like you for sure and has many incidents that can truly back that up for sure, it is best to go. Once at the party, instead of spending all your time and energy to getting the gal to like you, focus instead on the dozen or more of attendees who may respond very favorably if you ignore thoughts on how this one girl/guy thinks of you and focus on being yourself, super sweet, nice and funny and allow the others to choose to want to be around you because they like what they see or can relate to you. You don't want false friends, neither have I ever in life. If anyone is pretending to be a friend but always, consistently treats you worse than garbage, then you need to drop them from your life.
Since you mention moving from an island, any move from one place to another, if not in the same city or state, can be like entering a strange country. People as a whole can sound different, dress different and act different depending on where they live or grew up. Different doesn't mean bad. If this is the only reason you feel like you don't fit, try to put others at ease first. Most people, adults included will not make the first move to speak, however 90 % of people are friendly when you speak first. THis is just an idea, to maybe share where you are from. Then ask people what they see in you that singles you out as not having grown up in their area. It is good to be aware of it, not to change it but just to know what people see. Adults have no problem accepting the differences but teens are still critical if left to their own distorted thoughts. But once they know that you may be different because of where you grew up, they can be accepting, they just need a little prod, by the way of information. Once you are able to share things about yourself and ask them to share things about their life growing up, you become a fellow human, classmate, friend rather than the strange person who came from an island.

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A friend and I have been arguing for the past couple of days now. The first time this started happening over me to funny, like I’m make jokes about real dumb stuff and honest even I would make jokes about me calling myself stuff. Usually he will laugh to it. I always tell people when you get in a relationship/friendship with me I’m going to be honest. Even sometimes I would trying to tine it down how I talk to him even other people. But i does slip out from time to time. So I last argument started because i said we have “big dick energy” and I said sometimes you ack like you have “little dick energy” Thinking about now I can see how it could offend him. I told him if you have an issue come up from it tell me, I always appreciate honesty. Don’t just bottle everything up, sometimes is like that with people yes I can see that how people cope. Just be a front about it, i really do appreciate it. When he does it I try not to force it out, so I leave it alone. He also said that If he walks a way I’m going to force him to talk to me. Honestly in our friendship I feel left out when my other friend is with them hanging out and stuff. I don’t usually get mad sometimes I be like how can you guys go out and leave me like that but I normally just joke about it. I’m not serious about it. Even if it’s a phone call or text I’m always trying to talk because no one want to make the effort to talk so I do it. Which my friend likes to state “ I don’t talk unless I’m talked to”. I don’t say anything. I’m being called self centered because I’m too honest. That I don’t know him, well maybe that true maybe if he had try to actually talk to me, maybe I would know you. But I feel like I’m the only one putting effort. If he’s busy I understand, ttyl type of stuff. But if you have an issue about it, like be my friend and say “hey, I don’t like the way your being honest with me and sometimes it hurts my feelings.” Or like “can you tone it down sometimes”. Honestly why would I not try instead I’m being called self center and I don’t know how to talk to ppl. It’s not people say that it’s you, when you don’t want to be serious with me. If actually took the chance to actually sit her and try to know me, I’m actually really good to people and maybe this time with you, it might not be on my side. I have help many people in my life from the ground up and their doing better everyday, But maybe. I had told him if it’s something that’s hurting you and feel like you can’t deal with it. Tell me I don’t want to cause you pain. Maybe it best for you for me to leave out your life. He said that he doesn’t care. Like if say that now Maybe even you didn’t care before all of this. Maybe I’m the bad guy guy here.

YOu have two subjects so I will start with 'being honest' and to me, that means just like a dictionary would say it, its about being truthful. There is a catch though, you can be as honest as you want about yourself, but you are better off not being truthful about other people. Well, there is a way to do that, but you can't just blurt it out. Hey, don't worry, no condemning here cus I learned all of the same the hard way by doing it wrong first. If you can learn the next thing I mention and do it right away, it will serve you well throughout your entire life. No one likes to have someone tell them what they see wrong with them. In the case of low on energy, you may have felt that wasn't something wrong with them, just an observance on your part and trying to soften the reaction, you used humor. I understand, but it still doesn't help to do it that way.
The trick is to ask a person, hey, I was just observing something in you, and I may be wrong but it is okay to share it? Alway, always ask for permission. This is imperitive to learn now and perfect it because when a parent has children who are now adults, they may still not be making the best decisions, so instead of just correcting them as when they were younger, a parent has to ask for permission, as in 'would you like me to share something that might help you with scheduling things timewise? Sometimes the person says Yes, or sure, go ahead. And when they do, if they don't like what you said, it isn't as bad because they were given a choice to hear it or not and had agreed, so even if they don't like it, rarely is the person upset with you. If they answer no to your asking permission, then you have to bite your tongue and say nothing and I am older with adult kids so thats why I have used this as an example. I only want to save my kids the heartache of learning by experiences that are bad. So yes, my heart might be in the right place with what I want to do. But it just kills me inside when I am expecting my child will say yes but they say no, I
know what I am doing. While inside my thoughts are screaming, 'No you don't!" but I can't say that.
If having to correct someone or point out a flaw in their thinking, even if you have asked for permission to share, it is much easier received if the person spoken to doesn't feel like they are the only one doing something wrong so I always use myself as an example by sharing how I used to do the same thing wrong and its actually something lots of people don't understand right, so don't think you're the only one. When I say that,it sets the person at ease. Half the time, I can relate and I had the same issue at some point in time. As when I started, I told you " no condemning here cus I learned all of the same the hard way by doing it wrong first. " In this case I was telling the truth about me. If It isn't true for me, I will still say it was true for me because I am saying so for a higher purpose, to make the other person feel more comfortable. Another thing you can do is compliment them first before doing all the stuff I just told you about.

I will share an example, I was visiting my sister and went to her church with her. The pastor considered her a good friend and was comfortable opening up to her. So here I was when after a class, he stated he was worried about his daughter. "Oh no, whats up?" asked my sis. "Well, she is dating a guy from the middle east, its getting serious and he is not a Christian. I don't want to see her unequally yoked, I want her to marry a Christian man so they have the same beliefs." If you are not religious, You won't have heard about the 'unequally yoked part' where oxen were the original example used. So I spoke up and told a truth about me first, "Okay I understand and I have something to share from my life that will tie in with this. I married a Christian man when I was twenty. I was married to him for 30 years and all 30 of those years, he treated me like crap, and verbally abused me, and yet he had a position in our church, was a bible study leader and younger couples were seeing only the side her showed at church and said to me, we want to have a marriage just like you someday. And I thought, oh if they only knew what was really going on. He refused to go for counseling and said I was always the problem. He was a Christian and treated me terribly." My sis picked up on this and asked him, "Do you wish for your daughter to marry a man who treats her really great? " "Well, of course." I then said, "And keep in mind that there is no guarantee on a mans religious beliefs as to how he will treat his wife because in my case, it didn't help that he was a church goer and supposed follower of the faith. How does he treat your daughter?" "He treats her very well." My sis then says, is that more important to you then that she is treated well, even if he's of a different faith or could you really be okay if she was unhappy and treated badly but at least he proclaimed to be a Christian?" Without missing a beat, this Pastor said, " I get it now. Her happiness and welfare is most important to me and this man does treat her well, so I will choose to be happy for her."

Just think, the man was a pastor, a leader of the congregation, and if we had handled it as if he was making a terrible error when he should be one who knows more than us, he would have felt very embarrassed and likely emotionally shut down and not listened to what we had to share.

Now on to joking. I never remember full jokes to tell them but I do love to laugh and make others laugh so I am glad to hear you enjoy the same. However, when I tried hard to be funny or joke, it always fell flat. I started around age 20 or so with this 'trying'. I found that when I wasn't trying to be funny, just sharing things that don't make sense, I was funnier than heck to people and it was never something said about them. They might be able to relate but a good comedian when telling a joke about people in general will have everyone laughing not only because it was funny but because they can relate, that they have also done the same nonsensical things at some point. I found I was funniest when I didn't make it about another person but a phrase, or an object. Here's an example. I wasn't trying to be funny. But hubby and I were shopping for pillows. I am aware of tactics to sell a product and often you see food items with the words, "New and improved" on them. However the wrap around the pillow I'd picked up said new and improved. So I spoke to my husband, "It says new and improved on this pillow. Well heck, all these pillows are new, they aren't second hand for heavens sake. And what about them saying it is improved. How could they possibly really improve a pillow, put more stuffing in it? Like my head is going to say tonight, yes, I can tell, this pillow IS improved, its more cushy." All of a sudden I heard fits of laughter behind me, and as I turned around there were a couple women in the aisle looking right at me. I guess they overheard and thought it was funny.

Now about wanting others to be open and honest with you and share anything, even if its something you said, did, that bothered them. In a perfect world, that would be ideal. But you have to bring it down to wanting it just in your sphere of influence, those closest to you, like friends and most important in a relationship, whether dating or the one you're married to. Wanting is a great thing but for a relationship, you want to really know the person well, how open are they, are they more quiet and a person of few words? I am talkative and could not stand to be married to a man who is too quiet and met such a one from a dating site I was on. I was divorced and looking for someone who might possibly become my 2nd husband. We were to meet at a coffee shop. When I walked in, the one guy who got his coffee turned and exited the store. There was a couple seated and one other guy ordering so I walked up and asked, are you Ralph? He nodded. Did you pick a seat yet, He shook his head No. So I waited, placed my order and followed him to the seating. Is this spot okay I asked, He nodded. So far he hadn't spoken a word. This didn't bode well. So I tried asking questions that could not be answered with a yes or no, Like 'so what do you like to do for a hobby? guess what, he didn't speak, just shrugged his shoulders. I gave up and just talked, telling stories and once I I'd finished my coffee, thanked him for meeting with me and left and never talked to him again. Yes, okay that's an extreme but it is frustrating if one person takes offense easily but then clams act, acts moody and won't let you know whats bugging them. Everyone has a point when the cares of the world weigh a bit too heavy and if its a perfect friend for you, they will be someone with much the same personality, open and sharing or quiet and private, depending on which you are. If two people are opposites, then that created tension that can lead to fights and arguing. Basically, most of it is about different personality types. It isn't bad to be more private but some can go overboard, Just as there's nothing wrong with being chatty, as long as one monitors if the person they are with are okay and just as out going or seem to be disturbed and withdrawing about it. One of the guys came into the shop at the end of day after carpet cleaning, the manager and I was chatty people so I continued babbling on and asking him questions about his day.He was okay answering one or two but after that, he looked at me and said, Geez, can you talk a little less, its driving me nuts. I took no offense realizing there are different personality types. I actually said, "Hey Tim, next time I am talking to much, and its not work related, you have my permission to just say, "Tina, shut up!" It just may be that the friend you are talking about is quite different than you even if you have some things in common. But forcing him to be more open if he's a quite guy will eventually get to him and cause him to be angry or at least act short with you if frustrated. I don't know your friend so I can only guess. Then again, maybe he is alot like you but somewhere in his past, someone ridiculed him in public, maybe as a kid growing up and now he can't handle anything that doesn't sound like a compliment. He could be acting as he does as a way of defending himself, by reacting to any input about him that he doesn't like, whether true or not, and simply not talking about how he feels. Males generally don't do this and keep in bottled up, Its females who have no problem sharing how they feel and being open. As for being called self centered, that description does not fit. There is nothing in what you have shared about what you have said or done that sounds like a selfish person. If you talk only about yourself complimenting just yourself and how good or great your talents, then that would be called boastful, and I can't say that applie either. There is no need to label it anyways, jsut adjust how one talks to another, keep in mind they may have realy different personalities where they can't be as open and sharing when they are upset as you are and wish others were. It could simply be that you are trying to be friends with someone vastly different than you.

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I’m planning on buying a house in America when I have enough money, however I still want to live in my UK home as well.

Is it logistically possible and safe for me to spend half the week in the UK, and half the week in the US?

That’s around 104 flights a year, so it will be very expensive, but I’d love to do it!

If you mean by safe, that doing so would not have any adverse affects on your physical health, then yes, it is safe. However you will be spending a lot of time traveling that is not spent in either place, not to mention expensive. You can do what you want if you have the money but if you have the kind of money to travel that often and are that rich, you may want to consider getting your own lear jet and hire a pilot on your staff to fly you back and forth and people who stay in your two homes for the time you are not there so they can be there for emergencies and so the house isn't targeted for easy robbery.

I believe you will find that traveling so often doesn't give you enough time to enjoy each place fully. If you really want to enjoy both, you might rather want to spend a month at a time in each place and the following year stay the opposite locations that you stayed in the same month the previous year. That is still enough time to enjoy both and less costly on travel. But If you are that rich, you don't need to really worry about anything and just do as you please.

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I (16 year old male) tend to masturbate in my pyjamas, rather than naked. However, I recently googled about whether other people do it this way, and I came across people that do, but they tend to put their hand down their pants and do it. I just feel the bit with the erection there, and move it until I ejaculate into the pants (I’m very squeamish so don’t really like the idea of touching my bare genitals)

I wipe the semen out of my pyjamas and wash my hands when I’m done, but I’m not 100% sure whether it’s safe to masturbate this way.

I think my mom is slightly concerned about the amount I ask for clean pyjamas though. Do you think she is aware of all this masturbation though? If not, how do I tell her?

I don't believe there is an unsafe way to masturbate. Since Masturbation is getting to orgasm using your own hands, what ever is comfortable for your hand and works will do the trick. However, since you are male and squeamish about touching your bare genitals, it has me wondering what the heck you do when needing to pee. Most males hold their penis to aim it at the urinal or into the toilet. Without some guidance, the stream of pee would be hitting walls, floors, the rest of the toilet, anywhere but the water in the bowl. Oh, I know, maybe the idea of putting on rubber gloves to touch your penis when you need to pee will work for you. I suppose you could do the same in bed, no pajama's, just wear gloves. But really, I hope you outgrow this bit about being uncomfortable to touch your self because once an adult, I don't see how sex will be very successful if you don't want to touch it nor let anyone else touch it. Perhaps youi've heard somewhere or parents have said that touching yourself is dirty.

The answer to that is No, it is not dirty. And Mom won't connect the amount of pajamas you wear with being dirty because of masturbation. She may just think you have a odd phobia of not wearing the same thing twice. Semen will dry on cloth and as far as hubby and I can tell, there is no odor the next day, no wet or sticky spots and the only thing one could tell is that is a towel was used, the nap of the towel may feel harsher rather than softer where cum has dried. Can't even see any signs of it. Have you ever thought of not wearing pajama's in the first place? Just because Mom or Dad wear them doesn't mean you have to. Yes, as a kid, I wore flannal nightgowns and hated how they got twisted around my legs. When I got married at 20, I stopped wearing anything to bed because when you have a partner/mate, and there is desire for each other, the best thing in the world is being under the sheets, naked and cuddling skin to skin. If your dieas and feelings continue to be as you stated by time you are into your twenties, you may want to see a therapist or at least a sex therapist to get over the fear of touching yourself. For now, its a new experience so I understand the strangenss of it but as I said, if you're still feeling the same years from now, its not normal and you should do something to get past it.

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There really isn't much to it. My best friend and I (both 20,) live in a small town, she's a waitress at one of our most popular resturants. I once made a joking comment about tipping her a bible quote, to her boss, the owner (very friendly guy, talks to everyone,) and when we left she told me I can't say things like that to her boss. Obviously. I'm akward around people but I don't have a good excuse for thinking that was okay.

The second time, we were at the lake with her mom, and her mom asked her if she'd been smoking cigarettes, and she said no. I was teasing and said "don't lie," and she later, obviously embarassed, told me "you can't say stufd like that to my mom, she doesn't need to know, she just doesn't, it would not be good." So there's strike two.

Well, two days ago, I really screwed up, and this time it was much worse. I've been having problems with my mental health, and I wasn't emotionally very stable, but I'm not using that as an excuse. She had told me about how her boss basically told her it was her own fault that the all-male kitchen staff sexually harass her on a daily basis, because she wears leggings, (and happens to have a nice butt.) These clothes are approved for all the waitresses. But they made her buy jeans. The only pair she could find didn't fit quite right, and they're a little baggy around her legs. Anyways, I was already upset about other things, but them basically victim-blaming my friend really bothered me, and I thought it would be a great idea to get back at them by writing a Google review about it, without any names or anything of course. Vaguely ratted them out to the public for letting their kitchen staff sexually harass their waitresses.

I only did it because I knew she had a new job lined up, and I thought it wouldn't matter because she'd be gone soon, way out of town, as she's moving. I told her, and she said "so this is why everyone was acting weird to me today!" And now she doesn't want to go to work. She was already getting unwanted attention, and I just went and put her in the spotlight. She's very clearly upset with me, and I feel absolutely awful, because I'm her friend and I hurt her. I don't even know how I'm supposed to apologize or make up for something this serious. I have told her that I'm sorry, and explained what I was thinking when I did it, and told her I don't have any excuses, because that sort of thing just isn't excusable, it's ignorance.

Should I just sit it out and give her space until she talks to me, or is there anything I can do to make things better? I feel a lot of guilt, and I know that it was petty and not appropriate. I don't know what I should do. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

These are all 3 very different situations. For number one, if the boss and I were prone to joking and teasing alot, and he tended to like small talk with me, then I would find nothing wrong with my saying something like that. Its a different story if she is very religious church goer and the others are not and tease her already for being religious, then making such a comment would sound like I was joining in with them to harass her on that subject.

Number two: there is info missing specifically whether she truly smokes and is keeping it secret from Mom. If she doesn't smoke and you say don't lie in front of a parent, it will put reasonable doubt in Moms mind that daughter is not telling the truth, even if you meant it as a tease. If you know she doesn't smoke, there isn't anything wrong with the teasing, even saying, 'Don't lie' as I would say things unexpected just to see the shock on a face, BUT and this is important, you don't hesitate to follow that instantly with, I was just teasing and turning to her MOm, that isn't true but it sure was fun to watch your faces react. I tease a lot and this is what I do and no one has ever been mad, instead they end up laughing with me as they imagine what the reaction on their faces looked like. If she does smoke and you were trying to pretend like she didn't by the tease, that was not a good move as again, it makes the MOm suspect her more and smoking will changes ones breath and odor can linger in clothes so Mom will find out eventually without help from anyone else.

Number three: OMG, your friend has a sexual harrassment case. Does she want the same happening to another girl in the future? She may be thinking that she will be gone working elsewhere soon, but that doesn't change the problem. Some where else in the future, she may get the unwanted attention and harassment again. I am 60 and remember a time when males grabbed my butt and once was grabbed in plain sight while walking with two friends on a busy street. It was some stranger who ran then. We were all stunned into inaction. And we were younger, late teens and early 20s. Of women I have talked to, it would seem that men who actually like harassing females sexually, in many cases will not pick on older females and they know these women will retaliate and call police. But the younger females don't do such things, they are too scared. So males know they can get away with it. I don't know if you encouraged her to report them all, but just seeing her not take action against them is not you trying to embarrass her when giving the place a bad review. I am glad you did. If any possible future employee read that and decided not to work there, then it will have done its job. I am not exaggerating as just a couple days ago, a person wrote wondering if they should cancel a scheduled interview with a company they researched only to find the company snarled up iu legal matters for abuse of employees. So they canceled it when I agreed that was the best way to go.

You say you were petty and not appropriate and I say, in all of this, your friend is much too sensitive, has a low self esteem because it is too obvious with her reactions of wondering and scared what other people will think. It is not so much your fault as you would think. i Know about self esteem because I used to struggle with that, fear of other peoples reactions and social anxiety as well. And she reminds me of how I was in the past. Your attempt to put humor in life everywhere with the teasing, is more like who I am now. I have a way of looking at things that when spelled out are very funny to other people. So I want to encourage you to never stop trying to be funny and joke because I usedd to be a bit awkward at first but as time goes by you get better and the world needs more laughter as its very healing. I will give you an example. Was working with hubby on a home project, and there was sawdust everywhere. We take the word for granted and just say it without thinking about it but this time, I gave it thought and realized it didn't make any sense. Why call it saw dust if the dust is not from the saw but from the wood. It should be called wood dust. But go just a little bigger to chips instead of dust. Do we say saw chips?? Nope, we call it wood chips. Now that is really twisted thinking. I shared that with many people and everyone who heard it, laughed. As for your friends boss saying it is her fault that all the guys sexually harass her, that is so typical of what men say in these cases. No, its their problem for not behaving better, with respect toward all women, no matter how they are dressed, even if they are dressed to look like they want to seduce like lets say a hooker. We live in an area where there are plenty of them and a side job for us is collecting grocery carts that the elderly walk to the bus stops or to the nearby apartments and ones taken by the homeless to use as trashcans. My husband is not interested in them sexually but he treats them the same as he would a businesswomen or rich woman. every once in a while, he is asked if he has a lighter. No Ma'm I don't as I don't smoke. But have a nice day. I am with him and see no matter even if its a women who let herself go and looks quite haggard, he's a cashier as well, and the haggard woman is going through his line and he will smile and greet her same as any woman much prettier, "And how are you today my Lady." He says that to all women, Ma0am and my Lady.

If she has stopped talking to you, you might have to text her but then, she might just erase without reading. You could try mailing a letter to her and apologize but also ask her if she doesn't think that maybe she might be one of those people who don't like teasing. Its part of who she is but teasings is part of your personality so its not going to change either. You will try to not tease her and you hope she doesn't think of it as you trying to embarrass her on purpose. As your friend, that isn't even on your mind and besides is not a thing a true friend would do, trying to embarrass on purpose simply cus you have a mean streak. How ever, you are truly worried about her being sexually harrassed. The reason they pick on her is because she is young and more prone to not report them to police and get into a court case. You know she would rather not do that but you also worried about any current and future female employees so you did the only thing you can do, write a bad review and spell out the problem. Police can not do anything if a person is not willing to file charges. She should be getting a lawyer, and do it pro bono if she can't afford to pay one.Ghe other wait staff may be witnesses and she doesn't have to worry about losing her job there because she can ask for a chumk of money to cover the emotional anquish of having experienced it. There are laws in favor of women vs sexual harassment in work places and the law takes this seriously, so seriously that men who were innocent still had to go through court. Let her know that the last was because of concern for her and as long as she is a younger woman who will keep quiet about it, this kind of problem could possibly come up again. Yes, I know there are older women who have been abused this way too by men but they are not self assured, quiet, in fear of losing their job and desperate for the income that they will put up with the un thinkable. But men aren't stupid even if criminal in their thoughts, so they avoid the older women.

I'll give an example of a stupid guy. I was sitting at a table with hubby and another couple at a venue that offered live band and dance floor. As couples we traded off partners often. I think this may have given one guy the impression we were 'eary'. I was next to the aisle leading to the dance floor so it was possible someone could accidentally bump against me, so I ignored the first touch across my bare shoulders. I should say I was in my early forties at this time. What the guy did upon returning to his table as he passed me was the same thing, dragging his finger along the length of my shoulders. Harmless, yes but unwanted touch, definitely. The next time he came by, I was watching and noticed he let his wife go first so she had no idea what he was doing all this time. I waiting until the third trip where he again touched me on way to dance floor and when done. I was watching and before he could touch me again, my hand shot out like a snake striking its victim, latched onto his wrist and wouldn't let him go. By now, his wife is still walking and quite far ahead. "I know what you are doing, Getting thrills without the wife knowing, right. So how would you like it if I went and told her right now what you are doing. If this happens one more time, I will." I them let go of him and he never repeated that stunt. I would not have done such a thing if I was20, even 25 or so. But it is important to stand up for yourself, and that is the message you need to get through to your friend. If she doesn't respond to you, just wait. I had family misunderstand a situation and 3 family members stop talking to me for almost a year. Yes, that's drastic and a long time but eventually they got over their anger and started talking to me again. I never brought it up to them about their silence. So if that happens, don't bring up her childish response of not talking to you and just pick up the relationship where you left off.

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I am struggling to find housing for myself and my roommate. We have been staying in a hotel for nearly two months now and it’s draining our financials. We have enough money to put down a decent security deposit unless we continue staying in this hotel. We need to find a place to live as soon as possible. Emergency status even. We all have good jobs and work ourselves exhausted. Does anyone know any way to find a place to live urgently?

You can wait for want ads for rent to show up or start researching different apartments online. Then call and ask to be shown an apartment as you want to go on a waiting list to get the next availability. Do this with several apartments. You can go a step further and after the manager has returned to their office, try knocking on doors saying you may possibly move in but are wondering if they dont mind taking a minute to share any bad things about the apartment and the things that make it a great place to live. If they say the walls are so thin that a normal level of sound from a TV is heard clearly by neighbors, then you may want to keep searching. This is just an idea. I don't know of fast way to find any place to live.

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Thank you for your reply, i read your advices ,i think you're right about the trust thing, if it wasn't there it wont be .
The thing is that he was instilling trust in me in a way that i never had doubted him, and the things that you said about your husband that he compliments you all day long and you see it in his eyes ,i see it in his eyes as well, he compliments me all day he tells me how much he loves me now and use to, i never felt the lack of love and all the things you said, now i gave him a second chance, but all i'm thinking about when im with him "the other girl" the things i read on his phone, sometimes it's all good but there are times i can't hold my tears and something is reaching trough my heart and squeeze it, and i feel helpless , and the only thing that's bothering me that how am i still with him, i don't want to be in this situation and sometimes it looks like that i have only one thing to do ,to leave him, but i can't i just can't do it. I don't see her in his any kind of social medias .not even her number, but he could've just deleted her after all that happened, or maybe he understood that im the one for him, again i don't want to think like that.. aaaa i'm just helpless..

Here's a bit more advice since you are finding it hard to stop doubting at this point due to what you saw and heard. I don't remember how long you've been together but there is only a limited amount of time that people can pretend to be on their best behavior and act exactly the way they know you are expecting and wanting them to. The word 'act' is a keky word here because with some people, it is an act, a false front they show you.
Now about presenting a false persona, meant to impress, the reason people, women, kids, all people do this, is because we know of some really bad character points in us we don't want to change so we hide them until we think we have 'hooked' the other person, reeled them in and we are safe now to show our real selves because the other is so in love with us. Most don't consciously do this though, it more of a sub conscious act. But the amount of energy needed to keep up a false front is tiring and drains you quickly so without realizing it, many slip right back into bad habits. After divorcing an abusive first husband, I met two guys who seemed okay by what they wrote in online dating site. So we met and the first two times was fine. When they saw I was willing to go out a third time, both guys let down their guard and their real self showed through, the one ended up lying and when caught in his lie, kept creating more lies, and the other let his real self show which was a perfectionist, racist, verbally abusive to his maid. I saw that and it was too much like my ex so I told him on the phone later that there was no chemistry. No way would I tell him the truth and risk him becoming angry and maybe a stalker.

In your case, I believe there may be two different things going on. It takes time to regain trust, often much longer than the first time around because now you've experienced something that makes you question the trust. Don't worry about it. He will prove himself to be consistently a reformed man or not. This is not something a man may slip up on just once again in the future. There most always is a stop to behavior he knows you don't like or won't tolerate. So if it is repeated, the guy is unwilling to really change something, because he lacks the level of love for you to want to make that change. I once told my now husband of something he was doing that really bothered me. At first he teased and chuckled thinking I was making it up but then I cried and he sobered up quick and promised me right then he would never do it again and he has kept his promise, not slipping up even once. It hurt him to think of something he did that hurt me enough to make me cry in frustration.
So give it a couple months and if he is being the kind of man you want to be with, no slips ups, then you can trust him. You will know.

The second part has nothing to do with him. It is something that many people do but only some end up having trouble because instead of letting a thought go, they dwell on it. I am talking of negative or distorted thinking. This is what I suspect when you said that when with him, all you can think about is the other girl. There is a way to stop but you must be diligent. We all have a subconsious mind and to me, I often think it seems like my inner child, simplistic in thinking, just like a younger child. What I have learned is that the subconscious is responsible for more than you think and is aware 24/7 of what you are doing. It also wants to please you and do what makes you happy. Only it sees this as a child might, believing that the very things you think so much about and dwell on, is because you really like it. It doesn't reason that you might be thinking of something you fear happening. So if you had a bad past experience but think on it as if you actually liked it, your subconscious will do whatever it c an to help you get again that which you are 'wanting', or so it thinks. So the only way to train your subconscious to stop thinking about the other girl, is to talk to it and tell it. I know that sounds weird but when you put it into words, either internally or spoken aloud when alone, (I've done both) the subconscious hears what you are saying but will forget sometimes early on, be cause its like a habit now. So every time a thought of the other girl comes to you, you will say something to yourself like, "We are going to stop thinking of her. He knows what he did was really wrong and it hurt me and I lost trust because of it. This is now his second chance and that means I am letting go of the past, so stop thinking about her and wondering if it will happen again. Don't think of that anymore. " In a few hours or even more often, you will catch yourself thinking about it again, it snuck quietly into your mind when you weren't on guard. So you repeat that you want to stop thinking of her. And you repeat that as many times a day as needed. I had to do this and was amazed that I lost count of how many times the first day I had these thoughts sneak in that I no longer wanted. Each day gets better and if you are diligent about doing this, you will find in a few days if not before a week has passed that you no longer dwell on the incidents. This frees you to watch him carefully for consistently good behavior without your mind playing games and interfering in what just might end up a great relationship. Everyone can screw up once, even if they knew deep down that what they are doing is wrong. But people often think that their actions are not going to hurt or affect others. Now that he has learned it hurt you, he needs to always do the right thing, for the rest of his life, there is no excuse for doing something similar again now that he knows better. I won't say all guys can be so dense that they wouldn't realize what they do is wrong and will hurt a female. But I have seen it often enough to know it is part of a trait I've found in almost all males (however a trait that got warped in his mind) and this trait is one of wishing to protect their woman from unneccesary worry so they keep things from the womna, not telling her of certain things, like my husband working construction job he lucked into but he was older than the others and it was harder to be as agile so when on a roof top with one of his bosses, he lost his footing and almost slipped off the roof, and would have if his boss hadn't grabbed his hand to stop him slipping over the edge. He didn't tell me at first but eventually he realized he was too old to be doing this and what if he had fallen and died because of it? And I would be a widow. He told me finally after he quit the job and he was right, that it would have worried me. He knows better that I am not a flighty easy to upset woman and I can take lots of the truth without freaking out. So I am not angry at him for keeping it secret for a while, I understand men can't help wanting to protect women from worry. However a male who is doing something wrong and knows it is selfish, wanting to keep doing it and this trait warps to not telling his woman what he is doing because he knows she will be upset so he keeps doing the same thing over and over in secret til found out. Here, his not telling wasn't about an accidental thing, not of his own doing, but a choice he was willingly making and keeping the truth away from her is only to cover his tracks. This is why men who we assume show know better, end up stuck doing this secrecy thing all for the wrong reason. I have told you what you can do and it s up to you to try this first, or follow your feelings which are based on fear so they can't be trusted, and leave him and then what? The rest of your life, you could just be the female who never finds a mate because you don't want to trust and risk being hurt again. We can't blame anyone else if we build walls around our heart to protect ourselves. A relationship can be scary in the beginning, learning to trust,, and we are vulnerable. Just keep this in mind, I knew a woman in her fifties who never got over a hurt in her past so she built a wall around her heart, got married, had kids and they came to me asking for advice. THe husband said no matter what he tried all their marriage, he was unable to get really close to her emotionally. He always felt she was holding herself back. I knew of her past and hadn't made the connection until I heard this, that her past had made her build a wall to protect her heart. So I told her I understood why she had done so way back in the past but she was no longer in that situation and she had agreed he was the best husband ever, but I told her he could only get so close because he could not reach her heart, she was hiding behind a wall. She began to cry and as I held her and hugged her, I got a picture in mind of that wall beginning to crumble. It wasn't that she wasn't willing all those years, she just forgot it was there after decades with a husband who never let her down once. So remember to examine yourself and your heart, are you building a wall to hide behind? If you are, then all future relationships will never be satisfying because you won't be able to fully feel his love because he can't get any closer even inf trying, because the wall is holding the man at arms length. I hope this helps.

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thanks so much for your answer, I didn't go to the interview..i don't wanna get caught up in nothing pending nor future with that company. working for them with allegations like that could come back to hunt me in the future, even if they don't go thru with the bankruptcy... gotta be careful who you work for nowadays. its not about money and clout for me when it comes to a job, its about my sanity and morale and in order to keep that I declined to go too the interview.

Thanks for answering back. Will be hoping good thoughts for you to find the perfect job.

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I miss my ex very much, I miss everything about him. I think about him every single day which makes me feel so depressed. Okay let me tell you what happened, basically he broke up with me 5 months ago but we were still friends the reason he broke up with me is because he said he wants to focus on himself and he doesn’t want a relationship. a week later after the breakup he said he wants me back. So we would do what we would do in a relationship but we weren’t together but he said he wanted me. After that he started moving weird, less attention and barely texted me. Then all of a sudden one day he tells me he wants to cut everything off, like just be friends, no kissing or whatever. So i was shocked but I understood so i was like okay. He told me how he will always love me and he would get mad if he seen me with someone else. I was heartbroken, why did you break up with me but you say you still loved me. So yes that happened and then days after I found out how he’s talking to this other girl but he told me he wants to focus on himself! I don’t get it. So i got mad to the point where I cussed him off completely out of anger and after that we never talked again. I regret cussing him off. But i had a point because he made me go insane. By the way we were on and off for 3 years. ON AND OFF BECAUSE OF HIM. I love him to death i would do anything for him. I will never do anything to hurt him but he hurt me 3 times already by dumping me and being with other girls. He’s a very confused boy. He doesn’t know what he wants. But yes We never talked for months. He seems happy in the relationship but I really do miss him despite everything he did that hurt me. I forgive him. Just the other day I apologized for the way i cussed him off and he said he accepted my apologies. And that’s all we never talked again. Please what do i do, i miss him so much. I think about him everyday, I think about if he thinks the same way like I do. I feel like somewhere in him he still loves me. Do you think i should miss him? Or should I completely forget about him? When we were together we were like soulmates. We have so many things in common and my family loves him. He’s amazing and we do everything together he’s the other half of me. My friends love when we’re together. I’m broken💔I wish we were together still. He’s a very confused boy though. He can’t make up his mind. I just had to rant because I have no one else to speak to because i feel like everyone will judge me and say “why are you still inlove with him” I see a future in him, i see a future in us. I cant think of anyone else but him. I’m still committed to him. I gave him my everything. I loved him for 3 years straight. That love never broke. It’s still strong. He would always run back to me but this time i feel like he wont. Oh man I’m torn. I want my baby back. But he has a girl now. And i will feel like a clown if we ever do get back together. But i feel like we will find eachother again in the future and that time we will be mature enough to not leave eachother.💔😞i want my baby back. He’s the other half of me

You said alot but it wsa your last phrase that told me all I needed to know. If you are looking for a bit of wisdom on what to do, I could just say move on or get him back but your last phrase reveals something you may not have realized is just as important is not more so than your beginning question. So I hope you bear with me and watch a video by Jay Shetty on having someone that makes you feel happy and complete. That saying and belief actually has errors and he explains why. I encourage you to look him up on Facebook or on line by his name and start tuning in to all the other tidbits of wisdom he has to share, some I already have known and others I am just starting to learn.

https://www.facebook.com/JayShettyIW/videos/1774841802830277/

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my boyfriends parents mentally abuse him. how do I help? what do I do?
he says he is alone, that he just wants to give up.

Is he a minor? Is he an adult living at home still?

Mental abuse is as serious as physical abuse, the only difference is with one theres scars and bruises on the outside but in his case the damages are on the inside where they can't be seen, only the results, of not caring about anything so maybe depression, stress for sure, looking worn down and tired all the time, looking like the life has been sucked out of you, etc. I know how it looks because my first husband was verbally and mentally abusive. As an adult I had a choice to stay or leave. There is no changing adults who have been abusive for years and set in their ways. They need to be able to see they have a problem and be willing to do something about it, get help to become a better human. I'd say about 99 out of a hundred never change for the better. So if he's an adult, then it needs to be suggested that he talk to others about his issue of needing to find another place to live. If he is still under 18, another adult needs to determine if it sounds like true mental abuse. Unless you have witnessed their words, what a teen may beleive is abuse, may not be. So I feel you can only suggest he go to talk to a school counselor if he's a minor. Because they have affected him mentally already, he won't be able to see things as clearly as you can and realize this may start the help he needs. Actually, his parents need the help and the only way for things to happen so they are forced to get help is for other adults to become involved. So it starts with the school counselor. No need to be embarrassed as they have heard this and much worse before. So keep reminding him that he needs to tell a school counselor. If you have been a witness to this, you can volunteer to go with him for moral support and share what you know. If he digs in his heels and won't do it, but since it is bothering you, then you go talk to a school counselor and ask them if there is anything that can be done for him as it sounds like he is talking of giving up and that may be a hint of considering suicide.

School counselors may call in a specialty therapist if there is a budget for that or turn the matter over to a child protection service. I am familiar with that too as it happened in my family, an adult child remarried who both her and husband were physically abusing my granddaughter who is now living with her birth dad. They have another between them and both were originally put in temp foster care while they got psych. evaluations and ordered to take parenting classes and keep passing subsequent psch evaluations and have un announced drop by visits by a social worker. The system these days isn't about taking kids away from parents, even parents with mental illness, as long as they take meds and have things under control. They want to give parents the help they need to get on the right track and be able to raise their own kids. So I don't think he has anything to worry about, like ending up in foster care because the parents have to be dead or disappeared for that to happen and this is not an extreme case from what you have shared. Yes, it is serious and verbal abuse creates a stress that affects either your mental health or physical health. Your boyfriend will likely need to attend meetings to recover mentally and come back to full health. Other than encouraging him, there is nothing else you can do. I had family encourage me to leave my husband early on, before we had kids because they witnessed how he treated me and he treated them like crap too but I didn't listen. I was an adult so no one could force me. I stayed because I was believing I could not break wedding vows. However years later I believe I heard God tell me it was okay to leave and He had broken his vows from the start and had continually done so, so I was released from those vcws. I know how it hurts to watch a loved one not acknowledge help. My Mom died before I divorced my ex. But I suspect she is watching from heaven. Now I feel it as my Mom did, having a daughter who married someone much like my ex and she is not ready to acknowledge it. But I have seen the effects and pray for her, which really is the one and only thing we can do, praying specifically that they would become disillusioned to the point they want to do something about it, that instead of feeling alone, afraid to speak up, afraid of retaliation from the offenders, to having God give them a will to fight for the right to be treated kindly lovingly and with respect.

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