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about
I've been away for a while due to a serious illness and subsequent health issues. Favourite quotes of the moment:
The children of Israel wandered the desert for 40 years - Even in biblical times men wouldn't ask for directions!
Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread within it. whatever we do to the thread, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect. - Chief Seattle.
We spend the first 12 months of a child's life teaching them to walk and talk. We spend the next 12 years telling them to sit down and shut up!
As you slide down the bannisters of life, may the splinters never be pointing the wrong way.
May you be in Heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.
I've been very happily married since August 1980 to a wonderful man and have beautiful twin girls, now aged 31. Both are married to wonderful young men and one of our girls has recently made us grandparents to a beautiful, smart and feisty granddaughter. I studied geology with the Open University. I am retired from being a manager in a large UK based insurance company which I actually quite enjoyed. (How sad is that?). I love anything to do with the environment and wildlife and try to do my bit for preservation and conservation. I would like there to be a decent world for our grandchildren to inherit. I also have CFS so find life a bit of a challenge at times but always hope for better health in the future.
I have a deep interest in the spiritual and the paranormal worlds, having experienced several incidents myself, and have been involved in meditation groups and groups that (safely) explore the paranormal. There is more to this life than we would normally credit, so an open mind is always the best option. You're not so likely to get caught by surprise!
I have a deep fascination for anything to do with Ancient Egypt, as you can probably tell by my name. I have statues and paintings all around the house. As my hubby has a similar interest in Native Americans, we tend to have a lot of unusual wall decorations, like a tomahawk.
I love cars, especially vintage ones, but my all time favourite has to be the Bugatti Chiron, what a car!
I have had a lot to do with animals over the years. I have fostered many, helped to set up a wildlife charitable hospital and raised a diverse range of young animals from bats to fox cubs and different species of birds, even a baby deer! I have had great pleasure in sharing my life and home with a number of animals over the years, most of them rescues. I am currently sponsoring an Amur Tiger, they are such beautiful cats and desperately need help, there are so few of them left. I was lucky enough a couple of years ago to meet some Aye-Aye's and Livingstone's Bats, a truly wonderful experience. We now have three cats, Oliver and Mollie, a brother and sister, he's a ginger and she's a tortoiseshell and a black and white called Daisy. She arrived in a taxi and was left on our doorstep in a cat carrier with the message that 'they knew we loved cats and would be good to her'. She has settled down well and gets on wonderfully with the other two.
If you have a pet that is showing ANY signs of illness or distress, please, please, please take it to a vet! Even if finance is an issue, work that out later. It is cruel to leave an animal suffering for any reason. Most animals do not show signs of illness until they have been ill for some time, basic instinct tells them it is a display of vulnerability, and certain death in the wild. Their instincts have not caught up with domesticity.
I do feel that we should all treat others as we would wish to be treated. Bad karma comes back to haunt us.
advice
Okay, to start things off, my cat is a little on the weird side. She doesn't sit on people's laps or anything. She's just ... weird. But my problem is, my cat won't poop in her litter box. She'll pee in it, but she won't poop in it.
my two questions are
1. What's the cause of this?
2. How can I fix it.
If this helps, she is 9/f, a purebred persian, & we live in Georgia. Oh & i've had her since I was 2
Thanks!
If a cat isn't handled and cuddled on a lap within the first six weeks of life it's very difficult to then train it to accept this. It is likely to view anything like this as being confined, which is something cats hate. If you want her sit on a lap, wait till she's looking sleepy then put something like a cushion or a newspaper on your lap, hold her there gently, whilst giving her a lot of love, maybe rubbing her ears or the nape of her neck, just for a few seconds, and see if she stays. If she starts to struggle, let her go immediately, then try again another time. She should, with patience, eventually get used to the whole lap sitting thing.
As for the litter tray problem, do you have a covered litter tray? Cats are at their most vulnerable (other than sleeping), when they are pooing, as they can't run from danger. If she is feeling at risk in the tray, she will poo somewhere where she feels she can see a possible attack coming from all areas. In a covered litter tray, there is one point of access/exit that she has to cover, so she should be happier.
Another reason could be that the litter tray needs to be cleaned out more often, pure bred cats are notoriously more particular than 'moggies', especially as they get older. So it is possible the 'toilet hasn't been flushed' as often as she expects. This doesn't mean to say it is kept in a dirty state, but her standards may be VERY high.
Have you recently changed the type of litter used or moved the tray? Is it near something noisy? Is it too close to her food and water? Is there another animal in the house, or a recent addition, baby or animal? All of these can cause stress and make her poo where she shouldn't.
If she is only going in one spot, and you have ruled out any medical reasons for her doing this, try moving the tray to that spot. leave it there for a couple of weeks, if she starts using it properly, after this time, very gradually move it back to where it was, this should take a few weeks to accomplish, as she should not notice it has been moved.
If this is not possible, try putting a bowl of dry cat food on the area, after thoroughly cleaning it to elimate any trace of her scent, do not use bleach as she will just try to cover this again, so she then associates this place with food not as a toilet.
Hope this helps, good luck.
hi i was just wandering if ALL budgies/keets from england are english show budgies, and ALL american budgies are pet budgies? because i bought 3 budgies from a pet shop (1 of which is still alive) and i live in england, so is my budgie a british show budgie? its green and kind of big. the other 2 were smaller, 1 blue and the other white with blue splats? were they show budgies aswell? answer if you can, its not to important, just wandering out of curiousity. thnx:)
All budgies are related to the Australian wild budgies that live in huge flocks on the dry plains. There they live on seeded grasses. In the wild they are all green and smaller than the domesticated birds. As they are one of the few parrots that are not endangered, they are widely available as pets. Interestingly, the word budgerigar is the closest interpretation of the Aboriginal word for 'tasty snack', as they would throw a boomarang into the flock to hunt them.
In England there are specific points that go to make a suitable 'show' bird. I have included a web link for you so that you see what is required.
http://www.budgerigars.co.uk/
I have also included a link that can give you more information about these fascinating birds.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cbbc/wild/pets/budgie.shtml
In America the term 'keets' seems to be used more, they associate the word budgie with a show bird. Budgie showing is most popular in the USA, Germany and England, but because England tends to dominate the show market, the USA usually describes all show birds as English Budgerigars, regardless of where they are.
So, budgies can be shown in both countries, providing they meet the exacting standards required by the judging panels and associations linked to them.
Hope that helps.
18/f
About 2 weeks ago I had unprotected sex, that was my first time having sex in a year. I have lost my appetite a few days ago, I have been vomiting, I'm a smoker and now cigarrettes taste completely different to me and almost make me gag. A couple days ago I spotted. Does this sound like preg. symptoms?
It does sound possible, if a little early for the symptoms.
The best thing you can do is to take a pregnancy test, this will confirm whether you are or not.
Hope the answer is what you what it to be, best of luck.
My hair is long, dry, brittle, dull and has split ends. I want it to be soft, smooth, shiny and healthy. How do I go about getting that? Any product recommendations? I'll rate 5's
First you need a good hair cut to lose those split ends. then use a moisturising shampoo, follow it with a good protein conditioner, as this will nourish the hair. With the conditioner, you apply it to towel dried hair, wrap it in clear film, then in a warm towel for 10 minutes and rinse thoroughly. If you use a hair drier and/or straighteners, use a protective spray to limit heat damage. If at all possible, try to let it dry naturally for a couple of months. Try not to expose it to hot sun for too long as this can damage the hair as well.
I don't know what country you're in so it's difficult to recommend any particular products, but if you can get hold of John Freida Frizzease, that's a good one to use.
If you follow all of the above, your hair should start to improve. It won't be an overnight thing though if it's really bad. You will need patience.
Hope that helps, good luck.
My dog ate a half a pellet of rat poison. Will this harm her?
It really does depend on the size of the dog and the size of the pellet.
Most rat poisons work by stopping the blood from clotting so they will basically bleed to death from the inside. Not a nice way to go. That said, you really ought to get her checked out by a vet asap just to make sure, if it has caused damage, the sooner the vet can administer an antidote the better, this usually vitamin K as it is a blood clotter, but only a vet will know the correct dosage.
However, as I said it does depend on size. If she is showing any abnormal signs, bleeding from the nose, gums or rectum, shaking, possibly a cough, green poo or blood in it, pale gums, appearing weak and/or cold to name just a few, she must see a vet.
Hope this helps and that she will be fine, best of luck.
heres a simple question, am i weird? i am 13 and i like old songs like by the 4 seasons and i have them on my ipod and stuff. and also ALOT of other oldies or old songs. not just oldies, like stuff from 80's and 70's. and i loved the jersey boys musical. i dont think of myself as a geek. i also love new songs but i love old songs just as much, am i a little.. odd?
There's nothing weird about it, you're being true to yourself. You have a wide taste in music and that's never a bad thing, it means you have more musical knowledge and will be more interesting to talk to. Have you tried listening to 50's music? That's worth trying if you haven't.
Go ahead and listen to whatever you want to, it's good to not let the older songs die. It's the heritage modern music was based on.
Hope that helps, good luck.
Okay. so my hair is really straight. and when i say straight i mean straight. There is no wave or curl to it whatsoever. My question is how can i make it curly. Do perms turn out okay? i dont want it tightly curled just like loose curls. Help!! Ill rate, i promise. =]
There are a few things you can try - Straightening irons with the hair wrapped round it, heated rollers, ordinary rollers when your hair is wet, then blow drying them, (the larger the rollers the looser the hair will be), or a loose perm.
Perms are fine if you know a decent hairdresser that will do a loose one. This will just give you wavy hair but no tight curls. A good hairdresser will advise what is best and give you aftercare tips as well. Also with a perm, if you really hate the effect, if you wet your hair within 24 hours of having it done, the curls will drop out.
If you use the heated options, make sure you have a good heat protector for your hair to prevent damage.
The other thing is that the thicker your hair, the more difficult it is to keep waves in place for any length of time, as the weight pulls them out.
If you're really not sure, ask around for recommendations for a good hairdresser, they should be only too pleased to give you advice and suggestions.
Hope that helps, good luck.
I m 47 years old banker. I was posted at a remote area. Being diabetic & no medical aid there I fell ill.I m suffering from depression from my childhood. I can't live so far away without my family neither i can shift them with me. Being without pay financial,mental crises arose. Also can't leave my job,don't know other ways for earning. What can I do ?
I m from India
It is sad to be without your family, especially when you are going through a hard time and have been ill.
I take it your employer offered no medical cover? I don't know how things work in India but do they have no provision for cases such as yours, like an emergency fund?
Is it possible to ask them if you can apply for a transfer back to a place nearer your family?
Is there a possibility a member of your family could help, at least until you are back on your feet and can repay them?
If you want to look for a different job there are a few job centres you could access online, I have added an email address that may help. Although most of the jobs online seem to be for call centres.
The depression is a hard one to deal with if you are on your own. Little things you could try is to promise yourself you will do one fun thing everyday and stick to it. It could be something very silly or something very easy, like if you pass a childrens play area with a swing, have a go on one for example. It will be hard to start with, but as you get used to challenging yourself every day, it should start to get easier. When you are feeling a little less depressed, everything else gets easier to deal with.
As for your family, if you can't be together at the moment, write letters to each other. You will all enjoy receiving them and it will give you something else to look forward to.
http://www.chennaionline.com/colnews/newsitem.
I hope that has helped in some way, I wish you the best of luck and that everything works out for you.
how can imake my breasts look bigger with out stuffing.
Aways make sure you have a well fitted bra, NEVER wear one that is too small for you, it can cause you damage over time, as well as giving you ugly, lumpy looking breasts.
A balcony bra is good for emphasising cleavage and if you can get a padded one it helps even more. There are also special cleavage enhancing bras on the market, try going to an underwear specialist shop. They will measure you and find you the right bra for your size and requirements.
Most women do not wear the correct size bra, this is especially bad if the bra is underwired, as the pressure from the wires on the soft tissue of the breast can cause problems after time.
As for clothes, if you wear fitted tops, nothing loose, this will give the appearance of larger breasts.
Hope that helps, good luck.
Hi. I have a kitten (named Shadow) who's 2 months old. She used to be very fluffy, but as of late she's been losing fur. We know it's not shedding for several reasons (we don't see fur all over the place, or have it on us after holding her, etc.) We thought it might have been soap from giving her a flea bath, or maybe something else that got on her. We have five other cats, one of them as young as she, and they're all fine. They eat the same food, drink the same water, and since Shadow is still pretty young, she doesn't go anywhere out of our yard when outside. Does anyone know anything that might be causing her fur to thin, but not spread to the other cats?
Is she losing the fur in patches or is it a general hair thinning?
If you have ruled out all other possible causes and as she is so young and small, she could be suffering from stress. This can show as excessive grooming. If she is a pedigree, they can be more sensitive than 'moggies' so are more prone to stress, but 'moggies' can still get this. If she is one of six, she may be finding it hard to establish her place in the tribe and may need extra love and encouragement until she settles.
The other possibility is that she has an allergy to something she eating.
She may need to see a vet to find out the real cause of this but that is just a couple of suggestions for you to work on for now.
Hope that helps and you are able to sort this out soon, best of luck.
Okay so im going out w/ this guy and my dad says i have to break up with him! and i like completley LOVE him and i dont want to...
but i dont want to get in even more trouble with him then i already am...
WHAT SHOULD I DO?
PLEASE help
Confused.
If you follow the advice given below and your dad finds out, you will lose any trust and respect he has for you and you will be lucky if he lets you out of his sight until you are in college.
Is there any particular reason for your dad saying this? If he has grounds for his concerns, he is only acting in your best interests.
If there is no reason for this, try talking to him, you don't say how old you are but maybe it's because of this. Ask if there is a compromise that can be reached, what would make him feel more comfortable with the situation and that you do love your b/f so will be happy to go half way on this.
Offer to only meet him in a group situation for a while, take him home to meet your dad, not stay out too late, let him know where you are etc.
Your dad's main concern is going to be for your welfare so if he is at all worried about this and your b/f it is up to you to make him feel happier. If you can get him on side your life will be a lot easier.
Hope that helps and good luck.
Hey. My mom won't let me buy tanning oil because I'm fair, but my arms have a little tan. She says I will burn wayyy easy. I saw one with spf 15, but she still wouldn't let me get it. Are their any tanning oils with a higher spf than 15? If there are one's with higher spf , will it be the same as using sunscreen lotion? Thanks, i rate 5's
Please do not use baby oil. You will burn, this will increase your chances of developing skin cancer and your skin ageing prematurely. I'm afraid your mum is right on this one, if you are fair you need to take things slowly. Avoid the oils, you run the risk of looking like a lobster, which is not an attractive look. Keep with the lotions and use one that has a factor 25+. It will take longer, but you won't peel, you should be able to stay out in the sun for longer and you will go a fabulous brown. If you follow this up with an after sun that preserves a tan, you should look good for longer and still be safe.
Hope that helps, best of luck.
I have to go for a breast exam and a pap smear in a couple days and im totally flipping out becuase i just read an article on how and what the doctor does (http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_body/medical_care/obgyn.html) and this is scaring me becuase its the most private part of my body. or parts. the part im most worried about is me being 15 female and my doctor is a male. I feel uncomfortable now and im really driving myself crazy. If anyone has been in my position please tell me anything to make me feel better. thanks so much.
It is a very embarrassing thing to have to face, particularly when you are younger.
The only consolation really is that the doctor has done this hundreds of times before and seen it all, so it's no big deal to him. He definitely won't be looking at you as a woman, you're just another patient.
It's over in a few minutes, it's not the most comfortable thing you'll ever have to do, the speculum he will use is usually a bit cold, but it's not painful. Also the breast exam is usually quite impersonal. Try looking at something else in the surgery whilst he is doing all this to take your mind off of it. If he is really nice, he may talk to you about something else at the same time as he should understand how difficult this is for you.
At least you have the courage to go ahead with this, it is something not every woman can and does do. At the end of it you will also have the peace of mind of having had a check to make sure everything's fine, rather than just wondering and worrying.
Hope that helps and the best of luck.
ok im only in 7th grade and i know that i wont be going on the senior trip for like 5 years but im just asking now...
well for the senior trip they always go to disney world and i really wanna go but we have to fly and i hate flying (never been on a plane and dont plan on going on one) but are planes really that bad i mean my mom said that she was on a plane and they hit REALLY bad turbulance...so for those of u that fly a lot do planes hit turbulance a lot or just sometimes and are plane rides scary?
Flying is one of the most amazing things you can ever do. I love it so much I have flying lessons whenever I can. I used to be terrified of planes and swore I would never, ever get on one. Then I had a moment of madness and booked a holiday which involved flying. I have been hooked ever since.
Yes you can hit turbulance, but it's only air pockets and thermals and they don't make you crash. You could just fall a little way and it can also feel a bit bumpy, but the pilot has complete control of the plane at all times. Try to imagine you're on a fairground ride and enjoy it.
Planes are the safest way to travel these days, it's far safer than being on the ground.
If it's a long flight you get to watch a movie, you get fed, they have shopping on board and at the end of it you will be at Disney World. How could you say no?
It's not for ages yet but look forward to the experience and make the most of it. There is no need to worry about it. You will be fine.
Hope that helped, best of luck and enjoy your holiday.
My cat has been gaging like he's going to puke but then he dosn't and he does it especialy when you pick him up. Also he's breathing out of his mouth. I know for sure that theres nothing stuck in his throat... and the weirdest part is that my other cat is starting to do it now too. Does anyone know what might be causing it. Im really woried and dont have the money to go to the vet. Please Help.
They could have tonsillitis. Cats have 6 tonsils and it is an infectious and painful condition for them. Another cause could be polyps in the ear canal which can dangle into the pharynx and cause gagging. Other things could be a post nasal drip, hairballs, allergies or pharyngitis to name just a few.
As they are both doing this now it is more of a possiblity that it is something one of them has caught and passed to the other.
Are they still eating? Are they still passing motions, and if so do they look normal? Do they feel as though they have a high temperature? Are they listless or acting as they usually do?
I understand that you have no money for the vet but it does sound like the sort of thing that needs to be checked out by a vet. Any abnormal behaviours can be quite serious and they can't tell you how they feel.
Can you perhaps work off the money if a parent or other adult pays for the vet? Could you perhaps offer to work off the debt to the vet? You don't say how old you are. Or perhaps there is a charitable animal hospital you could take them to.
I hope that helps, and you are able to get this sorted out for them. Best of luck.
i am babysitting but the only problem is the people have a cat and my eyes puff up and i am miserable everytime. only problem is, i really need this job for money!!! any suggestions on what i can do to stop the allergies
If you take an allergy tablet, (non drowsy) half an hour before you go to the house this should help prevent some of the symptoms, try not to touch the cat and if you have to touch anything the cat has been in contact with, wash your hands before you touch your face. If you can get allergy testing and treatment this could be a longer term remedy.
If all this does not help, possibly the only thing you can do is to find a family without a cat. The problem with allergies is that they tend to get worse if you try to ignore them, so you do need to think about doing something about this.
Best of luck.
This sounds kind of cliche, but I don't have any friends. I have acquatences (sp?) at school and really only one friend who goes to another school and she is going to another country in the summer. Its not that I'm unable to make friends. Most people that I meet like me and I like them, I'm quite friendly. I just never seem to become close with any of them. I used to be with a group of friends, but we're not in touch anymore. I don't want to be alone all summer, I was wondering of anyone could tell me where to meet new people that I could become friends with and stay in touch with. Any help along the lines of getting friends and keeping them would be very much appreciated. I'll rate high.
It sounds as though you feel quite vulnerable, as to get close to people means you run the risk of getting hurt. You can be friendly but find it hard to get closer. Possibly you have been hurt in the past and you have put up a protective barrier. On the good side, it means you are sensitive and caring.
If you want to find a new group of friends, how about volunteering for a charity? This would give you a head start in finding people who have the same interests as you, as well as giving that caring nature an outlet. The more we have in common with another person, the easier it generally is to strike up a friendship. Once you have started to build on this, talking, laughing and a shared purpose are great for cementing a friendship. Also, to be a good listener is vital, as everyone likes to think their opinions and feelings count. If you are able to make someone else feel good about themselves, the good karma comes back to you.
Hope that helps and that you have a great summer.
I have had my boyfriend for 2 years and I still don't know if he loves me or not. We have a baby together. Sometimes he does the sweetest little things that say i love you and then sometimes he can be really mean. He thinks it doesn't matter if he talks to other girls because they are just his friends and he is never going to have anyone take my place because he loves me. Sometimes I question whether or not he loves me? At times i can be a bit nagging, always accusing him of cheating and saying really cruel things. He tells me it my ATTITUDE that causes him to be the way he is with me. I know he could leave if he really wanted to but he stays. How can i get over thinking that he is with another woman? Do I love him too much? Is it normal for him not to want to go out with me? When we are together sometimes its the happiest time of my life. I worry because of his secretive ways. How do you know if it love or not?
If you have had a baby it's possible your hormones are still all over the place. They can take months to settle and can lead to feelings of insecurity and jealousy. It can also make you feel less feminine for a while due to the whole weight, nursing, exhaustion thing you would have going on. This, in turn, can make you feel more vulnerable.
You can't really stop him from talking to other women without emotionally suffocating him. Sometimes you just have to trust. If he says that there is nothing going on, if he does little things to say he loves you and that no one will be able to take your place, maybe you should give him a chance? Naturally, if you have any concrete evidence of infidelity, that's different but he sounds as though he is trying to make you happy.
Obsessions can drive a partner away, so if this is what you are doing, maybe you should start to write down your feelings and what you are basing them on. If you see them in black and white you could see that there really is nothing for you to worry about. Remember to add all the things he does for you as well.
Lastly, try to imagine life without him, managing each day on your own, not having him there to talk about your day and problems, no little gifts or words of love. Do those thoughts hurt? If they do, it's love and you can deal with this. If you feel relief about him not being in your life or any feelings like it, maybe you should seriously think about your future together. It could be that the way you are nagging and questioning him are a subconscious way of persuading him to leave you. If this is the case, and if he does the leaving, it can justify your thoughts to your subconsciousness and in a way absolve you from anything you have said to him.
Whatever the reasons behind all this, I wish you both well and hope that you will be able to resolve this and be happy.
Ive seen this girl I like. How do I go about asking her out on a date? What are the steps and how do I do it?
Im a 15/m nearly 16. Please help, I rate 5's for great advice.
If you're really nervous about asking her out, how about trying to arrange a group date the first time? If there are a few of you it gives you the chance to talk to her in a more relaxed environment, then, if you get on well, you could ask her if next time you could make it just the two of you.
It is a very scary thing to do but if you like her that much it's worth going for. After the first time, it should get easier. Ask her to something where you don't have to talk all the time if you're concerned about 'drying up', like a movie or amusement park etc. Keep it low pressure for both of you. If the first date is a success, you could try a second where you are more able to spend time talking and finding out about each other.
If you remember she is likely to be nervous as well, it may help.
Best of luck to you.
I'm 15/f. I have selective mutism. So it's an anxiety disorder. I've had it since I was little.
And I haven't talked in school for like 9 years. I tried talking this year but the whole "heart beating, my voice cracking, my voice sounding different" didn't help. For some reason I feel like that but half of the time.. I really want to say something but I can't because then I remember "I dont talk to these people". I get weird reactions from people. "OMG, YOU TALKED!" and they scream and stuff...
So do you think there's some sort of medication for me? I really want to start talking. But my anxiety is holding me back. I have the whole summer to deal with this. Because I feel like I'm wasting my life away and I'm having no fun.. and I really want a job too... Help?
I agree with the advice below, ask for help from a doctor and take medication if necessary just to get you started and then take it from there.
Something you could do in the meantime is to get used to the sound of your voice when you're alone. Talk to yourself in a mirror, speak to animals you meet, recite poetry or sing songs. Do anything and everything you can to use that voice and get to the stage where you are speaking without worrying first. This in turn should relax you, who can stress when they're singing?
You're young enough to be able to turn this around really quickly, so if you start now, you may find you are in a position to look for a job quite soon and by the time you get back to school, talking will be second nature to you.
If you worry about the reaction others may have towards to you speaking, get some stock phrases ready to trot out. eg. yes it's me, I'm talking, can we get back to what we were doing now? or, I didn't want to wear my voice out, and laugh. Just something to let others know that you acknowledge their surprise but you want to move on.
When you have started talking, I think you will amaze yourself and everyone else, people talk so much these days, they have little time to listen. You have spent several years doing the opposite, so the insights you have learnt in your silence will be invaluable to you now. With your sensitivity you could find people come to you for advice.
I hope that helps and the best of luck to you.