SaturnMoonie's advice column

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Q: my hair is completely recked from straightening my hair everyday. i love to wear my hair straight. so what are absolutely amazing shampoos and conditioners and like soothing milks that i could use to make my hair look unfrizzy soft and silky? and also, fix all my dead ends. please help! i rate 5 just for answering

You should try checking these products out

http://www.healthyhairplus.com/new-index.htm

I haven't used them myself, but I have a friend of mine that swears by them.

You could also try Mirtha products, their spanish hair products, but that's what my mom uses. They have certain treatment products. You may need some help translating descriptions though.

http://www.mirtadeperales.us/cgi-local/webcat/products_page.cgi

Also, you may have heard of Tresemme, supposedly that's what hairdressers use, and there's this spray that you use right before getting your hair straight that's supposed to keep your hair healthy

http://www.tresemme.com/

Hope this helped.

Q: Does anyone know where I could find some comforters for a teenager? My moms been bugging me for so long about this and I've already seen MACYS.COM, JCPENNYS.COM AND SEARS.COM and i cant find anything that i like! Help please?

Yeah I think everybody else pretty much covered all the good places, if you still can't find anything you want, or like, you could always go to Hot Topic (Hottopic.com), I got the cutest Cheshire Cat Comforter. They also have sheets, pillows,and pillow cases. The ones I've seen are Cheshire Cat, Nightmare Before Christmas, Ghotic Care Bears,and Tinker Bell. Although this was just online, I'm sure if you go to the store you'll find more things. I know my has canopy's for your bed. Anyways hope this helps, just in case you want something a little bit different.

Q: Ok, I'm about to have sex for the first time. I've been waiting for ages and I am prepared now. My boyfriend has had sex before a few times so I need a little help on stuff:
a. Is there going to be a lot of blood?
b. Is it going to hurt? (My friend told me it hurt like a mother- through the whole thing on her first time)
c. Is there anything I should know? I know I'm not going to be that great but I don't want to look stupid.
d. What should I do once it's over?

OK well about the blood, you'll never really know for sure, everybody's different. Some people don't bleed till a few hours later, other's bleed right at that moment. I didn't bleed at all (I wasn't sure if it had gotten in deep enough lol)
Same thing with pain, it's going to varie, it may hurt a little, it may hurt a lot. I only felt a bit of tightness, and that was all.

As to what you should do, just let yourself go, if your boyfriend knows you're a virgin, it's great, he'll tell you if he wants you to do something in a specific way. But for the most part, just go with it, it kind of comes instinctively to us if you don't worry about it. Most importantly use protection (good to hear you have that cover), and have fun!

Q: My 15-year-old niece is having a birthday soonish and I'd like to get her a present. She likes reading so I figured a book would be good. What's a book that is of literary quality that a 15-year-old would like, but does not contain any sex or swear words (her mom wouldn't let her read it then)? And don't say the Princess Diaries series, I think she has all those already.

Well here are some authors that I was reading at that age (and still do), and you could just look them up, and see if anything they write strikes you as something your niece might like.

Caroline B. Cooney
Lisa Jane Smith
Christopher Pike
Dean Koontz

and if you're looking for something a little bit more on the literary side, I'd recomment "Lord of the Flies" by William Golding, it's really great book. Hope this helps.

Q: I'm feeling really low about myself because I can never seem to get a nice bf. I've been on blind dates that were disasters, and even got a new job at a store that hired 350 people to meet guys and I still havent gotten one. This is because most of the guys that work at the store are still in hs or college, and I'm nearing 30.
I know it's not me, I'm attractive, polite, funny, and sensitive. It just seems that all the guys I'm interested in just want sex, and not a permanent partnership. I also joined a church choir AND a Toastmasters, but all the men that seemed interesting were married.
My ten year hs reunion is coming up this year, and my wish is to have a nice bf to take with me. Does anyone have any ideas where I can meet some nice, AVAILABLE men?

Well I don't know if this helps, but have you tried any dating sites. There are actually nice people on there. I'm a member of a couple of them, you do meet nice people there. Of course there's also perverts, but what can one do? You could also think about what you're into, you know hobbies, and look around there. Like if you're into theater, go see a show, maybe you'll see someone there alone, you could strike up a conversation, and hey you never know. Love usually finds us in unexpected places. Don't give up though, and if you have no boyfriend for you reunion, well so what? Relationships aren't the only thing, if you're happy with your life, and your confident about yourself, be proud of who you are, don't let anyone make you feel less because you don't have a man in your life. It'll happen when it it's supposed to.

Q: hella huge problem... i have a bf. no one knows about it. we decided to keep it low. super low. but my best friend and her bf want me to date this guy that is really cool. i like him. and my bf. and then there is a freshman, that i like. but want to get to know a lil bit better. i dont know what to do. all three guys like me. but i dont know what to do. can anyone help me

Ok well you could have two different types of mentality going into this. You could say to yourself, I have a boyfriend already, and I like him, and I'm going to be loyal, and that's the end of that. Tell your friends that you're not interested at the moment for them to set you up.

Or you could think about how much you like your boyfriend, and how much you like the other 2 guys. Think about whether you're ready for a commited relationship, or if you want to date other people. Only you can know the answer to that, and if you think you aren't ready to just date one guy, then you better break it off, it's better to do that than you accidentaly cheating on him, lol. And it IS ok to want to date different people, you're young.

Q: im not sure how do i tell im realy not sure im confused if i am well... it soo goes against my religin help will give 5s for good answers

Ok let's see if this helps. If you're starting to feel attracted to someone of the same sex, you could just be bi-curious, this happens a lot. You could see if it goes away, or if it's just for one person. Or you could ask some of you bi friends, they can help you out. Hey try kissing one of them, see if you like it or not. This may sound bad, but really it isn't. As for your religion, well maybe it's time to rethink your religious position, or just don't say anything about it. I'm not the best person to give you religious advice though (me being agnostic on my good days, and athiest on my bad days)

But I can tell you this, I'm straight, and I've kissed one my best friends to see if I liked girls, it turned out I didn't. There maybe only 3 women on the face of this earth that can make me bi, and that's Angelina Jolie, Eliza Dushku, and Lucy Lawless :). I refer to myself as straight with a lesbian twist. Hope this helped a lil.

Q:
im confused about what to do with my ex cody, its like i get the hot and cold responses from him, so to speak. sometimes he's extrememly nice and we flirt and get along GREAT and others he seems completely shy and doesnt talk to me.

i have liked him since august (it now being january) and in august when i told him that he said he liked me too. so he kind of dragged his feet .. not sure what he wanted .. didnt know waht to do . the usual guy thing. and when i'd finally given up hope on him and me he left me a message at midnight on october 10th like three months later sayin he wanted to give us a try. only to dump me 10 days late b/c he he liked someone else .. then he told me a couple weeks later that he wouldn't have dumped me for her if she hadn't had a boyfriend ..

so that was like november .. now its january and the guy is still all i think of. i try so hard to get over him .. but like around every other corner hes either makin me fall for him again or his friends are being COMPLTELY honest and telling me stuff he says.

like shawn told me that they talk about me all the time (he wouldnt say what but he said the stuff worked in my favor) and that in our study hall (me him and cody have it together) he cant wait for me to come out and talk to them .. and i asked him to stop jokin around w/ me and he went off sayin how honest and truthful he was being ..

then new years cody called. he came and got me on his snowmobile. me and his brother and friend hung out from 9 to 3. we hung out. watched fireworks in the barn by ourselves. hung out around the bon fire. laughed constantly and flirted. i thought it went great .. i had like good hopes you know .. we fell asleep on the couch then they brought me home. he said he'd call. yeah a week and half later .. no call. we talk at school . nothing big hey and how are u kinda stuff ..

i know its probably worthless to waste my time .. and you can be completley honest in tellin me so. but like even though my head knows that .. i cant let go .. 5 months later .. jesus look at me .. in so far i cant even get out .. i've never fallen for anyone like i've fallen for cody. he tells me he can see us dating in the future but doesnt do anything about it .. i just dont know what he wants .. its like this i guess to explain it well ..
It's like a routine.
I fall for him on Monday.
I like him from Tuesday to Thursday.
He make me mad on Friday.
I think I'm over him over the weekend.
But the SECOND I see him on Monday morning
I fall for him again and again
i just dont know what to do ..

i've never felt like this for anyone but him ..

so now that i've finished my freakin book .. im sorry its soo long. i just want all the details in it .. sorry sorry sorry.
alyssa05x@aol.com .. if you need more info or something doens't make sense.
i really appreciate it and im sorry about the length .. thanks in advance

Ok first of all, I read 300 page books in a day, so don't worry about the lenght of your question, lol.

Ok so now, there are a couple of ways you can go about this. First, you could just give up on him, still be his friend, still like him, but whenever he brings up a future between the two of you, tell him straight off that it's never going to happen.

Another way you could go about this to go for it. Really go for it, be dominanat, you want to go out with him, ask him out. He didn't call you, you call him. Persue him, maybe he's just shy. Shy people tend to be outgoing when they're feeling most secure about themselves, but there are days when it's unbearable to be outgoing, especially around someone they may like, and so they shy away. (Trust me on this shy thing, I'm extremely shy)

The last thing you may want to try (last thing I can think of, there's probably way more ways though)Is to play it careful, tell him you're interested, see what he does. If he's still hot and cold with you, ask him about it. Ask him what it is he wants (does he want to just be friends, does he want a relationship, or does he just want to be friends with benefits). Either way, you need to find out from HIM what he wants, it's the best way to know for sure what he feels. After you find out his motives, take it slow, think things through, and then act accordingly. That's all I got for you, hope it helps a little.

Ok well one more thing, I know maybe you just want to stop liking him altogether, and I know it seems impossible because it's been 5 months, and you're still not over him, and you've never felt about like this about anyone before. All I can say to that is, it may take while for you to get over him, maybe even years. And it's hard, you'll cry yourself to sleep many nights, but if you feel that he's just toying with you (and I'm sorry to say some guys do this) then you need to move on. Don't show him you still have feelings for him, hide them. Take them out somehow...maybe talk to friends (although after a while they might get tired of it, lol), you could maybe write how you feel about him, in a song, or a story, or maybe a poem. The key is to not let it bottle inside, deal with it. Eventually you'll wake up and he'll be out of your mind, or someone will come along and take him out of your mind. This may not be what you want to hear, but you can't choose who you like and don't like. I was in love with one of my closest friends for 3 years, what finally got me over him was a combination of two things: I started liking this guy, and we started dating, and I liked my friend less, and then I found out my friend was gay (lol), and that really upset me, but finally I got over him. Everybody gets over everybody, it's just a matter of how long.

Q: for probably about a year now my dad has been screaming at my brother and i for the stupidest reasons and at this point im pretty sure that he is verbally abusing us (not physically or sexualy) like on friday i was going to my friends party and i told him to get ready in 10 minutes....7 minutes later i gave him a three minute warning and then when 10 minutes came up and i wanted to leave, he started screaming at me that i didn't tell him that we were leaving in there minutes i mean i was crying to death and he was about to take me to this party, but saying no you didnt tell me your a liar!!! but screamed it and he started making this whole drag about it and i started to cry my mom was right there on my side, she was mad at him for actually going through all this crap. So then i waited by the car and at this point i didn't want to go but my mom offerend to take me there, while my dad came outside and my mom was getting her phone he apporached me like he was going to hit me or strangle me i started hyperventalating and crying but he didn't he then went around and went to his car and left. A couple of hours later he came home before i did from the party that my mom took me. But a second time if he makes a statement to my brother, my dad would scream why didn't you answer me!!! answer me now!! and it wasn't a question or anything, and when he screamed it i was in shock for about three hours cause i was just really scared i talked about it with my friend shes like talk to him, but i did and he just argues with me. So on monday i want to talk to the school psycologist but i think there going to make a huge deal about it. but do you think based on what i've told you hes being verbally abusive.
note- he does this at least twice a week

ILL RATE 5 for good answers

Um well, a little bit. If he's telling you or your brother that you're worthless, that you don't mean anything, that you should've never been born, things like that. Then it's def. verbal abuse. He could be really stressed out and taking it out on you guys, you never know. You could go to the school counselor, or social worker, to talk to them, get weekly meetings so they can help you. They wont get anyone involved, unless you become suicidal, or the abuse becomes physical or sexual. Just tell them, you want help dealing with it, but that he's just yelling a lot, it's not an emergency where they need to get DCF involved or anything like that. I'm pretty sure you'll be fine, I saw a social worker in high school to deal with my mom's verbal abuse, and it was strictly confidential.

Q: im 15f. im falling for my best friend; weve known each other for 4 years; hes 16m

i dont knoe if he feels the same way about me n im to scared to let him no how i feel

lately hes been saying really sexual things 2 me and he wants to have sex with me; i told him maybe but im not sure

we never hang out n person becuas im always busy so we only talk on comp

do you think he just wants 2 be friends with benefits and thats all nothing more? n do you think i shuld jus give in n have sex with him if thats all hes lookin 4?

Ok first and foremost, never "just" have sex with someone. Whether you're a virgin or not, you shouldn't just give it up because they want it, it's not good for your mental health or your self esteem, plus you always risk of getting a bad rep.

Now, you say you're too scared to tell him, but the truth of the matter is, your going to have to tell him if you want to know how he feels. If it's easier to write an email, do so, maybe try writing a poem. Whatever way you feel least scared, do it, but DO IT. Ask him what he wants out of it, and decide if this is what you want too. You don't want to get in the situation where you're just friends with benefits, but you have feelings for him, and then he gets a girlfriend and cuts things off. That's really messy, then you'll really need advice, lol. So just be honest, and follow your heart, do what's best for you. And remember to keep in mind that you guys are friends, so overall make sure it's clear that no matter what happens you will still be friends.

Q: first of all, im 13 anf a girl. i like two guys. one guy have known for three years. the other is new to my school since monday. the new guy is also my teacher's son. to make it easier, lets call the guy ive known for 3 years, T and the new guy, A.
the whole week that i was in school with A, he oicked on me and always wanted me to sit by him. well i got his screen name and firday nite we started talking. in my profile it says i like somebody. he wanted to know who it was. after i awhile i told him. he told me he liked me too. we stayed up all night. he constantly flirted with me and was really sweet. i began to seriously like him. he keeps hinting that he wants me to ask him out or vice versa. but i still like T. what do i do.
now the situation with T is that i liked him for awhile. my friend asked him if he liked me and he said he was unable to answer that. i took it as a no and started to not like him so i could get over him. well it kinda worked, but i still like him. well last night we got in a fight because he told me that i liked A. well i got mad at him for sayin that. well he sent me the sweetest apology letter. in it he said that he was jealous of A and that he liked me. i sent him a message back sayin that i kinda still liked him. he said now that i also like A, he is kicking himself for not telling me earlier.
A is leaving my school at the end of this month. T will be going to high school with me. what should i do? i really like them both. but right now i think i like A more. im so confused. what should i do?

I agree w/ what the others said, go for T. You've known him longer, and have had feelings for him longer, maybe you think you like A more because it's new, and you haven't gotten used to it yet. Besides if he's moving what are the chances of a long distance relationship working out? You're both young, and he'll move on, and well T has been there before, and will be there next month, A wont.

Q: Okay, I have like no self-esteem! I always feel ugly, stupid and like I am doing everything wrong. I can never do or say the right thing. Part if this, I know, is because when I was younger I was made fun of because of my larger than normal size (not that I have improved in the looks deparment since then, I am still very large). Since that I still feel horrible. Everyone always finds something wrong with me or what I do! I really try to hide all of these insecurities but sometimes they just slip out. Everyone is always cracking fat jokes and stupid jokes even my friends, peers, and teachers!What should I do? I am only 13!

OMG this is horrible, you have some really insensitive people in your life. I know that you probably can't help the way you look or act, and you probably wish you looked like all the skinny "pretty celebreties" because that's all they show you. But trust me when I say that you are beautiful no matter what, and society has taught us to think skinny is pretty, and that's not always the case. I know this might now be much help, but you need to learn to like yourself for who you are. You were born this way, and you should accept yourself and your "flaws". Remember only you should determine what you don't like about yourself, and if others have a problem, then maybe you should get yourself better friends.

Again I know this may not help, and you're probably wondering why I'm even writing this, but I used to be teased when I was younger about my weight. I haven't gotten any skinnier, I'm still overweight, and I don't have a problem with the way I look. I do however, have a problem with people who have a problem with my weight. If I'm happy, then it shouldn't matter. You don't see me judging them and making fun of them for the way they dress, or cut their hair, or mess up their lifes. If they're happy, then who cares? If you're fine with yourself, then who cares what other people think? I know this is long (you probably stopped reading), but it really angers me when people are this close minded about things. Yet, they wonder why so many girls have eating disorders, and they don't realize that it's their fault these girls are sick. Ok, I'm done, lol. Sorry I went off, just be yourself, and forget what they think ok?

Q: I'm 13 and my mom is getting on my case about EVERYTHING!!! Now adays...i just wish she would leave me alone. I mean she's always watching over my back when I'm on the internet, asking who I'm talking to when I'm on IM or on the Phone...and to top it off. When the guy I like comes around she just stares and I feel uncomfortable. My question is, how do I keep my mom out of MY buisness?

-Beyond Joking

Ok well this may be one of two things: One she's being overprotective because you're getting older and alot of things are gonna come your way now (like sex, drugs, overall peer pressure). Or this could be that your mom is realizing that you're growing up and she's afraid to loose you. The older we get, the less we need our mothers, and a lot of times (especially as teenages) we push our mother's out of our lifes.

What you need to do is sit down and talk to her, ask her why she's doing these things, and suggest (and this works for either problem) that you guys set up some time to spend with eachother. Whether it's once a week or every couple of weeks, do something together. Cook, go out, whatever, but communicate with her, tell her what's going on in your life, let her in, ask her advice. I'm sure if you do this (and ask her to lay off a bit) things will be better.

Q: My parents won’t let me go out at night or with my guy friends. And this is what all my friends are doing so night after night I’m finding myself at home playing chess with my little brother. This is not how 10th grade is supposed to be. How do I get my parents to loosen up? Also they won’t let teenagers drive me places. How do I convince them that this is ok? And how do I get them to trust me with more freedom?

Wow this is tough. Parents can be very hard headed, but they mean well. Try showing them how responsible you are. If you can do work around the house, and do your homework without being asked to do it, maybe you can approach them, and tell them, hey I'm really responsible, and I'm not asking for it all, but can't you just give in to one thing? If you want to choose what the one thing is beforehand, do so. You can only take things one step at a time, so I suggest you start small. And don't say "but everyone else is doing it" that never works, and it just makes them more convinced that you shouldn't be allowed to do it.

If you fail, and you try EVERYTHING you can think of, maybe instead of trying to get them to say yes now, you could ask them at what age do they think it's appropriate, and you at least know what they're thinking, and it might be useful if you want to try a new tactic of convincing.

Q: I have a boyfriend who i love with all my heart. Hes everything i want and more!! We've been together long enough to.

Anyway, before him i was in love w/ my bestfriend( a guy) and i might still have feelings for him. Now he has a gf but before when he didn't it was hard to flirt with him.

Hes still my bestfriend but i need to know how i can get away from any feelings i have from him w/o losing him as my closest friend!

Could Ya Help?

The only thing you can do is keep your feelings to yourself, in time you'll get over him, this may seem like a stupid answer, but trust me. Just like you aquired the feelings, you'll loose them, it may take sometime (and I should know, because I went through the same thing), but don't risk your friendship with him, and most importantly, don't risk your relationship with your boyfriend. In the end, it's about who you love most, and you should think long and hard...write a poem about it if you have to (it's what I did, lol). Just make sure you think everything through if you decide to do something because you might end up loosing someone special.

Q: i am 14 years old and guys just don't seem interested in me. i am a tom-boy and just seem like one of the guys to them. i flirt occasionally but don't go overboard with it. all of the boys at my school see me like their "sister" or the "girl next door" i am really good friends with a group of guys but i am afraid friends is all we will ever be. how can i get them to notice me as a girl who has "girlfriend potential" not just as a friend who is a girl? i am crushing really hard on this boy who has a girlfriend. we flirt and talk sometimes and he acts like he likes me but he is staying with his girlfriend. what can i do to get this guy to see me as a potential girlfriend and not just a friend? thanks in advance! i'll rate!

Well I'll start off by saying that boys your age are really stupid, lol. They're blind, and can't see a good thing when it's in front of them. Now if you want them to notice you, you're going to have to start making them notice you. Dress up nice once in a while...maybe once a week. Put on a dress, or just put some really cute looking jeans on. Do your hair, let them know that you're a girl, and like girl things just as much as you like boy things. That is all you could do really, because I don't think you should change who you are for them, which is why you also shouldn't change you're clothing style, but it's nice to dress up once in a while. Trust me when you're older this is a good thing, guys love girls that can be one of the guys.

Now about this guy thing, keep in mind he has a girlfriend, and I don't think you would want to break them up. But they'll eventually brake up right? lol and so make sure he notices the days you dress up. Keep flirting with him a little, especially when you dress up, and when he breaks up with his girlfriend, move in for the kill ;)

Q: ok. me and my best friend use to be completely in love with each other. then we kinda just ended it cause he got a girlfiend. but now he dumped her. and i think im falling for him again. what should i do?

Well if you have strong feelings for him, tell him, ask him if there's any chance, but make sure you don't loose his friendship in the process. Make sure he's aware of your feelings, but that if he isn't interested, you'll still be his friend. Friendship is the most important thing.

Q: Being Shy is a problem. A BIG problem to me atleast. I havent always been like this. I used to be in the "popular" croud and do everything they would. When highschool hit i am no longer friends with any of them. I can't even go up to any of them and say a word. Its killing me. Its making me lack in friends and i miss all of them.

Help me please! What can i do to be back with them?
What can i do to just talk to anyone!

When Im with my boyfriend, Im all open with him till im around his friends. Then I just sit there. They think i dont like them and thats not it. Im just WAYY TOO SHYY!

i comment well to if you help me!

Well I know about shy, because I am extremely shy. Sometimes, you have to face your fears, and just take a deep breath and relax. Now I'm not saying to go up to strangers, and start a conversation because if you're anything like me, you're going to find that very difficult. But you could go up to your boyfriend's friends and say hi, ask them what's up, is there anything new. You know, tell them, that you don't have a problem with them, that you're just really shy, I'm sure they'll understand, they may even try harder to include you in conversations.

As for these girls from middle school, remember that you once were friends, so go up to them, talk to them, if they want to be your friend that's great, if they don't, well forget them. They're probably shallow, and just remember to never pretend to be something you're not to impress people, it's just a waste, if you have to do that to be accepted, then they will never truly accept you. True friends, will be your friends no matter what group you are in.

bio

Hey everyone, so it's been a while since the last time I was on here...A LOT has happened w/ my life. But I am back, and I'm here to help as always. So any questions I can help you with, please don't hesitate to ask, I will answer them all as honestly as possible, and if I can't answer something I will tell you that I can't, I will NOT give you false information or lead you on.

Also, and this is something I want everyone to know: No matter what I, or anyone else advices you to do, at the end of the day it should be your decision. We're only here to give you perspective, it's up to you to decide whether or not it is the best thing to do. (That was my little disclaimer :D) Feel free to contact me anytime, day or night.