Member Since: November 3, 2015
Answers: 80
Last Update: February 16, 2018
Visitors: 3814
|
| |
|
So I have been dating this guy for almost a year. He was kind and affectionate and we met each others parents and everything. All of a sudden he says its "inappropriate" to hold my hand in public or hug me in public. He refuses to let me meet his friends, and when we walk together he likes to walk like 10 billion feet a head of me. Lately I feel like I have been doing everything wrong cause all he does is complain about all the things I do wrong, but yet he said I am his soulmate and loves me to death. He doesn't want me talking to certain people and attend events with him. I feel like he is shamed to be seen with me. We are both in our 20s so this is all just too strange to me. When he said he didn't want to hold my hand in public, felt like I got stabbed. (link)
|
I could understand why you feel that way. I am sorry
Have you talked to him about this?
Give him a chance and tell him how it makes you feel. Some people are not into public displays of affection but maybe you can find a middle ground.
If he doesnt want to hold your hand maybe he can agree to walk next to you. Even when you are out with friends you walk close.
See if you can agree on somethings that both of you are comfortable with.
Good luck and I hope it works out for you! xx
|
I've been on placement a few days a week with a small company as part of my uni course for 4 months.
Normally the people there are nice however yesterday I got snapped at for essentially being slow and that I needed a greater sense of urgency.
I am offering my services for free and the way I was spoken to by the boss made me upset and feel undermined. What's more i never get a thank you for the work that I do only chased on days I'm not meant to be in to finish off bits of work.
I feel unappreciated- is it acceptable to treat a work experience in this way? I know I'm there to learn but I'm certainly not there to be insulted! (link)
|
No your employer should not yell at you. Its unacceptable in my book. If you yelled at your employer its quite possible you would be fired. People make mistakes though
Ask to have some time set aside for you guys to speak and address your concerns.
Mention that you feel unappreciated and that you do not want to be yelled at. Say it nicely
Go from there. Hopefully things will turn around and if not start looking for something else.
You deserve to be treated fairly.
Good luck!
|
I'm about to enter my final semester at University and am very worried about the future.
This is because my mother is highly controlling and is trying to carve out my life for me.
She tells me I have to look for jobs in the north west and says things like I am to get a job and live at home for a few years, to save up
to then buy a place of my own.
The control doesn't end there though. I'm nearly 21 and she has ignored that I said I want to have a meal in a city to celebrated and said 'Oh it'd be better here instead'.
She doesn't even let me go round to the local shop without coming with me or asking several questions! She also hates it when I want to spend time away from home overnight with my boyfriend. This has only happened twice that she knows about, and each time she has said I've acted selfishly and not thought about her, and she's screamed her head of at me . When i tried to tell her that I'm now 20 she screamed at me and told me just to piss off sarcastically.
She does not let me do as I want, I am not allowed to go out if it involves spending the night away from home (not even in a hotel).
She also has to phone my boyfriends parents each time theres an overnight stay involved.
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years. My mum wont even let us go on holiday.
I love going to Uni because I get some escapism and can be myself. But I am forced to come home every weekend by her.
She does support me financially and uses this as a reason to win arguments involving giving me some freedom.
I really want to move out after I graduate but I don't know how? I'm deeply unhappy and depressed by the way she treats me. She said I will not understand until I have a full time job and a place of my own.
This is killing me
(link)
|
Seems like your mom is protective of you and I am pretty sure it's because she loves you!
At the same time if this is making you depressed this isn't a good thing.
Have you tried talking to her? Maybe go for a ride or have lunch together and speak like adults and remind her that you are too. Make sure she understands that you love her too and value her but you are an adult now and you want to find your own way.
It's tough to let go of your child even at your age. So hopefully you can find a healthy medium.
Another thing if your mom is still financially responsible this is another reason for her to have a hold on you. I am not encouraging you to run off before you are ready but you need to start looking into this so you know what you are facing. Living at home for as long as you can is smart. obviously not the best if it's making you depressed but if you can get around that I highly recommend it for financial reasons but only if you feel you can handle it emotionally.
Take the time to have a serious talk and make sure you share your depression with her. The more you share you feelings the easier it will be for you to figure out your next move. Hopefully your mom will understand and start to give you a little more space.
Wishing you all the best xx
|
I am 17/F, my brothers are 13 and 15. We are currently on Christmas break, have been for the past 4 days.
It seems their favourite activity is walking into my bedroom without knocking while I am reading and fiddling around with my stuff and talking to me about Minecraft (which I am utterly uninterested in) or trying to convince me to read Lord of the Rings (also not interested).
I really don't like that they continually come in, particularly because they just waltz in without knocking even though I have asked them to knock multiple times. I talked to my mom about it and she told me to just ask them nicely to leave.
There are a couple of problems with that idea. First, I don't want them to come in unannounced in the first place. Second, I can't always ask nicely. I mean in theory it's easy, but I can't always put it into practice.
When I'm in a good mood, I put up with them coming in, and I try to make conversation for a while, until they or I get bored and they leave or I ask them politely to leave. This works fine.
However, if I'm really tired or just feeling kind of grumpy, I find it really hard to ask nicely. Sometimes I let them come in and hope if I ignore them they will leave(it doesn't work, I should stop trying), but most of the time I tell them to leave. I know I shouldn't tell them, because they won't leave unless I ask nicely, but I tell them, and then either they or my mom tell me to ask nicely, but at that point I am frustrated and I can't seem to control my tone of voice, so I say "Would you please leave me alone" but I say it in an annoyed way, so they don't leave because I didn't ask nicely enough.
How can I stop this? Is there a way to prevent myself from getting so frustrated? (link)
|
brothers are tough! and I feel your pain. You deserve your privacy.
It seems like you need to have sit your brothers down and have a serious conversation with them. Explain to them how much it bothers you. Have the conversation at a specific time you set up and not just when they bust in.
Tell them you love them and you love speaking to them but they should knock first and enter when you say it's ok.
Hopefully if you make it a big deal to have this conversation something will click.
If that doesn't work when they bust in I would get up and leave and not say a word. When they ask what is wrong I
would tell them
you are not going to speak to them when they bust into your room.
and if that doesn't work I think you need to speak to your mom again. Asking nicely was good advice but if it's not working it's time for her to intervene. Make sure you explain to her how it makes you feel. If she understand you that will give her more motivation to enforce some struck rules with your brothers.
I hope some of these suggestions help!
Good luck!!
|
24/f
I seem to always have had a hard time making and keeping friends. Im 24 now and it just feels like if I try to make friends with other girls Its forced. The few friends I do have have kids or their always busy. I have a coworker whose said she wanted to hangout, but she never texts me. And if I text her she doesn't answer. She has a daughter as well. And then there was this other girl around the corner from where I work and I gave her my number and I never heard from her. And this one girl at the gym who works there gave me her number and it didn't seem like she wanted to. Whenever we talk it's always me texting her. The last time we talked I texted her and she said she was going to the gym, and I said that i might go but I didn't because I was with my mom and we planned to have dinner together. I don't know what to do anymore. I used to have friends but they weren't very good people. They were into drugs and I started doing that but i eventually stopped, because I didn't want to get int trouble And i don't have facebook or any other social media because I got into trouble recently. Some idiot emailed my mom at work telling her the very personal details of my sex life, and how i cheated on my last boyfriend (which I truly regret) so she got upset of course and made stay off social media and I had to get a basic phone as well. I've tried to make her understand that I need friends and I want to be on social media, but she just doesn't get it. I'm so sick of feeling like this. I mean I want for once to hangout with someone on the weekend and not parents. It just seems like everyone already has their own friends and they don't need me in their group or even their life. So what should I do? What am i doing wrong? Thanks. (link)
|
so sorry you are going through this.
Making friends when we are older is difficult.
I think you need to continue to keep your options open like you are already doing and just continue to be friendly but not too pushy.
Find some groups you can join. If you are religious maybe church. If you like sports see what teams your town may have. Volunteer etc. Do a few things at a time where you can interact with people more but also get involved or stick with groups are activities that you enjoy. Even though its hard dont sweat it.
I find that when we focus too much on these things it drives us crazy.
And when that friend comes along...dont stop meeting people..keep busy.
Social Media can help with finding local groups if you ever get back on it but just be cautious with that too.
It will happen ...just give it time. these things take time and just try to relax and be the best version of yourself! In time you will find people that you click with.
Good luck!! and in the mean time look at it this way ...enjoy your drama free life you have for now because soon its going to change! lol great sides to both :)
Hang in there the friends are coming just get yourself out there!! xx
|
|
I am in recovery (4 years) from substance abuse. When I stopped using I replaced it with eating. Now I am 50 pounds overweight. I want to be healthy and lose weight but i have no discipline! I'm always telling myself...tomorrow. How can I teach myself discipline? (link)
|
Congratulations!! 4 years is amazing what an accomplishment!
First off let me say that if you can overcome substance abuse you can do this!
Believe that you can with every part of your being!
Take some time to figure yourself out.
for example..
Are you eating more sugary foods?
Do you eat larger portions?
Do you eat alot of carbs?
Do you eat greasy foods?
do you eat fruits and veggies?
Think about your answers and tweak from there.
Our diets are suppose to be balanced with fruits, veggies and lean meats prepared the right way are best.
exercising is important too.
Concentrate on eating healthy. Make better choices.
Dont worry too much about the evil Diet word it will throw you off.
Think more about a life change. Sometimes you are going to eat something bad and when you do dont beat yourself up..just do better on your next meal not the next day, or week.
No need to start Monday start now. Start making better choices as soon as you can and keep making changes for the better as time goes on.
Take your vitamins and drink lots of water especially with each meal.
Doing it this way should keep you going for the long haul.
You will start to feel better and you may not see the weight come off right away but with in a few weeks it will just start falling off and it will seem effortless. This should be more about being healthy and when you concentrate on that the weight will fall off.
Here is another tip...and this all depends on how you are.
Some people say to toss the scale.
Personally the scale is my best friend. I dont get upset at the number i use it as a guide. I find that it helps me realize where i may have gone wrong. Maybe i need more water? less food etc
I weigh myself sometimes every day if not every other day.
Why? if i see a 1 or 2 lb gain... i know i need to do better for the next few days vs waiting a week or longer to correct a 5 lb gain. Its harder to loose 5 than 1 or 2
Same thing goes for weight loss. If you loose a lot then you will know where you went right and you can continue .
I only recommend this if you are not afraid of the scale.
Either way i believe in you! you have already achieved an amazing accomplishment so you are going to add to it.
Good luck!!
|
|
I've probably asked this question before but I really don't care, I'm a 16 year old girl and I'm tired of people commenting on my voice. In grade 6 a group of guys made fun of me saying my voice was too deep mind you they've never hit puberty yet so their voices still sounded like little girls. Now it's not a problem anymore but now that I'm in highschool people keep saying I'm too soft spoken while others say that my voice is so monotone there's no emotion in my voice. This was news to me cause my family never complained about it but everyday someone new would comment on my voice and if they didn't comment they would mimic it and the way they would mimic it would be in this monotone dull voice. I've had depression from grade 5 to probably grade 10 cause I had very low self-esteem I still do but I just learned to accept it and also with issues at home but once I reached grade 10 I decided I was tired of being unhappy cause it was ruining my life people called me negative all the time and would criticize me but I guess my voice changed as I was in my depression cause I give read somewhere that a monotone or at least dull voice had to do with depression other times it's just that persons voice. What can I do to change my voice to more cheery? Cause when I talk with expression people think I'm about to cry, I used to be able to make people laugh now I just bore them when I tell them stories cause it's not the story that's boring but it's my voice. Please help (link)
|
So sorry to hear that this is making you depressed.
I cant say that I know anything about changing your voice but let me tell you this... There is something that is very beautiful about being your authentic self!
You were born with this voice. Maybe your future job will be voice overs or maybe you will be a singer. There are so many possibilities when you have a unique sound. (lots of money too)
I understand where this is difficult when dealing with children at school. Mean people suck!
I suggest you start being more confident inside. Dont worry about what people say you sound like or dont sound like and when they make fun tell them that you are happy that you dont have the same boring voice that everyone else has.
Work on feeling better and embracing you! Speak with confidence. Dont worry about the sound that comes out worry about how you feel inside!!
I feel like I can hear the tone in my mind and to me it makes you more interesting.
You weren't born with this voice to fit in.
There is greatness that comes with this and once you believe it others will too!
Everyone is different and unique in their own way. Start embracing your uniqueness and you will soar.
I hope you think about my advice and allow it to remove that depression because there is nothing to be depressed about when it comes to your voice..Im pretty sure its amazing!
|
Early 20s/F
I have been married for four years to my partner. Due to some tricky circumstances, we got married very soon after we started dating. We moved in together very quickly, merged finances, etc. I have a kid from a previous relationship that now calls him dad as the child was very young when he entered the picture.
When we first were together, he had jealousy/control issues that he worked on and overcame. We were both sexually attracted to each other and I felt like I was in love.
Fast forward two years from then, I begin to feel that my romantic and sexual attraction for him beginning to fade. Even though he worked through the jealousy/control issues, it was something always in the back of my mind that still hurts me to this day. I speak with my mom, and she basically tells me that I would be an idiot to leave him because he is such a great guy. I pretty much swallowed my "pride" and things seemed okay for a while.
Two more years later, I've now reached a point where I don't even want to kiss him or hold his hand, let alone have sex with him. My temper with him has gotten shorter and shorter. I try all the time to make plans with friends or be away from him. I explained to him how I felt about our love life, and he said that he didn't feel the same way and that he would try what he can to make it better. This was two months ago, and I feel the same if not worse. I can tell he is getting very agitated at the lack of intimacy, but I can't bring myself to barely even say "I love you."
I feel trapped, alone, empty and sad at the whole situation. He is a great guy, who loves me and my daughter very much, and I would consider him my best friend -- but I feel that I no longer have what it takes to be there for him as a wife. Our lives are so intertwined: we work together, drive to and from work together, live together, split finances, share parental responsibility. I do not drive, so taking a "break" from the relationship would basically be impossible. I was 18 when we got married and I feel like a completely different person now than I was before, which may be why I do not feel fulfilled anymore.
I am completely lost and do not know what to do. I have reached a part where even going to couples therapy seems makes me cringe. I don't want to ruin his or my daughter's life, or break his heart, but I feel like I am going insane.
Thank you. (link)
|
So sorry you are going through this.
Its tough when your feelings are not what your mind wants.
Marriage is difficult and it takes alot of work.
I highly recommend marriage counseling ASAP.
I know the idea of this makes you cringe...but keep in mind that this is your husband and you do have a child that calls him daddy.
So your marriage and your child are worth fighting for.
I think if you get to the root cause of why you are so turned off by him there is a chance things may turn around for you. Dont expect miracles it will take some time but please be open to it.
Maybe you dont feel like you are in love with him anymore but I am pretty sure you still love him.
Take things slow and try to get to know him again.
Its quite possible that counseling may make you realize even more that you definitely dont want to be in your marriage , who knows but you need to fight a little bit more just to make sure because once you walk away you may not have a chance to come back.
Counseling with give you some more clarity and at least put you on the same page with some things.
I know you were young when you got married and you are a different person now but please keep in mind that 10 years from now you will be a different person again.
These are some of the obstacles with marriage...... we all go through changes over the years and we end up being different people.
As long as this is not an abusive relationship just take that last step and have an open mind.
Wishing you all the best!!
|
I'm 18 from a Southeast Asian country where all sort of abuse is common. My parents (real) still abuse me. Earlier my mother slapped my more than 10 times. I have a red mark on my left face. She slammed me on the table then drag me hair. Of course as an 18 who would fight to their rights, I talked back to her. I told her, "is that what you can do? kill me." so see continued so smash my face on the couch. I continued talking back to her like: I'm 18 it's my right not to get physically abused. i even told her that it would be ok if she'd only abuse me verbally because it would never hurt me. I started yelling at her when my back hurt a lot. I have a problem with my vertebral disk so it's dangerous if my spine will be hit.
I cried a lot and she never stopped. It was really embarrassing because we have a guest, my 29-yr old cousin at the next door. After from a loud noise, my father came out with my arnis stick. he smacked me at my back, hips and arms. It hurts a lot really. He even tried to smack me in my head, but I've covered up so my forearm got hit. He ranted about how lazy I am, how dumb I am, how stupid and disabled. It killed me so much because it's 11 pm and everyone was sleeping. Our loud noise was heard by the neighbourhood who are just 2 metres away. I told him to stop because i can no longer breathe due because I was crying too hard that I couldn't catch my breath. He never stopped to smack me with his hands. I yelled that they have no rights to physically abuse me. They laughed sarcastically and said you're our child in my house with my rules. I even told them that I'll report them to women's desk and or tell my dad who's on a business trip (my 2nd father who's like my real dad and raised me until I was 13), but they just laughed and said go ahead that it killed me more. I told them that no one will hurt me no one will physically abuse me except myself but they kept on ranting on how lazy I am how different i am from my 5 siblings (i'm the 3rd child). My mother even told me that she regret making me alive. They even told me that I'm boastful about my achievements because of course that's just how I make myself better when they tell me how weak i am academically. I punched the wall and my pierced hand on it and it bled, but I can still type but can't write. I'm so desperate. I can't moveout I'm still in college and so poor. What will I do please help me. i tried talking about this to my friend but she didn't even empathized, she just laughed. I'm so tired but I won't sleep til I dry out my tears. I have a class tomorrow. My marks are visible especially on my face. plus I don't know what to do with my life. I don't know how to deal with the embarrassment of this to my neighbours, the marks on my skin, and the pain all over my body. I want to die since I'm feeling useless but I need to be alive for my dad(2nd dad) who cared for me and would be glad to see me as a doctor. I wanna die but i can't. They abuse me every couple of weeks. I don't know what to do. I'm 18. useless and weak. I can't stop from crying. I'm mentally destroyed from all of this plus I got dropped in my PE class this morning so that made me so destroyed.
I'm planning to stay up late and won't go home and perhaps get drunk. I wanna die. Please help me. what should I do. And also, I won't do any sort of reportings to authority that would humiliate them at any cost because my parents are professionals and I'm afraid to destroy their reputation. but I want to end this. I'm so sick of this physical abuse. i had no one to talk to. Please. (link)
|
My heart is breaking for you ! I am so sorry.
I think you really need to think about what you want and even more so what you need.
You need this to stop ASAP and you need to find a way to make it stop. Unfortunately the only what to make it stop is if you leave your house :(
If you say this is normal from where you are from your parents are not going to learn to stop doing this anytime soon if not never. You can't expect them to change. They are use to beating up on you mentally and physically so this is just the pattern they are stuck in.
School is important but your survival and health comes first!!!
Set a stopping point for yourself so you have something to look forward to.
Maybe you will complete this semester if you can stand it and try to be out of their sight as much as possible.
If don't feel you can do this , you still need to make a plan to leave with in a week or 2 whatever you feel you can work with.
Start looking into place you can stay. Maybe a friend that is further away. If you don't have anyone you will need to stay in a shelter :(
I would not recommend staying in a shelter that is near your house try to go a few towns over.
Maybe you can check it out before going just to get an idea of how things will be.
This is the only option if you don't have any money. Sometimes shelters will help you find a place, ask these questions before going.
You will need to get a job and start supporting yourself.
I wish that it would immediately get easier when you leave your parents home but you will probably face some more obstacles before you get more comfortable.
There are jobs you can look for in companies that offer tuition reimbursement so you can eventually finish school.
You can check out agencies where their are foster children in your state to see if they will help an 18 yr old and make sure you tell them your situation . They may be able to direct you to someone else who can help you.
It will be ok.
In all honesty I don't love these solutions , but it's the best advice I can give you if you want this to end.
1- Reporting your parents puts them in jail and since you are 18 I'm not sure if the courts will help you and this is not what you want to do anyway.
2- staying to finish college means further abuse and from the sounds of it who knows if your body will survive it.
College will always be there you will not :(
Make sure you are mentally prepared with whatever you decide. That will help you get through these tough times.
And please know you are so worth it!!!
I know it hurts especially since they are your parents but they are wrong not you.
Take care and I will pray for you.
and I am so sorry again you are going through this.
it will only get better from here just believe and let that belief carry you through!! You will overcome this!!!
sending you lots of love and hugs!! xx
|
Now I'd like to start off that I have depression, for a few years now, I am 17/female. I don't know how this plays into this well enough or has little.
Anyways, for thepast month my depression has gotten hard on me, all the whileI've slowly detached myself from my boyfriend, and with trying to converse with him during those weeks has made him irritated from my lethargy and dealing with me, and soon I called myself off from him and became distant to him. My feelings just started to fade, feelings for him and also I couldn't very well identify my own emotions. It's gotten worse between us and before any of this problem I had made a new (male) friend. I had no intentions to have feelings for him but now they're starting to form little by little. It's all a bit too confusing. Now getting out of the hard hit of depression I had gotten now I'm trying to work it out, but I feel like I'm rejecting a bunch of things out of fear of what'll happen. My boyfriend is sweet, caring, and I'm completely comfortable with but then, sometimes he is just so messy and disrespectful to his parents, embarrassing and boring at times. And then with this other guy, through out my worst days, has managed to make me laugh, talking almost non-stop. While my boyfriend has made me feel pushed away, like what went on inside didn't matter, now all I can explain is "I don't know what's going on inside, I'm sorry" and its tearing me apart if its just depression dampening my emotions or if its legitimate, any of them. Thank you if you read all of this. (link)
|
Sorry to hear about your depression...
Now as far as your boyfriend and this new male friend is concerned , well they are both parts of things that you need.
Since you are going through something it's nice to have someone familiar and someone you are comfortable with however in your case it doesn't seem like you are getting too much support from him. Another thing thats completely normal is for him to get on your nerves. You know him so this is just reality ....it happens .
The new male friend is something new and fresh which is exactly what you need right now to life your spirits !
BUT
you have to get more comfortable and that takes time and you don't know him so maybe things are wonderful now but they may not be next month? who knows.
It's tough to decide on something like this because you never really know until things start to happen.
Try to imagine how you would feel if you and your boyfriend weren't together with out this new guy in the picture . It's tough to do but really dig deep and just imagine not being able to call his number, visit him , fighting or even your good times and see how you feel. If you don't feel any real pain it's possible your feelings have changed.
Whatever you decide it needs to be based on your feelings and your feelings about the relationship you are in. Leave the possibilities of this new friend out.
Why?
because if things don't work out with your new friend you will be back in a depression state and feeling bad about leaving your boyfriend for this guy.
I'm pretty sure there is no doubt at all that you like this new guy (and yes it is possible to have a crush on someone while you are in a relationship) .... However I wouldn't act on it yet until you are sure that your old relationship no longer has a fighting chance.
and by that I mean that you don't feel it's worth fighting for.
It's in your best interest and everyone's best interest in this situation if you close one door before opening a new one.
Regardless of where things end up you need to be ok with it .
good luck on with whatever you decide!
|
|
I'm 14 years old and I'm in love. The guy is older but we plan on getting married and having all of six kids together. I want to wait until we get married to have sex but he says he's not gonna wait that long. I know he's the one for me and I know that we will work out because I just know, but, the thought of me being a virgin and him not being one just kills me. He's very honest and he told me that he isn't a virgin but I'm scared of being judged. What if I don't do it right? What if he ends up having sex with someone else because I wont give it to him? I'm terrified and I just cant get hurt again right now. I'm sorry this was so long but thank you for your time. (link)
|
This is an exciting time in your life. You are in love so wonderful!
If your rule is to wait until marriage and he does not support that rule that's a pretty big deal.
If you know that he is the one you shouldn't have all of these things to worry about.
If you do marry him one day and he loves you he will not judge you by how you are in bed. That's the difference between lust and love so you don't have anything to worry about.
Lastly seems like you are very afraid of being hurt again. I know it's easier to say this but don't think about that too much. Have fun! live in the moment. If you get hurt so be it. You will move on and find someone who will love you for you! and that is what you ultimately want from your boyfriend or husband..
Good luck and remember if he loves you he will wait!!!
|
|
I'm a 15 year old girl, and everyday I am depressed. It's not actual severe depression but. Anyway, I have big dreams of becoming a singer. But I suck at singing. I wanted to get training but my parents can't afford it (online lessons are bad). I'm not doing so well in school either, even though I truly do try really hard. When I turn 18, I don't want to go to college because I know it isn't for me. I want to sing. That's literally the only thing I want to do. And I won't change my mind about it. Music is the only way I express myself. However, I suck so I don't know where to go if not college. I have NO self confidence, at all. I don't believe a guy will ever actually like me. I consider myself ugly and I'm just a failure at life I don't even see the point of me being on this Earth anymore. I'm not proud of anything that I do, no one else is proud of me either. My parents wish I was a "better" child with better grades and with a "better" attitude. I literally feel like I don't belong anywhere, and I feel like I am not capable of achieving anything due to my suckiness and untalentedness (< that's a word now). (link)
|
Sorry to hear your life sucks... but here is some good news, its only temporary!
you want to sing, well dont let anything get in your way!!
While you are in school take advantage of all the free training while you can. Maybe there is a chorus class or musical theatre group you can join.
Some towns have local singing groups and musical theatre groups and they are usually free.
See where this takes you. Once you start doing what you love every thing will fall into place. You can also practice on your own. Practice singing and dont start out by worrying about how you sound worry about how it makes you feel and let it all out. Then start recording your voice and work on tweaking your sound.
I obviously have not heard you voice to know whether you are good or not but I do know that you have a passion inside of you for singing and its there for a reason so go with it.
Following your passion will make you a better person and you will feel,so much better about yourself!
Dont you get the most amazing feeling when you sing! I can relate I am a singer too 😊
good luck to you!
you will figure things out...just remember not to ignore your feelings.
|
|
Years ago when I was around the age of 13 going on 14, I was friends with this guy (he was 17). We both had a group of mutual friends, so we camped out one night. Me and him were in the same side of the tent, and he started kissing me, which I was okay with, and we did other stuff, which I was also okay with. Then he asked me if I was a virgin and, of course, I said yes because I was, and I wanted it to stay that way! I told him that I was, and he said ''we won't have sex then'' and I said ''okay''. A few seconds later he put it in anyway, and I had no idea what to do. It took me a while to realise what was happening (I was a virgin, I didn't know what sex felt like!), and when I did I started panicking, I had no idea what to do, I thought it was too late to tell him to stop. So we ended up having sex, and when we eventually finished, I cried myself to sleep, and the next day I rushed home as quick as possible, not telling anyone. And the very next day I felt so ashamed of myself that I did it again, I slept with him, again. I've been beating myself up about it and I take my virginity very seriously, before then I had a purity ring! I started to feel very depressed after that, and I tried to kill myself. Every time I think about it I cringe, panic and cry. How do I stop thinking about it? Did I lose my virginity to him or was he taking advantage of me? Please help!! (link)
|
I am so sorry this happened to you.
yes you lost your virginity and yes unfortunately he took advantage of you :(
That was your time to say no but understandably you were afraid.
Im pretty sure you cant stop thinking about it because you werent ready and because of how it happened.
We all have high expectations of our first time and lots of times its never right!
Stop beating yourself up over it!
Please forgive yourself!!! you are not a horrible person for this and you are still pure.
This was an unfortunate circumstance and it doesnt have to happen again until you are ready.
This is not worth you taking your life... you are SO much more than this.
I believe the healing will begin when you start to forgive yourself. When you think back it will hurt you but it wont be as bad. Dont let one bad situation make your life bad. We all have experienced bad things, but we learn and grow from it.
I dont know you but I know that this doesnt make you a bad person and I know that you can move past this. There is no need to keep thinking about it and allow it to ruin you and your future relationships. Dont give this guy that much credit he isnt worth it but YOU are!
wishing you all the best and a beautiful life xx
|
I've been going through a recent complicated break-up. The thing is I kinda rejected him because I want to get my life back together first before being in a committed relationship. I wasn't able to offer my heart back in return to this guy who loved me so purely because I got scared that the moment I say 'yes' we'd be in a really serious relationship. And the thought of being in a serious relationship scared me. I got scared and I made a stupid mistake by talking to it with another guy friend. And it almost felt like I cheated on him, he felt like I cheated. And now he's not in love with me anymore and that it's impossible for us to be together again. Which hurt so bad.
I know all of that's kinda convoluted, but long story short, I'm hurt because I hurt the one guy who's never done anything but love me so purely and see the best in me by being a stupid and weak girl. What if he's the one for me, what if I blew the chance to be with my soulmate? What if I never meet anyone who will love me as much as he did? I can't get over the pain and the loneliness no matter what I do.
I know I've made a mistake too. But I'm not aiming to get back together with him, because he's already said it's impossible. Now he just wants to be friends with me because he knows we're really close and he doesn't want to lose that and he said that I don't deserve to be abandoned completely. What should I do to get over him and forgive myself? I'm really sorry it was really long. Thank you to anyone who will help. (link)
|
Sorry you are going through this.
Breakups are tough. People that were deeply in love tend to feel like this. It's so hard to see outside of your situation because you are in so much pain.
The simplest advice I can give you is take it 1 day at a time .
I wish I could tell you to drink some tea and your pain will vanish in an instant but unfortunately there is nothing like that .
It's going to take time. Take this time to concentrate on you.
I find that it helps to plan your days the best way you can so you have something to look forward to. They don't have to be super busy but definitely make some type of plan for yourself every day and when those tough times come around and you want to cry just do it. You love him so it's normal just try to think about how to take care of yourself and dont drown yourself in the pain.
I have felt like this before and since feeling that way I met 2 other people that made me feel that way again and I married 1 of them.
You have to believe that if you are meant to be together at this time or ever you will be. Find the strength inside of you to love yourself more than this situation and believe that things are happening the way they need to be. We learn from every life experience.
on a side note... and I am not 100% sure but i feel like you should take a break from the friendship with your ex.
Pay attention to how you feel after you speak to him. In my opinion you should take a break from speaking until you are feeling better and you can handle it. I know your mind knows you are friends but your heart doesn't know it and that's what you have to protect right now.
This time is about you!
If he doesn't like it oh well
If he loves you (which love doesn't go away that easily) he will understand and if not is this the type of friend you need in your life?
Whatever decisions you make going forward make sure it's in your best interest! you need some time to heal and you can't worry about him too much. You can be friendly and if you feel like you need to hear his voice from time to time it's ok but definitely take some time for yourself and explain that to him so he knows.
Men deal with these things differently and sometimes they move on quicker than we do. Something to keep in mind.
another side note... did you actually cheat? it hurts or we feel jealous sometimes when our significant other speaks to the opposite sex but this shouldn't have broken you up. Something to think about. There are so many things that we go through in relationships and if this broke yours up is it worth it? Don't ponder too much on it but allow it to enlighten you a little.
So key things take it day by day have a plan to go out get some air and do something for yourself every day!
2nd .. you are the most important! don't compromise your heart any more at this time. It needs time to heal
Good luck and feel better! it's hard to see it now but it does get better. Just believe it! xx
|
Im 25 and my boyfriend is 24.
We've been dating for a couple months now and things have been great except one issue - his ex girlfriend. She will not stop texting/calling him even after he has told her that he's moved on. I was uncomfortable with him still speaking with her and he told me he understood and would take care of it.
Well last night his phone was on my night stand and I see his phone lighting up when he was in the bathroom. I peeked over and there was a text from his dad, and a missed call and text from his ex. His ex texts him dumb questions its like she just finds a reason to text him. But I didn't say anything when he came back in the room about her texting him. I just said you're phone was blowing up. He looked at it and I just said jeeze who was blowing up your phone and he said my dad. I said your dad must have something important to tell you if he's sending you so many messages (messing around) he just laughed and said yeah my dad sends me stupid stuff.
He never once mentioned that his ex tried contacting him. This really upset me it's like hes trying to hide it from me. I was sick to my stomach all night about it. I don't know how to bring this up to him without him knowing that I was peeking at his phone seeing who texted him. I even gave him a chance to tell me too.
About a week ago his ex came up in a convo and I simply said whens the last time she's tried contacting you? He said today actually she asked if my neighbor had any football tickets for sale. He said he simply replied no. So that time he actually told me when she texted him.
I don't know if he didn't tell me she texted him last night because he didn't want me to get upset or what but it's still not ok that he blatantly lied to my face. How can I bring this up? (link)
|
This is tough but you have to do what you feel you can live comfortably with.
It's possible he didn't tell you because he didn't want to upset you.
There isn't too much he can do about his ex contacting him.
He could totally ignore her and maybe she will stop or she may just get upset and text even more!
If it's just a matter of her calling or texting him bothering you and nothing else for example cheating I think you should try to let it go.
my concern is that if you start this conversation he is going to take the opportunity to turn this around and make you look like the bad one for looking at his phone and you will
loose his trust .
However if you do feel like he is cheating then you have to say something.
It's a frustrating situation no one wants their ex speaking to their ex but unfortunately if he isn't telling you and you are not suspecting anything it's probably best to let it go for now.
If she is still calling that much it will happen again where it will be obvious so it works in your favor.
|
|
I am 17 years old. I have a month old baby & we both live with my dad. the babies dad is around and he's a great dad. He takes him when I have to work which is very helpful. He's definitely gotten his life together since my son was born. He has a job & plans on helping me with anything I need help with. But the problem is my dad is constantly putting his nose in our business when it comes to my son. For example I go to work from 4 to 11 & my sons dad picks me and the baby up takes me to work and watches him till I get off. My dad doesn't like my son out that late but he's a BABY! He doesn't know if it's day or night. Why does it matter? And it's our baby. It's what we have to do to provide for our son. I have to WORK. But my dad saids I don't but I don't want to depend on him I like having my own money and taking care of things on my own. He's always trying to tel us what to do with our son. How can I address to him in a respectful way to stop? I'm only 17 but I know when it comes to my child & my sons dad is 20 he's know too. We got this but my dad won't back off. and now he wants me to put my child's dad on child support but i don't feel the need to do that. I don't want to but my dad insist! Yes I am leaving under his roof but im barely an expense to him. I pay for my own clothes, food, & rides to work. Not only that I pay for my sons formula, diapers, wipes, etc anything he needs!! Please help I don't know what to do!!! I WANT TO MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS (link)
|
This is a frustrating situation for both of you!
You are 17 and a mom!
you are an adult and you need to learn and make most of your own decisions and now that you are a mom , you have someone else to take care of!
I totally get it!
as for your father .... well he is your father. He loves you! and that feeling that you are having right now about wanting to provide and nurture your child .. well it doesn't go away and you are only 17. an adult yes but still young.
you are living in your fathers house so he still feels responsible for you and now his grandchild. So now that protection feeling multiplied. and he is also legally responsible for you.
and then there is your child's father.
regardless of who he is im pretty sure if he is like most fathers he doesn't completely love the idea of him.
It's definitely time for a talk and explain to your father what you are trying to do. Sometimes parents need to be reminded that their kids grow up. Speak to him in a nice tone and calm.
Remind him that you are 17 and you are a mom now.
Tell him that you appreciate him but you also need to make some decisions on your own.
Child support - I know your father wants you to do this and he is not completely wrong for this. My question is .. Does your child's father provide any financial assistance?
Lateness coming home- yes it is a baby and the baby doesn't know but you know the things that happen at night. The point your father is making regarding the late times coming home doesn't have to do with the baby noticing . It has to do with the danger that night time brings. People feel more comfortable kidnapping , stealing , raping etc.
So this is your fathers fears and they should be yours too.
However if this is the only way , well you have to do what you have to do.
In regards to this particular situation I would ask your father how can he help you with this? Can he watch the baby for you?
and if his answer is that you shouldn't have a job and he will give you money... ask him how many years will he do this?
Along with all of this I think the bigger conversation you should have with your father should be in regards to you plans for the future.
This will put you both at ease!
Do you want to go to college or a trade school?
if not what types of companies can you work for that you can make decent money and work your way up?
you are a mom now and this is a life long responsibility as you can see from your dads reaction and you are 17 :)
Its nice that your father still wants to help you. Take advantage of it while you can! it may not always be there. Think about what you can do while you have his support to make your life better for you and your child. Maybe he can help you with taking a course and with child care etc
Try not to think about the now because while I hear you saying that you take care of your self and maybe you do while under your fathers roof, but can you afford to move out, pay rent,insurance feed and clothe your baby? Have a reliable car to get to and from work? Pay light , cable and put gas in your car and pay for car insurance?
This is the place you want to be in the next few years and it's difficult to get there for any 17yr old but especially one with a baby.
Also while I am siding with you a little more keep in mind that your father cares for you and he wants to help. Put yourself in his shoes and think about what you want for your child.
lastly about your father telling you what to do with your son.... don't shut him up to quickly . Just ask him to make suggestions and think about it . Even if you go a different direction always be open to hearing it. Maybe ask him to offer it to you in a different way where you don't feel like he is taking over. explain that to him and also explain to him that you have to learn too.
Your father is a great resource in your life!
So definitely have the conversation and remember to keep calm and to also ask him to keep calm and figure things out together. You will see the results you desire.
Good luck to you and blessings to you and your family!! xx
|
|
There Is This Boy And I Think That He LikeS Me Cus When We Hang Out He Is Chill And He SoMe Times touches me but not in a way that bf and gf Way BuT Like He He Puts Gs Hand On My Shoulder And Rubs My Head And Im Not Sure I Have F33lings For HiM And So Nn So That (link)
|
I think it's safe to say he likes you!
However we don't know if it's romantic or as a friend.
The face that he touches you is a good thing he is comfortable however there is no way to say for sure.
If you like him and it seems like you do, follow along and flirt a little and see where it takes you. Take things slow and most importantly have fun!!
Good luck! :)
|
I'm 25 my boyfriend is 23. We have officially been dating for a month now. I've never been the touchy feely kind of person. My ex boyfriend would never hold my hand, kiss me in front of others or anything like that. barely would hug me. So i was kind of used to no affection.
Well now my current boyfriend always wants to be touching me. If we're watching tv he always wants to hold my hand or lay on me. I feel a little smothered. Sometimes I back off a little and he's like "youre mean" I dont know how to approach this. I do like him - I like kissing him. But sometimes the touching and constant contact can be too much. He knows I'm not really like that - I've told him before. But if hes touching me or something he's like you never touch me or why dont you touch me more.
Can someone help me with this situation? (link)
|
There are so many ways to look at this...
Let's start ...
You are not a touchy feely person so it's natural that you may not love this
Your ex was not this way so this didn't change you... but here is a question to think about .... Would you have wanted him to be more affectionate?
Your current boyfriend is very affectionate so with what we already know... how can this work ? especially since it seems like you are still interested in him?
Unfortunately you have to say something.
If you don't you will get so tired of it you will end up not being together.
If you do mention it to him you have a chance to make things better.
It's going to hurt his feelings however you can minimize it.
Set some boundaries. Maybe there are specific ways he shows his affection bothers you more than others?
For example maybe he hangs all over you in public and that bothers you more vs when you are in a private space.
Make sure you explain to him how you are (please don't mention the ex lol )
Explain to him that it doesn't mean you don't care and make sure you tell him that you appreciate him for putting it all out there however you need some things from him.
Something is also telling me do not mention space or distance it will come off cold
The words will come to you just be mindful of how you say it so you don't hurt his feelings.
This is going to be a tough conversation but it is necessary if you want to continue being in a relationship with him.
Ignoring it is not going to help however you have to make the choice on what you feel is best.
good luck!! xx
|
Long story short, I'm going alone to visit a college that I plan to start attending in the Spring. I originally planned to bring a boy I was dating, but that didn't work out so he won't be going. Then I planned to bring one of my female friends with me, but she can't get anybody to watch her baby and he's too young to bring outside the home. I also invited another boy I'm dating now, but he doesn't want to go because it's too early in the morning.
I don't want to bring either of my parents because I feel like that would make me look immature. I also don't want them embarrassing me or complaining about something (which I know they would).
The thing is, I get somewhat bad social anxiety when I go alone to somewhere unfamiliar and full of people and I don't want to look awkward and wind up walking around and getting lost.
I really don't want to go alone especially because it's an all day event that includes two meals and a campus tour. I know if I go alone I'm going to get really scared and want to leave.
What should I do?
(link)
|
Don't give up on yourself so quickly!
Is it possible that with your anxiety you will want to leave? Ofcourse! But you have to try. you may be surprised at what you can accomplish! and if you end up leaving so what!
Maybe this is a sign that you need to do this on your own.
Think about it.. if you are planning on attending this college it will be alone.
If the college makes you feel uneasy .... maybe it's not the place for you and you can look at some other schools.
and try to get out of your own head
It's a completely different experience doing something like this alone. There isn't any one around to influence any of your thoughts or opinions and you will get a real sense on whether this is the place for you.
Yes your plans fell through but YOU will be making the choice to take this tour alone.
It's just a building with some people showing you around that's all. :)
I hope you decide to go I think you will like the mini vacation you will be getting from your normal surroundings.
Good luck with whatever you decide!! xx
|
|
Hi! School is starting again and I really feel depressed. I'm in my 2nd year of taking up Secondary Education Major in English but this semester I shifted my course to Psychology. So 2 weeks from now and school is starting again. Everything I do is awkward and being in a new environment again is making me feel sick. I just don't know what to do. I can't eat nor sleep. I don't know if i did the right decision on shifting my course. These past few days I've been really depressed. I'm taking some sleeping medicine just to forget it all. I feel pressured and i can't talk it out with my family or anyone because i know that they will take it as me, being weird or something. Please help me. I want this disgusting feeling that's creeping out on me. (link)
|
Change is difficult but sometimes necessary.
So it's normal to feel down and school is tough!!
It takes a lot of dedication and you have to stay focused on the outcome. Obviously the larger goal is to obtain your degree but a smaller victory would be passing the course. Try to keep in mind how amazing that would feel!! and Believe you can do it!!!
For your depression ... Concentrate on your body and your overall well being. Take a walk even if it's not a long one. Breathe in the air, pay attention to all that's around you let some good healthy thoughts flow. Do this everyday and just let your mind veg out for a bit. Chase away any bad thoughts and try to just clear your mind and not think about school!
This will be difficult but keep working at it. You will start to feel better as you trying.
you are not weird and yes some people will not understand but it's good to vent. When you vent you are dealing with it. When you don't deal with your feelings lots of times it leads to depression.
So get it out when you can!! and get some air, drink lots of water and be mindful of what you put into your body.
This time will pass .
Feel better!!!!! xx
|
|