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What should I do???
I am 17 years old. I have a month old baby & we both live with my dad. the babies dad is around and he's a great dad. He takes him when I have to work which is very helpful. He's definitely gotten his life together since my son was born. He has a job & plans on helping me with anything I need help with. But the problem is my dad is constantly putting his nose in our business when it comes to my son. For example I go to work from 4 to 11 & my sons dad picks me and the baby up takes me to work and watches him till I get off. My dad doesn't like my son out that late but he's a BABY! He doesn't know if it's day or night. Why does it matter? And it's our baby. It's what we have to do to provide for our son. I have to WORK. But my dad saids I don't but I don't want to depend on him I like having my own money and taking care of things on my own. He's always trying to tel us what to do with our son. How can I address to him in a respectful way to stop? I'm only 17 but I know when it comes to my child & my sons dad is 20 he's know too. We got this but my dad won't back off. and now he wants me to put my child's dad on child support but i don't feel the need to do that. I don't want to but my dad insist! Yes I am leaving under his roof but im barely an expense to him. I pay for my own clothes, food, & rides to work. Not only that I pay for my sons formula, diapers, wipes, etc anything he needs!! Please help I don't know what to do!!! I WANT TO MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS
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This is a frustrating situation for both of you!
You are 17 and a mom!
you are an adult and you need to learn and make most of your own decisions and now that you are a mom , you have someone else to take care of!
I totally get it!
as for your father .... well he is your father. He loves you! and that feeling that you are having right now about wanting to provide and nurture your child .. well it doesn't go away and you are only 17. an adult yes but still young.
you are living in your fathers house so he still feels responsible for you and now his grandchild. So now that protection feeling multiplied. and he is also legally responsible for you.
and then there is your child's father.
regardless of who he is im pretty sure if he is like most fathers he doesn't completely love the idea of him.
It's definitely time for a talk and explain to your father what you are trying to do. Sometimes parents need to be reminded that their kids grow up. Speak to him in a nice tone and calm.
Remind him that you are 17 and you are a mom now.
Tell him that you appreciate him but you also need to make some decisions on your own.
Child support - I know your father wants you to do this and he is not completely wrong for this. My question is .. Does your child's father provide any financial assistance?
Lateness coming home- yes it is a baby and the baby doesn't know but you know the things that happen at night. The point your father is making regarding the late times coming home doesn't have to do with the baby noticing . It has to do with the danger that night time brings. People feel more comfortable kidnapping , stealing , raping etc.
So this is your fathers fears and they should be yours too.
However if this is the only way , well you have to do what you have to do.
In regards to this particular situation I would ask your father how can he help you with this? Can he watch the baby for you?
and if his answer is that you shouldn't have a job and he will give you money... ask him how many years will he do this?
Along with all of this I think the bigger conversation you should have with your father should be in regards to you plans for the future.
This will put you both at ease!
Do you want to go to college or a trade school?
if not what types of companies can you work for that you can make decent money and work your way up?
you are a mom now and this is a life long responsibility as you can see from your dads reaction and you are 17 :)
Its nice that your father still wants to help you. Take advantage of it while you can! it may not always be there. Think about what you can do while you have his support to make your life better for you and your child. Maybe he can help you with taking a course and with child care etc
Try not to think about the now because while I hear you saying that you take care of your self and maybe you do while under your fathers roof, but can you afford to move out, pay rent,insurance feed and clothe your baby? Have a reliable car to get to and from work? Pay light , cable and put gas in your car and pay for car insurance?
This is the place you want to be in the next few years and it's difficult to get there for any 17yr old but especially one with a baby.
Also while I am siding with you a little more keep in mind that your father cares for you and he wants to help. Put yourself in his shoes and think about what you want for your child.
lastly about your father telling you what to do with your son.... don't shut him up to quickly . Just ask him to make suggestions and think about it . Even if you go a different direction always be open to hearing it. Maybe ask him to offer it to you in a different way where you don't feel like he is taking over. explain that to him and also explain to him that you have to learn too.
Your father is a great resource in your life!
So definitely have the conversation and remember to keep calm and to also ask him to keep calm and figure things out together. You will see the results you desire.
Good luck to you and blessings to you and your family!! xx
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I think your dad is in a similar situation to you and your guy. You all love this child and want him to have the best possible start in life. Unfortunately, you've all got your own worries and ideas. You and your guy want to be the sole providers, more or less, for your son. You want to make your own decisions.
Together, you make a solid foundation to be your son's family. After all, he's related to all of you and you all love and worry about him.
Just as you have your own ideas on raising your son, so does your dad. He helped bring you up and you've done well, getting a job and being as independant as possible. So tap into your dad's experience, you might be surprised at how much he knows about children, how to deal with nappy rash, continuous crying and lots of other stuff. He can take the baby for a walk while you're in work, put him to bed and babysit until you get home.
I think your dad wants to be part of your family. Try to make some basic rules, you make decisions about your son, your dad can suggest stuff but you decide what works and what doesn't.
I hope this works and you all have a good time bringing up baby! Good luck x
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First there is one thing I so agree with your dad on and that is court ordered child support. Without that order at anytime you child's father can walk away from his responsibilities. What the court will order are three very important things that are needed for the health and well being of you son.
1. A sum of money each month until the child is 18. The boy is his responsibility and he must bear the burden of the financial responsibility of raising him until the child is 18.
2. Health insurance. This is very important. The court will order him to maintain a health insurance policy for the boy, either through his employer or stand alone until the boy is 18. If you also have health insurance through work this is a plus and it will lower your health costs as your insurance on your son will pick up what your husbands does not pay such as copays.
3. Last is he must maintain a Life insurance policy in the aggregate amount equal to what he would pay in child support until the child is 18.
These three things are very important. I know right now he may be doing the right thing. If there are no plans for you two to marry and even if there are; until you are you must put the baby first. If there are no plans to marry he could at anytime move away, marry someone else and just walk away from you and your son. Things change over time and you need the protection of the court order for your son's well being.
As for the other things you write about I agree with you that your father should let you raise your child. The problem is you are not legally an adult yet and will not be until your 18 which makes your dad legally responsible for you and his grandson.
I can think of many respectful ways to talk to your dad though the facts remain he has the ultimate responsibility for you and his grandson at the moment. You could try to explain to him nicely that your understand he still sees you as a child, his child. Though you are a mother now and as a mother certain instincts of motherhood come with it. You appreciate his caring but you are ultimately the one who must make the decisions with the boys father as what is right for the boy.
Also do as I have said and tell him you are willing to speak to a lawyer about child support and custody rights. Visitation for the father and if you want the father's parents as your son is there grandson too.
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You need to take a deep breath.
I understand what you Dad is doing is frustrating, but maybe he's being a real jerk about it, however, that doesn't mean he's wrong about everything.
You are clearly making your decisions. You are doing that. He's just talking to about them. That is totally fair for him to do. He's clearly not stopping you from working, or from setting your infants sleeping schedule. He's just telling you what he thinks.
Chances are, at 17 years old, you still need your father's involvement in your life and your son's life. Your father is not just your roommate-even if you also work and pay many of your own bills! Even if you were paying him rent! You'd still be his child, living in his house. There is no getting around the dynamic that imposes on you. That position demands a degree of respect. It also means you will have to listen to what he has to say, even if you don't agree or follow his advice.
You should talk to your baby's doctor about what sleeping patterns would be best. You might be right that the baby is doing just fine like this - especially when he's so young, but as he gets older you might need to reconsider your plans to make sure the baby is getting the sleep he needs. Maybe not right now, but this might not be the best arrangement for the little one's sleep in the long-term. Talking to a doctor about this, or joining a group for young mothers, will help to inform you with other people's expertise and experience and that will help you have more confidence in the choices you are making and expressing to your father.
Raising a child takes a lot of information! Really, you should be talking to other people and seeking advice. You don't just KNOW what's right just because you gave birth. No one does. Every mother has TONS to learn and if you get your back up the one you are hurting the most is yourself, because you'll isolate yourself from all the other people who care and want to support you. You and your boyfriend cannot just do this alone. You couldn't even if you were in your 30s. You need your community.
None of that means your Dad is right, not all of the time, not even most of the time, but it does mean his information and opinions deserve some basic respect, even if they annoy you.
You're stressed. You should be stressed. You have a month old. If you weren't stressed there would be something wrong with you, but don't turn this into an all out war with your Dad. It doesn't have to be. Instead, seek outside advice and information and support. That way you Dad knows you are making active, informed choices, not just arguing with him because you're pissed with him.
Also, hate me if you want too, but you and you boyfriend should have a child support agreement. It's an important part of being responsible parents at this stage. That way your boyfriend knows what he owes, and you know what you and the child have to spend. Without an agreement like that, things can get dicey and resentful for both of you. It's not about punishing your boyfriend or because he's being 'bad', or a sign of a lack of trust. It's about having a clear agreement in place so that both of you know what is what, and you don't have miscommunications about money. A child support agreement is an important part of you both providing for your son in the long-term.
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