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humorist-workshop
annoying brothers
I am 17/F, my brothers are 13 and 15. We are currently on Christmas break, have been for the past 4 days.
It seems their favourite activity is walking into my bedroom without knocking while I am reading and fiddling around with my stuff and talking to me about Minecraft (which I am utterly uninterested in) or trying to convince me to read Lord of the Rings (also not interested).
I really don't like that they continually come in, particularly because they just waltz in without knocking even though I have asked them to knock multiple times. I talked to my mom about it and she told me to just ask them nicely to leave.
There are a couple of problems with that idea. First, I don't want them to come in unannounced in the first place. Second, I can't always ask nicely. I mean in theory it's easy, but I can't always put it into practice.
When I'm in a good mood, I put up with them coming in, and I try to make conversation for a while, until they or I get bored and they leave or I ask them politely to leave. This works fine.
However, if I'm really tired or just feeling kind of grumpy, I find it really hard to ask nicely. Sometimes I let them come in and hope if I ignore them they will leave(it doesn't work, I should stop trying), but most of the time I tell them to leave. I know I shouldn't tell them, because they won't leave unless I ask nicely, but I tell them, and then either they or my mom tell me to ask nicely, but at that point I am frustrated and I can't seem to control my tone of voice, so I say "Would you please leave me alone" but I say it in an annoyed way, so they don't leave because I didn't ask nicely enough.
How can I stop this? Is there a way to prevent myself from getting so frustrated?
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I see several problems here that really need attention and they are not just about asking your brothers to leave. You are correct in they should not be walking into your bedroom without knocking. Having once been their age I have reasons to believe there is more to this then just wanting you to read to them or to talk to you.
You should have a lock on your door so you can have some privacy. You need this privacy for I believe your brothers are trying to catch you in a state of undress. The 13 year old is just now getting interested in girls. The 15 year old has been interested in girls for sometime.
If you search their rooms, the garage, the basement or wherever they hang out I guarantee you will find pilfered copies of Hustler, or magazines of these types. Every young boy has them and they are passed around between friends and hidden where they hope mom doesn't find them.
These only contain pictures of naked women. They have an older sister who is the real thing and very pretty I'm sure. Walking in on you at various times is I'm sure their attempt to catch you undressed and get a glimpse of the real thing in the flesh so to speak.
Even if I could be wrong, which I doubt I am, just the thought that I am right is reason enough that you be allowed to have a lock on your bedroom door if you don't have one. When you want or need privacy you lock the door.
Ask mom or dad to go to Lowes or Home Depot's Hardware Department. They will find interior door sets that have the ability to unlock with a small key in an emergency. These keys are all they security mom or dad should want in allowing you to have a locked door. They will have the ability to unlock the door should you ever lock yourself in and they need to get in or should you or your brothers lock you out.
Talk with mom. Tell her what I think is happening. She may not have thought of this. She may even want to discuss this with your dad. I'm positive dad will agree as he was once a boy of their ages and probably did the same type of spying if it was possible or knew of a friends that did.
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Honestly, no.
Your mom is in the wrong here. Your brothers are perfectly old enough to grasp this. Being nice is a good goal, but they are being extremely rude and disrespectful. Tell them to get out. Every time. When you are in a good mood or a bad one. Tell them to get out the very moment they come in. If you are willing to speak to them, tell them to leave and knock properly. Like training a puppy, you need to set a very firm standard where this is never something they get away with.
If someone says you must ask 'more nicely'. Remind them that no one has to 'ask nicely' to not be kidnapped, or stolen from, or punched in the face. We all understand those things are not okay. It's time for your brothers to understand that bursting into someone else's room uninvited is just not okay, whether they are told 'nicely' about it or not. They are wrong. Some times when you do mean, wrong, disrespectful things, someone might not be all that nice when they tell you stop.
It's good to try to be nice, but your brother's aren't getting the message. So be clear. Each and every damn time. Still TRY to be calm and respectful of them, but DEMAND they are still respectful of your space even if you aren't 'nice' enough for their tastes. Promise you're mom that you'll always try to nice, but ask her to back you up even if you aren't perfect. It's not fair to expect you to be PERFECT all the time in the face of their deliberate and ongoing rudeness. She's not demanding your brothers be perfect. It's also not fair to ask to you to behave perfectly all the time to get the privacy and respect you deserve.
You are frustrated because this is frustrating. It's gonna be hard work to enforce boundaries with them, and sometimes you will loose your cool. That doesn't mean they can ignore your boundaries anymore than it means it's okay to punch someone who isn't nice enough to you. If you loose your cool, apologize, but that doesn't change the boundaries. You can make mistakes and they are still are required to knock.
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brothers are tough! and I feel your pain. You deserve your privacy.
It seems like you need to have sit your brothers down and have a serious conversation with them. Explain to them how much it bothers you. Have the conversation at a specific time you set up and not just when they bust in.
Tell them you love them and you love speaking to them but they should knock first and enter when you say it's ok.
Hopefully if you make it a big deal to have this conversation something will click.
If that doesn't work when they bust in I would get up and leave and not say a word. When they ask what is wrong I
would tell them
you are not going to speak to them when they bust into your room.
and if that doesn't work I think you need to speak to your mom again. Asking nicely was good advice but if it's not working it's time for her to intervene. Make sure you explain to her how it makes you feel. If she understand you that will give her more motivation to enforce some struck rules with your brothers.
I hope some of these suggestions help!
Good luck!!
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They are bored. For whatever reason they find you interesting and or more likely an easy target to get a rise out of. Don't give it to them and you'll find they will disappear. More or less that's all that is.
The privacy and knocking before entering issue is the one to be concerned with. They need to know they can't do this and it's up to the adults in the picture to make it clear. Parent's don't like the idea of locks usually.
I would compromise and ask if you can get a chain latch so that when someone goes to turn a knob without being invited in it stops the door from fully opening. Your parents will know how to bypass this if they need in as will you. The two of them won't.
At almost 18 you are deserving of the same privacy any adult would get so I think addressing this is more important than them following you and bothering you. You need space and definitely a place to relax, not worry about changing clothes, or needing to be alone. They too need this and to know what respect means.
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