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Im 25 and my boyfriend is 24.
We've been dating for a couple months now and things have been great except one issue - his ex girlfriend. She will not stop texting/calling him even after he has told her that he's moved on. I was uncomfortable with him still speaking with her and he told me he understood and would take care of it.
Well last night his phone was on my night stand and I see his phone lighting up when he was in the bathroom. I peeked over and there was a text from his dad, and a missed call and text from his ex. His ex texts him dumb questions its like she just finds a reason to text him. But I didn't say anything when he came back in the room about her texting him. I just said you're phone was blowing up. He looked at it and I just said jeeze who was blowing up your phone and he said my dad. I said your dad must have something important to tell you if he's sending you so many messages (messing around) he just laughed and said yeah my dad sends me stupid stuff.
He never once mentioned that his ex tried contacting him. This really upset me it's like hes trying to hide it from me. I was sick to my stomach all night about it. I don't know how to bring this up to him without him knowing that I was peeking at his phone seeing who texted him. I even gave him a chance to tell me too.
About a week ago his ex came up in a convo and I simply said whens the last time she's tried contacting you? He said today actually she asked if my neighbor had any football tickets for sale. He said he simply replied no. So that time he actually told me when she texted him.
I don't know if he didn't tell me she texted him last night because he didn't want me to get upset or what but it's still not ok that he blatantly lied to my face. How can I bring this up?
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Your boyfriends ex can't accept the fact that he's over her and she's Jelous of you by her texting him and making an excuse to talk to him probably means she still has feelings for him and I don't think you should worry about your boyfriend not mentioning it , he probably didn't mention it because he doesn't want to worry you or make you paranoid everytime she texts him
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You need to confront that boy. the feeling you talk about "Sick to my Stomach" i have felt the exact same way, and it is the worst feeling a person could ever feel. The bringing up part is the worst, i understand that. But if you don't find a way to do it, you are going to resent him and things are gonna get ugly. Best way to do it, just come right out with it. Tell him the day you seen it and the way it made you feel, if he is guilty ( which he is because regardless he lied to you) he will get a gut feeling that will hurt him and hopefully make him smarten up. I wish you the best of luck, i wouldn't wish the feeling of not knowing on my worst enemy. Much Love - Britt
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Before you talk to him, ask yourself what do you expect him to do to 'take care of it' exactly?
Do you expect him to block her completely?
Did you expect him to upset you and face your anger every single time he reports to you that she tried to make contact in any way? Because you both knew at this point that she would keep trying no matter what he said. Was that really what you wanted him to do?
Lying isn't cool, but you also had a part in setting this entire thing for failure, because you were unclear with him about what your expectations were. You didn't seek clarification when he said he'd "Take care of it" because you didn't want to have to talk about this any more. You hoped that he meant what you wanted him to mean, rather than communicating with him properly. Then you snooped on his phone, which is equally not cool and deliberately tried to trap him a lie, rather than communicating with him properly.
Seriously, let go of this lie and try to fix the mistake both of you made in the first place by being honest about what you expect of him. If you want him to NEVER speak to her again, ask for that. If he says no, he deserves having his feelings and worries taken just as seriously as yours. Not every ex can be cut out entirely without consequences or guilt. That is not a sign of cheater, that is a sign of a human being with a conscience who likes to avoid hurting people or causing drama.
A guy who wants to cheat, will eventually cheat with somebody. A guy doesn't want to cheat, wont, even if the most beautiful woman in the world strips naked in front of him. So stop freaking out that he'll run back to her and start talking to him and trusting what he says. If you can't do that, then this relationship can't work, whether she is still trying to text him or not.
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This is tough but you have to do what you feel you can live comfortably with.
It's possible he didn't tell you because he didn't want to upset you.
There isn't too much he can do about his ex contacting him.
He could totally ignore her and maybe she will stop or she may just get upset and text even more!
If it's just a matter of her calling or texting him bothering you and nothing else for example cheating I think you should try to let it go.
my concern is that if you start this conversation he is going to take the opportunity to turn this around and make you look like the bad one for looking at his phone and you will
loose his trust .
However if you do feel like he is cheating then you have to say something.
It's a frustrating situation no one wants their ex speaking to their ex but unfortunately if he isn't telling you and you are not suspecting anything it's probably best to let it go for now.
If she is still calling that much it will happen again where it will be obvious so it works in your favor.
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