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My advice motto is LISTEN-CARE-RESPOND! BELIEVE IN YOURSELF - we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for!
advice
I'm a pretty good student, usually do all my homework and don't cheat or anything. Most of the time, people are always asking to copy my homework and since I'm nice and want to make friends, I let them. I can't say I don't have it when its out on my desk and anyone can see it. I always get scared the teacher is going to see I'm letting someone copy and I'll get in trouble! What should I say next time it happens? I don't want to come off as mean or anything, but I'm sick of working for my grades when someone can just copy and get it easy!
It's no fun to be in your position. Of course you want people to like you and think you're cool, but why should you be the one doing all the work while everyone else just rides your coat tails? You are certainly justified in wanting to put an end to it. I'm not usually one to promote lies or manipulation, but teenage life can be so dang complicated and maybe a little white lie with no malicious intent wouldn't be a bad idea in this situation.
So, when people ask for your work, you could tell them that one of your teachers pulled you aside and told you that they know other students are copying your work and threatened you with disciplinary action if you continue to allow it. Then you can say that it freaked you out so much that you are not willing to take that risk anymore. I'm sure that the lazy people will try to make you feel like it's no big deal and you won't get caught, but you can say you pretty much already did get caught and used up your "get out of jail free card" and no way do you want to push your luck any further. It should work and then you don't have to feel like a "goody two shoes".
If you don't feel like you can pull it off by yourself, you could go to one of your teachers in confidence and explain your plan and ask if they will back you up. However, I would only suggest this if you have a particularly cool teacher, because if you approach the wrong kind of teacher, he or she could demand to know what students have been copying your work. If you go this route, I would be careful not to actually admit that any copying has actually happened and just speak with them in hypotheticals. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
Okay ..i got a really bad grade on my spanish thingy .. i got an E and ive never gotten an E in my life. I mean i got grounded for a C and who knows what will happen with an E .. im too scared to show my mom so i thought about forging bcuz i've done it before but im afraid that like one day im gonna have a parent-teacher confrence and my teacher is gonna show her that and her be like i never signed that. i dont want the simple answer honesty is the key or whatever i want what yall would do! i rate really good =) please help me now!!!
I'm not going to tell you not to forge, but I will tell you that if you are already stressed and freaked about getting caught in a dishonest act that you are thinking about committing, just realize that once you go through with it, the stress and pressure will still be there and you will also be carrying around the additional pressure of "am I gonna get caught" for quite awhile.
You are the only one who can decide which way to go, but, in my opinion, dealing with the repercussions of the bad grade now, might be better than stressing and fretting about being dishonest, only to get caught later and have to deal with the repercussions of the grade and the dishonesty.
On the other hand, you might do it and get away with it. But if you do, I wouldn't suggest making it a habit because keeping track of multiple lies and having to remember who you've lied to and what about gets to be a exhausting. (Just a thought.) Good luck to you.
Kind wishes,
OK I'm a 15/f and I'm white.. and my boyfriend's black. It makes no diffrence to me .. I dont care at all but I think my dad does. Eventually he's going to meet my Dad and I'm so afraid of what my Dad's going to say. He doesn't know about my boyfriend yet. My dad's a little bit intimidating and I dont want him to scare my boyfriend or anything because I really like him a lot. I think we're going to last a long time, but I'm so scared of what my Dad's going to do or say. What should I do to make this easier ?
Dealing with racism is tough and it's even harder when it's coming from someone in your family whom you love and trust. It doesn't sound like you are completely sure what your Dad's thoughts are on the subject, but if you have any inkling that he might have a racist mentality, then I suggest you talk to him before he finds out or before he meets your boyfriend in person for the first time.
If your Dad does get upset and act irrationally about your interracial relationship, it's better not to put your boyfriend in his line of fire. It could be very unpleasant and hurtful for your boyfriend and it would be a negative experience that nobody should have to endure.
Perhaps you could start a conversation with your Dad where you tell him all of the great things about your boyfriend and how well he treats you (hopefully that's the truth) and then comment on how you think some people have a problem with your boyfriend simply because of the color of his skin and that you think it's just sad. No matter how your Dad feels about the situation, this would be a good jumping off point for further conversation. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
What are some good screenname Ideas?
-I love Avril Lavigne
-I LOVE LOVE LOVE orca whales
-I skateboard
-I'm a punk, tomboy type
Thanks, I rate really well
How about: OrcaLovinPunkGrl
I'm really bad at this, but it was fun to think about - thanks for that!
Kind wishes,
Okay, this is a weird question, I'm sure...but I figure I may as well see what y'all say.
Okay...my boyfriend kind of has a thing for "dirty talk" and I think it's totally ridiculous. I start laughing whenever he says something and expects me to respond. I think it bothers him that I keep giggling, but I can't help it! To me, it just seems so totally fake and stupid...
I mean, I've tried playing along, but I just feel so awkward and stupid, saying things like...that...
Should I try to do something about my giggling problem (lol)? Should I tell him I just can't do it? What do you guys think?
I say, be honest with your boyfriend about the dirty talk not working for you. Although, it might work for some, if it doesn't feel right to you, then you shouldn't do it. I understand your desire to give your boyfriend what he wants, however, you should be able to find ways of being intimate with each other that are comfortable for BOTH of you.
It's very important when dealing with sexual matters that you do not compromise yourself in any way. It's certainly fine to try things out to see how they make you feel, but once you've decided that something doesn't work for you - that should be the end of it. Any guy who genuinely cares for you should respect your intimacy preferences, (even if he is a little disappointed). Let him know what doesn't work for you, and more importantly, be sure to let him know what does work for you.
Also, remember that guys have insecurities too. While explaining to him that dirty talk isn't something that you want to engage in, try not to make him feel like he is a pervert for being into it. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
I really really like my boyfriend but he's always doing things on the weekend to do with scouts and his church and things. I don't think he's only saying that to avoid me but I really want to spend time with him. What should I do?
It's natural to want to spend time with someone that you care for, however, it's also important to be well-rounded and to maintain your own identity when you are in a relationship. I think that you should "take a page from your boyfriend's book" and find some activities to get involved with of your own. Also, you could suggest to your boyfriend that the two of you could find an activity or club to join together. That way you will each have your own "things" that will help you maintain your individuality, yet you will have common activities as well.
I know it's hard when you want to be with someone all of the time, but often people get burned out quickly on "too much of a good thing". If you get busy yourself, it will help take your mind off not being with him and not seeing each other all the time could help to keep your relationship fresh.
However, if you find that he is avoiding spending time with you altogether, it might be time to think about changing his status from boyfriend to ex. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
(I asked this question to everyone before, but I have certain favorite columnists so I'll just ask them now)
Okay, well, there's a guy I know from MSN who I've been talking to for about a year now, friend of a friend, never met him in person. Last year we mentioned that it might be interesting to actually meet, though he did think that it might be a little awkward, but twice our plans got screwed up one way or another so we just dropped the subject. I didn't speak to him all summer because his computer broke down, and when he came back on I thought maybe I'd mention our idea again. He said he thought it might still be weird, but I said we should give it a try anyway because there was nothing to lose. He agreed and even suggested a place we could meet. A few weeks later, on a Friday, I said how about Sunday and he said yes, but we didn't decide on a time or anything, and come Sunday I didn't see him online until the late afternoon and he didn't even bring up our half-made plans. Anyway, the point of all this is that I really don't know what to do, whether I should keep trying or not. I really want to meet him because I like his personality but for all I know he finds me annoying. I don't know whether to let it go for another while so as not to seem desperate, or if I should just confront him and ask him to just tell me whether he wants to meet me or not so I can go from there. I really don't want to sound pushy. Sorry this was so long, but any advice would help. Thanks.
P.S.:Before I got answers about being careful because i don't know him. This is true, but I'm just telling you now that there's no need to worry about him being some old perv, I know 2 of his friends and random people who went to school with him, he ain't armed or dangerous, folks. :)
First, let me say that I know it is a powerful feeling when you are drawn to someone and sense a real connection with them. I understand your desire to take things to the next level which, in your mind, involves meeting each other face to face.
However, it seems to me that either your timing is "cosmicly off" on this situation (which could be the universe telling you it's not meant to be), or perhaps your on-line friend (we'll call him "MSN") simply wants to keep the relationship on-line. You have listed several times where the opportunity should have been there for you two to meet and it didn't occur because of his lack of follow-up. Some people really don't do well with direct confrontation of any kind and instead of just telling it to you straight, he might be using subtle hints to show that he is not ready to meet you in person and possibly never will be.
That doesn't mean that MSN does not value your friendship and want to keep you in his life. There are all kinds of healthy non-traditional relationships and there is nothing that says that the two of you have to follow any "standard protocol" for what the next step might be for you.
At the same time, if you have developed feelings for MSN beyond friendship and are finding that you are turning away from opportunities for relationships in your day-to-day life because you are waiting for something to develop between you and MSN, then I think you are being unfair to yourself. If this is the case, in your best interest, you should be honest with him and let him to know that you can no longer be his internet buddy only.
If, however, you can be content to continue your current on-line friendship without sacrificing your own feelings, then I say let things stay the same. MSN might just be nervous and if he's not pressured, in time, he might realize that he's ready to meet you no matter how awkward it might be. Since he is the one who is showing hesitancy, I would let him deal with it in his own time and leave the next move up to him. If someday he decides he wants an in-person relationship with you and you are already in one with another guy, then it will be his loss. In the meantime, you still have a good on-line friend. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
My best friend's boyfriend was beating the shit out of her.. he made her give him head in front of his friends or else he'd beat the shit out of her.. she had bruises and i saw them.. she told me about it.. i tried talking to her and him.. she tried talking to him.. it was never gonna end.. so i talked to tara (a school counsler) with 2 other people.. and we told them what we have seen and what was going on.. now she blames me.. and only me.. she said i ruined her life and she hates me.. she said that i blew it out of proportion and her lame fucking excuse for it was that he gets worried about her and then he gets angry so like when ur so angry u wanna hit someone that's what he does.. hello but am i the only one who doesn't hit my signifigant other when i'm pissed off?? i just don't know if i did the right thing.. i love her so much she's my best friend and i'd do nething for her and i just felt like this whole thing with her boyfriend was waaay out of control and i couldn't do nething more to help! i had to tell someone.. i dunno but i feel like killing myself and i dunno what to do... first i wanna go kill him.. then i'll kill myself.. sounds like the best plan to me but ya know there are people who actually care about him surprisingly and i couldn't never kill neone but that's beyond the point.. i dunno what to do about my friend and meanwhile it's throwing me in a hole i can't get out of and i just dunno what to do.. please help :'(
The bottom line is that your best friend's boyfriend was abusing her - plain and simple. You did the only thing you could do to try and protect her as someone who loves and cares about her. There is no way that you could have done nothing and there is no way that you should have done nothing.
Now here's the part that sucks. Even though you did the right thing, you have no control over her reaction. Obviously, she is not ready to make the changes she needs to make in her life to keep her safe, and you can't force that on her. Eventually, she will probably realize that this guy is an abuser and get away from him. The sad reality is that she may never let herself see that what you did was for her own good and you may never get the "thank you" that you deserve. All you can do is stand your ground and continue to explain to her that you did what you did because you care about her and you will be there for her if and when she needs you. It doesn't seem fair, I know, but hold your head high because you've done nothing wrong. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
All my friend has been doing lately is complaining. Not to be stuck up or anything but things are going a little better for me than they are for her lately and shes tryen to bring me down with her so we can share being upset all the time . On the fone she doesnt stop complaining I just want to hang up on her. I dont want to be rude to her about this but im just so sick of listening to her complain. PLEASE help!
It is certainly no fun to be around someone spouting negativity all of the time. I understand your frustration. The old saying that "misery loves company" is certainly true and while your friend is probably not consciously trying to bring you down, that is what is happening, nonetheless. However, it is important as her friend to be there for her during a tough time.
Sometimes, simply being positive in the face of negativity can help to turn things around. So, when she is whining and complaining, you could point out to her where things in her life aren't as bad as they might seem and talk about all of the things she has going for her. It might be just the nudge she needs to change her tune. Also, it never hurts to hear a pep talk from a good friend.
However, you are right to be concerned because being around someone who refuses to be anything but negative, can really bring you down and burn you out. So, do your best to help her come around and be patient with her, but if she stays on her negativity binge, you might have to talk to her more directly. Explaining to her how that kind of thinking will only bring that kind of reality into her life and that you want good things for her and worry that she'll never get them with her current attitude is one way of being direct without being too harsh. During your conversation, if you make it about her, instead of about you (even though she's driving you crazy), she'll probably be less likely to get defensive and upset.
Whatever you decide to do, don't feel guilty that things are going well for you. Keep a positive attitude because it's contagious, and being happy and emotionally healthy not only helps you, but ultimately it benefits everyone that comes in contact with you. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
theres this guy that i have a major crush on, and i've known him forever (since i was 4) and we went out when i was 9 and he was 10, but then when i turned 10 me and him got into a silly argument and i broke up with him. after that i haden't seen him or talked to him for 3 years. but he lives 2 houses over from me. =/ i recently started high school, and he takes the same bus as me to school every day, and i see him often in the halls. i really like him again and i have no problem talking to him, but i want to tell him that i still care, and that i'm still here. please help because i have no idea how to bring that convo. about because idk how he feels. =/
You could try being funny/clever to break the ice. On the bus one day sit down beside him and with a smile on your face say "so you know that argument we had when we were ten... well I've decided to I forgive you." Hopefully, he will see that you would like to rebuild your friendship and maybe you will find that he is as interested in you as you are in him. Being the person to take the first step is always scary, but you might find that he has been wishing you two were friends again also. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
Alright...So, I've always been the rebel type. Stayed out late...never did what I was told. I couldnt WAIT til I was 18 and could do whatever I wanted. You know the type. As my 18th birthday is coming up...i've felt completely different. It's like I dont want to grow up. Its not that I dont want to deal with the "real world"...its just that I dont want to be grown up? lol Anyone else going thru this??
I must tell you that although it was a million years ago, I felt the same way when I was 17. I hated not being in complete control of every decision made in my life and I deeply resented anyone telling me what to do. I used every trick in the book to stay out late and sometimes all night. I argued with everyone that I could do it all on my own, but at the same time, I was very bad about taking care of my day-to-day obligations (school, household chores, family expectations, etc.) I was heavily resisting becoming the dreaded "responsible adult". I hated the idea completely.
Your feelings are completely normal. Just because you crave independence and complete control over your own life, does not mean that you want to be a stuffy and responsible grown up. The good news is that although with increased age more responsibilities are inevitable, you always have control over remaining young and carefree at heart. I have found that the secret is to maintain the best parts of my childhood persona:
* Try to never take yourself too seriously. If you spend time worrying about what other people think, you will make yourself miserable.
* Find away to laugh at everything (even inappropriate things) because it helps to not let the insane things that happen in this world bring you down.
* Don't forget that life can be as fun as you make it and conversely, it can be as miserable as you let it. Grown ups sometimes just accept that as adults, the fun is supposed to fade away. It doesn't have to be that way!
Keep these things in mind and know that with becoming an adult, increased responsibilities and complex challenges are sure to follow, but you ultimately have control over what kind of "grown-up" life you will lead. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
I always feel left out and out of place and I always wonder what life would be like without me. I know I have friends who love me but I always end up thinking what would happen if i died... would it make a big difference? I especially wonder what my ex-boy friend would say ... I just want to feel needed, someone who will love me back ... some how when i have a boy friend or someone close to me i feel like i have a purpose ... is that normal ... to want to be needed?
First, I believe it is normal to wonder what would happen if you died. A lot of people have thoughts like this. It's natural to want to feel important to someone (or needed as you put it). I think you should keep in mind though that there is no way for you to comprehend the impact that you have already had on this world and even bigger, the impact you are going to have in the future.
Every interaction that you have with people makes an impact on our world. I know that it feels good to have someone close to you and to feel needed, but please remember that even when you don't have a boyfriend, there are people all around you every day that could benefit from your smile, your shoulder to lean on, or your random acts of kindness. Trust me, you are needed. I know it's tough to get past the sappiness of my message, but if you make a little effort every day to put out positive energy into this crazy world, you will be amazed by what you will ultimately get back in return.
To sum up: there is nothing abnormal about the thoughts you are having, but don't forget that you are an important piece of a big and complex puzzle and there would be a huge void without you. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
Sometimes my boobs get really sore and tender and they hurt alot..I know they get that way during ur period, but sometimes it randomly hurts..whats that mean?
Occasionally, too much caffeine can cause some women to have tenderness in their breasts. If you tend to drink a lot of coffee, tea or cafeinated sodas or eat a lot of chocolate, you could try to cut back a little and see if that helps you. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
I'm 13. I have 5 pairs of shorts, 2 pairs of pants, 5 shirts and 2 sets of pJ's.
I keep asking and asking my mom to take me out shopping, but she always keeps saying no. I get in trouble at school a lot because my shorts are to short and my pants are too tight, but I can't help it if my mom never takes me shopping!
How do I get her to take me out shopping?
I don't know if your Mom not taking you shopping is related in any way to not having enough money, but if that is the case, here is one idea. You could do some research (ask around, look in the phone book, etc.) to see if there are any decent second-hand clothing stores in your area. Yes, some of them are full of crap, but there are a couple stores in my area that are pretty cool and I have found some great deals on good quality, popular label clothing.
Once you find a good store in your area, then you could bring it to the attention of your Mom. She might be willing to take you shopping more often (or at all) if it's not going to be super expensive for her. I hope this helps. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
A little while ago i was sick but i am over the sickness but now for like 2 weeks have been stuck with a nasty cough and i have a job interview tomorrow, does anyone know of some super good cough depressants?
I read the other answers and I agree that cough drops are great and should help to get you through the interview without too much hacking. However, I find that after awhile, I can't take the cough drops anymore. They get to be too much and then you wreak of cough medicine. So, another thing you can do is buy a bag of lemon drops (you can get them in any grocery store or convenience market in the candy section). They help to keep your throat coated so that you aren't hacking too much and you can take them one after the other without the medicine build-up in your throat and they don't make you smell like a giant cough drop.
I hope this helps and if your cough doesn't clear up in another week, you should probably get yourself to a doctor to make sure you don't need further medical care. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
my best friend's mom hates me! last night she listened into our convo on the phone then ally (bff) called back and told me that we weren't allowed to be friends anymore then her mom told me that she listened and didn't appreciate what i said about her(i don't like her) and she hung up. i started crying really hard for like five minutes, then ally called back again and said that her mom said that she crossed theline by listening in and that we could be friends as long as i don't go over to ally's house. it makes me feel better, but i still can't get it out of my head. i still want to be friends with her, but i don't want to deal with her mom. what should i do??!?!?!?!?!?!?
I think that the most important thing to remember is that your best friend's Mom is not just a mom, she is also a person. So, although she did "cross the line" by listening in to your conversation, as a human being it is never fun to hear someone saying bad things about you. And while her inital decision that you couldn't be friends was, indeed, harsh, at least she reconsidered and was able to recognize her overreaction.
If you are okay with being in your friend's life without going to her house, then I think you should consider yourself lucky that her Mom changed her mind at all. If you want to be welcome in your best friend's house again, then perhaps you could write a letter to her Mom apologizing for disrespecting her.
You don't have to be fake and say things that you don't mean, but you could state that you know you need to show her respect as Ally's mother and that you regret any upset you may have caused to her and to Ally. If you are sincere and you are a good friend to her daughter, chances are you can win her over and she will eventually accept your apology and welcome you back into her home. But don't forget... it is HER home and she does have the right to expect to be shown respect and treated with courtesy while you are in it (no matter what you really think of her). Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
my parents don't like my boyfriend..because i went out with him before and he treated me pretty bad..but i really think he has changed but i don't know if my parents think that or not! what can i do to make them gain trust back in him? because if they don't trust him that means i don't get to see him as often?
i rate super high!
Unfortunately, there is nothing that YOU can do for him to regain your parents' trust. Only your boyfriend can do that.
I don't know your parents, so I can't tell you specifically what it would take for them to cut him some slack, but if he treated you badly in the past then, as your parents, they are right to mistrust him a little and to be leary of your continued relationship.
However, that doesn't mean that he isn't a good guy, who made some bad judgments in the past and has learned from his mistakes and wants to do right by you now. If this is the case (which I sincerely hope it is), then over time as he treats you with the kindness and respect that you deserve and shows respect to your parents as well, they will most likely see the positive changes in him and start to believe in his "new leaf".
Your parents want what is best for you and if it turns out that your boyfriend hasn't changed and he starts to mistreat you again, they are going to feel guilty and probably a little responsible for allowing you to see him at all. So, ultimately, they are trying to do what they think is right for you because they care.
Your parents' lack of trust is a direct consequence of his past mistreatment of you. Both you and your boyfriend need to understand that it will take time and patience from everyone in this situation to get back to where you were before. The bottom line: if he is the good guy that you believe him to be, in time, your parents will recognize that. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
Hi. I'm in the seventh grade and am terrified about what I might get as a result on my reprot card. I never got off the honor role in my life of being in school. I get all A's and 1 B, and other times just all A's. I'm not trying to boast or brag or anything. I got 3 zeros in science, 1 D, and maybe I think 3 A's. My grade's shouldn't be going down like this because I know I can do better than that. The 1st quarter ends on October 20. Is there anyway I can improve my grade to an A by then. If so, please respond to this question. Thanx!
First and foremost, I think you must figure out the true reason for your declining grades. You may already know it, but simply didn't offer that information in your question. If that is the case and you do know the reason, great. If not, I urge you to spend some time reflecting on what happened to drop your grades so significantly. If you don't know why your grades have dropped, then you might not be able to stop it from happening again.
If I remember correctly, it was in about seventh grade that I found I wasn't able to sneak by on my intelligence alone anymore and that I actually had to apply myself, be organized, do homework, study and pay attention in class to get the same "A" that used to come so naturally. Unfortunately, instead of figuring out quickly that with some small adjustments to my daily routine, I could incorporate the necessary work pretty easily, I continued to do my best to slide by doing as little work as possible and my grades never really recovered. (Please forgive the ramble if this does not apply to you in the least). If any of this rings true for you, however, I suggest that you talk to friend, family member or trusted adult who is good at prioritizing their time and organzing their life and ask them to help you set up a system that works for you.
If your grades have slipped because of drama going on in your personal life, then hopefully that has passed and you can find a way to get focused back on school again. If the drama is still going on and continues to effect your schoolwork, you may need to talk to someone (parent, friend, counselor at school). You seem very concerned about your grades which tells me that you are a serious student and it's just too easy to get off track at your age. If you need some help, please don't be afraid to get it.
Either way, if you are truly committed to doing better in school, then you should set up a time to talk to your teachers and explain to them that you know that you are an "A" student, that you feel awful about letting your grades drop and then ask if there is anything you can do before the end of the quarter to get your grade up.
However, you should realize that the teacher is under no obligation to give you an extra opportunity or cut you any slack, so being humble and sincere is your best approach. And, if they do go out on a limb and give you a second chance to climb out of your "D" situation, then please make the most of it. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
This is a bit of a hot-button topic and I want everyone to know that I understand extreme responses, but I am asking here in the spirit of recieving support and suggestions. I'm interested in the practicalities of your opinions, here, not simply upon recieving judgement. PLEASE show some compassion and kindness.
So here's the deal: Next week I'm taking a plane flight to Scotland to marry my partner of 6 years. We have a very strong relationship. However, I feel I have very little on the level of practical support to offer in the relationship -- such as a finished education, a job, general income, etc. This relationship is my priority at all times and I will not compromise it for anything.
Recently, I was looking through job offers in a local paper and found an ad for escorts, offering daily cash, a safe environment, and training. According to the person running this service, an escort can make $10,000 a week -- with such an income, I could not only prepare MYSELF for travel, but I could help my incapacitated father a $1000 root canal on his last working tooth (his densures don't work for chewing), I could pay off ALL my college debts, and I could move on with my life.
However, I know that there are many negative aspects to consider in the world of escorting: disease, stigma, relationship integrity, and legality, as well as personal spiritual health & self-image.
If I lived in a world that had none of the above negative factors, I'd be all over the opportunity! Unfortunately, such a world doesn't exist, and I'm here asking you for alternate ideas, suggestions, anything really.
I'm stuck between my debts, my desire to contribute & not be dependent, my sense of responsibility, my feelings of inadequacy and desperation, and a general feeling that escorting is not something I should do, due to the risks. Help?
No judgments here. It's obvious that you are just trying to weigh the pros and cons for what seems like a possible solution to problems in your current circumstances. It is a very rational and understandable approach. However, it seems that you have already raised enough cons to tip the scale heavily in the "it's not a viable solution" side. It's obvious that the idea of escorting raises a lot of practical negative issues as well as some moral ones. (I'm not judging but making an observation based on the way you talked about it in your question).
Escorting may seem like a simple blanket solution, but I fear that it could cause more problems for you that it might solve. Maybe some of the problems/dangers you have already considered but sadly, there could be some you aren't even prepared for at all. Easy fixes are sometimes land mines in our lives.
I don't have a specific alternative solution for you, but I believe that if you make up your mind that the escorting is not a good idea and put it out of your head altogether, that will open up your mind to other possibilities.
In case you haven't realized it lately, please allow me to point out how lucky you are to be in a committed relationship with someone you love who loves you back. Talk to your partner. Be open and honest about your fears and your concerns. If you are serious about the idea of "partnering" with someone for life then you must realize that sometimes your partner leans on you and sometimes you lean on them. It's okay to let your guard down and be dependent on someone who you love and trust. In your long life together, there will be plenty of time for you to return the favor down the road. Best of luck to you with whatever you decide.
Kind wishes,
this is going to be long...
I have this gut feeling that my brother is gay. I really believe that he is. I don't have a problem with it or anything because I love gay people. His best friend is bisexual even though he won't admit it. He's kissed guys in the back of school and I've seen him and he also kisses girls. So I pretty much know he's bi. So getting back to my brother, I just really think that he's gay! I swear it's like i have gay-dar or something like that, he's always staring at my boyfriend when he comes over, when he has his friends over, they are in his room for like 2 freakin hours WITH THE DOOR LOCKED and if he hears me walking up to the door he yells at me. I mean come on, he's never had a girlfriend and he always says he doesn't want one and that he'd never get married. He says, and I will quote, "Girls are a waste of my time." When I told some of my friends that I thought he was gay, they all responded with "I always knew something was up with your brother." Or something along those lines. Even guys that barely know my brother say that he's gay. My only worry is that my dad is homophobic, and my mom said that she'd be really upset if she found out that he was gay even though she has gay friends. How do I tell my mom of my suspicions? If it's true how would my dad react in the future when he comes out? How can I deal with this??
My suggestion is to not worry about your Mom and your Dad's reactions for now and just concentrate on your own. It's sounds like you are supportive of your brother whether he is gay or straight and for that I say "right on".
If and when your brother decides to come out about his homosexuality to you, your parents, or the whole world, the best thing you can do is make sure that he knows how much you love and support him. If he doesn't have the support of the rest of the family, that will make your support all the more important and precious to him.
For now, I say leave the whole issue alone. Your brother's sexuality is his business and his business alone. Don't force the issue. If you want him to know that you would be supportive of his homosexuality, perhaps you could just make general statements when he is around that show that you are open and not judgmental of people's sexuality and that you think everyone should be allowed to be who they are. This way your brother will know where you stand without being forced to talk about himself if he's not ready to share it with you yet. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,