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meeting
(I asked this question to everyone before, but I have certain favorite columnists so I'll just ask them now)
Okay, well, there's a guy I know from MSN who I've been talking to for about a year now, friend of a friend, never met him in person. Last year we mentioned that it might be interesting to actually meet, though he did think that it might be a little awkward, but twice our plans got screwed up one way or another so we just dropped the subject. I didn't speak to him all summer because his computer broke down, and when he came back on I thought maybe I'd mention our idea again. He said he thought it might still be weird, but I said we should give it a try anyway because there was nothing to lose. He agreed and even suggested a place we could meet. A few weeks later, on a Friday, I said how about Sunday and he said yes, but we didn't decide on a time or anything, and come Sunday I didn't see him online until the late afternoon and he didn't even bring up our half-made plans. Anyway, the point of all this is that I really don't know what to do, whether I should keep trying or not. I really want to meet him because I like his personality but for all I know he finds me annoying. I don't know whether to let it go for another while so as not to seem desperate, or if I should just confront him and ask him to just tell me whether he wants to meet me or not so I can go from there. I really don't want to sound pushy. Sorry this was so long, but any advice would help. Thanks.
P.S.:Before I got answers about being careful because i don't know him. This is true, but I'm just telling you now that there's no need to worry about him being some old perv, I know 2 of his friends and random people who went to school with him, he ain't armed or dangerous, folks. :)
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Firstly, I apologise for taking so long to get to this - I've just moved up to University and getting online has been a lot harder than I anticipated.
Anyway, on to your question. From what you've said here, it's quite difficult to gague exactly how he feels. There are several possibilities - he could just be disorganised and bad at actually following through with plans, or he could be nervous, like you, about coming off as too pushy and so never actually get round to organising things properly, he might be just unsure about things, or he might actually be actively trying to avoid it.
Given that you aren't sure how he feels, it might be an idea to indirectly press him. You mention you know people he knows. Why not organise a gettogether with a few of your friends and his friends and then say to him "me and x, y, z were planning to go to (place) at (time). You know (x), right? Would you like to come along?"
If there are a couple of people that both of you know involved it stops your meeting becoming so high-pressured, as there are plenty of people to escape to if things are a little akward. Asking him in this way also stops you feeling like your pressuring him again for an answer, as it's something he has a legitimate interest in. And if he is just disorganised about planning things, asking him in such a way that the date and time have already been selected means that he can't just forget to make plans.
I hope it goes well. Good luck!
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It sounds like you need to wait for him to bring it up again. Guys have a tendency not find people who pester them attractive. Its kinda weird that he is giving you the brush off if you are just meeting for fun. I know it sucks, but guys are strange and wonderous creatures.
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I think you are definitey more interested in meeting one on one than he is. He might just be scared that you won't like him in person. Maybe you should just keep being on-line friends and once you get to know each other better he might come around. I think on-line friendships are awesome because you can get to know people without physical appearance getting in the way.
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I wouldn't suggest just letting it go on like this. Your most likely going to just keep wondering about it until it drives you crazy. You need him to be straight out with you. Does he want to try to meet in person or not? He can't expect you to wait around until it's the right time for him.
Ok, that might be a little pushy. Maybe you shouldn't be that harsh. But you do need him to be decisive. That Sunday, when you talked to him online- you should have mentioned meeting up. Maybe he was just as nervous as you, and didn't want to seem too desperate. That is also a possability.
Just tell him you really want to meet him because you like his personality, just as you've said here. It might be weird, but you guys will never know until you actually try it. If you don't try it, then you two might be missing out on a really fun time. Just let him know that he needs to make it clear... Does he want to meet you? Then cool. But if he doesn't want to meet you, then he can't just play the games that he's been playing. If he doesn't want to meet you, then don't make a big deal of it, just say whatever. You guys can always continue to talk online. Then he might eventually get more comfortable in the future. But he can't keep playing games and avoiding certain things, he definately needs to know that.
I don't know, I'm a little jaded today, but I do hope my advice helped.
And, I would like to say that you have some good favorites and I am honored to be seen amongst them.
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This wishy-washy technique is obviously not getting you anywhere. Note yourself--you mentioned wanting to meet, but he said it would be "weird". There's a whole new set of rules of etiquette when meeting someone face-to-face. It doesn't sound like he's too enthusiastic about taking this acquaintanceship to anything more.
If you're hellbent on getting this to work, you might need to just plough ahead and ask him straight out, "If you're not busy on ____, would you like to meet me at ____? If not I won't bring it up again." It could be he's just got a lot on his mind.
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Honestly, I think you should be upfront and ask him why he is avoiding meeting you. Really, it seems a bit rash but when you think about it - wouldn't you rather know why he is avoiding it. His reason that it would be weird is flakey at best. Ask him to be honest with you.
Tell him you don't want to stalk him or anything :P You just think it would be cool if you could meet, but his avoidance and refusal is making it impossible and you are losing hope.
If you want to make sure you dont come off as desperate, just make sure you have been talking to him normally for a while and everything seems normal. The least the guy could do is be honest with you.
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First, let me say that I know it is a powerful feeling when you are drawn to someone and sense a real connection with them. I understand your desire to take things to the next level which, in your mind, involves meeting each other face to face.
However, it seems to me that either your timing is "cosmicly off" on this situation (which could be the universe telling you it's not meant to be), or perhaps your on-line friend (we'll call him "MSN") simply wants to keep the relationship on-line. You have listed several times where the opportunity should have been there for you two to meet and it didn't occur because of his lack of follow-up. Some people really don't do well with direct confrontation of any kind and instead of just telling it to you straight, he might be using subtle hints to show that he is not ready to meet you in person and possibly never will be.
That doesn't mean that MSN does not value your friendship and want to keep you in his life. There are all kinds of healthy non-traditional relationships and there is nothing that says that the two of you have to follow any "standard protocol" for what the next step might be for you.
At the same time, if you have developed feelings for MSN beyond friendship and are finding that you are turning away from opportunities for relationships in your day-to-day life because you are waiting for something to develop between you and MSN, then I think you are being unfair to yourself. If this is the case, in your best interest, you should be honest with him and let him to know that you can no longer be his internet buddy only.
If, however, you can be content to continue your current on-line friendship without sacrificing your own feelings, then I say let things stay the same. MSN might just be nervous and if he's not pressured, in time, he might realize that he's ready to meet you no matter how awkward it might be. Since he is the one who is showing hesitancy, I would let him deal with it in his own time and leave the next move up to him. If someday he decides he wants an in-person relationship with you and you are already in one with another guy, then it will be his loss. In the meantime, you still have a good on-line friend. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
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