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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
i like this guy. ive liked him before about two years ago. he was i guess you could say one of my biggest middle school crushes.we stopped talking for a while. got new friends. just didnt really talk anymore. im in high school now. we started talking again. of course my feelings came back for him. there are points when we talk that i get the feeling he likes me back. but other times he makes it seem like hes mad at me or im annoying. i told my best friend that i like him. she practically laughed in my face. she said hes ugly and that he only wants a piece of ass. i guess a few people have told me that. about last week we kinda i guess you could say hooked up. made out at his house. he wanted to go farther then making out. and i said no. which he was totally cool with. then just yesturday he admitted to liking me. he said doesnt want a girlfriend now though because of all the bad relationships hes had. which i totally understand. i want to get to know him better before we do anything else. but half of me thinks hes only saying he likes me to get a piece of ass. but the other half just wishes or hopes hes a great guy that i hope he is. what should i do? should i listen to my friends and give up on the kid? or should i go forward to hooking up and getting to know him better?
The Answer
Listen to your own mind, you are being really rational about this and realize that you don't know the guy well enough to pass judgement.
Go ahead and get to know him better. Just make sure you are listening to what he is doing and actually saying. Not just what you wish he was.
Set your boundries and stick to them. If he is a nice guy, and not just out for a peice of ass, he'll respect them.
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The Question
Hey there.
I was browsing columns and I came accross yours. I don't know what it is but you really stand out, I admire your advice and I think you're doing really well. Keep it up!
- rainbowcherrie
The Answer
Wow Thanks! I've never gotten one of these in my inbox before. Normally it's just boyfriend troubles or people asking me if I am witch.
I like your column too rainbowcherrie, you were on vacation weren't you? Hope you are relaxed and rejuvenated, it's good to have you back :)
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The Question
My husbands’ best friend, Bill, dated this girl for 4 months or so and then she started acting weird. My husband and Bill were also very good friends with Josh, the three of them were always going out together, etc. The three of them were each others best friends. Anyway, this girl, Ashlee, was pretty nice, but one day Josh came up to Bill and said that - Ashlee has been cheating on you with me. I love her and we have been together for a month now. After this there was a fight, and now no one is friends with Josh or Ashlee. Bill was very hurt, he couldn't believe that his best friend could have done something like this, couldn't believe he was stabbed in the back by two people he trusted. I don’t know what to do or say if I see those two, and I know I will see them no doubt. How should I act towards them, next time I see them? What could we talk about to keep the waters calm, or should we talk at all?
The Answer
Try not to get personally involved, as hard as it is. By involving every single friend and their wives you are going to make what is a very messy situation absolutely disastrous.
Just be civil and attempt to speak as little as possible to them. No doubt they will try and convince you how happy they are together and how their love was worth the pain they caused. They are building teams and they want you on their side. But this whole thing isn't really any of your business so just walk away, and don't feel the need to relay every word spoken by them to Bill.
They way they have behaved tells you they aren’t people you really want to be friends with, so talk to them that way, calmly and casually, about the weather or local politics or something equally blah.
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The Question
I'm a girl. There's this boy, we hang out. He likes me, I'm 98% sure. He was hurt during and after his last relationship for a really long time. While we hang out and cuddle and just be together we talk and he told me that he see's a future with me and it scares him. I didn't necessarily take this as a bad thing. However, the more I think about it, the more I wonder. What are all of your opinions on this?
Second part.
Also, he doesn't seem too ready to date any time soon. Then there's this guy, who I really really used to dig when I was like 15. I'm 18, now. We're friends, but I think he wants to try something more. I like this other guy, in the above paragraph, however, I don't know if I should wait for him, or see if I like this friend of mine. My gut feelings are telling me that I'm young, and should play out both fields. What are your opinions?
K Thanks.
The Answer
Don't play 'both fields', that sounds like stringing them both along.
If you want a relationship, give the guy who is ready and willing for a relationship a chance, not the one who is dragging his feet. If you are willing to wait on guy number one fine, but like you said, you are young.
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The Question
Ok, so I was like in love with this boy last year and I played a harmless prank on him and he totally stopped talking to me. This year he has not said one word to me and he is my chemistry class. It's 2 weeks into the year and he hasn't said a thing. He's on football and I'm in cheer, so we see each other a million times a day. I really want him to talk to me and he just won't. Instead, I'm starting to believe he's trying to like telepathically talk to me or something because he will not stop staring at me. In the morning, he full on stares at me and does not even care if I notice. Sometimes in chemistry, he'll stare at me and I'll look at him and he'll look away, vice versa. These staring games are pretty silly. Other times at lunch, he'll stare and I'll ask my friends to block his view and he'll actually move to get a better look at me. I thought maybe he was staring at some other girl but all of my friends say hes lookin right at me. At football, when the cheerleaders run around the track, he gets so distracted by me that his coach tells him to pay attention. Why won't he just talk to me? He doesn't respond to my emails or nothing. He apparently just enjoys staring. What the heck does this mean?! I really need help. I feel like a celebrity getting stalked by the paparazzi and want to know why he is doing this! Help please!!
The Answer
Here's a crazy idea, so crazy I don't know if you'll go for it.
Why don't *you* go talk to *him*?
I know, crazy! But hey you could always say "Why are you staring at me all the time? You are creeping me out!" That is definately an ice breaker and maybe you'll find out just what his deal is.
Staring Games are only games if you both play, so stop playing and do some talking of your own.
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The Question
what are some good ways for a thirteen year old to get money.
dont bother saying do chores around the house.my moms a bitch about that, it's like signing a deal with the devil
The Answer
Well if your mom is pain about a chores, what about somebody else? Do your neighbors need thier lawn mowed? Or someone to vaccum once a week? Or walk thier dog a few times?
Looking outside your home will probably be better and more rewarding for you.
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The Question
I just went to an endicrenologist (sp?) and they took a bone age test to see how much longer I'm going to grow. I am very short (4.9) so thats why we did it. They said I was just about done growing. I am not elgible for hormone injections (they make you grow faster). I don't know what they mean about saying I have only a little bit more to grow. Does that mean on height? My boobs are still small and my hips have barely grown! What do they mean?
The Answer
Bone age tests show relative maturity of your skeletal system compared to other children your age. They can rather acturately predict bone growth (and with that, ulimate hight), but don't nessiscarly mean you are done developing. There is alot more going on in the teenage body then just bone growth.
This really is a question you should ask your doctor. They will know far better. But I would venture a geuss that despite the fact you wont be growing *up* much longer, you are still growing and going through puberty. Your body probably still has some developing to do.
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The Question
how long does your hair need to be to start flipping out and does evryones hair flip out when iit gets long or stay straight?
The Answer
Not everyone’s hair flips out as it gets longer. Some peoples do it naturally, but it mostly has to do with how you style and brush it. Getting a round brush will help your hair flip, or a large barrel curling iron.
Also, get some layers at the very bottom, with the shorter ones on top and the slightly longer ones beneath. There should be only a very small difference, so the layers are barely noticeable, but that will encourage your hair to flip out away from your face.
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The Question
i am attempting to move from england to belgium with my 19 month old son to set up home with my current partner. my ex partner (father of my son and whom i unfortunatly married) told me 8 weeks ago he no longer wanted to see his son until we were divorced, i said fine as i believe he is uncapable of looking after a child anyway. but now he finds out i am moving away he suddenly wants to see his son again, how will this affect me moving? can he legally stop me going does anyone know?
The Answer
You'll need to speak to a family lawyer. Unless your ex has given up his parental rights, he is still entitled to seeing his child and most courts in Europe will inforce visitation rights, even across borders.
It is understandable that he wants to see your son agian, especailly if you planning on moving rather far away. After consulting a lawyer and knowing where you stand, arrange a visit and see just how difficult your ex wants to be over this move.
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The Question
I have a friend that just came here to vacation for three months from England. I've only known him for two years, and now I feel that he's taking advantage of me, my mom and my family. I truly hate how he schedules us to go places, not regarding our time or what we have to do. And now he's brought a friend, without the superintendent's permission, but leaves the burden on us in bringing the BOTH of them around Hawaii and things. Their like staying really far from where we live, and still they ask us to drive them back to our house for meals! We are not a hotel! Okay, I'm overreacting. But the main thing is, how can I conduct myself around him without blowing up, but showing that he should be reminded of his limits? Sorry for the length, but thank you very much...
The Answer
Talk to your parents about this because it is certainly partly thier problem.
It is definately time to start drawing some lines. Start by saying no. Even be polite about it. Tell them dinner is at 7 if they would like to join you to find thier own way. Tell them you are busy and cannot guide them today. Hopefully they will get the picture that they are not being gracious guests.
Conduct yourself pleasantly but stay distant. They are only asking you for things that you have, in the past, given to them. So just politely stop doing so much.
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The Question
Okay, i've been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 months now. we had sex a few weeks ago, and we used a condom, and it had spermicidle. I usually start my period around the end of the month, and tomorrow is sept. 1. Since school just started, and i've been in a lot of fights with my parents, i'm hoping its just stress. and also, my period is never really ever the same, but th elast few times its been around the end of the month. I've been throught he symptoms, if you will, of pregnancy, and i hhave a few questions about those too. The breast tenderness? is that just like, all the time tenderness, or when you touch it? and also, the heavy discharge. i had that right after we had sex, like the next day, but i havn't had it since. I've always been a little moody and upsetable, so i dunno if that makes a difference. I'm going out of my mind, and i'm starting ot have dreams. could someone please help me! thank youso much, and sorry its so long. by the way, i'm 17.
The Answer
For now please try and relax. Stressing over this will only cause your period to be later. Breast tenderness is not just a sign of pregnancy but also a sign that your period is about to begin. The heavy discharge you experience after sex was probably just your body’s reaction to the lubricants and spermicide on the condom and having something foreign inside you.
Very few people are regular especially in their teens. Try to relax and let your body do what it needs too. Although there is always a chance you might be pregnant if you are having sex, it sounds unlikely.
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The Question
I am going crazy. I get embarassed so easily! School started on Monday. The only class I have with my boyfriend Brandon is first period. The teacher told us that we are going to have to do presentations a lot and I am so scared. When I get embarassed my face turns BRIGHT red and it doesn't get better for a while. I can feel it getting red and then I think about it which makes me feel even more stupid and my face gets even more red! I'm so nervous and I don't want to look stupid in front of Brandon. I can't get in front of the class without my face turning red. I can't even answer a question without getting embarassed. What are some ways that I can not be so obvious or cover it up!? Is there make-up, a certain way to breathe, or ANYTHING!? I'm so desperate. I need help!
The Answer
Most Americans are more afraid of public speaking then death, that means most people would rather be in a car accident then give a presentation. Honestly, I rather take my chances in the accident some days.
There is no make-up I know off to cover a head-to-toe blush, but proper breathing will help you a lot. Try it out at home. Focus on your breathing, make it as slow and deep as possible and relax your muscles.
When you get nervous your bodyâ??s first response is to take quick short breaths and increase your heart rate. Basically you get high on oxygen, which accounts for the sort of faint feeling and the overheating. Your body is remembering it's animal days, and is gearing up to run away quickly from something that scares it.
Deep breathing it the easiest way to deal with that, you don't give your body what is needs to fuel the fear. Just taking three deep breaths before you have to present might make the world of difference for you.
The other thing is, talk to your teacher. I explained to a teacher once my issues with in class presentations and she booked one of mine on a day when nearly no one comes to school and the others I did only for her. Most teachers are not out to hurt you, but want to help you succeed.
*Sorries hun I don't have AIM*
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The Question
Okay, I'm 13 and i'm 5'0 (yeah im small!) and i weigh about, lets see 60-70 pounds. And I'm very concerned about it. Do you think I'm TERRIBALLY under-weight, or just little low?
And also, I HATE milk, so I dont drink that.
I eat alot of meat.. probally 3 times a week.
I eat ALOT of junk foods... i'd suspect to be fat by now.
I drink alot of soda, if that helps. And water also.
Last time I had a check-up, I was 12, and I weighed about 58 pounds.
And everyone is jellous for some reason that I'm that weight.
So, can I have your advice on how to gain about 10 pounds? I'm really into your advice, I'll read it thougly, completly untill im 100% okay with it and rate it what it deserves!
Please help :)
xOx Laura
The Answer
You are on the tiny side but you donâ??t sound dangerously underweight, just petite. At this point I would seek out a nutritionistâ??s opinion on how you could gain some weight.
In the mean time, you could increase your meal portions and try to get a lot of additional calories with complex carbohydrates (e.g., pasta, bread, rice, potatoes and the like). I also hate plain milk, but always made sure to drink one glass of chocolate milk a day, or have it on my cereal. It really is great for your body and will certainly help you gain weight. Increase the healthy snacks too, fruits and veggies and the like, because you donâ??t want to feel heavy or lethargic with all the heavy foods alone.
If you don't seem to gain weight after bumping up your food intake and eating higher calorie foods, you may want to see a doctor again and have a full workup to strike out any other underlying medical problems
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The Question
my sister has let me babysit her son more and more, and i used to like it, but now it's getting ayyoning, she always makes it a huge hasel on me like making me be at her place at 6.30 AM. and im thinking of charging her 2.50 and hour. and i dont wanna be rude but i dont like waking up at 6.00 AM every morning. should i charge her money, stop whining and do it. or just not do it at all. and if i do do it, how can i ask her for money without her screaming at me and getting mad at me.
The Answer
I think it's fair to ask her from some money in return for your babysitting. The amount you are asking for it very reasonable as well.
Lots of people are tempted to use family as free babysitting for thier children, it's not fair and can breed resentment. Maybe talk to your mother about this problem, she'll have some insights on how to approach your sister and probably doesn't want you be taken advantage of either.
If your sister does get upset and angry with you, just stop babysitting for her. She will have to pay someone else a great deal more then 2.50 an hour to watch her son.
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The Question
Hey people if u could help that would be great. Well you see i was going out with this girl and she really liked me. I really liked her too and soo we went on a kind of date not really we pretty much just hung out but it didn't go as well as i thot it would. And by the way this was on a friday. Anyways i was kind of worried because she didn't call me all weekend and i didn't have time to call her. So today when i went to school she wasn't really talking to me and she even seemed kind of mad. So then today after school i called her and I asked her if she was mad at me and she said no but she thinks we should just be friends. In the inside i was really upset but i said that i thought that was a good idea and i was thinking the same thing but i deffinently was not. She was happy that i wasn't mad or upset but i really am upset. What should i do?????
The Answer
You can tell her the truth if you feel you need to, its generally not a good idea to just go around agreeing with other people. Just don't expect to change her mind.
I think the important thing to find out now is why she was upset. Was it something that was done or said, were her parents upset, were her friends unhappy with it. Whatever the case, it will probably make you feel better to approach this reasonably and without gushing your heart out at her.
The best thing you can do from situations like these is learn from them.
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The Question
my best friend has been going out with this guy for a few years and he has a friend named dave that he lives with. i recently just starting hanging out with the two of them.(the boys) and to make a long story short, dave kissed me. we slept over their house last night and dave was kissing me and everything(after the lights were shut out when it was time to go to bed) ...and he will touch my hand and hold it and cute things like that when noone is looking, but today when i went over there, it was really weird because i wasnt sure if last night was just a hook up to him or if he really cares. the catch is that he has a girlfriend that he has been with for about a year. im not sure what to do because now i think i have feelings for him but i dont want to scare him away because i dont want him to think im immature or physco for not accepting "just a kiss". i eventually broke down and told my best friend what happened. she called him and asked him if anything happened between us(she was trying to act like she didnt know anything so that she could get information from him)..and he said "no nothing happened.." and was telling her that he thinks im attractive and really nice and all, but he loves his girlfriend...but then he said "i keep trying to tell myself that." ..but he didnt tell my friend about what happened...so i have NO idea what to do...and also, he keeps telling all of us(well, for the past 2 days...ever since i came around)..that he is sick of her and blah blah blah and doesnt think they will last anyways and all that. pppppplease give me any advice you can. thanks so much.
The Answer
The fact is this guy has a girlfriend.
Maybe they will break up tomorrow night or maybe they will dance the funky chicken on their fiftieth wedding anniversary. Only time will tell that.
Oh course he won’t admit how he behaved with you, that would be admitting he made a big mistake, first off by betraying his girlfriend and secondly by stringing you along.
If a guy wont be straight with you, or with his girlfriend, what is so attractive about him?
Anyways, just let him go for now. Only time will tell if you were just a hookup and a symptom of his troubled relationship or if he is really interested. Until he is single, you will never know for sure.
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The Question
OK so my boyfriend broke up with me (against my will) and im really heartbroken. He told he the reason was cos his psychiatrist said he was not in the right head space for a relationship.
Ive spoken to some people about the situation in detail and they think the excuse is a fake. I have a number of unanswered questions that i'd like to know the truth to.
Should I ask him or just leave it, cos I dont wanna appear too desperate and neurotic but i would like to know.
Thanks
The Answer
Leave it alone. Eat some ice-cream and cry it out.
Whether or not that is actually what his physiatrist says the fact that a.) he would dump based solely on what the physiatrist said without even talking to you about or b.) he made up a lame excuse to dump you, means he is not in the right mind set to be in a relationship.
This guy sounds like he has some issues but you don't need to tag alone for the ride, especially since *he* dumped *you*.
Lying and refusing to talk seriously about something is not the way people show they care for each other, so let this one go.
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The Question
hi, i'm 15 yrs old..i have had the same boyfriend for about a year, and we recently started having sex. I dont know how to tell my mom that i need birth control...how can i break this to her?
The Answer
Just break it to her. Make sure you do it in a place that is comfortable and private. Don't do it in a resturant or in the middle of a huge family dinner or anything.
Expect her to be upset. You are only fifteen, and you are still her child, living in her house and by her rules. If you stay calm and talk reasonably she will be probably be more open to the idea of you having sex and will help you get the protection you need.
Good luck.
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The Question
Ok, so my parent's have been devorced for a long time and my dad is re-married. my mom has hit rock bottom, and now I have to tell an investigator ware I want to live. I am stuck in the middle, both parents think I wana live with them but I really havent decided. please help me! I'll rate 5's for none stupid awnsers.
girl 13.
The Answer
Life sucks sometimes don't it? In a perfect world you would never have to choose.
Just for a moment forget about your parents feelings and what they think and focus totally on what you think. Where would you be more comfortable? Where would be a safer and happier place for you too be?
Everyone, including yourself, will be better off if you choose a place where you can be the best 13 year old girl you can be. That means a place where you can hang out, work, study and just enjoy life to the best of your ability.
What the investigator is asking you, is to pick the place which is best for you, and that is exactly what your parents want too.
*hugs*
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The Question
Recently I had a slumber party. One of the girls(who is like my bff since 2nd grade) grabbed the phone and called this boy she likes. I saw nothing wrong with it. My mom and older sister though thought she was acting 'wild.' So now my mom is thinking that I am going to be wild. She thinks I also need an attitude adjustment. She also thinks that I'm going to be worse than my sisters attitude when she was 13/14. I dont think I need an attitude adjustment! What should I do to help my Mom realize I'm not wild. Help fast- I rate high...
The Answer
Be respectful. It's that simple. You'll be shocked how much freedom and responsibility you are given when you speak softly and reasonably, and respect your mothers opinions.
She thinks you are a little 'wild' tell her you are testing your boundries a little but that you are smart and responsible and can be trusted.
Don't start with the whining and yelling "I DO NOT have an attitude problem!" Cause thats just... kinda stupid. You, and your mother, are both human, accept that, and respect her opinions just like you do your own.
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