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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
I hurt my back two days ago, not by any sudden movement. I was just sitting there, and my spine flipped out. Yes, it hurt very baddly. Question is, how long should I wait until I begin weight lifting again? The weights are not much; no more than 10 pounds. Heck, less than 5 pounds, to be honest. It doesn't really hurt anymore, but I think I can tell that it's not back to normal. Should I still give it a few days, or would some stretching assist in the healing process?
The Answer
Give it a few days, if not a week. The back is one of the parts of the human body that doesn't heal quickly.
I used to horseback ride competitively. If I hurt my back or my head it could mean I wasn't allowed to ride for a week, even if I was feeling fine. Hurting your back again, for a second time, before it has had time to heal can cause you some very serious problems, right now or later on in life.
Unless you see a doctor and are given the go ahead. Go easy on yourself.
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The Question
15/f
i have never had a boyfriend. Is that like pathetic?? I want everyone to be honest like if you think thats stupid then say it i wanna know your honest opinion i wont get mad at anyone...unless you go like wayy overboard.
5 for anything.
The Answer
Not at all pathetic.
In fact people like you renew my hope for humanity.
There is no good reason to just date someone cause you want a boyfriend. Date someone because you like them as a person, because you want to spend time with them and because they make you feel good. Anything else is a waste of your time and emotion.
I applaud you for not wasting your time and emotion. Wait for the person you really want, and then pounce!
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The Question
ok im going to make this quesiton in short form cause if i didnt it would go on forever. as i get older i realize friends should be just a lil more for joking around or for sharin inside jokes or saving seats on the bus 4... should a friend be someone that you have a shoulder to cry on when ur depressed or u just broke up.. and theyll help you sincerely? cause when i try this with my so called "best friends, sarah and alyssa" they like are you ok jackie and im like no.. and they are like making awkward faces and like ok. i just want to know if ill ever get a special friend! im still young
The Answer
Even a special friend wont be perfect hun, or a mind reader. People have flaws, and sometimes they don't know how deal with their friends when they are in pain.
Tell your friends what you would like them to do, if you want them to listen or hug you or just talk to you for a while. You might find one of your current friends is ready and willing to be your special friend, if you just tell them how.
If not, the best way to make a good friend is too be that kind of friend to others. Lead by example. Be there for your friend through thick and thin, be loyal and caring and you'll attract people who are similar.
Good Luck.
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The Question
I'll make this as quick as i can. I have liked this guy for a while, but he has a girlfriend (who is a total bitch and VERY full of herself). SO in science class he sits across from me, and he started staring at me. I know that he had liked me last year. But now im not sure because of his girfriend in all. So he was like stsaring at me with his hand pressed up against his chin like he was admiring me or somtheing. Then he smiled and reached out to grab my hand, but then the bell rang and i kind of ran out. So what do you think he thinks of me? Would it be terrible if i tried to flirt back? Will he breakup with his incredibly annoying Gf? Thanks!
The Answer
Look, until he does break up with his annoying girlfriend you really shouldn't flirt with him. Would you want a girl to do that with your boyfriend? It doesn't matter if she is a bitch, she isn't important here, this is just about the person you want to be. Do you want to be the girl that flirts with someone else's boy?
Honestly I've always found flirting with other girls while in a relationship a very unattractive quality.
So just be friends. If he really isn't happy in his relationship then he should, and probably eventually will, break up with her.
My advice is to sit back and wait if you are willing to. You'll be a better person for it.
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The Question
I'm dating a good Christian boy.. it's been more than 2 months now. He's great in every way, however, all our convos are really "mushy" and "romantic" I guess I am pretty 'innocent' however, I sorta want to spice up our relationship a bit. We never talk 'kinky' or any of the sort. It might be because he's religious.. although that seems like a bit of an excuse. I'm just getting a bit bored, is all.
Is this a stupid request? How can I bring this up to him? Do most people talk kinky with their boyfriend/girlfriends? I'm a little ignorant to all this. Thanks everyone, though.
The Answer
I'm not sure exactly what it is you want from your boyfriend when you say 'kinky' which makes me think he probably doesn't know either.
The best thing you can do it talk to him about it. If you know he is religious then he might have a problem giving you what you want and you do need to be sensitive to that. Calling his religion an excuse, even indirectly, might deeply insult him.
When talking to him, you really need to be more specific on your definition of kinky. Do you just want to be told you're hot and beautiful? Or are you looking to talk kinky like phone sex kinky?
Being specific with your wants and issues will help him to form a response.
I know many people who speak in sexual ways with their partners, I know some people who probably never do. It is completely based on what is comfortable and healthy for the people in the relationship.
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The Question
I was just out for a walk to the nearest grocery store to pick up some stocking stuffers. I ran into my ex bf. He was walking towards me. I smiled at him and he looked right at me and didnt smile or even say hi. He kind of looked uncomftable.
My feelings were a little hurt because even though we broke up 5 years ago I still consider him to have been a big part of my life, he was my first bf and we spent a year together. I lost my virginity to him. I was the one that ended the relationship and at the time he was choked, but that was so long ago. I figured he would have moved on like I have.
Do you think his reaction meant he still has feelings for me? And why do you think he acted the way he did?
The Answer
I think it is a rather huge assumption to think he still has feelings for you based on this encounter. I mean really, it's been five years.
He probably just felt uncomfortable. If his feelings for you aren't as warm as yours are for him, he might only remember the bad times. He may have moved on completely but have decided he does not like you at all. Which is OK.
The fact is, you don't know unless you ask him. And why would you?
Why would you drag up feelings from a relationship that ended five years ago? Especially if the only time you see him is little run ins in public places.
Enjoy your good and positive memories and treasure them. But don't expect him to have the same response to a situation as you do. You can't control his feelings and you have no reason or right to ask him about them, so let it go.
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The Question
me and my boyfriend are continuously having little fights over nothing.... i think its because we hang out all the time and when were not hanging out together, were on the phone with eachother. i think were just too into eachother and i think we need to have lives besides eachother and i think that will really help. how do i not talk to him as much and see him less. because i love him and i always want to see him. weve been dating for over a year and were both 16. thanks!
The Answer
I think you are absolutely right about having a life separate from each other will make you both more happy. Now you just need to get down and do it.
So make plans without him. Dedicate a night to your girlfriends, or hanging out with your sister or mother. Rent a movie you like and he wouldn't want to see. Maybe decide one weekend you'll work on a project like a painting or baking or some such. Keeping yourself busy will help you learn to enjoy yourself separate from him.
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The Question
ok i know my boyfriend would NEVER cheat on me, but weve been dating for over a year. we recently had a "break" but got back together. as soon as the "break" started, he started hanging out with 2 of his ex gfs. hes still hanging out with them now that were back toghether. this is all outta nowhere adn i dont know why hes suddenly calling them and giving them christmas cards. i feel like he treats other girls better than me, and i told him that... he said he was sorry and he will change that. i just want to know im special. why is this ex gf stuff outta nowhere? what does it mean? what do i do? were both 16. thanks!
The Answer
I've dated people who have maintained friendships with their exs. I can't say I've ever really been completely comfortable with it, but it's never been a serious problem. I actually get along very well with one of my boyfriend's ex-girlfriends these days and he regrets ever introducing us.
You've told your boyfriend you are uncomfortable and unhappy, which is good, because he almost certainly doesn't want you that way. If you truly believe that these friendships are innocent then you don't have any reason to be upset.
Don't make any silly demands and try not be jealous. Don't let your insecurities ruin an otherwise good relationship. There is no reason he can't be totally loyal to you and friends with his ex-girlfriends.
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The Question
okay, i have this mark on my boob, its like blood red and it was like a bump last night and now its not. it looks kind of like razor burn except theres to red bumps in the middle of the little red speckles. i hope thats not confusing. its gotten a little less red and it doesnt hurt. breast cancer doesnt run in my family or anything like that its just scaring me a bit.
please and thanks
p.s. PLEASE DONT TELL ME TO TALK TO A DOCTOR OR MY MOM, IF I WANTED TO I WOULDNT HAVE ASKED THIS QUESTION. and no smart asses please.
The Answer
If this redness is near the nipple it sounds a bit to me like an ingrown hair which will itch and annoy but slowly go away on it's own in a little while.
However, no one here is going to be able to give you a 100% correct answer, we can't see you and we aren't doctors. Relax and wait it out for a bit. If it doesn't go away then you know what you need to do. Don't carry all this stress and fear alone, there are people who care about you and your health.
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The Question
Ok, first of all my girlfriend and I are both sophomores in High School. We've been together for just over two months but we've known each other for almost four years and everything is going okay. But i'm in the middle of a depression right now and its making me reconsider a lot of things. For your information we don't have a typical on-off high school sort of romance. See we've determined that we are soulmates and intend to marry when we can (we even made these cheap little pretend rings to wear until then); in short, we're very serious for teenage romance. My question centers around the speed of the relationship. We've basically done everything aside from sex and being a guy, I feel I should try to get it to that point, you know? But for some reason all I really want to do is slow down. I feel if I tell her this, she will think I'm not ready for the kind of relationship she wants. And if she does, she might want to find someone else. My question is should this relationship take a step back or stay where it is now?
The Answer
Why do you feel pressure as a guy to pursue sex?
You must be aware that there is a difference between what you see on TV and how people truly behave. There are men who aren't sex crazed fiends. Congratulations, you are one of them.
Why would your 'soul mate' dump you because you didn't feel ready to have sex with her?
I'm sorry Darling, but if you are afraid your feelings and opinions might end your relationship then you aren't quite as 'serious' or as ready for commitment as you seem to think you are.
If you want to slow down you should make that clear to her. Planning a long-term relationship with someone means facing the facts as well as sharing those facts with one another. There are no fairytales and reality does intrude on perfect romances, so learn quickly to deal with it and talk about the issues.
Yes, your desire to slow things down might hurt her, it might even, in an extreme case, end the relationship. However, if you go through with something you don't feel ready for and continue to pretend that you want the same kind of relationship she does, then you have doomed the relationship without even consulting her about it. If you trust and respect her feelings, you owe it to her to tell her yours and let an honest discussion take place.
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The Question
My boyfriend has popped the Question and I said yes, and we're trying to decide on a ring. Neither of us care for diamonds. I've heard of non-diamond engagement rings but they seem to always be "precious" stones, that is, ruby, emerald or sapphire. My favorite stone is the amethyst, which is considered only "semi-precious" but I just love that purple color, and it can come in huge sizes. Would a semi-precious stone like an amethyst be considered appropriate for an engagement ring? Also, if I were to get an amethyst, or any non-diamond stone for that matter, what do I tell nosy people who ask why I didn't get a diamond?
The Answer
Purple is my happy thought...
Wear what you want and what you like. Don't be bound by traditions if they don't have meaning for you. There are those who might not consider your semi-precious ring inappropriate. Those are the kinds of people who are so stuck in traditions they have forgotten the meaning of the ring is to bind two people together and symbolize that eternal bond. Why would you want to symbolize your life with the one you love with a ring neither of you like?
As for those who ask, I'm all for humorous answers to obnoxious questions, but in this case I think a bright smile and a clear voice saying "Because this is what I wanted!" is all that you need.
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The Question
I just started a new job, well, not JUST, I've been working there for about 2 months now.
Well I've always been a little afraid of my boss. I didnt think she liked me a first because she was only giving me night shifts, but then I guess all the other girls I work with told her I was a good worker and then she started being nicer to me and giving me the afternoon shifts. Well we had been getting along quite well but then today, she called me upstairs. She had a sheet of all the times that I had punched out of work at the end of my shifts. We have a computer system where we have to swipe our ID card to get paid. Well she said to me " you've been logging out early". "And make sure that you log out on time or I'll dock you 15 minutes pay".
Well I didnt know what she was talking about because I always log out on time. But when she showed me the sheet it said I had logged out once 1 minute early!!!
I couldnt believe I got in trouble for 1 minute!! She said if it happened again she would deduct 15 minutes from my pay. I told her that I thought it was my watch because I always leave on time. Then she told me to look at the clock on the cash register. Am I overeacting or was that pretty silly?
The Answer
It is very silly. Ridiculous even.
But check your pride, she is your boss, and as such, is allowed to be a little ridiculous or even pretty silly.
If you are new there, and there is no one above her to speak to easily, then you have very little power and just remind yourself, they are paying you, if they want to pay you for doing something stupid, so be it. This is only a minor inconvenience to you and probably not worth ruffling feathers over.
Trust me you won't be the only person in the world sitting around and waiting for the time clock to be the precisely correct time before punching out.
(Try clocking out one minute late and seeing if she pays you for an extra fifteen minutes...)
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The Question
I have a uncle (48) who came to visit me(female 25). I was showing him around my condo and he would not enter my bedroom area. what does this mean. this confused me! Could you help me to understand why he did that? Thank You Gems
The Answer
Hun, you have forced me to admit that I wouldn't invite any man into my bedroom unless I had an ulterior motive. It simply wouldn't occur to me to do it to a male who was family or with whom I had a purely plutonic relationship.
I mean, maybe, if I had great new drapes or just remodeled or such, but there is something inside me that says an older male, and even more so an older male relative, has no business in my boudoir.
You might not share my scruples, but it sounds like your uncle does.
It might not be rational. It might just be our sexually repressed and sexist society creating unnecessary tensions in our lives, forcing us be embarrassed over nothing and only understanding the world in terms of sex, but the *feelings* of embarrassment and awkwardness are still very much there and very powerful.
The bedroom probably had an association in your uncle's mind with something that should be private. It might not be logical, but unless you have a really good reason for doing so, I'd leave him alone about.
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The Question
i work at a candy store (16/f). i just started at the beggining of december, so it hasn't been long. today my cousins are coming to my house around 12, but i am supposed to work form 12-5. the candy stores opens at 10 (closes at 5), so my mom suggested calling and being like "i woke up early then i exppected today, so i wanted to call and check if you could use help any earlier. it's no big deal, but i figured i'd call and see if you needed me 10-3 rather then 12-5, because i'm up and have nothing to do!" i really want to do this, but i feel like i have been calling quite a lot lately (i even cancled work yesterday because of my dad's bday) so do you think they will be annoyed if i call?
The Answer
Everyone needs to change around their shifts sometimes; the thing to do is do it responsibly. Give them as much advance notice as possible, know the people who can take your shifts and have their numbers handy and don't call in at the last minute.
They might start to get annoyed with you. It can be hard when you are young and have family commitments but you need to book off time in advance. You need to know that and your family needs to know that. Right now you have a commitment and I think you need to honor it and work your shift.
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The Question
Not that this needs to be figured out like, now, but I figured I'd ask you guys for your opinions. I'm 18/f, he's 20/m if it matters.
There's a dance coming up here, and I want to go, because I love dances - they're fun, and an excuse for me to get overdressed, lol.
The problem is my boyfriend really isn't much of a dancer. I don't really want to go alone. I hinted to him that there was a dance and my friend was trying to convince me to go, but he didn't really say anything on the subject.
So - I guess what I really wanna know is if I should ask him to come with me anyway, even though he doesn't really like dances, or if I should just go alone.
Please lay off the chatspeak. If I have to read your answer twice to understand it, you're not getting a five.
The Answer
Well alluding to it clearly isn't working and when hints don't work you need to dig through your closet and pull out the old Baseball Bat of Obviousness.
Just flat out tell him what you want to go and you'd like him to go with you.
This is a great discussion for you two to have! There will need to be compromise and explanations. You’ll come away from it with a better understanding of each other and you have a chance to help build good problem solving habits between you. So take advantage of this and speak up.
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The Question
In the last 15 months since my bf has been with his gf, he has poured out his feelings for me, came over, talked smart about wanting to "do me", mentioned dumping his gf 5 months into their relationship, wanted me to call him, wanted me to come to his work, ditched the 1 he so-called "loves" to hang out with me, and wanted to have sex with me.
The night we hung out(him and his gf were broken up at the time) he begged me to let him "stick it in". I said no to him, and he kept asking like 4 more times after. I just kept saying NO. We both said that we still loved 1 another.
The next night he tells me that he went to his (ex's)at midnight-3am to "talk" and then he said he fell asleep. (imagine that)
We went out for lunch the next day (i owed him) then i didnt hear from him anymore after that. I finally contacted him 5 days later, and he tells me that i made him realize just how much he loves "her".
So i try talking online to him and i can tell that hes just not the same as he was days earlier.
I kept asking why he wanted to have sex with me sooo bad, and he says he didnt! He says that he just wanted to see if ive changed, and if i was easy. I told him that wasnt true because he kept asking me to do it, and he kept talking about it days be4. He keeps saying that he was just testing me, and that he wouldnt have done it if i would have said yes!
Everything that he has done, he has given me gay reasons for why he did/said it. He says he told me all those things because im so gullable and that he really didnt mean them. He told me he came over because he just wanted to talk to my dad.
Then after that night he begged me to do it, he tells me "sorry things didnt work out for you, i know you have feelings for me, but its just not gonna work out for us"!
Im not the 1 whos made any of the moves here, HE HAS! So why does he throw all this in MY face acting like im the 1 that was trying so hard to get him back or something?
Im not the type of girl to have sex, especially with some1 that i still have feelings for just so he could hurt me even more by running back to his little ho!
(We did everything, just not intercourse).
The girl hes with now had a bf at the time him and her had sex(their 2nd night) he never hung out with her be4 that, and barely knew her.(shes a 15 year old nympho, started when she was 13)
He never wanted anything to do with girls like that until he got in her pants. Then he would brag to me on how long they did it and what they did.
How could he have the guts to say everything and do everything hes done to me, without any heart feelings whatsoever?
What exactly were his intentions?
I rate 5s for sensible and logical answers.
I would love to have the guys opinions, so i can understand what goes on in their twisted little minds!!
Thanks!
The Answer
Why are you still talking to this guy?
I mean, this is complicated and not being a guy I don't want to guess at his true intentions (but I would bet he doesn't even know what they are.)
But seriously, he keeps messing with your mind, pressuring you, 'testing' you, ignoring you and then jumping back in to mess with your mind some more.
Either he is being a jerk, or he isn't in touch with reality. Maybe both.
At some point darling you need to let yourself get fed up and STOP CARING WHAT HE WANTS!
Think about yourself: Do you like hanging out with someone who pressures you or 'tests' you? Do you like hearing about the sex with his ex-girlfriend? Do you even like him at all anymore? Do you really every want to speak to this person again? Because from your question, I canâ??t imagine why you would want too.
If you are truly fed up with his nonsense, then stop wasting your energy wondering what he wants. You will probably never really understand. Just move on, take care of yourself.
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The Question
i dont know if you guys are familiar with myspace..and tila tequila in particular but my boyfriend is always lookin at her pics. should i be jealous or what? he tells all his friends how perfect she is and shes like half naked in all her pics! im not even half as pretty as her and shes soo pretty grr.
what should i do.. :\
The Answer
You know he doesn't have a chance in hell with her right? She probably isn't even a person to him, she just a body in pictures.
I can understand why you are upset, I would be too. But I think this is something you should be able to talk with your boyfriend about. Tell him it upsets you and you wish he wouldn't talk about how great she is. He should be able to respect your feelings.
Just remember you are real and you are with him. Neither of you should throw that away over a picture on the computer
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The Question
f 16/sophmore. okay so im a sophmore in highschool and i have to say that there is not 1 decent guy in my grade. im just sick of them all. so this year ive started haing out alot with the upper classmen. Last week my best friend cheryl had a party and one of the seniors she invited i didnt really know. well we hung out at the party and weve been talking since. here is the problem, cheryl told me that she'd be upset if i hooked up with them b/c they are really close friends. I know she doesnt have feelings for him cause shes deffnily with this amazingliy goregous senior who she really likes, and thats just the way she is. I want to hookup with him and i might even be getting feelings for him. should i hookup with him and we both not tell her or should i talk to her first.. but what would i say? ahh please help i rate 5's
The Answer
Seems to me, if she isn't dating him, she really doesn't have a say in whether the two of you hit it off.
Tell her, don't ask her, that the two of you are getting closer and might hookup. Tell her you don't want to hurt or offend her or ruin their friendship, you just really like him and presumably, he likes you too.
Not telling her would make it seem like you are doing something wrong, and you’re not. It would also cause all sorts of trouble when she found out, which she probably would. So just be upfront and honest about it. I can’t see a rational reason for her to have a problem with it.
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The Question
hi 14/f here and i just got my period for the very first time last night, but there is soooo much blood ! i dont know if this is normal or not . and i had cramps and got whiney and everything and i dont think that im suppossed to get this on my first time !! is this normal ?? help me im so scared !!
The Answer
You sound fine to me.
It can be an awful lot of blood, especailly in the first day or two. So don't panic.
It is okay to get cramps and be uncomfortable, even on the first time. Try and talk to an older female relative if you can, even call an aunt or older friend, they will understand. You are part of the club now!
Check out http://www.coolnurse.com/menstrual.htm for some more info.
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The Question
i dont think my bf honestly likes me i think he just wants me to give him head,well the only reason i think he is going out wit me is b/c i gave his friend head and he fingured me and all that stuff b/c he was my x and i think his friend told him we did all that stuff and thats all he wants from me is to have sex but, how do i no if he likes me or if he just wants to have sex? PLEASE help!
The Answer
You just need to trust your gut instincts on this.
If he pressures you for sex or gets grumpy and angry when you turn him down then he probably just wants you for sex. If he doesn’t pressure you, respects your boundaries and is alright with waiting then he might like you for more.
In the end it doesn’t really matter if he only wants sex or not. If you feel uncomfortable and can’t trust his affection then you need to end the relationship. You don’t need to be sure of his feelings, your feelings are important and if you are not happy that is a good enough reason to end it.
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