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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
Okay i'm sure many of you have seen the sequin purses that are out now...well i have one...and i continue to see sequins coming off...is there any way to stop this from continuing? I'll be forever greatful.
I dunno if it will help but a pic of my purse can be found here....
http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a4/_BoNkErS_/Picture003.jpg
haha you can already see a bald spot in the top right corner! Thnkx again for anyone who helps
The Answer
I can't offer a single solution for you that isn't time consuming and a little maddening.
I build costumes for amateur theatre and dance. This involves an ungodly amount of sequins sometimes. The way I deal with this is when they need to be attached individually is, firstly, using coat thread or coban to attach them, which is stronger and thicker then normal thread, or secondly, putting a little dab of fabric glue behind each one.
I wouldn't suggest you re-sew all the sequins by hand (I feel a little neurotic just typing that out) but go to a craft store and pick up some fabric glue, Alleen's Flexible Fabric Glue it my favorite, and use a toothpick to apply it to the back of each sequins. Put a movie on while you do this, it will take a while.
Also, while you are at the craft store look for some sequins that match your bag. They'll only cost you a few bucks and you'll be able to replace anything that falls off that much easier.
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The Question
Please don't delete this question, because I am actually very curious about this. Why do people join this website who aren't even serious about helping people or receiving help? People who need help come here and some ignorant people joke around and even insult these people in need. Don't you think it's time we suspend or expel these rude people? I'm sick of it myself.
The Answer
Read the Reasons We Ban People here:
http://www.advicenators.com/faq.php?f=47&
We have rules against people abusing this site. Notice that being rude isn't an offence you can get banned for. Giving bad advice isn't an offence either. People are allowed to be idiots, and they are allowed to suck at being a columnist.
What they aren't allowed to do is give harmful advice, illegal advice, or use questions for things that are not adivce (and there is more, check the reasons.)
If you see anyone who does meet our reasons for being banned PLEASE FILE AN ABUSE REPORT!
DO IT RIGHT HERE: http://www.advicenators.com/abuse.php
The upper level moderators can't be everywhere and keep an eye on everyone, that's why there is a form to report abuse, please use it guys.
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The Question
My boyfriend and I are very close, but recently we've had some trouble. We don't argue, but it just seems like we lost interest. It hasn't necessarily been a big issue yet, but I feel like it will be. I love him and I don't want our relationship to get ruined. Should I break it off right now to avoid any trouble between us, or should I just see how it goes? If I do break up with him, he'll understand.
The Answer
Right now the biggest threat to your relationship getting 'ruined' is the two of you. No one here can decide if your relationship is over or not, but if you are seriously considering dumping a guy because you see possible issues for the two of you in the future then you are playing a cowards game.
I can list a dozen problems any couple will have to face together in the future! Those problems are always there for every couple. Sometimes it's disinterest or distance, sometimes it's money or religion or kids.
But if you want to dump him if over this possible issue, that to me is a sign that you don't really care about this relationship that much. The fact that he'll just 'understand' if you dump him is equally odd. Breaking up hurts! People rarely just shrug it off with a "Oh, well, that's okay. I understand." if someone they deeply care for is giving them the boot.
Relationships can be hard work. Relationships can survive problems. If the two of you really care enough about each other to try and make this work, I'd suggest you start talking about what it is you both want and expect from your relationship. Otherwise, your apathy is going to kill it very quickly.
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The Question
In a nutshell, I hate my stepdad. Well, HATE is a strong word, so let's just say I highly dislike him.
My mother met him about 5 years ago, and they got married a year later. He was nice to me and my sister during their courtship, but since he married my mom he's turned into an ass. Well he's really mean to me and my sister. Neither of us has a bf so he says to our faces that were lesbians. When I had my 25th birthday he told me in front of my mother that I must be a dyke because all of his daughters were married by my age. He always compares us to his daughters who are all married.
My sister has a weight problem and he calls her fat and a slug. He convinced my mother to kick her out of the house while she was still in college. My sister is a good person, she's quiet and studies to get good grades but he tells my mom that she deserves to be kicked out on the street. I think he wants my mom all to himself. He even told me once that he was "sick of me always coming around". I live in another town and maybe visit my mom once every two weeks, so I don't know what he's talking about. On Xmas day when I went to visit them I even heard him yelling at my mom! He was calling her a "stubborn woman" because she asked him to help cut up the turkey. Every one else can see this guys a jerk except for my mother.What can I do? I've already told my mom that she shouldnt have married him but she's in love with him and doesnt want to listen.
I'll rate 5s!
The Answer
Don't be too hard on your mother. Accusing her of marrying an asshole (and it would certainly would feel like an accusation to her) will only drive a wedge between you at a time where she desperately needs her daughters support.
So be supportive, don't focus on him, focus on your mother and your feelings such as "Mom I don't like it when he speaks to you that way." Or "Mom it hurts me that I'm not welcome in your home."
If his inappropriate behavior is directed at you feel free to leave. You are an adult, if you are being treated poorly you have the choice to get up and go. Just apologize to your mother and explain you can't stay if that is the way he is going to behave, and ask your mother to met you somewhere else, at a restaurant or a coffee house for your next visit. You don't need to guilt her, but it make it clear that you don't want to speak to her husband unless he behaves himself.
Your mother is adult, and is allowed to make her own mistakes just like you are. You probably can't make her leave this man, but make sure to remain the loving and supportive daughter that she can turn too. If she finds the strength to break from this man, you'll want to be there for her.
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The Question
Today at school something really sad-mean happened to a friend of mine and we were all talking and thinking about stuff and we were wondering....
Why are guys such jerks towards fat girls?
and why don't they liek to date chubby girls? how come they only like to date girls who are sticks with a drawn on face?
k thanx i rate 5's.
The Answer
Honestly, as hard as it is to believe in high school, not all males are dicks. There is a period of time between about 12 and 18 where they all SEEM like dicks. But many of them overcome it.
Women are beautiful and attractive creatures, not just in their physical appearance. Many men come to understand that is time, but when they are young they just 'follow the pack' and the pack says that women you can snap in half are the only ones worth dating.
The ones who don't over come this pack mentality are not worth speaking to; in your adult life it is much easier to simply choose not too associate with them.
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The Question
My younger sister moved back into my mother and stepdads house to housesit while they are away on a trip. They will living in Arizona for 6 months and come back in the summer.
My sister is in dept up to her ears in credit card and student loan payment. She is still in college, and doesnt have a job right now. My father is giving her some money every month only until she finishes school, but it's only a couple hundred dollars.
Well I just found out that my mother is charging my sister rent!! I thought it was unfair because she is doing them a favour by housesitting. Also they know she's short on money because she
s still a student. I could understand if she were living with them but she's not. She told me that all the money that our dad gives her goes to pay the rent, and everything else she has to put on her credit card. They are charging her 400.
Does anyone else think this is unfair?
The Answer
Yes. I do feel it's unfair. However, it's also none of your business.
Your mother and your sister are adults. Your mom didn't have to charge rent and your sister didn't have to agree to pay it. Four hundred dollars really is reasonable rent. I'm a student as well and I would absolutely kill for rent that inexpensive in my city.
But my point is, yes, your mother could have been a lot nicer to your sister. But she didn't have to be. She has a right to charge rent, and your sister has agreed to it.
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The Question
I have a friend named Tara. Shes in 12th grade, graduating this year, and going to college for Theater.. I've been quite worried about her lately, because i know that she cant have her whole life rely on Theater. She wasted her past 6 years working to be an actress. And shes not all that bad, but someone from a small town and such like ours, prolly wont get very far. I've tryed talking to her about other options. I dont want her whole life to be thrown out the window because of some, un-realistic dream.. Do you think that I should try harder to convince her that theres more to life than thearter.. and thats just there as something to do on the side? Or should I let her make her own mistakes?
The Answer
Your friend is old enough to make her own decisions and realize the risks associated with the Theatre industry.
I could waste my time listing the famous actors and actress who come from very small towns but I wont bother.
But this I can't stress enough: pursuing Theater at the university or college level is NOT throwing your life away. An education in theatre can lead to many careers and opens many doors in teaching, costumer service, marketing, even a great deal of government work. Please trust me on this one. I am currently a theatre student and I have no difficulty finding employment or living healthy and happily. It is a DIFFERENT path then many would choose, it is not a bad one.
Her dreams are her dreams, and this is 'her LIFE'. If she is willing to put in the energy and dedication in to achieve them, why should you be anything but supportive and happy for her? She deservers a chance to try and she owes to herself to follow her passion.
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The Question
What can you do when you have a boss that gives everyone else fun and simple tasks, but gives you the dirty work that no one else wants, PLUS doesnt appreciate your hard work?
I work in retail at a superstore in the clothing department. Because it's january, all of our hours have been cut, Well anyways my boss told me today that she wanted me take down everything from the shelves and windex the shelves, plus our display tables. I had to take off all the nicely folded clothing and then spray our tables, wipe them, then put all the clothes back on. I worked my ass off, and all the other girls working got to do fun jobs, like setting up displays and customer service. After my shift was over (and covered in dirt) I said goodbye to my boss and another girl. The other girl said bye, but my boss never said anything or even acknowledged all my hard work.
Should I be upset? Because I almost felt like quitting after today.
The Answer
It's a little scary to differ with such established collumnists but I have a much different persepective on your problem.
Work can't always be fun.
I have worked retail and retail management. It's a tough and trying job.
But you've only given one example here of what you considered unfair treatment, which is as far as you've told us, is just one nasty shift. If there is more here, a pattern of this behavior, fine, ignore the rest of what I have to say and listen to the other columnists. But your boss not giving you positive feedback right away could simply be that they were busy, distracted or just completely exhausted themselves.
Nasty jobs have to be done. As a manager, I sometimes gave them to the people whose work ethic I respected the most, because I knew they would do a good job even though it wasn't a pleasant job and they wouldn't waste my time complaining. Sometimes I just assigned the job to the person who happened to be nearest to me when it needed to be assigned. And if I had my head buried in a stock book, or was thinking about an irate customer, I might forget to thank them.
My advice is to take pride in your work and accept you won't always be praised for it.
Like I said earlier, if this becomes a pattern, with your boss never giving you other tasks and never giving you positive feedback then by all means talk to them about it! If you feel like you are always doing the same things, ask for more variety. If you feel that your work went unnoticed, ask if they were happy with it.
If nothing improves then look for other options. But from my experience, the situation you describe could still be completely rectifiable by simply having a little more empathy for your boss and speaking to them about your feelings.
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The Question
i used to give head to some guys and i quit because i thought i might have caught something. could there be a chance i could get something? or i would have to get that checked ..since some stds show no syptoms?
i also heard that if the guy had some std and i swallowed the std or whatever would die cause of the acid in my stomach or something? is that true
The Answer
Yes you could have received an STD by giving oral sex. You will need to be checked by a doctor to be certain, there is no other way to tell.
Although it is true that STD's cannot survive or be transferred to you in your stomach, the way you can get them is through any little sore or cut on your lips and mouth.
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The Question
This is definetely not the greatest of questions..Here I go, Im a guy, and for whatever reason Im always extremely horny, I could just have finished having sex, 10 minutes later i need some more, Im pretty sure this is normal, but just in case there is something wrong with me, i figured I would ask. Also ladies, is this something positive, negative, or does it even matter when looking for potential bf material?
The Answer
Honestly what I think about when I meet a guy isn't his sex drive but his nature and intelligence, within that his ability to compromise. You might find the girl you are really interested in can keep up, even lap you! Or you might find that for the girl of your dreams, three times a week is pushing it.
People have different libidos and different sexual needs. The important thing is to be sensitive to that and respectful of what your partner wants and can handle.
For some girls your sex drive might be intimidating, for others, thrilling, but I don't think that needs to be a deciding factor in whether or not you can date.
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The Question
My friend is mad at me. The details don't really matter but my main problem is I think she's going to tell my social studies teacher that I didn't help with other project. That is not true but she can be a real bitch sometimes and it's not under her to do something like that. I helped her find most of the information and pick out different things for our project I just couldn't put it together. How can I keep her from telling my teacher that I didn't help? Oh I don't really care if she's mad at me because she's a bad friend anyway.
The Answer
Teachers aren't complete idiots. Really.
Actually most of them are rather quick when it comes to the stupid games their students play; they get to see the same shit year after year. If this girl does go to your teacher, that teacher will have a lot of questions for her such as "Why didn't you bring this up earlier?". The teacher is probably well aware of the underhanded way this girl is prepared to behave.
So relax, leave this girl alone and let her do whatever she feels she needs too. Don't worry about this again unless your teacher approaches you. If your teacher does, just explain that you had a fight and she is angry with you, but that the project was done fairly.
If you have any notes or files of work you helped to do on your computer or anything, keep them handy just in case.
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The Question
Just curious, can birth control pills give you cancer? My mom keeps telling me its true and I actually think that they prevent cancer...
The Answer
Yanked from womanshealth.gov:
Benefits (of the birth control pill) ...include a lower risk for ovarian and endometrial cancer, and pelvic inflammatory disease (PID). Serious side effects include an increased chance, for some women, of developing heart disease, high blood pressure, and blood clots. Women who smoke, are over age 35, or have a history of blood clots or breast or endometrial cancer are more at risk for dangerous side effects and may not be able to take the pill.
Check out the website yourself if you need more, this was pretty much in line with what I have read perviously. It is believed that the pill could reduced the risk of ovarian cancer, but there is some uncertainty when it comes to other forms of cancer.
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The Question
I was at a party nine days ago, when my friends all started smoking pot. I didn't give in to the peer pressure. I didn't smoke any. But I did stay and hang around with them, and I think I got a little "contact buzz" from the second hand smoke. I'm in the military and have a random drug test tomorrow. Will second hand smoke show up in pee tests?? Please help me.
The Answer
Although it is possible to test positive for marijuana from second hand smoke, it is very unlikely, especially if you are not around people who smoke regularly.
If the exposure was really just this one party you should be absolutely fine. The guidelines from this site, http://studenthealth.oregonstate.edu/answerspot-old/AlcoholDrugs/Secondhand.htm
said that someone who only smoked occasionally could expect to be clean in about 10 days, possible fewer and pass a test for marijuana use.
Your exposure was ten days ago, you didn't even smoke it, and it sounds like it was a one-time thing. You should be fine.
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The Question
i am an 18 year old female. i have been on and off with this guy for three years and have had very good and some bad times...right now we are not going out, but we act like it. we are not seeing others and spend tons of time together. i love him and he used to love me but now he says he is confused about what love is. he doesnt want to go out and i dont understand how the title and how we are now are different. he might be going away for the summer. he is not seeing other people so i am wondering if anyone could explain maybe where he is coming from and if there is something i am not realizing or anything...thanks
The Answer
I think what you are not realizing is the only difference between acting like you are together and being together is him having to decide what he wants, rather then just go with the flow.
He isn't willing to take the risk of agreeing to be with you exclusively. I don't think it is much more complicated then that.
You have on your hands someone who is afraid of committing in even a small way, probably because of how rocky your relationship has been before, or maybe, because deep down, he just isn't that into you.
Either way, you need to stop worrying about his feelings and start to think a little more seriously about your own. Even if you do love him, is this situation really acceptable to you? Because it isn't going to change very quickly, and might take a lot of work to build trust and the relationship problem solving techniques to make it function again.
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The Question
heya! anyone know how to get melted mashmellow out of chashmere clothing???? x x x x
The Answer
If your cashmere is a relatively loose knit and there are still chunks of marshmellow in it, throw it in the freezer for a bit or rub some ice against the marshmallow still in the shirt (try not to get it too wet) and then pick the parts that are clearly marshmallow out of it once it has started to freeze. Then send it out for dry cleaning to get rid of the rest of the stickiness still in the fibers.
Do NOT use warm water. It's not generally a good thing for cashmere, and it's definitely not the way to treat a stain, especially not a sticky one.
Do NOT put it in the dryer; the marshmallow will become nearly impossible to get out.
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The Question
Yesterday on New Years I made a painful decision. I decided that the relationship with a guy that I had been in love who decided to move away for a job had to be cut dead. I decided this needed to be done because he wasnt even making an effort to contact me and he never even got me a xmas gift. It's complicated and he can never commit to me because of his work- and I honestly think money is more important to him than me.
While anyways, I havent actually TOLD him this yet. But I've gotten asked out by a really nice guy who lives in town. He owns his own company and is closer in age then the other guy.
Should I just start dating this other guy or should I let my long distance bf know that I want to see other people? I think what drove me to this decision was that the jerk never bothered to even phone me on xmas or new years. What kind of bf DOES that? And should I feel really guilty for wanting to date the other guy? Because I don't.
The Answer
Don't feel guilty about being interested in somebody else at all. What I would suggest is that you do not schedule a date with your new interest until AFTER you have told your old boyfriend it's over.
It's simply being the bigger and more courteous person. Even though your ex-boyfriend has made no effort to be decent or responsible, you should still behave as best you can.
Tell the guy you are interested in that you would love to date him but you have to make sure that it is perfectly clear to your ex that it is over, explain that he is far away and it might take you a bit of time to contact him, so would he be up for dinner in a week or so?
This new guy will respect your maturity and the seriousness and loyalty you put into your relationships, even when they are over.
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The Question
how do you make out
i tried making out with my boyfriend, but we keep feeling eachother's teeth..
The Answer
You practice.
(I am not being a smart ass here. I am dead serious; grab your boyfriend and practice!)
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The Question
From a female,
When you are sexually active is there supposed to be hair uhh "down there"? or do you shave it off or what? sorry if this is like a stupid question or whatever but i'll rate.
The Answer
During puberty women grow pubic hair, same way they start to grow hair under their arms.
It has nothing to do with being sexually active; it is just the way a mature woman's body is.
Some woman choose to remove the hair and some don't, but pretty much every woman has it grows.
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The Question
I have a boyfriend who I am quite happy with, although he lives miles away because he just went off to uni. However I also fancy my best mate and vice versa (we are both bi) and last night, we kissed. Its not like we have never kissed before, but its usually been more... arranged or friendly, but this was because we really wanted to, little alcohol involved.
I dont know what to do now, because I kindof want to be with my best friend, but i dont want to split up with my boyfriend. And i feel like shit because I dont even feel bad that I cheated on him, more that i feel bad because i have so little concience.
Help me! What do I do?
Sorry its so long.
The Answer
You can't always have your cake and eat it too.
Fess up with your boyfriend. Tell him what you did and that you want both of them. He might just make it easy on you and dump you. Then you wont have to feel so bad because you'll have been punished for cheating and you can cry it out and then go off happily and pursue your best friend.
Or maybe both your boyfriend and your best friend will be open to some other sort of relationship where you will be able to have both of them, if that is really what you want.
This might all seem a little cold, but if you refuse to choose between them, and can't search deep in your soul and figure out what you really want. Then let them decide what they want, and see where you stand in the end.
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The Question
why does everyone look at a teen having a baby like the end of the world for them. i mean i know its hard but I've seen tons of people work through it,and live successful lives. so its a challenge. but worse can happen. i mean if the person can be a good monther and somehow support herself and her child isnt that enough?
The Answer
A teenager being thrown into an unfortunate situation that they are not prepared for emotionally, finically or socially is just that, unfortunate. It is not the end of the world, and they could be certainly be a good mother. But the odds are against him or her, and more importantly, the odds are against their child.
That is why a teenager actively choosing to have a baby is perceived as an act of complete selfishness, one that totally disregards anyone's feelings or opinions but their own, and one that will forcibly drag an innocent child through difficulties that are unnecessary. If a person truly wished to support and raise their child you would think they would wait until the best possible time, when they would best be able to provide for the child, and not just have one because they want one now.
Someone who is more obsessed with their own interest in having a child, rather then being able to give the best to that child, is being selfish, and will be disappointed with parenthood, which is a fundamentally selfless pursuit.
Accidents happen, and people do their best, and sometimes their best is really good, and often it's not. When you are a teen parenthood is a gamble, and who would choose to gamble when their child is involved?
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