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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
Hey all. I was wondering if you guys thought I made a smart choice. Here it is: for freshman year, I am not continuing Spanish and going to Spanish 2 Honors, but instead I'm taking Italian 1 because I think it's different and a beutiful language. Please tell me if you think I made a smart choice. Thanks!
The Answer
Honestly, who are we to tell you what is right or wrong here?
What class you take as a freshman doesn't effect the course of your life is a deeply serious way. More then likely no one is going to suffer unbearably because you dropped Spanish and no one is going to be saved for certain doom because you know some Italian. I can understand why this is a big a decision for you but it's not something we can really help you with, cause it isn't vitally important to anybody else.
If suddenly it becomes important you can pick the class up some other time. No problem. I've done it, most of my friends have done it. Lots of people do it when they realize they need a class they didn't take first time they had a chance.
So, are you happy with your choice? You sound like you are. That is plenty 'smart' enough for me.
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The Question
Why do teenage girls with boyfriends feel to need to refer to their boyfriends' mothers as "mother-in-law"? ...Is that just the new "thing to do" now? Last time I checked, someone isn't your mother-in-law unless you were married to her son or daughter, not merely dating them in high school. To me it sounds really funny, "15/f like omg my mother-in-law blah blah blah"...ummm... no. So can someone explain this to me? It's really hard to take questions like that seriously. haha
The Answer
I think it's pretty much the same reason that every thirteen year old is falling in 'love' with their boyfriend/girlfriend of one week.
People like those big words, they feel important and special. They don't realize throwing them around lightly degrades their meanings.
Shrugs. I do wish people were more exact with their language but there isn't too much to do but correct them or ignore them.
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The Question
This is the story..(in short)
Sinds I have had problems with my mother in law(mother of my bf)She thinks I'm not ideal for her son ...(She is extremely jealous about her sons)We don't talk to each other anymore (I feel like I hate her )She went around gossiping about me and lie things about me just to keep his son away from me....I left all this behind and I'm really trying to get over this but sometimes i feel really quilty that the relationship between my bf and his mother has took a strange turn just because of me although my bf tells me that she did this types off things with his ex too.But now everytime he goes to see his mother I get like worried becuase I think maybe his mom would lie worse thiings about me or critize me to let my bf dissapoint in me..
This is not all beside this his ex is trying to get back with him...And I'm really worried about this too.., because I really want to be with him ...We have 1 year and 5 months togheter(realtionship is great)
I have a constant fight in my mind ..I feel like I am constant fighting for him...I supossed it is great to fight for someone but.....to be in a constant fight (this is what I feel)It's not good neither
Palese help me .....I don't want to feel this way anymore
I will rate high
The Answer
Honey, you are worrying a lot about something you don't have control over. Your boyfriend is going to think and do what he wants too and his mother isn't going to *make* him think a certain way. His ex-girlfriend isn’t going to *make* him like her either. He is free to choose.
Right now, he is choosing to be with you! He doesn't care what his mother is saying and he doesn't want his ex back. He has chosen you! You don't need to fight! You've already won.
Stop worrying so much about other people, you can't control what they say or do. If your relationship is truly great you need to believe that your boyfriend loves you and isn't going to stop loving you just because of what other people say or do.
Love him back, be the best person you can be and stop worrying yourself sick over these silly people. Your boyfriend clearly knows not to listen to them.
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The Question
Im doing research on a man name John Lee Brians and i found a web site that looks like it has the information form when i did a google search below:
John Hampton Brians, b: 1825 - NC,
19 JAN 1932 - 5. Mary Elizabeth Brians Born: 26 AUG 1858 - Marr: 1876 - Green Alford Cato Died: 16 JAN 1923 - 6. John Lee Brians Born: 5...
www.theellisons.net/ghtout/gp2000.htm | Save
Now when i click on the site to view it it says "HTTP 404 - File not found
Internet Explorer " but when i enter in the web site "www.theellisons.net" it shows up as an index like page and has "Apache/1.3.33 Server at www.theellisons.net Port 80" at the bottom. Is there anyway where i can view this site? i really want the infromation.
P.S. Sorry for no captializing-habit
The Answer
I don't know why the page isn't showing up for you however to access the information do your Google search again and at the bottom of the little blurb on the site there is a little link that says Cached. Click it to see the site/
I did it, and it worked for me. Hitting Cached shows you the site as it was saved by Google, sort of like a back up, at some time in the past. Useful little thing eh?
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The Question
Ohk i have a job. And the problem is i should be getting 20 hours a school week. And 40 hours on a break. Well on a regular week i only get 8 and half hours and on breaks i only get 15 hours.
Its been like this since December. Its really aggravating me because a girl the same age as me is getting more hours then me like 5 hours more.
Im thinking about searching for a new job. Because i need the hours and the money. Would it be a good idea to go out and look for a new job?
Dont tell me that i should start getting more hours soon i highly doubt it.
I work really hard at the job i have now. The girl my age hates working and complains more then anything in the world. I dont get it.
I would really like to know what you guys think i should do.
The Answer
Have you spoken to your boss?
If you were hired with an understanding that those are the hours you would be receiving and you are not getting them your first course of action shouldn't be leaving, it should be discussing it.
Listen what your boss says. It is possible they never understood those were your expectations. If they can't be met then you need to tell them politely that you will need to leave as you need to be working more hours.
But honestly, jobs that will work you the hours you are looking for are RARE. I never found one that allowed me to basically make my own schedule and work exactly when I wanted too around school. It's just not worth the trouble it would be to most business to accommodate students like that.
Good Luck.
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The Question
Okay so i am a 16year old female. and heres my situation. ive only gotten my period like 3-4 times in my life. and they havent been in consecutive months. the closest its ever been to consecutive was dec 2004 and january 2005. and the time after that was june 2005 then i didnt get it until my last period which was january 2006. my main question is...does my very irregular period mean that i am not ovulating like i should be and could it effect whether or not i will be able to have children when im older? dont get the wrong idea its not that i want a kid now or anything. but i do want a family in the future and this i just freaking me out. any advice/information anybody could give me will be much appreciated. thanks.
The Answer
Go see a doctor. Irregular periods are normal enough but you are old enough now to expect at least a slightly more regular period then that. I really strongly suggest getting checked out, for your own safely and peace of mind.
Irregular periods aren’t the end of the world and it is most likely that if you are getting your period at such random intervals you are not ovulating at all like you should, and yes, periods that irregular can make conception more difficult. Not impossible, just that much more of a guessing game.
The only way you will get certain answers to your questions though, is to speak to a doctor.
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The Question
I was wondering if there is a way that I can find out for sure if my bf blocked me on his email address of not. Here is a little bit of a background story. Well he moved several months ago for a new job. He told me that he would be back in contact with me as soon as he got back on line. Well this was back in November, almost 5 months ago. He has also never phoned me either. I did get hold of him once in December. I asked him why he never sent me any emails and he told me that he still wasnt on line yet. I find this VERY hard to believe because he had tons of friends that he was emailing, not just me. This is a guy that was almost fanatic about checking his email. Well everytime I send him an email it gets sent back to me. I tried all 3 of my email addresses, yahoo, hotmail, and telus. Is there any way for sure I can find out if he blocked me? Or do you think there is a possiblity he might be telling the truth?
The Answer
He isn't your boyfriend anymore.
Regardless of having the internet or not, regardless of whether he lied to you about that or not, the big thing here is: He Hasn't Phoned In 5 Months!
That isn't a relationship. He is scum for not ending it kindly and clearly. He is an ass for leaving you hanging like that. But clearly, he doesn't consider himself with you anymore and refuses to deal with the fallout from that decision.
It doesn't mater if he lied or not, you have enough other evidence to determine that he no good. So drop it, you'll never get a satisfying answer out of him even if you could contact him, nothing he says is going to make this all right and venting your angry at him doesn't really serve a purpose. Just be thankful to be free of such a weak-kneed little boy.
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The Question
I am 21 yrs old and have been dating this guy for 3&1/2 yrs now (started my senior year of highschool) and I love him very much, but for the last year or so Ive gotten to the point where I just don't know if I can see us together forever anymore (like all girls dream) and am wondering if I should stay or go. We have been getting into alot more fights, way more easily than before and most of them are due to the fact that he is obsessed with video games and puts them ahead of hanging out with me all the time. Lately, hes gotten into this new game that has quests with alot of people on certain days of the weeks; scheduled quests. And he decides to not hang out with me and play instead even though its a friday night which is one of my nights off (no college the next day or work). We rarely see each other the way it is this semester due to classes and work and homework that this is ruining my time with him and it bugs me how he doesn't care. Even when we do hang out, when I come over to his house I have to get him off his game and its hard work. I just don't feel like a priority anymore, and because of this I get angry easier and then make him mad and we get into fights. He thinks I nag on him too much and I think he doesn't prioritize me enough. I love him sooo much, hes very honest and true to me, but I'm to the point where I'm jealous of a game?! This just doesn't feel right. The only other thing (other than his good points) stopping me from breaking it off with him is the fact that we have a class together and i don't want to have this stuff affect my grades and I am very 'addicted' to him (i love him soo much and dont know how to live without him anymore). Should i stay With him? Should i break it off? If so, when? Thanks for any advice you can give me.
The Answer
His behavior is amazingly selfish but you two have been together for a very long time to just throw it away over a stupid game.
First off try telling him one more time how much this bugs you. Don't do when he playing the game, because that will feel the most like nagging but invite him out for coffee or lunch or even insists it happens right away next time you see him before he starts to play. Stay calm and talk about your own feelings, not how stupid and selfish he is being. Make sure he understands that this makes you not want to be with him.
After that, if he hanging out with you and begins to play one of his games: Leave. That isn't how you want to spend your time so get up and go. You don't need to nag him or get angry or even confront him at all, just say 'Call me when you can spare the time".
You've invested a lot of time and emotion into this relationship, you owe to yourself to try really hard to fix this before you walk away. But if this guy just wont take a hint about his video game habit, then you have some serious problems that just putting down the controller isn't going to fix anyways.
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The Question
I just met the nicest guy over at plentyoffish.com . It's an online dating site that's free. He is smart, ambitious, lives in the same area, is the same age as me (28), and has similar values and goals. He's also quite attractive from his photo! We've been emailing each other for the last few days. So far I've found out where he works, and he knows where I work. We've also asked each other which highschool we went to, and found out that neither of us enjoyed it. We seem to have a ton in common.
My question is, being that I am very shy and havent dated in a long time (with the exception of a blind date in January that was disastrous), how should I handle this new guy? Should I wait for him to ask me out? So far we have just been writing each other.
The Answer
First I'd just like to say that in the future it might be prudent not to give out specifics like where you work until you have met someone in person. I'm sure this guy is completely on the up and up, but some people online aren't. I had a very bad experience two years ago because I briefly mentioned exactly where I worked. So just watch for yourself online, it isn't just children who can be vulnerable.
Okay, with my baggage out of the way: This is one of those lovely situations where a girl can have her cake and eat it to, so go ahead and encourage a face-to-face meeting, just don't call it a date. Don't put all the pressure on yourself of asking him 'out'; just invite him to join you at a coffee house or meet up for lunch. Those things can be great 'pre-dates' and a good way to develop a friendship. If he is interested he will probably follow your lead and invite you out on a more date-like date for the next time.
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The Question
okay well my friend.. we can say sarah.. well we are pretty close. i love hanging out with her whenever its just me and her or me and her and some of our other friends that are girls. okay but heres the problem. everytime shes with boys they are constinantly grabbing her but she like flirts and acts like she wants it so they do it and then just like ignors me when they are around.. i tried to talk to her about it tonight and she got really mad.. then we got into an arguement and she told her other friend and now that girl doesnt like me now either.. i dunno what to do to make her stop being like that and to get her other friend not to hate me no more.. please help
The Answer
You can't change people, they have to choose to change and accusing them of being a slut and getting into arguments isn't a great way to persuade someone.
If you are able to talk to your friend again, apologize for hurting her feelings and explain yourself in a non-judgmental way. For instance, don't say, "You are behaving like a slut" but say "I don't like it when people call you a slut because you’re my friend." Don't say she encourages guys and teases them, try "I wish guys showed you more respect."
Can you see the huge difference there? The first lines are blaming her and insulting her, but the second lines explain your problems and your feelings much better.
But she doesn’t have to change just 'cause you wish she would, and her friend doesn’t have to like you just 'cause either. Apologize to the one who you hurt and then just go back to being your friendly self. If she wont change, then maybe you have to reconsider whether you want to be thier friend or not.
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The Question
Hi, I'm a columnist on this site (lauraxomichelle) but I need some advice of my own. It's actually mostly for my mom. When she got married 20 years ago, she bought a beautiful set of dishes at Bradlees, which is now closed. They were by Home Beautiful, style JP 303 ambrosia. If anybody knows of websites that sell them (like, legitamite sites) or stores (we're in the southern New England area) it would be a great help! thanks so much!
The Answer
This is where internet is your friend, although I don't know of anywhere near to you but Amazon.com seems to have them. (What the hell? Yes Amazon.com sells dishes! I didn't know that either!)
http://www.amazon.com/gp/browse.html/ref=dp_brlad_entry/102-7960663-0519367?%5Fencoding=UTF8&node=12167991
I got those from a simple google search love. Give it a try and you might find some more.
Also just to add my little knowledge from too much time working at a store that sells china, silverware and linens, if you find for some reason that you cannot complete your current set, using two sets of complimentary dishes is becoming very popular. It adds a lot of interest to the table and can give you a nice big setting. With Ambrosia, maybe look for a pale pink or green plate of a similar thickness, the effect can be lovely for those poor half sets everybody has kicking around.
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The Question
Im a 15/f, but I'm turning 16 in july. My bedroom is really small. My house only has 3 bedrooms, the master, and then 2 very small others. They are about equal in size. Well All I can fit into my room is my full sized bed, my nightstand, my shelf and my dresser. I have 2 closets, but had to put all of my clothes in one because I had to put my tv stand in the other. I have a lot of clothes so thats not really working. I need a desk because I am going to get a computer, plus I need a space where I can do my homework other than my bed. Plus, I need a futon or something, so when my friends come over (every weekend and like every other day in the summer) we arent strung all over the house and in my parents way. I want to move my bedroom into my garage. I'd be willing to take it as a sweet sixteen gift, they wouldnt have to get me anything else (I already am getting my dads old car) Plus I'd put in as much of the work as I could. And I'd help my mom out with fixing up her next house (she flips houses) without pay. She also owns a furniture store so the furniture that we would need wouldnt be an issue. I need some help on how I would get them to agree. If any of you have any ideas, PLEASE let me know. How should I approach them and how can I persuade them? Is there anything else that I could do or give up to get it? Please help!!! Thanks in advance!
The Answer
There are a lot of details involved in a move like that that you haven't mentioned here like: security, heating and air-conditioning, sanitation, flooring, proper ceiling, and what is currently in the garage.
You are not just asking your parents to buy some furniture and move your stuff. You are asking them to get into some major renovation. I'm sure they don't want you living in a drafty dirty garage that any stranger could break into. They wouldn't be very good parents if they did, and if they are not willing to undertake that renovation either because it's too expensive or they just don't want to do that to their house, then you are out of luck.
You also didn't mention any of your parent's problems with this plan, so before you do anything ask them what the problems are and LISTEN TO THEM.
I listed some possible problems but until you learn exactly what your parent's issues are, you wont be able to convince them very well and I can't give you very good advice. Just whining, begging and bargaining with free work or birthday gifts isn't going to do much, because that doesn't address the issues. You need to try and find the solutions to the problems your parents have instead.
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The Question
I'm currently expecting my first child and my due date is fast approaching. I recently told my husband that I'm hurt that no one has offered to throw a baby shower even though everyone around us (family, friends, coworkers, church members) knows that we are expecting. He said that I should throw a baby shower for myself. I'm afraid that it would be a breach of etiquette and come across as greedy. With our current financial situation, the gifts would be helpful, but I want the shower more for the companionship and celebration that comes with it.
1) Would you consider it greedy if someone were to invite you to a baby shower they were throwing for themself?
2) What would you do in this situation?
The Answer
Honestly, I don't see a problem in throwing a baby shower for yourself.
Parties involve some expense and a good deal of hard work to pull off, if you are willing to do that in order to make sure 1.) You and your friends have enjoyable time and 2.) There is a party dedicated to celebrating your new arrival, I don't see a problem and I would gladly attend such a gathering with a gift.
Just make sure you have lots of help so you aren't stuck doing all the work when the ladies want to be chatting with the mother to be.
But before you do that, maybe you need to be a little more direct with family and friends. Steer a few conversations in the way of the baby and express with a happy smile "I don't even have plans for a shower yet but I'd so love to have one!" to a few close friends or siblings. They might just need that little reminder (or that little nudge into dropping some hints about a surprise shower eh?).
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The Question
I am 146 lbs. and am only five feet tall. I recently started a new diet and joined a gym. My boyfriend has been VERY supportive of me through this. I recently said something(dont remember though) that brought up a conversation and he said "I dont think you're fat..you're just big boned" ..and i got soooo mad...then he said he was just kidding. Should i be hurt by this??
The Answer
Hurt is a feeling, I can't tell you what you should feel.
However, it was just a tasteless joke. Guys make 'em all the time, especially teenage guys. Unless it becomes a bad habit it's not worth getting your panties in knot about.
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The Question
Last night my boyfriend and I went to a lounge with my friends. Me and my boyfriend came back to my house and told me as soon as we got in that he told my best friend that she's been looking better lately. This kind of upsetted me even though he told me himself. It makes me feel uncomfortable that if he goes out with me and my friends that he'd be checking them out.. which I guess all guys do anyway. But I mean, she is my best friend and all.. I just think that what he said to her should have been kept to himself. Like, I know that if I was hanging with his friends and I told one of them that they looked good that he'd be mad too. Plus, I've always been insecure about myself lately since my depression has gotten a lot worse.. so that might be why the comments he gave her made me upset. I don't know.. but do you guys think I'm overreacting?
The Answer
It's a far cry between checking someone out and remarking that they are looking better today. Not hot, not sexy, just better than usual.
He wasn't ogling her or staring at her sexually; his comment wasn't sexual at all! Sounds to me like you are one of those lucky girls who has a boyfriend who a.) notices these things and b.) cares about your friends well being.
Being in a relationship doesn't suddenly mean everyone else is ugly or that you go selectively blind. Your boyfriend chooses you! A nice off the cuff remark to one of your friends isn't going to endanger that.
If my boyfriend said something so simple and kind to one of my friends I would feel all warm and fuzzy inside that my guy would make that simple gesture to make my friend feel good about herself.
Fine to ask him not to do it again because it upsets you but this you baggage and your insecurities and you should know that. He did nothing wrong. Actually, he did something that sounds to me to be very mature and kindhearted.
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The Question
if a college says you need to take a course in "Voice" (for an acting/theatre major), does this mean that it is singing, or is it something else? this is a description:
voice 1:
Basic work on freeing the actor’s natural voice. Alignment, relaxation, breathing, production of vibration, exercises in recognizing habits and beginning to free the voice from physical and psychological tension. Exploration of vocal expression and emotion. Fundamentals of voice/text work.
The Answer
The class wont be about singing, although it probably will have some aspects in it that seem similar to singing like exercises in tone and dynamics or exercises that include making different kinds of noises at a specific pitch.
The real clue is the last line: "Fundamentals of voice/text work." Text means the text of the play, the script, and the words you will be saying. Songs aren't often referred to as being or having 'text'. That is what makes me pretty sure there will be no (or at least very little) actual singing in that course, there will probably be a different course for singing.
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The Question
I know this is going to sound like a very strange question, but I need to know if this is normal and if there is anything I can do. I have trouble reaching orgasm; I always seem to have to "stop" before, as if my body can't handle it. It's the same if I'm alone or with my boyfriend. I know I CAN, it just takes a really long time. Is this typical, and what can I do? Thanks in advance.
20/f
The Answer
Completely normal. Not so much fun, but normal.
Lots of woman have trouble reaching an orgasm so don't hold it against yourself for taking a little while.
Just keep at it, especially alone, since you are the most responsive to your own needs. When your boyfriend is with you be very exact in your instructions. Don't be bashful about asking for what you want and don't be worried about telling him what do to and correcting him when he doesn't quite get it. If you are comfortable enough to talk with girlfriends about this definitely do, you'll realize you aren't alone at all, and certainly talk to to your gynecologist, they might be able to help too.
My personal suggestion though: If it's just a time thing that bothers you, play around with the pace and learn to recognize when your body is ready for more. Think of it as changing gears, if you don't shift at the right time your body is working harder then it needs to and not getting there as fast as it could.
But in the end, this could just be the way your body is, so don't make this stressful for yourself. Enjoy the experimentation, have fun, take each experience in stride, and don't let the word 'failure' or anything like it slip into your mind. Don't get discouraged and don't be disappointed. There is nothing wrong with doing things the way that works for you, even if it takes a long time. You aren't the only one.
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The Question
Everytime I post a question, it gets deleted because it's rated level 1 by the moderators. But I have perfect spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Why does it keep being deleted?
The Answer
Good Luck. Glancing through the questions you've asked in the past I have a few suggestions for you.
Capitalization is part of proper punctuation.
Avoid chat speak. Don't use 2 or 4 in place of to and for and cuz isn't a word.
Please don't post 'will rate 5's' that defeats the point of the rating system.
This question is really good, simple, easy to understand and follow with capitals in all the right places. Keep it up and I don't think you will have a problem any more.
Everyone else had the best advice though, read through the FAQ about question deletion, it's really easy to avoid.
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The Question
Alright so me and my bf broke up 2 days ago but we are still basicly together nd tryin to fix things... the problem is I dont really want to i dont think. I dont know how I would be able to just end it with him without telling him straight out. Im not good with that sort of thing
People always tell me how i can do so much better and that he is just an ass and all this stuff But i dont think I can do better..
What should I do?
The Answer
Lets switch roles for a moment and imagine that someone you were with didn't want to be with you, but was too afraid to tell you. They might ignore you, avoid you, pick fights, or maybe start flirting with somebody else well you still sat around confused and hoping it will all work out.
You could do all of that to him and see if he'll dump you but I bet if somebody did that to you, you'd think they were scum, and you'd be right.
There is no 'nice' way to dump a person without even telling them. If you are really so terrible with this, write him a nice handwritten note to end it, but know that it's pretty universally accepted that the nicest way to dump someone is face to face and it is a skill you will need in life.
Don't play games, it's really disgusting to do that to a person, no mater how much an ass he is.
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The Question
My brothers have the habit of not replying my emails/SMS text messages when i make some requests from them ( for example when am broke and beed cash for travels or the pursuit of some job), even when i emphasis the urgency. i am a student ands not employed, while my brothers are working and they know i have no other means of livelihood. At times i get the urge to just ignore them, and at times i feel maybe i shoudn't but just keep asking them whats up, although i have my own pride to protect most of the time. I need some advice. Thanks to you all.
The Answer
Here is a novel idea that will get your calls returned: Stop asking them for things.
If you are in desperate need your siblings are great people to lean on, but if you are always in desperate need, then you have a problem, not them, and the best thing they can do for you and leave you to handle it yourself. Use some of that pride you mentioned and take responsibility for your finances.
If you are completely reliant on them for money, work out in advance how much they will be giving you a week or for the month. That way you know how much you have and how much to expect in the future, and will save accordingly for special things like travel.
Also, maybe if you just called them to chat, or ask how they are doing from time to time you might find your calls returned more often. But if you call with requests and then ignore them or are rude to them when they do not help immediately they will either continue to ignore you or tell you flat out no.
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