Last night my boyfriend and I went to a lounge with my friends. Me and my boyfriend came back to my house and told me as soon as we got in that he told my best friend that she's been looking better lately. This kind of upsetted me even though he told me himself. It makes me feel uncomfortable that if he goes out with me and my friends that he'd be checking them out.. which I guess all guys do anyway. But I mean, she is my best friend and all.. I just think that what he said to her should have been kept to himself. Like, I know that if I was hanging with his friends and I told one of them that they looked good that he'd be mad too. Plus, I've always been insecure about myself lately since my depression has gotten a lot worse.. so that might be why the comments he gave her made me upset. I don't know.. but do you guys think I'm overreacting?
He wasn't ogling her or staring at her sexually; his comment wasn't sexual at all! Sounds to me like you are one of those lucky girls who has a boyfriend who a.) notices these things and b.) cares about your friends well being.
Being in a relationship doesn't suddenly mean everyone else is ugly or that you go selectively blind. Your boyfriend chooses you! A nice off the cuff remark to one of your friends isn't going to endanger that.
If my boyfriend said something so simple and kind to one of my friends I would feel all warm and fuzzy inside that my guy would make that simple gesture to make my friend feel good about herself.
Fine to ask him not to do it again because it upsets you but this you baggage and your insecurities and you should know that. He did nothing wrong. Actually, he did something that sounds to me to be very mature and kindhearted. [ Razhie's advice column | Ask Razhie A Question ]
Belladonna answered Sunday February 12 2006, 4:27 am: I don't think you're overreacting at all. some people might say you are, but I personally would've been upset too. I can't understand why your boyfriend told you that he told her that -- surely he must've known you'd be upset. It's natural and normal that guys will still feel attracted to girls (by this I don't mean they will check out every girl that walks past) but most have the common decency to keep it to themselves. I think he should've been a bit more aware of your feelings, although in all fairness he may not have known. I think your best bet is to tell him how you feel and how you didn't appreciate him telling that to your best friend. I'm sure he'll understand. [ Belladonna's advice column | Ask Belladonna A Question ]
Advisor answered Sunday February 12 2006, 12:49 am: I find it understandable why you got upset, but what you need to do is tell your bf how he made you feel by telling your friend that.By him telling you what he said he either has nothing to hide or is trying to make you jealous or upset only you can decide which it was since you know him personally. Depression is a toxic thing you must focus very hard on doing things that make you happy or even if all it does is put a smile on your face.I would just make the point that it makes you feel negative for him to tell your friend she is looking better. And if he respects how you feel he should be understanding. remember to tell him calmly and sincerely that will make the mood of the situation better.After all you dont want to accuse him of anything you just want for him to understand where you are coming from. hope this helps [ Advisor's advice column | Ask Advisor A Question ]
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