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Video Games over Time With Me; Stay with him?
I am 21 yrs old and have been dating this guy for 3&1/2 yrs now (started my senior year of highschool) and I love him very much, but for the last year or so Ive gotten to the point where I just don't know if I can see us together forever anymore (like all girls dream) and am wondering if I should stay or go. We have been getting into alot more fights, way more easily than before and most of them are due to the fact that he is obsessed with video games and puts them ahead of hanging out with me all the time. Lately, hes gotten into this new game that has quests with alot of people on certain days of the weeks; scheduled quests. And he decides to not hang out with me and play instead even though its a friday night which is one of my nights off (no college the next day or work). We rarely see each other the way it is this semester due to classes and work and homework that this is ruining my time with him and it bugs me how he doesn't care. Even when we do hang out, when I come over to his house I have to get him off his game and its hard work. I just don't feel like a priority anymore, and because of this I get angry easier and then make him mad and we get into fights. He thinks I nag on him too much and I think he doesn't prioritize me enough. I love him sooo much, hes very honest and true to me, but I'm to the point where I'm jealous of a game?! This just doesn't feel right. The only other thing (other than his good points) stopping me from breaking it off with him is the fact that we have a class together and i don't want to have this stuff affect my grades and I am very 'addicted' to him (i love him soo much and dont know how to live without him anymore). Should i stay With him? Should i break it off? If so, when? Thanks for any advice you can give me.
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My boyfriend is 27 and loves video games (they don't grow out of it), but he does not play when I am around and always puts our time together first, as his number one priority. If you aren't his #1 priority then why the hell are you wasting your time?
PS- Is it everquest? If so, get out now, he won't change.
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It sounds as though your boyfriend is displaying tendencies to over-commit, which can be a good thing but not when it's a video game.
You haven't said whether or not you have sat him down and tried to tell him what the problem is and why you get angry with him so often but I expect you have and maybe it hasn't worked. If this is the case, you may need to consider breaking it off. It's terrible to imagine life without someone when you've been with them for so long but can you imagine the rest of your life striving for attention above a video game?
If you really don't think there's any way he's going to give up the game and there's no way you can join him in his little world, then perhaps you are best off calling the relationship to an end. You need to explain to him that you need to have someone who wants to be with YOU and not someone who only wants to be with you when there's a power cut and he can't play his games! All you can do is hope that in doing this, he'll eventually see sense and will learn that there's more to life that some lights on a screen.
The only other thing I can say is that it sounds as though you can deifinitely do better and however you feel about him, imagine how much better someone who treats you right could make you feel. That's the sort of person you deserve, so get out there and find him!
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Have you tried playing the game with him or finding a game that you both enjoy? That would give you a chance to spend time together while he still gets to play.
Personally, I would sit down with him and calmly let him know how you feel. Try not to sound like you're accusing him as he'll be less likely to listen. Something to the effect of "Honey, I'm glad you've found a game you like, but I miss the time we used to spend together. Can we come to a compromise?" By making it an issue of quality time rather than the game and offering to compromise, he'll be more likely to agree.
Have you tried setting aside a time or day for the two of you to spend together? My husband works six days a week and goes out with his friends at least once a week. I was beginning to feel like I came in last in his life. Finally, we sat down and discussed it and came to the agreement that Sunday was our day. If anyone calls or comes over, we tell them we're busy. Neither of us go out.
If discussing it and trying to come to a compromise doesn't work, you may need to decide whether you're willing to continue the relationship as it is. If not, your only option may be to move on to find a guy that can find the time for you. Good luck!
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Hey wow, how did my girlfriend get on here and ask questions about me? And how did she age 3 years in the process?
Yes, this is the same kind of ordeal my girlfriend and I go through. I play a lot of World of Warcraft, and if I doing an instance with a bunch of people or something, I'll usually reject her offer to go somewhere in favor of playing. Not only that, but I am rabidly anti-social and don't want to go anywhere anyway. So we came to an agreement. We both go to school at the same time and get out at the same time, Monday-Friday. We both have lab at 2:30-5:30 on Tuesday. We ride with each other to and from school, everyday. I tend to only have Tuesday and Wednesday off. Wednesday is the only day I truly have off: No work, no school in the middle of the day. Wednesday is MY day: she can't ask me to go do something I don't want to do and get mad at me for it. However, any other day when we are both home is fair game, even if it's just for an hour or so.
I've also tried to get her involved in some games as well. She really hates games, but it isn't so bad if I'm there with her. She enjoys Puzzle Bobble, at least, and WoW if I'm helping her. But other than that, I get off my ass and go do things with her at least once a week if possible. So, my advice to you is to try and designate some time together. There are certain times he can have to himself, and others when he is all yours.
Also of note: Due to his nature, there is no way he'd get another girlfriend if you left him. If you do leave him, he will realize what has happened and take you back, this time realizing what he has done. Last ditch effort, but worth a shot.
Edit: No problem. I'm very experienced in the "real life sucks I'm gonna play WoW instead" department. Should it come up again, hit me back. - K'
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Hey,
I think that you two have been together for so long, that you 2 need a break from each other. Not Breaking up, just chill out from each other for a while. People always forget how great something is, until they've lost it. So if you two take a little break then he'll realize what a jerk-off he has been and he'll want you back! If you love him, then this is a great solution. If your questioning if you reall love him, then maybe its time for a split-up. Until one of you realizes how much you love and need each other, your good as done. Hope I helped :)
♥Momo
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i think that you need to jus talk it over with him, you dont have to give him a ultamadum but tell him he needs to make some sort of unofficial decision and figure out whether a great girl is more important that a fiction game! through this question you need to decide whether he is worth your time...and if it doesnt work out then dont sweat it, it wasnt meant to be. comment bac if you need more advice and tell me how it goes.
ther for ya,
kimberly
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You two have to sit down and discuss it. In the end its a question of priority. I wont say his habit is stupid, most people have things they are into. I will say that video games are one thing that women often cant understand (proof being the answer below that instantly referred to it as some stupid game). Its not a stupid game to him, and its not for others to pass judgement on that.
However, you are entitled to have your own demands. The whole essence of a relationship is compromise. He has to do it and so do you to some extent. So explain to him exactly how you feel, tell him exactly what you wrote here to us. And then together see if you cant find some reasonable compromise. However, if you approach him with the notion that the game is some trivial piece of crap, then you might as well break up with him right away becuase the conversation wont get you far.
It sounds very much like he is playing World of Warcraft. For the record I despise that game, it is the most retarded, brainless video game that ever hit the stores. I havent seen three of my close friends for six months because of it. But thats not important, that fact that it has become an important part of his life is the only thing that matters.
To wrap up, talk to him, respect his likes and dislikes even if you cant understand them, but do demand some form of compromise. If that doesnt work, then I guess the only thing to do is to break it off.
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His behavior is amazingly selfish but you two have been together for a very long time to just throw it away over a stupid game.
First off try telling him one more time how much this bugs you. Don't do when he playing the game, because that will feel the most like nagging but invite him out for coffee or lunch or even insists it happens right away next time you see him before he starts to play. Stay calm and talk about your own feelings, not how stupid and selfish he is being. Make sure he understands that this makes you not want to be with him.
After that, if he hanging out with you and begins to play one of his games: Leave. That isn't how you want to spend your time so get up and go. You don't need to nag him or get angry or even confront him at all, just say 'Call me when you can spare the time".
You've invested a lot of time and emotion into this relationship, you owe to yourself to try really hard to fix this before you walk away. But if this guy just wont take a hint about his video game habit, then you have some serious problems that just putting down the controller isn't going to fix anyways.
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