I'm currently expecting my first child and my due date is fast approaching. I recently told my husband that I'm hurt that no one has offered to throw a baby shower even though everyone around us (family, friends, coworkers, church members) knows that we are expecting. He said that I should throw a baby shower for myself. I'm afraid that it would be a breach of etiquette and come across as greedy. With our current financial situation, the gifts would be helpful, but I want the shower more for the companionship and celebration that comes with it.
1) Would you consider it greedy if someone were to invite you to a baby shower they were throwing for themself?
2) What would you do in this situation?
Also, I don't think its horrible to throw your own shower. Its an etiquette faux pas, but I would still be willing to attend. Close friends and family might just be embarassed they did not offer to help you out. [ dancynancy's advice column | Ask dancynancy A Question ]
HighlandAmy answered Saturday May 27 2006, 10:07 pm: Formal etiquette clearly states that anyone who is related to you should not throw the shower as that would look like the family was asking for gifts. That being said, you can NOT throw yourself a baby shower! That is worse than your family throwing it. Not only would I think it was 'greedy' but it is an etiquette faux pas as well.
Why don't you talk to a close friend, and tell her how you are feeling, and that no one has started planning your shower? I'm almost certain the reason no one has thrown you a shower is because they all think someone else is doing it. Your friends, family, coworkers and church members are probably all sitting around wondering when their invitaions to said shower will arrive, instead of taking the initiative and planning the shower themselves.
Nallie answered Saturday February 25 2006, 8:05 pm: I am not sure if I would think it greedy, but I have never known anyone to have a baby shower for themselves. I probably would be somewhat offended if I recieved an invitation like that, and if it were a friend I would be embarassed that I did not think of throwing a shower first.
However, since it was your husbands idea, involve him, and don't necessarily call it a baby shower. If you did something non traditional such as a "couples get together" to celebrate the upcoming birth. I think that would be more suitable...since it is non traditional for a woman to give their own baby shower make the party unique. No one can fault you for that!
jesa21 answered Monday February 13 2006, 2:42 pm: id confide the whole truth, (the need for the gifts) and how hurt you are to someone you trust (that wont blab to everyone) ask them to find out if theres one being planned and if not ask them to mention it to the right people, in a nonlachant way. i mean theres no reason for you not to get one, an you shouldent have to throw it yourself. if it were me theres a few people i could tell the whole truth to an they would see that i got one. i mean theres got to be at least one woman in your life that can go up to your friends and casually say, "you know what we need to do,and i cant belive i dident think of it sooner, we should really throw a baby shower for -----your name here--- it could be like our last group party without kids runnin around" honestly i wouldent give myself one because they may intend to suprise you. but id definately confide to someone that would never rat you out about your feelings or the lil bit of help you need. that way if one isent planned them mentioning it will get the ball rolling. [ jesa21's advice column | Ask jesa21 A Question ]
FernGully answered Sunday February 12 2006, 11:41 pm: Think of the person you think would be most likely to throw you a shower. For example's sake, we'll say it's your sister. You call your sister, say "(husband) and I are thinking of having a baby shower, do you think it would work if we (fake question about, I don't know, the colour of bows or something). The point is to get her thinking about it. Hopefully, it might trigger the thought of "hey, sis, you shouldn't have to throw your OWN baby shower!"
Another option is just to invite people and say "we're having a baby shower, you should come! Don't feel that you have to bring a gift, we're just happy to get together." People would likely not come without a gift, but the option makes it seem more about the get together, as you want it to be, than the whole gift giving.
A third idea is like the first, it's much more coy than calling and saying you're having a shower of your own. Instead call your likely suspect (your sister in the first example, everything I say is highly confusing), say "So (sister), I'm thinking of buying a few sets of those fisher price blocks OR stroller OR car seat OR some other baby item that would commonly be bought at a shower." Hopefully, they'll say something like "Maybe you should wait a bit" (meaning: we're having a shower for you damnit, don't buy stuff!).
Someone else should throw you a shower, but you also shouldn't go without one. You may have to bend the rules of etiquette but think of the stuff you can get, it's truly amazing how much one person can accumulate from one shower. I think the baby shower etiquette needs to be rehashed anyways, why not make your own rules, or at least super-hint at others to get their acts together. [ FernGully's advice column | Ask FernGully A Question ]
jammy12 answered Sunday February 12 2006, 9:21 pm: I don't think it's greedy! It's your first kid and of course you want it to be remembered by everyone. Don't feel hurt maybe everyone just is scared you get relly surprised or something so it could be many reasons! I think if I were you send the invitations and have it! Or if you feel it'll make you feel greedy ask your mum or sister to do the invitations and stuff for you! [ jammy12's advice column | Ask jammy12 A Question ]
partygurl24 answered Sunday February 12 2006, 8:45 pm: I think that you should throw the baby shower for yourself. Many people do it. It doesn't come across as being greedy. I mean, if you ask me, it was kind of inconsiderate for them not to throw one for you, especially since this is your first child. Having your 1st child is very special, so why not have one. Develop the courage in doing so, you have nothing to lose. Realize the situation your in now, and act from that. I mean, you have done nothing wrong, and it is totally right to throw your own baby shower. I even encourage you in doing so because that's a great idea. I hope and helped, and I hope and pray that your pregnancy will be a healthy and good one that you will remember for the rest of your life. Good Luck! [ partygurl24's advice column | Ask partygurl24 A Question ]
orphans answered Sunday February 12 2006, 8:22 pm: I'd be hurt too, if nobody wanted to throw me a baby shower.
But i say since it could help you & your family out, I'd probably go for it, and plan one for yourself. [ orphans's advice column | Ask orphans A Question ]
lulabelle answered Sunday February 12 2006, 7:21 pm: Why not do something a little different that hasn't been done before and there is no precedence. Why not have a "Last Blast" party. The concept here is to invite everyone over for a last grownup party. Your inviting couples. Then, as I'm sure conversation will allow, you will talk about the up and coming event. I'm sure people will ask you about showers and parties etc. You can let them know then that no one has come forward to give you a shower. Do it in a sweet way. Also, why not go to your family and ask someone to throw you a shower. If it's because they don't want to do anything tell them you will take care of everything just host the party for you. You would then so everything from send out the invitations, coming up with party them/food, and cleaning up. I wouldn't think you would have to do everything really...just offer it. If one person doesn't want to be bothered why not ask several family members to do it together. Let them know you would be there to help if you can. Your husband can go to his side of the family and solicit. I'm sure they are all just caught up in their lives and just haven't noticed. There are a lot of distractions happening all around us these days. I wish you the best of luck!
Razhie answered Sunday February 12 2006, 7:20 pm: Honestly, I don't see a problem in throwing a baby shower for yourself.
Parties involve some expense and a good deal of hard work to pull off, if you are willing to do that in order to make sure 1.) You and your friends have enjoyable time and 2.) There is a party dedicated to celebrating your new arrival, I don't see a problem and I would gladly attend such a gathering with a gift.
Just make sure you have lots of help so you aren't stuck doing all the work when the ladies want to be chatting with the mother to be.
But before you do that, maybe you need to be a little more direct with family and friends. Steer a few conversations in the way of the baby and express with a happy smile "I don't even have plans for a shower yet but I'd so love to have one!" to a few close friends or siblings. They might just need that little reminder (or that little nudge into dropping some hints about a surprise shower eh?). [ Razhie's advice column | Ask Razhie A Question ]
S_C answered Sunday February 12 2006, 7:05 pm: They might just be throwing you a surprise baby shower, you never know. My mom, sister, and I are all invited to a surprise baby shower for our neighbor, her husband is the one who invited us, but I know a baby shower is like an all girl thing, so I doubt he's the only person involved. Then again, if your husband said to throw a shower for yourself, there must not be a surprise. How about having you husband talk to a friend as if he wasnted to throw you a suprise shower... that way it doesn't come across as you throwing one, but your husband wanting to do something special for you.
lucretia answered Sunday February 12 2006, 6:18 pm: While I sympathise with your situation, I don't think that there's a great deal that you can do. I agree that it sucks that noone has thrown you a shower (though you can't be quite sure- a surprise might come your way one of these days, though your friends will need to hurry up).
I think that to throw one for yourself does look a bit tacky, plus would defeat the purpose if they were just holding it back as a late surprise. But the columnist above disagrees with me , and I'd listen to her first: I'm British and we don't really have a "shower" culture here.
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