TheTeenGirl's advice column

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Q: I need advice. well, i hate school so much. I alwasy have. The thing is i get straight A's and I am very popular. Yet, I have gross teachers that i feel uncomfortable around and some of them are pervertive. I have no friends in my classes and the only time i do get to see my close friends are at lunch. Anyway, I am so depressed about school so my mom said she'll homeschool me. I was so thrilled by the idea ut i have to take a few things inaccountant. Like I'm not going to be able to see my friends as much, people will wonder why i left because I'm so well known, and if hihgschool we'll be harder for me to adjust to bc/ I'm getting homeschooled for the next 2 1/2 months until school ends. Please tell me what you think. I mean I really want to get homeschooled because I have major depression in my life because of school but also, i don't want to miss out on the school dances and 8th grade. But I'm still questioning is it worth it, I am so confused!

Well, I was homeschooled in 8th grade. And everything was a wreck, but that was my fault.

I went to a homeschooling program where I go to a school and pick up my work for the month and then return it the next month.

I was homeschooled because of depression. And everything didn't exactly go better because I slept inn most of the time, the work was a lot and I could never get it done on time. I'm not trying to say that you shouldn't be homeschooled, I'm saying that you should have a really good plan for this.

I wasn't the type of girl to really go to dances and parties, so missing dances wasn't really a problem. But, I did lose contact with my friends and I felt alone. It wasn't that my friends didn't want to talk to me or see me, they had friends at school to make plans with, and since I was gone, they really couldn't make plans.

I believe that you are depressed about school right now. I really do. But, just think about your decision. Is school really bad enough to leave right now? Is it truly enough to make you not finish out the year and finally get to your new school?

I'm not saying you shouldn't be homeschooled, I'm saying that it may not be as great as you imagine. Friends are everything. And I think if you tough it out, you'll be stronger and be able to take on just about any situation. Middle school really is a drag, I hated it too.

But the good side to homeschooling was not really being as depressed. I felt somewhat closer to my parents, and sister. I didn't have to spend another night worrying about what would happen the next day at school.

If you do decide to take homeschooling, make a really good plan with structure. That is a really big thing you'll need. Just know that any decision you make, it will be ok.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: This is in the past, but i just wondered if you think its normal, or if you think i was obsessed. Well, at the beginning of last year i saw this guy, and i knew there was something special about him. I didnt know him, i didnt even think he was cute, i just felt something for him, i saw him on my bus by the way. So, i soon found out about him, and since hes in the year below me i basically 'stalked' him and took every oppurtunity to smile or say hi, and started putting 'stalking' him before everything else. In the end i knew i had to ask him out, but he said no. I was devestated. I would cry every night because i knew i couldnt be with him, but whenever i saw his face or heard his voice i would be so happy. Whenever anyone mentioned him or even being in the same room as him made me feel relaxed and happy. During the weekends i would look forward to monday when i could get back to school and see his face, and he was all i ever thought about, i couldnt concentrate at school - it was like i was addicted to him or something. I still have feelings for him but i knew i couldnt carry on like that so i just had to stop looking at him or following him around, and i kno it was for the best. I just wondered, do you think i was obsessed, or i was in love, or, just tell me what you think about it all. Please, sorry its so long, and, thanks xxx

I think you just had a really big crush on him. I don't know if I'd call it love.

But, theres nothing abnormal about this behavior toward a guy you like. Every girl has a guy they really like and want to see, and they eventually find somebody else or learn to get over that person and know that they can live without them. But, just because he turned you down, it doesn't mean that you aren't attractive or pretty or a different girl all of a sudden. It happens. Later on, you'll likely face a situation where a guy is really into you, but you aren't so much into him and you'll have to reject him.

All you really need to do now is exactly what you said at the end of your question. Don't carry on with him and stalk him. Start moving on with yourself. This is about you now, not him. And you're right, it's for the best for you to stop making this guy part of your life when he can't be.

For the times you feel upset about this guy, confide in a journal or your friends to help you through this. I promise you that if you stop stalking him, and stop talking to him, you will eventually move on.

If you need more help concerning this problem or another one, don't hesistate to ask me. I don't care if it's long, just as long as I can help.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Okay, a week ago, this guy who I barely even know (I don't even know his last name) sent me an e-mail declaring that he loves me and wants to be with me. I sent him a very polite decline, because I just do not feel that way about him at all, and now he keeps on e-mailing me with guilt trips about how he thinks he's going to be alone for the rest of his life, and he keeps telling me that he loves me. I suspect that he thinks that if he keeps doing this that I'll change my mind...I don't quite know how to deal with this. So far, I've treated him like I would want to be treated were I in his position, but he's starting to make me feel really uncomforatble. What can I do??

Thanks!

The only way you can get this guy to quit is to tell him the truth.

Tell him that you aren't interested and that you want the e-mails to stop. If he still continues to e-mail, block him or ignore it. Whatever you do, don't respond to them and he'll eventually understand that you aren't dealing with his whining anymore. If you both hardly knew each other, then he can't possibly like you that much so it isn't as bad as you think.

Let him know that you aren't comfortable with his e-mails!

-TheTeenGirl

Q: hey iam sally well i have a bf and i love him more than myself and iam the kind of person if ihave a bf i make him all my life anyway i have a problem i think of him very day every hour every minute every second.when iam eating when iam out when iam sleeping i just cant get him out of my mind how can i just keep going with him but not think of him that much. and is it normal??? thanks and ill love to hear from all of you!!

Everything you are describing is very normal. It's ok to really like a guy and think about him a lot even if you hardly know him.

Every girl has this feeling of excitement about guys. So you're just fine.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Well, alot of the time, me and my mate get into these conversations about really simple things like whether you should wear moisturiser or not, or whether certain earrings look tarty, and i listen to what she has to say and everything, but she just has to be right all the time! She wont listen to me or my mates views, and it really annoys me, cos i try to talk, to say what i think about something and she says "God, will you stop going on about it" when shes the one whos been talking about it for ages, and if i say "But i'm just trying to say what i think", she cuts me off and starts telling me i'm really stressy! What do you think about it all? Do you think she is competitive, or what? What should i do?

I know exactly what you are talking about when it comes to having to live with a person who can't go wrong about anything. It is very annouying.

I don't know how you both are realy mates, but if I were in your situation, I'd get out of it.

But if you can't, I suggest the next time she starts a simple conversation, just say, "I do want to talk about it, but I can't if you keep cutting me off and putting down my opinions." And if she starts to do it again, just say, "See, you are doing it again, I'm not being stressy, I'm telling you my opinion, if you can speak your mind, why can't I without you telling me that I'm wrong?"

You also need to tell her that she doesn't realize that she's the one going on about a topic and it's not you because you're too busy being cut off again.

Thats how bad it is to live with people like that. It's enough to make you leave. Her type is just someone who thinks that all that matters is what THEY think and everyone should listen to THEM because they think they are God or something. But she'll realize that she isn't god, and that she needs to grow up.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: So, i've been going through some crap. i'm a freshman, and at the beginning of the year i was in a show where i met a bunch of seniors and juniors and sophomores and other freshman and became friends with them. one of them i immediately had a crush on and his name was david, and he's a senior. he's had a girlfriend for almost a year now, but the girlfriend is a sophomore and she is SO oblivious to what is going on around her and she has no social life and she studies all the time, and she's not a very sexual person at all though her boyfriend is. so by the time the show ended, we were all really good friends. a few weeks later, i started another show with some of them, and david was in it and we grew to be even closer. we used to talk online every night about stuff. keep in mind, now, that he didnt get all that much from his girlfriend. after awhile, things began to get a little out of hand online-i told him that i do masturbate, and that's where it kind of took off. we started to like do it together online, and it wasnt all that bad, but it still was wrong. and we told each other everything and talked about sex all the time and fantasies we have and who we'd like to have sex with. he would compliment me all the time, and tell me i'm beautiful and that he would love to have sex with me someday, but he would never do anything right now because i'm so much younger than him (he's 18, i'm 14). so this went on 2-4 times a week, and it slowly got like more intense and we would say what we were doing as we did it and i dont know what made me do it because i know it was stupid and all but i had a huge crush on him and he made me feel so good about myself. and he used to kid around all the time about sending naked pictures. until one night when he actually did. they got more and more "risky" each picture he sent and by the last one was just like him naked and it was so fun but so wrong! and he asked me to do the same..so i said i would..but i was so afraid because im self conscious and naked pictures are just a bad idea in general. so the next night i did it and sent more teasingly pictures than completely naked ones, and he sent more, and the next night we did it together at the same time and did the whole cyber thing. he also sent a video and asked me to do the same the next night..i was so stressed out every day because i didnt want to take the pictures but at the same time i did and i loved his compliments and i wanted to please him and a video would be just awkward you know? but the night before we did he went to a party, got drunk, and kissed another girl and had to tell his girlfriend and it was this big to do so i told him we need to stop and we did. so then i was like alright we'll still be close and all will be well. yeaaaa right. he didnt talk to me that much at all and he told people he was sick of me and he totally ignored me for a week and during that week i figured out from talking to other people and through whats been going on that he was just using me and he never actually cared about me and was only nice to me and pretended to be my friend so id send the pictures and cyber with him at night. not only did he do this to me, he started to do this with another girl within the past week. and shes 14 too. it sucks and it hurts a lot and he IMed me this morning and said "you are really mad at me huh?" and i just let him have it and i felt so great but he was sweet and said he really does care and really is my friend and all and feels guilty and like..w'ere going to talk later tonight..and i still like him..and i dont know what i should do now! not be friends with him anymore? be aquaintances? be friends? let it all go? be mad or upset? i'm so confused. sorry this is so long, but any help/advice would be greatly appreciated!:)

This is a really sick situation.

This guy is an ADULT and you are a MINOR.

He should not be asking for nude pictures of a 14 year old girl!

You know this is really sick and wrong. The guy had a girlfriend, and yet you STILL hooked up with him KNOWING he was cheating?

Oh but you say he cared about you, and loves you..Do you think he's not telling other girls the SAME THING?

I know that you didn't know about the other young girls, but you did know about his girlfriend. You should have known WAY better than to send pictures of yourself to this guy.

So, you know the facts. He has a girlfriend. He's done this to tons of other girls. He ignored you, he told you that he was just using you and now he comes back and takes it all back.

Hmmm..I wonder why. This guy needs to go to jail for you and all of those other minor's protection.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: im 13/f and my familie had a foster to adopt child for six months. we were planning to adopt her but it didnt work out for behavior probs. Anyways I am so lonely without her-not that we were close or anything, actually we fought all the time and stuff. Its just that Im SOO bored now. Nothing is exciting to me anymore. And with my older bro at college, I feel like an only child. Also, without my foster sister, It seems like my parents nag at me for everything like they expect me to be perfect. I really need another sibling and I love to help little kids. My parents are considiring it, but its going really slow and alot of times I come home and just lay on the couch until i go to sleep. I feel like my life is ending or something. Also, even though I would NEVER try this, i think about how much easier and peaceful it would be to die. I would never commit suicide but it makes me sick just thinking about it. I really need help fast before I get depressed or something. Ive started to have bad mood swings and stuff. Like one min. ill be happy and the next Ill yell at my mom for no reason.

I'm really sorry that everything feels wrong right now.

Your parents need to know the way you feel about this, because when you use them to yell at and never try to talk, they won't listen to a word you say because you are acting like a child.

If you sit down with them, and explain that you've been feeling really sad and lonely, then they'll listen to you. I think that is probably making you really lonely when you fight with your parents, and theres no siblings to go talk to about it.

I understand that you think that if you were gone, every problem would be vanished, but that isn't true. Your parents would never find a way to cope with a loss of a child. And, they'd spend the rest of their lives wondering why you took your own life and end up blaming themselves. I think their world would end if yours did. You'd be hurting a lot of people around you, and if you think otherwise, then you definetly need to spend more time bonding with your parents, because theres nothing worse than feeling like nobody would care if you were gone.

I know you said you never would take your own life, but I was just letting you know what would end up happening.

Just talk to your mom or dad, and tell them calmly that you've been really upset lately. You don't have to tell them everything, but if they know that you've been stressed out and a little depressed, then I know they'll go easier on you and you can find a way to bond again.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: So, I'm a boy, my friend is a girl..her boyfriend has recently gotten back and they are w/ eachother a lot. So they had sex a few times the first week, and it's been like 3 weeks now. They have sex at least once every day(i'm pretty sure) but if not, just about. Well i don't care, because her bf is my friend too..but what DOES actually piss me off is that we were watching a movie, and when her mom went to church, the very second she pulled out of the driveway, they ran to her room to have sex. leavin me there alone..i don't want to piss her off but i want her to know that it bugs me..how do i do it w/out hurting her?

I don't think your friend deserves to be your friend at all. That was absolutely rude, and you need to just stop hanging out with her while she's with her boyfriend.

She should know that it was completly out of line to do something like that so I think you should blow her off as a friend like she did to you.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I like this boy that is 3 years older than me and he says he likes me but he makes fun liek jokingly /flirtingly by saying your so young try not to fall in lvoe with me n stuff like that. hes 17 years old but i dont think it matters he is obvously more experianced and he says that he could get me to hook up wit him the first day we hang out and i tell him he could never .. does he liek me or does he want to get in my pants i dont knwo what to do HELP PLEASE i rate high

Age matters.

When you're 15, he will be 18. If you two end up in a sexual relationship, it's ILLEGAL.

Either way, I think by the way you typed your question, you sound 12 years old.

I'm not calling you stupid, I'm saying that you are too young for this guy. If he can't get a girl his age, he is a loser.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: i'm going back out with my boyfriend after he cheated on me. but i know he won't do it again! a lot of people tell me that i'm stupid.... "once a cheater always a cheater!" but i love him so much and know he won't do it again! WHAT DO I DO?!

Well, I really do hope you know that he won't cheat.

I think at the moment you shouldn't care what your friends really have to say about your relationship with this guy. You know what they think, now it's time for you to move on with what YOU know.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Ok, I'm a 13/F and I'm happy like 24-7. I mean everyone always comes up to me and asks me how I could be so happy all the time. I mean everyone knows me as the "happy peanut" (school nickname don't ask lol) And I mean I am. And I'm always the friend people come to if they have a problem or if they need someone's shoulder to cry on or anything. But I mean lately everything in my life's been going wrong. My dad's left my family, a kid who was like my brother just died. and I mean I don't know how to talk to anyone about it because they always come to me. And like no one else. And I just want to like SCREAM!! I don't know what to do. It's like I've lost controle of my own life and can't get it back together again. I just want someone to know what's going on. The bad stuff. Because someone needs to know or I'm going to go insane. But I just don't know how to tell anyone. I rate 5's for any answer!! Good or bad, long or short. I'm really in some need for advice. Thanks a bundle if you can help =D ♥Samm

Well, I know you'll feel a lot better if you told one of your closest friends your situation even if they have their problems to deal with. You've been there for your friends, so maybe it's time that they return the favor for you being a really good friend.

I think you should definetly let these feelings out to someone before you explode the wrong way. Sometimes you can get so upset from keeping everything inside that you'll just burst into tears and you'll feel alone.

You don't have to stay happy for everyone and you won't. You are a person, with feelings, thoughts, and dreams just like everyone else. It's ok to be upset and to cry. And it's more than ok to need help and to ask for it. Even the happiest people need help and advice from others. Even though your friends may not find a solution to your problems, you'll feel better to know that somebody knows some of what's going on.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: so last night my ex boyfriend called to talk. it was around 11:45. well i have not talked to him in about 2 or3 weeks which is my fault becuase i have not felt that i could talk to him without getting upset. well anyway for some reason i picked up. well the converstion was basichey how have you been what you been up to and so one. and then for some reason i started to get upset and quiet. he kept asking me what was wrong but i would not tell him that i was upset becuase it is still hard to talk to him without getting upset anyway he acted mad becuase i wouldnt tell him waht was wrong and was like know i dont like being lied to and i just said dont worry about it. should i have told him that it stillhurts to talk to him even though i do love him. and it has been a month since we broke up. why would he get mad and upset because i would not tell him what is wrong. is this a sign that he is hurt to or that some part of him still wants to be with me. he wants me to pick him up next week should i? he did not say why?

I wouldn't get my hopes up about him possibly still having feelings for you, but it could be a sign that maybe he doesn't want you to not tell him your problems just because you are broken up.

The next time he calls, I think you should just tell him the truth, you'll probably feel better when he knows what's going on, because now he just may think that you just don't want him calling anymore to just talk. For now, I think you should try moving on from him instead of spending time with him. Especially if you know it's over for sure, the last thing you should do is hang out until you are over him.

Because the more you hang out with him, the more you'll wish you had him back. So, maybe the whole picking-him-up idea isn't a good one.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: There's a guy I REALLY like. Let's call him "Shirt".

Shirt has called me hot on a few occasions, sometimes to my face, and sometimes not.

Today, one of my friends was hounding me about who I like, and when she said to tell her, Shirt looked over.

The thing that confuses me is that sometimes he doesn't even acknowledge me.

I don't really know him that well. We have a Sadie Hawkins dance coming up, and I was wondering if I should ask him. I rate!

I'm 14/f, and he's 17/m

I really think that you should try going for a guy that is even near your age.

That guy is out for one thing and you have it coming.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Whenever I try to talk to a girl I have not met I just freeze. I can't get the words out of me. I am looking to start off as friends and if I like her then ask her out but I just freeze. Is there some way I can get myself to get past it?

It'll probably help you to know that girls are also a bit shy around guys too. So the next time you start to freeze up, just think, "Ok, this is a girl, and were both in this akward situation, so I should take the tension off and make it easier to talk"

Believe me, you aren't the only person in the situation that is tense. You just have to know that. And girls do tend to like a guy that plays everything pretty cool and is relaxed, so just start talking or make a comment about something.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I have trouble communicating to people about problems and I don't like to complain. Well my boyfriend was an awesome guy and I liked him so much but with our busy schedules we didn't get together a lot. Even on days when we were both free we just didn't hang out. I didn't want to say anything about it because I didn't want to seem clingy but it was really bugging me. I wanted to be with him so bad but every time I called him it was always a "bad time" to talk. I got really frusterated and tired to fix the problem, I dumped him. Yeah, I think my definition of fix is screwed up. 5 seconds after I dumped him and knew I'd made a mistake. I tried to talk to him about it and I never got the response I was looking for. I told him how I felt about him and he told me what I'd done had made our friendship awkward. I don't know what else to do. I want him back so bad. Please help me.

-TroublesomeGirl

I don't think you screwed things up my ending things with him, I think you did something reasonable. You both weren't really spending any time together, so I don't think you really did anything except just consider yourselves broken up.

If you told him that you've made a mistake and you still really like him, and he didn't respond the way you were wanting him to, I think that indicates that he wants it to be over too.

I know it's really hard when break-ups happen, but please know that you really can get through it, and that you'll be dating lots of other guys. I know you'll also think that other guys won't compare to this one, but take my word for it, they CAN compare and beat him. If you really think that he may want you back, then you'll have to make him come to you.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Okay I really like this guy, and I think hes gonna ask me out soon. However my parents say No Boyfriends whatsoever. I've had boyfriends plenty of times before but not ones that go over to each others houses and go to movies and stuff cause I've never been able to tell my parents about boyfriends. Now this guy that I like, is the type of boyfriend that yall hang out every day outside of school and I totally want that, But I don't know how to get my parents to approve of me having a boyfriend. Any ideas?

Well, you'll never be able to get your parents approval by sneaking around, because if you get caught, your situation will be worse than now.

Sometimes having a serious talk with your parents maturely can really work. I know you can't picture your parents actually considering a boyfriend for you, but it's worth a try and you have no idea how much respect and trust your parents will have for you if you talk to them like an adult.

You know, like, "Mom and dad, I know that you don't want me to have a boyfriend right now, but there is a really nice guy that I've known for a while and we're really good friends. I think you'll really like him, and I really like him too. So, I was thinking that maybe if you'd just give me a chance with this guy to let me prove to you that I can be trusted, then you'd feel more comfortable with me having a boyfriend" or something along those lines.

Believe me, it's absolutely worth a shot, and even if they say no, they WILL remember that you had the maturety to talk to them like adults instead of throwing fits and sneaking around like a child.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I HATE my best friend. She just gets on my nerves. She NEVER listens to me and she crys alot and she says I make a big deal out of everything. But honestly its her.
What should I do?

It sounds to me like you both need some time away from each other to cool off.

Especially if you keep talking about how much you feel hate for her. I'm sure you don't hate her, I think you both have been spending a little too much time together, so tell her that you both need to cool down for a while and make sure you tell her that you don't want to call this friendship quits, because if you do, you'll realize that you may need her like you used to.

It sounds like you both are a little sensative about things. I think things will go back to normal after a while away from each other because you'll actually start to miss her!

-TheTeenGirl

Q: my friend trina keeps borrowing money from me and my other friends all the time and i've tried telling her I can't keep loanining her money all the time if she dosn't pay me back,but she won't listen to me.How can I get her to listen to me?

As hard as it sounds, tell Trina that you can no longer loan her money the next time she asks.

The only way you'll ever get her to listen to you is if you actually stop loaning her money. When you tell her, "I can't keep loaning you money" and then loan her money anyway, then what good is that?

Stop loaning her money.

Q: hey everybody. My friend was dating her bf for a year and a few months and they had already decided their wedding date, childrens names, where they would live, ect. They just recently "went on a break" and then broke up completely, but they are still going to get married, as planned, the summer after she graduates high school. I told them that if they can't be together in a dating relationship then how where they going to do in a marriage but to them this makes sense. What do you think about this?

Well I think that you're right, they won't be able to hold up a healthy marriage if they can't hold up as a couple.

The best you can really do is be her shoulder to cry on instead of trying to tell her that her marriage won't work. If she doesn't understand right now that it won't work, then she will later. But, you are a very good friend for trying to warn her, and if she starts talking about their relationship, then maybe you can ask her to help you make sense of this whole mess because you are confused.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Me and mum used to get along really well. Now i am getting moody i suppose and i am always fighting with her. I hate it because we always got along so well. But i am not just saying it is me, mum seems to be a bit rude to me sometimes and i get really upset. I want to talk to her about it but every time i try she tells me to stop being so sensitive and silly. please help i am not sure what to do and it is really getting to me.
Thanks in advance

I just want you to know that it's really normal to have really bad times with your parents as you start growing up into puberty and everything that has your moods going crazy.

But you just have to start thinking about when you get mad. If you are upset about something that happened in school, at least try to tell her. You don't have to tell her EVERYTHING, just the fact that school has you stressed and you feel cluttered so that she'll know that you need a break.

If you feel angry when you come home, or are just angry for no reason, then you should go in your room, and do whatever takes the anger away. Cool off by journaling, or listening to the radio. Lay down and watch a 30 minute T.V. show that'll take your mind off of things. And then maybe you can pinpoint what's making you upset. And as soon as you find that out, find a way to make that problem better. If you can't pinpoint it, then just move on.

I think you are very mature for trying to talk to your mom, she seems to take it like you are kidding. The next time you approach the talk, and she responds that way, just say, "I'm not being sensative or silly, I really miss the relationship we had. So let's talk about it seriously." Or something along those lines.

Sometimes you can get angry or sad without any triggered reason, and that's ok. You just have to remember to be careful of not lashing out on anyone that doesn't derserve to be your punching bag. Everyone goes through this, so if you just talk to them, then they'll understand too.

bio

My name is Erin and I am now 18 years old. You may realize through out looking at my column, some of you love me and some of you flat out hate me. There's really no gray area with me I guess you can say.

I haven't given advice here in so long and it's only because I got caught up in life. But I'm more mature than I ever thought I could be.
So anyway I'm here again. It's been a long time, but I still love giving advice and still plan on it in the future.

Everyone should feel free to Private Message me for advice, I can be harsh, but I'm always trying to help someone by giving them the truth they need.

About My Ratings:
I enjoy ratings. And if I ask a question on here, I always rate the person. If you work hard to give advice, you deserve to be rated.