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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
Lately, it have been so much going through my head. I need some advice on my boyfriend. We started off as friends, then realized that we really liked eachother and decided to take the next step. Everything was all fine when we first got together for a minute, I thought he was the one. Time passed, and a year later I ended up pregnant. It was a shock to both of us but I coun't see myself aborting, so I kept it. He later lost his job. Now you would think that he could have got another job being that he has a child on the way! I started to get a little upset at that because I couldn't really work anymore. He ended getting a job right before our child was born. The sad thing is that his job is a on call job, so if they don't need him, then they won't call. That's bad because with a new baby, someone needs a steady job. To fast forward he now has been going through panic attacks, and all he been doing is think negative, he barely works, he's not meeting any goals, he still lives with his mom, don't have a car etc.... I'm starting to fell like there's too much pressure on me because I'm starting to feel like I'm going to have to take care him soon completely as well as taking care of my baby. I know for sure that I didn't want this kind of life, it seems like the best thing out of it is my child. I love him dearly with all my heart, and I know that he would go crazy if I left, but how much more can I take? I'm still trying work and finish college, he keeps saying he's going to this and that, but nothing is happening. It's almost like he's handycap..I'm just too young to be taking on his problems that really shouldn't be a problem...am i wrong for saying this?
The Answer
Feelings are rarely 'wrong', you just need to be careful what you do about them.
You are right that you shouldn't be taking care of him or taking on his problems. I do sympathize with someone in his position; it's easy to find yourself lost and overwhelmed when you are young and have a child, but that isn't a good reason for you to be compromising yourself. Your babe is your first priority; don't give to him if it takes away from your child.
You might try speaking to his parents if you have a decent relationship with them. They might be willing to help him find counseling for his anxiety and help you to support and encourage him.
Try to separate yourself from his problems. Try not to be angry with him but lead by example and keep focusing on things that you can do, not the things you can't. If he drags you down or becomes an emotional burden don't be afraid to send him away or at very least stop trying to argue with him. Don't waste your energy, you need it.
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The Question
Hi,
Have you ever heard the term "hotwifing". It's where the husband lets the wife have relations with other men. I found a forum on it and now I'm becoming obsessed with the idea. My wife is fairly old fashioned, and I'm trying to figure out the best way to slowly introduce the idea that I'd like her to have lovers on the side. This is not about me cheating also. It's about seeing her get pleasure. Thanks for any tips you can give.
Eric
The Answer
Hey Eric, sorry for the delay in responding. When I first started to reply I realized that although I did know what hotwifing meant I needed to do a bit more research and thinking before I actually answered your question. Anyways, onwards and inwards.
Before even thinking about approaching your wife, check yourself.
You say you are becoming 'obsessed' with the idea with the idea and that makes me a little nervous. This could quickly go sour if hotwifing suddenly becomes something you 'need' sexually not just something you 'like' sexually. Hotwifing shouldn't be engaged in if it doesn't bring something positive to your relationship (that means something positive for both you and your wife) so please don't starting thinking of it as a necessary part of *your* sexual satisfaction. Commit yourself to controlling your imagination. When approaching any new sex act it's a very good idea to do so practically, not with a bunch of wild expectations and comprehensive fantasies. Give reality some time to catch up with your fantasies or you are setting yourself up for disappointment, even if your wife does agree.
I think the best way to broach this subject with her is to sort of creep in sideways. I had a guy spring a rather wacky fetish on me using this approach and it worked on me… Have a really open and frank discussion about sex and other (tamer?) things that either of you would like to try in bed. Ask her about things that make her feel good or sexy and begin to very gently ask her what her feelings are on appearing attractive to men other then you.
Don't feel the need to rush this conversation. Take breaks from it, maybe even to try some of the other things you two think of while you are talking openly about sex. If it takes a week for you to finally get around to clearly stating what you find arousing, that is a-okay. But when you do get around to talking about hotwifing, don't dither or leave her confused; be clear on what it means and why you like it.
What happens from there is really up to the two of you. Of course give her time to think and do not pressure her. If she says unequivocally 'No' then you are going to have to learn to live with that. Luckily for you, a sexual being with an internet connection doesn't need to look too far to find something that will appeal to the pleasures their mate might not be willing to indulge in with them.
Finally, although I have just given you advice on how to tell your wife you want her to sleep with other people, my conscience demands that I tell you I don't think it's a good idea. I find the idea of introducing other people into my sexual relationships pretty arousing too. The problem is that those other people always come with their own feelings and baggage. Inviting another person into your relationship, even just as your wife's bedfellow, is adding another level of complication to your relationship with her and a whole load of unnecessary drama. My hope for you would be that you could find a way to enjoy this fantasy without taking it all the way.
Best of luck.
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The Question
From June 6 through the 27 I traveled to the UK. During the middle of my trip my BF emailed me and said he was leaving to go to Iowa to visit his Grandma. He was taking his best friend Felix. When I got home from the UK, I emailed my BF because I assumed he was home. He didn't reply. So I waited and waited (I also kept emailing him). This went on for about 1 month. Finally I emailed Felix and asked if the were home yet. He replied the next day and said they'd been home for weeks. I was FUMING!!! He was at home all this time. Why won't he email me. I never said anything mean or bad to hurt him, and I feel so sad. Does anybody know why he'd do this?
*** I can't call him because his dad has a very demanding job and needs the line open all the time.
The Answer
Stupid Iowa? More like incredibly stupid boy!
Frankly, I don't think you should waste your time worrying about 'why' he did this. Is there really any possible reason he could give you for ignoring you for weeks that would be acceptable? (I suppose his e-mail *might* be acting up, but even if it was that is no excuse for not attempting to speak to you at all!)
If you are friendly with Felix ask him if he knows anything about why your e-mails aren't being returned but I wouldn't simply take someone else's word on this. You deserve to get the explanation from the (ex)boyfriend himself. I don't think you'd be out of line to call his house very quickly and say "Hey, you haven't answered my e-mails in a month, are you still alive?" Otherwise you'll need to show up in person to find out what is really going on.
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The Question
16/f
so long story short.
this girl dumped her boyfriend.
he came to me. 4 months later we were dating
he broke up with me
back with his old girlfriend.
i want to send him a message over myspace but the thing is,is that i dont want his girlfriend to see it. should i send it anyway, its about our relationship. she never knew that we were going out and if she were to din out she would probably break up with him and i dont want that. i just have to tell him something. should i just send it anyway? i cant do it in person.
pleaseee help.
opinons?
anything
The Answer
Why not use something other then myspace?
Using myspace is just asking for trouble and it will make you seem like you were trying to make his girlfriend see the message. Send him an e-mail, write him a letter or even call him. If you don't have his e-mail address or number, ask around until you find someone who does. (You could even ask him for the information say like "Hey, could I have your e-mail address? There is something I really want to tell you but I'd be more comfortable writing it to you.")
Even if getting his contact information takes a little while if there is something private that you need to tell him that desperately, it's worth doing a little work to make sure the message remains private. Making a private message public isn't fair to him, and it makes you seem like you are trying to get attention and cause trouble.
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The Question
hi i am the girl who wrote you the letter about the way my boyfriend talks to me tells me f off etc and he keeps telling me that he gonna marry me but i can't beleive him...etc so than you answered and i asked you something else and i asked could it be that he don't wanna loose me and he afraid that someone gonna take me away from him so what can you say about that... oh and by the way i added you to msn my msn name is royalprincess_15_771@hotmail.com k bye
~royalprincess~
The Answer
Thanks for the clarification hun :) Now I know what you are talking about.
Maybe he's afraid of loosing you because deep down he knows he shouldn’t be treating you the way he is.
Maybe he even knows some of what he is saying is pure bullshit and you aren’t buying it all. Maybe he’s terrified that you will figure he out mean he is being and that you can't really trust what he says and leave him.
So yes, I bet he is afraid of loosing you. Maybe he should be.
The fact is none of his feelings, not his love for you or his fear of loosing you, can justify him treating you badly and playing with your emotions like he is. It really doesn’t matter what he is ‘thinking’ or why he is doing what he is doing: What he is doing is mean and there is no reason you need to put up with it.
So stop worrying about what he is thinking or feeling. You aren’t happy right? I wouldn’t be happy if my boyfriend talked to me like yours does. If you aren’t happy you need to worry about fixing that for you, so you can trust your boyfriend and you can know that he treats you with respect.
It doesn’t really matter why he is playing these games with you. They need to stop. You need to tell him to stop hurting you.
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The Question
Hi im 17 and i got my period when i was 15 but it hasnt been regular there are times when i dont get for 4-6 months whats wrong with me ?? i havent gone to the doctor... is this normal??
The Answer
It's not really that abnormal but at your age you aren't wrong to expect to be a bit more regular then that. No reason to rush to a doctor but I would certainly bring it up at your next appointment.
Remember that things like a poor diet and tons of stress can effect your cycle. You're more likely to be regular if you take good care of yourself.
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The Question
Hi peeps ,
Just a quick question ..I have a 14 years old niece and she wants to get a job(to buy some extra clothes,make up etc)...But is this right ??...she may loose focus on her studies...I saw another nieces of mine work at this age and some of them the parents loose control over them becuase they think they work and have everything they need so they think they do not need their parents anymore...On the other hand it stimulate them to work for what they want but...it may leed them to fatal distractions working at so young age..just for buying extra clothes etc etc....
Am I worrying to much..?????
I will rate very high for good answers...
The Answer
I think you are over thinking this.
Firstly, she isn't your child right? She is your sibling's child, so it really isn't a discussion you need to get into, unless someone has expressly asked for your opinion.
Secondly, all the problems associated with working you've mentioned are all almost completely dependent on currently unknowable factors, like what kind of job she is working, how many hours she gets and how she deals with the new responsibilities (including the responsibility of spending money.)
I think if your niece wants to work she deserves the chance. Her parents just need to be involved, keep on eye on her, be aware of her work environment and watch out for her best interests. Basically, just be parents. At fourteen she may or may not be ready for this, but I don't think anything you've brought up is a good enough reason to not let her try.
Even if a first job is a struggle, it’s not necessarily a bad experience, as long as the parents are there to pull the plug if things start to get out of hand. My parents made me quit my first job actually. I hated them for a while for it, but in the end they were probably right. They also made me save half of every pay check I got, which I resented, and now I'm actually very grateful for...
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The Question
Maybe he acts like that cause he don't want to loose me and he maybe he afraid someone else might take me away from him well what advice can you give me about this situation?
thanks bye
The Answer
Darling, I would love to help you, but I have no idea who you are. Questions here are anonymous and I've answered a few relationship type questions in the last day or so and wouldn't want to just take a wild guess on which person you are (if I did, I might give your wildly stupid advice.)
So please, when asking a follow-up question provide a link to your previous question, or at very least a brief summary of your first question so I know who you are you.
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The Question
i think i like a gay guy. i would ask him out if only he wasn't gay. hes cute but wears the same tight jeans that look like he got them out of the womens department everyday. i have no idea why he would wear that in the summer anyway. also with that outfit, he would wear a black shirt, black sneakers, volcom cap, and checkered belt. also only on one day he wore a different outfit. it was a marun (however you spell it, and if u don't no what i put, its that dark red and purplish color) shirt, plaid shorts, same belt and hat, and green sneakers. it looks like he took a pair of shorts out of my dad's closet. i don't know if hes gay or if he just doesn't have style. what do u think? and also i would like him if he wasn't "gay" and had better style. what should i do? thanks-♥
The Answer
I think fashion sense is absolutely no way to figure out if a guy is gay or not. Ask him straight up, or ask him out. Then you might find out for sure. Speculation on someone else's sexual orientation isn't only pointless, it's rather rude.
As far as his style goes, if you consider him a friend you might ask him if he thinks he has any fashion sense and/or kindly offer to help him out. If he isn’t gay, that would be a nice way for you two to spend time together, if he is, you might find in him an excellent friend.
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The Question
okay, so this is just a simple question. but do a majority of girls shave "down there?" like i'm afraid when it comes to when i become intimate with a man that he'll be turned off if its shaved or not? so, what do most girls do? shave, or not?
The Answer
Honestly dear, whether or not you shave your pubic hair is your personal choice; it shouldn't have anything to do with men. Some men like it, some don't, but they don't really matter, it's your hair not theirs. If any guy says something nasty about the way you choose to groom yourself, dump him right then and there. Men may politely offer their opinions or preferences, but anyone who makes you feel bad about the way you like to keep your body is a jackass and there isn’t any good reason to show him that area ever again.
A lot of girls shave or trim as least. In my group of friends it’s about 50/50 who shaves and who doesn’t. I do, more because it makes me feel cleaner, especially during my period, then because it’s sexy.
So really, if the idea of taking a razor down there creeps you out, don’t worry about it, but if the idea appeals, go ahead and try it. It’s your body after all.
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The Question
I am 20 years old and I am sexually active. About a month ago I was diagnosed with a yeast infection and treated it with a 3-day Monistat treatment. Now I am pretty sure that I have one again with all the same symptoms (white discharge, odor, severe itching, redness, and painful intercourse. I heard that it is uncommon to get repeated yeast infections and that it is possible that my boyfriend had contracted it from me last time I had one, and keeps infecting me with it every time we have sex now. Immediately after we had sex a couple days ago the severe itching started. I'm just wondering if he is going to keep infecting me if that is at all possible and why I might keep getting yeast infections. Thank you!
The Answer
It isn't the slightest bit unlikely for you to get a yeast infection more then once in a row. I can't imagine where you might have heard that it wasn't. Actually it's quite normal for a woman to struggle with repeated yeast infections all her life, if she is one of those unfortunate dears who is prone to them.
It is possible your boyfriend contracted the yeast infection from you and he could re-infect you, but it's rather unlikely. Especially since the itching began immediately after sex. Yeast infections tend to take a few days to build up in your system, they don't appear in a couple of minutes.
Both of you should see a doctor. Sounds like it might be something else.
If it is just another yeast infection, my advice would be to keep a close eye on your hygiene down there. Wash with gentle soap regularly, always wear clean clothing close to that part of your body and do not wear underwear to bed, wearing underwear to bed is a wonderful way to encourage a yeast infection to grow. Some women are just prone to these things, nothing to do but keep a cure handy and catch them early.
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The Question
Ermm.... I'm a 15 year old girl, and when I was 10 my grandma gave me this teddy bear for my birthday. It's very cute, with brownish fur, and little button eyes. And it has a green vest. I named it "Mr. Paddington". Lately, something weird has been happening. Whenever I've been around it I've felt... odd. As though I had a crush on it. Now I'm embaressed to change with it in the room, and at night when I imagine my first kiss, it's Mr. Paddington I imagine having it with. I've told my friends that I'm dating him, but they think I'm joking.... I'm afraid to tell anyone for real, because what if they took him away? I was just wondering if this is normal..... and if I'm allowed to someday marry my teddy bear?
The Answer
No it isn't normal and no, although there are some countries and traditions that allow people to marry animals and inanimate objects you'd be hard pressed to find one in a first world country.
See a counselor. Dreaming about kissing a teddy isn't so weird, but believing that you have a relationship with one isn't healthy at all. You are not in a relationship with your teddy, not anymore then you have a relationship with a hunk of spam. You need some help untwisting your perception of reality and I suggest you do it quickly, before it gets worse. Trust me, although I never had quite your problem, I do know these kinds of things get worse if left alone.
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The Question
okay my friends mom called me a slut and everything one day because my thong was showing . i dont get it . my friend sleeps around with guys all the time and pretty much wears nothiong to school && we are in 9th grade . hello!!! i dont know what her problem is and she lets her daughter dress like that . she buys her like push up bras , water bras and all that but im the slut who shows off my boobs? wow well yeah
The Answer
Oh stop letting this bother you!
Seriously, this isn't even worth asking a question about! Your friend's mother has the problems, not you. You already know that! Stop wasting your energy thinking about this, it's totally pointless.
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The Question
my dad watches porn late at night when me ans my sis are suppposed to be a sleep...i hate it..does he not love my mom...i don't know wat to do...i told my mom and she was really disapionted...i wish i could help i don't know wat to do...i'm scared they're going to get a divorce...
The Answer
Don't worry yourself too much darling. Many men watch porn and it can have absolutely no reflection on their love for their mate, it's just something they do that women can't seem to understand. There are some men who are addicted to pornography but the majority see it as something totally separate from their married life that they just indulge in from time to time.
It can be a problem in a marriage, porn makes many women very upset, but it’s not a problem that your parents shouldn't be able to work out and fix. This isn't really something you can help with; it's something your parents need to deal with on their own. Just know that pornography doesn't mean that your Dad doesn't love your Mom, or you, it could just be a bad decision on his part, or something your parents don’t agree one.
If it will make you feel better, talk to your parents about your fears. I'm sure the will reassure that they are doing everything they can to make their marriage healthy and happy.
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The Question
Does anyones inner lips in their genital area go out past their outer lips? im so embarassed when doing stuff with my boyfriend!! i want to doi things and we do but each moment i cant help but think if he cares.....and if 1 does have this do they still things?? please help
Thanks alot
The Answer
Perfectly normal. If you are a freak so am I (and every woman I’ve ever been with too…) Actually from what I have read the majority of women's inner labia protrude slightly beyond the outer labia, but either way it perfectly normal.
And I doubt very much your boyfriend gives a damn.
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The Question
wow, who woulda thought there's a separate category for cars? lol so alot of people ask car-questions??
anyway, my crush just said "i have something in mind..what about i take you for a ride when i get my G2?" now im assumin his talking about a car.. but when i googled it i got MOSKVITCH G2, which appearently is some super expensive sports car, so could he be talking about some other car, or something else maybe?? or is this really a car people can by.. like maybe its not a big deal.. just like any other car??
The Answer
Are you or your boyfriend Canadian?
If there is a Canadian involved here is your answer:
A G2 is a part of the graduated licensing program. When you have your G1 license, you are only allowed to drive with an adult driver with you. When you get your G2 license you may drive alone or with anyone else you choose (but not on highways or after dark I think.) Then finally you get your G, which is your full license and lets you drive wherever and whenever you want.
If neither of you are Canadian I’m wrong, but if you are your boyfriend basically told you that he was going to take you driving as soon as he was legally allowed to drive without a parent in the car with him.
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The Question
okay, ive been thinking about what i am...straight, bi, lesbian. and i dont know.like i think i am bi but im not sure. i found out the other day that my ex is bi and that made me think alot about myself. like if i did anything wrong or something. but i dont know. i think i am bi. but i dont want to be, cuz if i am, then my friends and family would hate me. im only 13 an usually when kids are younge and say the arent straight, people usually dont take them seriously and say "oh your straight, your just saying that to get attention" well im not trying to get attention. im just confused.
The Answer
I do choose to call myself a bi-sexual, but like you; at thirteen I was just horrifically confused.
My best advice to you is to not rush yourself. You have soooooo much time to figure out what it is you like and what labels you want to apply to yourself. Your sexual life is only just beginning, no need to rush it at all.
Pay attention to your feelings, but don't stress over them and don't feel the need to discuss them with people you think will judge you unnecessarily.
Sexual identity is a pretty fluid thing and no one expects you at thirteen to have it all figured out. Give yourself a break, take a deep breath, and let life take you where it will. Don't beat yourself up about anything you feel, just pay attention to what is you want in your relationships and go after that.
Good luck babe.
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The Question
About 6 weeks ago I was dumped over the internet by my long term bf. He did it in a very cowardly and cruel way with no explanation- pretty ignorant for a 3 year relationship. Everyone is telling me I'm better off without him. When I first met him I thought he was mr. right- he was caring, attentive; and charming. But then I saw his true colours. He would yell at me for no reason; get extremely jealous when I talked to his male friends; constantly put me and other women down; was a womanizer and cheated on me; and had a porn addiction. The meanest thing he ever did was stick his face in mine and yell "I"M SO SORRY"! after I told him his friends at a party were making me uncomfortable. I started writing a list of all the crap he did to me to make me feel better. But there is still a part of me that misses him when he was nice. Does anyone have any methods for how I can get over this jerk? And why do I still want him after everything he did?
The Answer
We get attached to the familiar and comfortable, even when that familiar and comfortable is a nasty self absorbed ass.
Don't worry too much about still missing him, six weeks after three years really isn't that long. Give yourself more time to make a clean break.
It might also help you to realize that is probably isn't him specifically you miss. You miss being in a relationship with a person who was kind to you (as he was occasionally) more then you actually miss your ex himself. There is a definite difference between missing the good parts of just being in a relationship and missing the actual person you were with.
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The Question
If you want to move to another country, would you find a house and a job in the area, or a job and a house in the area? Why?
Thank you.
The Answer
I think it depends on the kind of work you are looking for.
If you want to work as a sales associate in a clothing store, you could live in nearly any decent sized city, but if you wanted to be the senior executive of a national widget distributing company (or some other very specific and highly qualified job) you would probably want to find work first, and then a home near by it.
If you know your industry is localized in one area, you might just move there, knowing there will be a lot of possibilities for you around.
So it really depends on the job you want and what you are comfortable with. I’d probably be too nervous to move to a foreign city without a job lined up, eating away at my savings until I found one, but other people wouldn’t be worried by that at all.
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The Question
Resume: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v121/Imperialistic/resumein.jpg
Are there any tips/hints you could give me on how to make it better/fix this. I talked to my neighbour who is a manager at Bentleys and she told me that one sided resume for retail careers are best, do you agree with that?
The Answer
With a resume like this, I would certainly call you for an interview! Just a few suggestions:
Your objective is really weak, if an employer only read it (and some of them will) they wouldn't be too interested in you. It should always reflect what you looking for in your position and what you can give to that company; yours is way too generic, doesn't tell the company what you are actually looking for or why you'd be a good match for them. If you want a retail job you might try: "Seeking a position in sales where I can utilize my retail experience and my diverse skills in costumer service to provide superior service and bolster sales."
Change the descriptions of what you did to "I" instead of "Associates do" and "Servers do". So the description of your first job should read "As a Costumer Service Associate *I* was responsible for..." Change all the others decriptions too, using the word I. You are not just your title. If you achieved or organized anything above and beyond just what your job title says (like if you were employee of the month, top sales or if you did something special as the Editor or on the Grad committee) mention those things that as your specific achievements.
Your availability is so open I think youâ??d be fine to not mention it on your resume, you can simply mention in the interview that you would only be available until 7pm Saturday through Tuesday. Oh, and you could drop you elementary and middle schools, if you needed extra space, they aren't really important.
And this is really just trivial, but Iâ??ve never seen a resume say "Will release upon request." Normally it reads "Available upon request." which just seems a bit more polite to me.
Normally I'd agree with your neighbor that entry-level and highschoolers resumes (not just in retail) should be kept to a page. So certainly try, but you have enough experience on your resume I don't think it would be too bad if you needed two pages. Don't double side it though, staple the pages together.
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