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Whats with him? <<< Previous Question
Next Question >>> Possessive and Jealous boyfriend

hotwifing


Question Posted Wednesday July 19 2006, 9:57 am

Hi,

Have you ever heard the term "hotwifing". It's where the husband lets the wife have relations with other men. I found a forum on it and now I'm becoming obsessed with the idea. My wife is fairly old fashioned, and I'm trying to figure out the best way to slowly introduce the idea that I'd like her to have lovers on the side. This is not about me cheating also. It's about seeing her get pleasure. Thanks for any tips you can give.

Eric


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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?


samlowry answered Thursday April 12 2007, 10:14 am:
Hi!

As said in 'hot wife' article [ [Link](Mouse over link to see full location) ]:

'The term hot wife refers to a married woman who has sex with men other than her spouse, with the husband's consent. In most cases the husbands take a vicarious pleasure in their wives enjoyment, or enjoy watching, hearing, or knowing about their wives' adventures. (See: Compersion). Husbands may also take part by engaging in threesomes, or arranging dates for their wives.

A distinct subculture of hotwiving hotwifing is cuckolding. This subculture is generally defined as a subgenre in which emphasis is placed upon the sexual humiliation of role reversal, with the woman free to flaunt her sexuality and show blatent enjoyment, and the husband restricted to a passive or subordinated role, possibly involving erotic sexual denial.'

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MummuM answered Sunday July 23 2006, 7:02 pm:
Maybe you should give her the forum on it. It got you obsessed with it, so you never know, it could open her eyes to the idea. If not, you could talk to her about it and try to introduce the idea to her. Give her information on it and why you would think it would be a turn on to do this. If she still doesn't like the idea, don't force it on her. Some girls don't like hotwifing, while others do. And if she doesn't like it, that's just the way she is and you have to respect her decision. &hearts;

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Razhie answered Thursday July 20 2006, 7:02 pm:
Hey Eric, sorry for the delay in responding. When I first started to reply I realized that although I did know what hotwifing meant I needed to do a bit more research and thinking before I actually answered your question. Anyways, onwards and inwards.

Before even thinking about approaching your wife, check yourself.

You say you are becoming 'obsessed' with the idea with the idea and that makes me a little nervous. This could quickly go sour if hotwifing suddenly becomes something you 'need' sexually not just something you 'like' sexually. Hotwifing shouldn't be engaged in if it doesn't bring something positive to your relationship (that means something positive for both you and your wife) so please don't starting thinking of it as a necessary part of *your* sexual satisfaction. Commit yourself to controlling your imagination. When approaching any new sex act it's a very good idea to do so practically, not with a bunch of wild expectations and comprehensive fantasies. Give reality some time to catch up with your fantasies or you are setting yourself up for disappointment, even if your wife does agree.

I think the best way to broach this subject with her is to sort of creep in sideways. I had a guy spring a rather wacky fetish on me using this approach and it worked on me… Have a really open and frank discussion about sex and other (tamer?) things that either of you would like to try in bed. Ask her about things that make her feel good or sexy and begin to very gently ask her what her feelings are on appearing attractive to men other then you.

Don't feel the need to rush this conversation. Take breaks from it, maybe even to try some of the other things you two think of while you are talking openly about sex. If it takes a week for you to finally get around to clearly stating what you find arousing, that is a-okay. But when you do get around to talking about hotwifing, don't dither or leave her confused; be clear on what it means and why you like it.

What happens from there is really up to the two of you. Of course give her time to think and do not pressure her. If she says unequivocally 'No' then you are going to have to learn to live with that. Luckily for you, a sexual being with an internet connection doesn't need to look too far to find something that will appeal to the pleasures their mate might not be willing to indulge in with them.

Finally, although I have just given you advice on how to tell your wife you want her to sleep with other people, my conscience demands that I tell you I don't think it's a good idea. I find the idea of introducing other people into my sexual relationships pretty arousing too. The problem is that those other people always come with their own feelings and baggage. Inviting another person into your relationship, even just as your wife's bedfellow, is adding another level of complication to your relationship with her and a whole load of unnecessary drama. My hope for you would be that you could find a way to enjoy this fantasy without taking it all the way.

Best of luck.

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sassysara answered Wednesday July 19 2006, 10:50 am:
Hey Eric,

Ok well I have heard of this and I know some people who are into it, my philosophy is diffrent strokes for different folks. I understand that you want your wife to recieve pleasure but before you jump 3 spaces ahead you need to actually look and think of your wife about who she really is.

Her doing this would be fulfilling a fantasy for you, so it is not completely altruistic on your part you would be recieving pleasure from the idea of this as well this would also allow you to have lovers as well (I know this is not your primary goal but it would be a side benefit).

I would suggest that before even bringing up this idea you have an open and honest conversation with your wife about sex and what she would derive the most pleasure from, maybe she is too embarrassed to tell you that she wants to engage in wifeswapping or hedonism etc.. Women have fantasies too and since you see her in the light of "old fashioned" she may feel obligated to remain in that role for you and for her marriage to remain intact.

IF she clearly states that she wants straight sex with only you 3 times a week then you have your answer there and she is unlikely to change, if at this point you suggest this "hotwifeing" to her she could become really upset and it could damage your relationship permenently.

If she is totally not into it then I think you need to evaluate how important this is to you and how important your marriage is as well if she is really against it then I think if you want to remain in this marriage you need to avoid the website.

I hope this helps you out. Good luck with everything.

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