sizzlinmandolin's advice column | Page 26

home view feedback ask questions add as friend advicenators

Gender:

Female

Location:

USA

Age:

28

Member Since:

October 4, 2005

Answers:

2093

Last Update:

February 22, 2015

Visitors:

129640

Favorite Columnists

advicenator_admin

Main Categories:

about

I sometimes take long breaks from the site. I'm more than happy to answer anyone's questions, but just make sure they're not too time sensitive. :)

Facts about me:
*happy
*employed
*married
*large extended family
*bisexual
*advanced college degree
*no kids (yet)

advice

Ok I am friends with this married couple, and the woman has cheated on her husband and I know a ton of things that she has done. Her husband wants me to appear in court or write a ststement but I really don't wanna be in the middle and lose her friend ship do I have to go to court?

Unless you personally witnessed her having sex with another man, your testimony will be pretty much useless, I think. It would most likely all just be hearsay. Tell the husband this and then tell him that you'd rather not take a side and stay out of it. He should be understanding. If he gets upset that's his prerogative, but stand up for yourself in what you want to do or, in your situation, not do. Adultery is usually almost impossible to prove and most cases will just get thrown out anyway so you wouldn't be doing him a disservice by keeping out of it. Good luck.

Guys always ask me if I masturbate! And its so awkward becuase if I say yes than they'll be like your a whore lets have sex and if i say no then they'll think I'm a slut.
So what are some things I could say to kind of avoid the situation.
Not like "that's none of your business!" but more like, "Always. I picture you naked." (Like sarcasm).
Thanks!!

Give them a "what the hell" kind of look and walk away. It's best if you don't say anything. If you say something it could turn into an entire conversation and become a situation. By not saying anything there's no situation. If they continue bothering you, say something like "I'm not going to answer that". Be firm about it and they'll get the hint.

i have a verizon vcast phone. how much a month is vcast? and do i have to pay for each song in addition to the monthly charge? would it just be cheaper to buy the music essentials kit?

Your question has been answered very well already. I'd just like to add that Vcast costs $5 a month. You may have gotten some kind of special deal or promotion though, so it's best just to contact Verizon to make sure. You may be paying less than $5! :)

okay, i'm getting married this week. and i just started my period. well, i don't want to "ruin" the romantic part of our wedding night with my period and everything. so, i'm wondering if i take a hot shower or bath, how long will that stop my period? we though about having a hot bubble bath together, would be period stop for that? thanks.

No. Taking a bath won't stop your period. You just don't notice it because the blood comes out slow enough that when it goes into the water you can't see it. Contact your doctor and you may be able to get something that will stop your period. It's not good for your body, but for this one time on such an important occasion it would be OK. I'm not sure such a thing exists, but I've heard of it and it's worth a try. :)

So, my mom seriously doesn't approve of me being a vegetarian. She believes in eating all food categories to be healthy and blah blah. Well, I've been a vegetarian for almost 5 months now and I'm well and healthy and enjoying it. Well, my mom still opposes it and views it as an unhealthy thing. I've tried to get it through her head that I can still get the nutrients I'm missing from omitting meat out of my diet. But at times, she keeps on saying stupid things about me being a veg and vegetarianism and sometimes they just want to make me cry. And she absolutely opposes me becoming a vegan in the future. She thinks that I need meat, chicken, seafood, blah blah to be healthy to keep studying hard and I really don't. I'm getting all my protein and vitamins and etc with other foods. I know that I can't change her views on this because I've tried to do that a long time ago for almost 2 years straight. I just need to know how to get over what she says and no let it effect me. I really do enjoy being a veg and look forward to being a vegan in the future. And I really need to learn how to get over my mom's words.

15/f

If you're really serious about it, try setting up a meeting for you and your mom with a dietitian or other related professional. The other columnists are right in that there's a lot of information out there that you can show your mom to help her be a little more understanding of vegetarianism, but coming from you, she'll probably get irritated and ignore it. Coming from a professional, though, she just might start to get it. Doing this would also show your mom that you are being adult about this and that you really want to do it the right, healthy way. When you set up the meeting, don't be forceful about it. Basically tell your mom that you think you could learn a lot and that it might make her feel better about what you are doing. In other words, convince her to go, don't ask her to or tell her to. Make it seem like it was her idea! Good luck! :)

This is going to be a little bit confusing to explain, but I will try.
I have been reading a book on drug addictions, and it got me to thinking about regular addictions, such as caffeine, cutting, or even dancing. It's possible to become addicted to anything right?

Well I lost my boyfriend about 8 months ago. He & I had been together for 2 years & we were happy, but he randomly broke up with me in the worse possible way. After the first month of our breakup, we ran into eachother & had sex. I've always wanted him back & I still want him back, so everytime he wants to have sex, I've allowed it. & Not just allowed, but I've wanted it too.
I've tried moving on from him, dating other guys, having sex with other guys, but I always seem to want him. No matter what. He's always in the back of my mind.

So is it possible, that I could be addicted to a person, or to their sex? And if it is possible, how do you break the addiction, even though I don't think I want to break the addiction, because I like having that closeness with him.
I guess I just need some feedback.

This is going to sound a little harsh, but it's what you need to hear. Thinking that you're addicted to him and his sex is a big fat EXCUSE! Stop making excuses for yourself and take control of your life. No matter what you are feeling you always have the choice. You can't control what you feel, but you can most certainly control what you do. If you want to stop having sex with him just stop! Your lust isn't going to go away right away, but there's no reason why you have to act on it every time.

Next, you need to realize that you're not the only person with this problem. Probably over 50% of the population is going through or has been through the EXACT same thing. They got by it and so can you. You're not a wimpy, fragile person that is controlled by everything around her. You can be strong if you try, so try!

The best way to start is to avoid being alone with this guy. At all costs. If you're not alone with him, you're not gonna have sex. Take the temptation away by taking the opportunity away. So then, the longer you don't have sex, the easier it will be to refuse it when the situation does come up.

Last, I'm NOT trying to be mean and if you were offended in any way I'm sorry. I'm actually very empathetic to your problem. I just really think that in this situation you don't need to be babied, you need to get in check with reality. Being babied will not help you at all and you're here looking for help and advice, not reassurances and false hope that everything will fix itself, because it won't.

Good luck.

is there a site where they have a list of college and universities and what courses it offers and such?? i'm only a freshman right now, but i wanna start looking at colleges so i'll have a long time to decide. thanks.

Try using FastWeb. It's a pain getting started with it, but it can be extremely helpful. http://www.fastweb.com

My friend's brother just got sentenced to a jail term of 2-3 years. He is a really bad man. He has mistreated her in the past, and she forgave him. I have never forgotten how badly he mistreated her, she forgave him because he's her brother. Well, she is really upset about him going to jail and worrying for his wife and kids and I simply don't know what to say to support her sadness/disappointment without being phony. What do you think?

When you talk to her stress that jail is there for a reason and he's in it for a reason. It could make him better or at least be a good start. Any negative things that may come out of it are nothing next to the positive things that could. His wife and kids will be fine. There are tons of single mothers out there and it's not like they split up and it's forever. He'll be back. Just keep stressing that it will help MUCH more than it will hurt.

Ok. I know I'm probably like the only 16 year old that don't know what masturbation is, but can somebody inform me on wat it is pleaze?? haha, i know your probably thinking i'm stupid, which when it comes to stuff like this..i'm totally lost haha

Masturbation is when you have sex with yourself. You use things to simulate real sex, usually your hands.
http://www.coolnurse.com/masturbation.htm

my new bf is perfect, but my ex is too. and i love him and think i could one day love my new bf. but my ex is my first love, and still wants me. and i want him still. i don't want to break my new bfs heart cuz he says he loves me, so i'm worried. i want to give me bf a letter i wrote, but it may be harsh. it says that i don't want to be serious until i know what exactly i want. and i think that i will want to be with my ex, but no one else wants that and i dont' want to get hurt. but his hold and love is all that can keep me real and happy. i havent felt right since i broke up with my ex. even though i have a good time with my new bf. What the hell should i do?

Whatever problems you had with your ex will resurface. It's best to move on. Everybody has a first love and very very very few end up with that person. Don't drag it out longer than you have to. You'll just cause more pain for yourself in the long run. Use what you learned from your relationship with your ex to help you in your new relationship. If you're going to break up with your current boyfriend do it because of a problem with him, not an issue within yourself. In other words, give him a fair chance. He deserves that from you. Good luck.

Okay. I was on the phone with my friend Eric.. we were having a wickedd fun the conversation when I started hearing like yelling and screaming in the background. I was like ERIC are you okay?? What's going on?? And before he answered the phone went dead. I know it did because it said that. Wel sorta I know though. Well I tried calling back and everything but it said it was disconnected.. and err. Well I talked to him on AIM. He seemed like wicked sad. I dont know how I could tell I just did. I asked why his phone didnt work and he said they didnt pay the bill. Well I went over his house and noticed the phone was thrown across the room. I asked him about it but he didn't say anything. Then I noticed his Mom was still in bed and it was like 3 in the afternoon. And that beer bottles were everywhere. I asked him whats wrong whats going on and he started crying. Like I dont know.. flat out crying..So I listened to him and his parents are fighting a lot lately and his dads drinking a lot. I was really worried about him so my parents being there awsome cool and understanding selves let him like move in with us, and his parents want him back. I wont let him back what if he gets hurt! I love him..(were just friends) and i wont bare to see him go through that. So now my parents are fighting for i think custacy of him but I have the feeling he wants to go bac, for his mothers sake.
What Do I Do?

All you can do is support your friend. Do everything you can to help him get through this. Other than that, the situation is out of your control. Trying to control things that you can't will only stress you out. All you need to worry about is how you can help Eric get through this emotionally.

Ok, here's the story. When I was younger, I thought of God as an invisible being that always watched you and could do anything he wanted. So i'd always say "yes I believe in god". But as I grew older, people who don't believe in God have pointed things out to me. I mean it was MAN who wrote the bible, and MAN who wrote the ten commandments. who's to say man didn't make it all up? One of my frieds once pointed out that "man does not like the thought of nothing after death, so the created an afterlife to believe in instead". Another person that doesn't believe in God said "he is just like Santa Claus, used to make children be good". These seem like pretty realistic remarks to me. Plus there is no "proof" that he does exist right? People who believe in him just say "the feeling is truly wonderful". I have asked God to come into my heart many times, but I never feel any different. Does this make me Atheist?

I don't think you're atheist. You're not adamant that God doesn't exist, you actually kind of believe that He does. You sound agnostic to me. You don't believe in organized religion or anything like that, but you think that God could exist, there's just no way to prove it one way or another. As many things that "prove" that God doesn't exist, there's many more that "prove" that He does.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agnostic

hey my name is madeline im 17 years of age, i got my period on the thursday and it was normal i then had sex on the saturday with a condom while i was on my period, and my period stoped just after we had sex, me and my boyfriend always use protection. i dont understand why my period didnt come back? its now monday and i still dont have it? im really worried i might be pregenant? or shuld i just wait for my next period? please help!

I'm not going to say that you can't get pregnant while you're on your period, but the chances of it are very very small in the first place. It's not a time when you are normally very fertile. Since you used a condom I think I can safely say that no, you're not pregnant. Don't worry about it and if you continue having sex, continue using condoms! :)

I just accidentally deleted all the pictures on my phone. Ugh. I have a Razr V3 by verizon. Is there any way I can get them back? I had some adorable pictures of my baby cousin that her mom wanted to see and now I don't have any pictures. Helpppp.

Contact Verizon Customer Service. If anybody can help it's them. :)

http://www.verizonwireless.com/b2c/vzwfly?go=/ContactUsControllerServlet&item=_FAQ_TOPIC&navigationLinkOptions=SUPPORT

My boyfriend of 6 months shared a bed with a girl he went on a trip with in Europe. He said they didn't do anything, but they always talk about how the slept together. Do you consider this a type of cheating? Do I have a right to be angry?

I wouldn't call it cheating, but if it upsets you, you should tell your boyfriend how you feel. Let him know that it hurts when they joke about it even though nothing happened. Don't get angry yet. Decide how you feel about this after you've talked it over with him. He probably doesn't even realize that it's upsetting you so much. Good luck!

Does anyone know of good sex scenes in a specific movie (or tv show)? Not necessarily with nudity...just an overall good sex scene...that is like intense and crazy? Thanks so much!

The movie "Vanilla Sky"

what is a word for "easy to talk to"

receptive fits pretty well

you know how when someone thinks something is really funny, and they laugh to where they cant breath? can u die from laughing like that?

Probably not, because once you stopped breathing for long enough, you would pass out. You can't laugh when you're unconscious, so your body would be able to calm down and your breathing would go back to normal very quickly. It's kind of the same as if you hold your breath for a really long time. You can't die from holding your breath because once you pass out, you'll start breathing again and be just fine. Even though you can't die FROM laughing, you can still die WHILE laughing, from other things like heart attacks, etc.

This my 250 word version of my college essay (its at just under 350 so it does need some more editing) the prompt is talk about a life changing exprience.. and I want to be a teacher.. so i figured my only teaching position would be the best place to start... Do you think this is too much of a "heart warming" essay or do I stick to the point and make it interesting without making anyone feel any big emotion? I was told I am too passive and do not get to the point.. But this is my essay and I was wondering if you could rate it for me on a scale of 1-10 with plenty of advice (especially from those who have been through the application process before). Also this essay is not like my major push to get into schools. All the schools I am applying to I more than have the grades to get in.. I am just looking I guess to stand out a bit and show how I want to teach (or as much as you can show in 250 words)

Looking back, I could have never imagined my life would be shaped so greatly by a group of preschoolers nearly a sixth of my age. A few years ago, I might also have laughed with disagreement at the statement, “he who teaches children learns more than they do.” A special group of 3 year-olds came I'm last fall to learn from me, and left teaching me more than I could ever ask for.

Before taking child-development, or even before high school, I was very unsure of myself. During class I was taught to build my preschoolers self-concept, but I often said to myself, “How can I teach these kids confidence, when I don’t even feel it myself?”

From them though, I have grown to believe the statement, “You can learn many things from children.” Those 3 year-olds, no matter what got in their way, they were open to whatever was presented to them, and they respected each other with value.

One instance that really stood out at me, was between two boys this past spring. Calvin, a shy boy, was crying under the jungle gym. Without hesitation, another young boy, Josh, immediately asked Calvin what was wrong, and to play. As a common act in my preschool, one child saw an opportunity to help someone, and acted. The dozen children I worked with were the most non-judgmental, respectful group I have never met.

Angela Schwindt had said, “While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.” My experience working with them not only helped me accept others regardless of our differences, but to accept myself. I began to fully believe in myself and develop my own self-concept. From them I had an inner confidence, and I learned to love life, and to teach others to love as well.

Those sometimes overwhelming, but always loving 3 year-olds are the main reason I live my life the way I do today, and the main reason why I love, and always will want to continue teaching.

It's great and not too heartwarming or anything. Awesome job! The only issue I have is that you keep repeating the same thing in different ways - that you learn from kids. As cool and insightful of a thought as it is, it can be a big part of your essay, but shouldn't be the only part. Try to lump it together more and not make it sound like you're bringing up a new point every time when you're just rewording the original point. Then try to add something at the end about how this affects you on a more personal level and would make you a good teacher. For example, knowing that you can learn from kids can help you connect with them more because even though you want them to respect you, it's important that they know that you're human too and that you don't know everything. Having the attitude that you can learn from them would make a better classroom environment, etc. Stuff like that. Awesome job though, seriously. Even if you don't make any changes it'll probably still be judged well. :)

16/f
I'm wondering, if you are on birth control and you have sex WITH a condom what's the chance of a pregnecy ? I'm thinking slim to none, but I'm not really sure.. Thanks !!

Less than 99.9. Literally. It would be a freak accident if you got pregnant. As long as you're very good about taking your birth control pills, you've got nothing to worry about. :)

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>