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I was wondering what you thought of my college essay and how
This my 250 word version of my college essay (its at just under 350 so it does need some more editing) the prompt is talk about a life changing exprience.. and I want to be a teacher.. so i figured my only teaching position would be the best place to start... Do you think this is too much of a "heart warming" essay or do I stick to the point and make it interesting without making anyone feel any big emotion? I was told I am too passive and do not get to the point.. But this is my essay and I was wondering if you could rate it for me on a scale of 1-10 with plenty of advice (especially from those who have been through the application process before). Also this essay is not like my major push to get into schools. All the schools I am applying to I more than have the grades to get in.. I am just looking I guess to stand out a bit and show how I want to teach (or as much as you can show in 250 words)
Looking back, I could have never imagined my life would be shaped so greatly by a group of preschoolers nearly a sixth of my age. A few years ago, I might also have laughed with disagreement at the statement, “he who teaches children learns more than they do.” A special group of 3 year-olds came I'm last fall to learn from me, and left teaching me more than I could ever ask for.
Before taking child-development, or even before high school, I was very unsure of myself. During class I was taught to build my preschoolers self-concept, but I often said to myself, “How can I teach these kids confidence, when I don’t even feel it myself?”
From them though, I have grown to believe the statement, “You can learn many things from children.” Those 3 year-olds, no matter what got in their way, they were open to whatever was presented to them, and they respected each other with value.
One instance that really stood out at me, was between two boys this past spring. Calvin, a shy boy, was crying under the jungle gym. Without hesitation, another young boy, Josh, immediately asked Calvin what was wrong, and to play. As a common act in my preschool, one child saw an opportunity to help someone, and acted. The dozen children I worked with were the most non-judgmental, respectful group I have never met.
Angela Schwindt had said, “While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.” My experience working with them not only helped me accept others regardless of our differences, but to accept myself. I began to fully believe in myself and develop my own self-concept. From them I had an inner confidence, and I learned to love life, and to teach others to love as well.
Those sometimes overwhelming, but always loving 3 year-olds are the main reason I live my life the way I do today, and the main reason why I love, and always will want to continue teaching.
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It's great and not too heartwarming or anything. Awesome job! The only issue I have is that you keep repeating the same thing in different ways - that you learn from kids. As cool and insightful of a thought as it is, it can be a big part of your essay, but shouldn't be the only part. Try to lump it together more and not make it sound like you're bringing up a new point every time when you're just rewording the original point. Then try to add something at the end about how this affects you on a more personal level and would make you a good teacher. For example, knowing that you can learn from kids can help you connect with them more because even though you want them to respect you, it's important that they know that you're human too and that you don't know everything. Having the attitude that you can learn from them would make a better classroom environment, etc. Stuff like that. Awesome job though, seriously. Even if you don't make any changes it'll probably still be judged well. :)
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its like a heaps smart person thing to right but i wouldnt write about children its kinda panzy thing to write about why doint you just write about a horrific life changing story make everything morbid and dark
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