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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
Even I don't know what to do.
O.K., my boyfriends of 9 months is the greatest guy I have ever met. We are planning to get married too. But there is a problem. His mother. A couple of days ago, he called me and told me that his mother told him to tell me to give her respect and to answer her when she says who is calling, or I can't talk to him, and he can't talk to me. Even though, I do give her respect, and she never answers the phone and asks me that, considering that I usually only call his cell phone. I want to punch her in the face like there is no freakin tomorrow. But I want to know what to do to figure out what she wants, why she hates me, what I did to her, and what I should do to solve this stupid pointless problem.
The Answer
For the moment, ignore it.
If the situation she is complaining about (you not saying who you are on the phone) isn't happening, or else, happens so rarely that you can easiliy correct it (by simply saying who you are) then ignore it, because it isn't really a problem at all.
Likely has nothing at all do with you. Wait it out and see if anything else comes from it. More likely, in my opinion anyways, that his mother was upset with him about something else, and decide to drag this dumb little topic out just to be difficult.
Besides, if he has a cell phone, it's not really a problem at all. Don't get your panties in a bunch over nothing at all.
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The Question
Can anyone here explain this to me?
If somebody kills a pregnant woman, then why would they ever be charged for two murders, instead of one? It seems to be in conflict with laws that permit an abortion. A woman can legally choose whether or not the baby can grow, develop, and live within her. If somebody makes that same choice by killing the mother, then wouldn't it make sense that only murder was made, not two? I'm not arguing for or against abortion, but rather don't see how these two laws can remain in effect when they contradict each other. Any information would be helpful, thank you.
The Answer
You are absolutely correct; these laws contradict each other flat out. It is deeply hypocritical and blatantly illogical that what is not alive when a woman chooses to terminate, is alive when someone else chooses to terminate her. It is a perfect example of our laws being based on people’s feelings and what the public wants, not on what makes rational sense.
In the US the Unborn Victims of Violence Act made the murder of "a member of the species homo sapiens, at any stage of development, who is carried in the womb" a crime, but made it made special allowances for abortion. Of course it also made the pro-choice group very angry anyways.
But that is a federal law, and has basically no power in individual states. Some states treat any fetus, at any point of development, as a living being; others consider it illegally terminating a pregnancy to murder a pregnant woman (as compared to abortion, which would be a legal termination.) Some states do require that the unborn child must have passed through the embryonic stage, about 8 weeks into the pregnancy, in order for it to be considered homicide.
But that is still just plain stupid. Since an abortion can happen legally in nearly all states until 24 weeks into the pregnancy.
So why can these two laws stay in effect at once? Mainly because the judge and DA can pick which laws they feel are applicable to a given case. A man who murders a pregnant women, well everyone WANTS to sock it to him with a double-homicide charge, even if it doesn't make sense and the poor little fifteen year old girl sobbing that she can't raise a kid, well no one WANTS to charge her, even if what she is doing is wrong.
That is my opinion anyways, it’s about emotion, not reason.
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The Question
hey all, i'm 22 and lately i've been having a bit of discomfort in my down blow regions, mostly after sex but it can last for up to a week after, at first i thought it was thrush but now i'm not so sure, i inspected it and my bits are sore and look a bit red, but its like i have tiny little cuts around my vagina, almost like papr cuts? i wasn't sure what this meant or what i could do get rid of it, it's very painful, esp when i go to the toilet, i know this is quite gross but i do need advice :-) thankyou
The Answer
First off, stop having sex. Tell your signifigant other he'll just have to take care of himself for a little while. Then see a doctor.
It's perfectly possible that you have exactly what you think you saw, tiny cuts. Cuts on the labia and vaginal open can burn and itch and take several weeks to heal on thier own. But you may also have some sort of infection. Either way, a doctor will know for sure, and can give you something for the discomfort.
Don't use an over the counter medication like Vagisil, until you know exactly what is wrong as that might only makes things worse.
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The Question
hey . well im fourteen years old and my man is 18 . i like him alot and he keeps trying to have sex wiht me . but i say no. im fixing to move to another city and so is he. i really like him but i dont know if i should stay with him. i mean this is the first boyfriend my mom has let me keep. he doesnt pressure me to do anything . if i say no he understands. but yet my older cuzin always tells me that hes not good enough for him. but shes always going out with guys who are not even good for her either. What should i do about my boyfriend? should i stay with him or jux give us some time? byu the way we have been together for three months. but we have known eachother for a year.
The Answer
You said "he keeps trying to have sex wiht me" and "he doesnt pressure me to do anything"
Both of those statements can't be true. A guy who isn't pressuring you, stops asking.
Besides that, in a lot of states, it would be considered statutory rape for him to have sex with you.
Long distance relationships are hard, even as adults. As a teen, I personally think they are impossible. I would say enjoy the time you have left togeather, but be prepared to take a break when you move.
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The Question
Okay, so ever since I was a little girl I've loved barbies. Ya, like 5-10 I was playing with them etc. Now I'm 13/f and I know there's nothing wrong with a 10 yr old playing w/ barbies. but since i turned 11 i've wanted to play with them -- but i've been really embarassed. so how do i like... play with barbies without my family members noticing? or something? if i want new stuff how could i buy it without my family or friends knowing? i'm 13/f so yeah - no car. help!!
The Answer
I'm 21 and I still collect My Little Ponies.
Ignore what your friends and family think. Enjoy what you enjoy, and buy what you want to buy.
The problem isn't you liking barbies, its you being to silly to be proud of the fact you like barbies.
Stop stressing. At least people will always know what to get you as a present!
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The Question
so this guy wants to watch me pleasure myself!! i know how stupid!! but he wants it pretty bad.. but anyways.. i don't do it on my own time.. actually i've never done it.. and i really don't know if i want to do it.. espeically while hes watching!! how werid would that be!!?? lol.. so help! what else could we do that would be better then that!! please get me out of the situation!! help!!! thanks!! :)
The Answer
Nothing is going to get you out of this situation but telling him straight up you don't want to do that.
Who is this guy anyway? Why on earth is he asking for this? Why do you feel like you need to 'do something else' for him?
You don't.
Saying "No." doesn't mean "I don't care about you." it just means you don't want to do it! Be honest and be consistant and get yourself out of this situation!
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The Question
what is a jersey dress? when i search google images there are so many dresses that look different. is there a good site that shows you what is what? like what are flares and the difference between them and bellbottoms?
The Answer
Jersey is a kind of knitted material in cotton or wool. So it comes in all different colours and different wieghts and styles.
Bellbottoms are flares that start above the knee. Flared pants flare out below the knee.
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The Question
I dyed my hair about a week ago with semi-permenant hair dye. It's a deep burgandy color. And my natural hair is jet black. Well, this weekend, or sometime next week, I'm going to dye my hair blue and pink, and I need to get this burgandy out. Some of my friends said to put ?tooth paste? in my hair..and then wash it...to get the color out. and someone else said to use dawn in it. can i use those without it doing anything to my hair? and is there anything else i can do to get the color out? oh, and i can't bleach it.
The Answer
If you want to be kind to your hair, always wait AT LEAST three weeks between dye jobs.
Actually, waiting three weeks is just a generally good idea to keep the different dyes from reacting with eachother and turning a much different colour then what you would like. (I had a friend go bright green once, I thought it was funny, she didn't.)
Washing your hair daily in piping hot water will help the dye fade quicker, anything else you try will almost certainly damage your hair even more and don't be too surprised if your hair dye doesn't turn out quite the colour you want if you re-dye so soon.
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The Question
Why woulld anyone want to pretend to be pregnant?
http://www.wikihow.com/Fake-Pregnancy
The Answer
They are either mentally ill, or acting in a play.
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The Question
So, I'm 17/m and my gf is 15. I live in Canada and just wanted to know what the legal age limit is for dating, sexually and non-sexually. We've been together for a year now and I'm just curious.
Thanks to everyone. o^-^o
The Answer
As of May 6th 2007 the Age of Consent in Canada was raised from 14 to 16 years old (bringing Canada into line with most states and European countries. We used to have the lowest age of consent of any of the developed nations.)
However, the new bill also carries a "near-in-age exception" that allows teenagers to engage in consensual sex below the legal age limit with a person no more then 5 years older then them.
So your relationship, even if you choose to have sex, is perfectly legal in Canada.
Interestingly though, the age of consent for anal sex is still 18. So you are still not allowed to practice sodomy. Age of consent laws are still biased against homosexuals, but I guess that probably doesn't matter to you.
More information, just for kicks, and because someone else seems to be giving you the wrong information: Canada doesn't have a traditional statutory rape law. If a 22 year old sleeps with a 14 year old it isn't consider 'statutory rape' isn't just 'rape' and carries the same penalties as if he forced them. Instead of 'statutory rape' Canada has a bunch of specific laws against a variety of sexual offenses one could commit with someone under the age of consent (now 16). For example a person who touches someone for sexual purposes touches someone under sixteen (or between 16 and 18 if they are more then 5 years older then them) 16 of sexual interference.
So technically, dating isn't illegal, but kissing or petting someone under eighteen if you are more then five years older then them, or under sixteen if you are more then two years older then them, is a crime. Doesn't matter if they consent.
That might all sound a little bizzar, because the Age of Consent law is new and it overlaps oddly with the sexual interference law, but thats the jist of it. Either way, at 17 and 15, you've dodged the sexual interference crime too. So you really have nothing to worry about legally.
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The Question
i turned in an application to an ice cream place that was hiring about 2 and 1/2 weeks ago. i called them after about a week and told them when i handed mine in and asked if anyone had looked over the applications yet and the person on the phone told me that they hadnt gotten a chance to look them over from the week before yet and if they wanted to schedule an interview they would call me. i havent heard from them yet so i didnt know if i should call them again and ask if you would have looked them over from 2 weeks ago without saying my name so they dont think im annoying or just give up on this job. but i really want to work there so i dont know what to do. what do you think? thanks!
The Answer
Let it go now. They'll call if they are interested. One follow up call is good, tells them you are interested and serious, two follow up calls is just annoying. Apply somewhere else.
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The Question
15/f
My best friend since the beginning of High School is a really cool guy. He's sweet, he's cute but I do NOT like him like that. Now he's a really "touchy" person, like he likes to drape his arms around your shoulders or give you a hug. Well today out of nowhere his girlfriend and her little groupies told me off for letting him hug me. How do I get the girlfriend off my back and keep my best friend before I get clobbered? p.s- he's had this g/f for about 4 months.
-very ticked off
The Answer
Ignore the girlfriend and talk to your best friend. This is what ya say:
"Look, your girlfriend just chewed me out because we hug. I know we're just friends and I don't have a problem with hugging you but apparently your girlfriend doesn't like it. Could you please talk to her and figure this out before she beats my ass? Thanks."
This really isn't any of your business. This is a problem between the two of them and they should fight it out, without you. If she gets in your face again tell her that you are only friends with her boyfriend, but that if she has a problem she better speak to him about it and if decides to stop hugging you, you are cool with that, but it is really up to him and her to work out.
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The Question
23 Female
I've been recieving incapacity benefit for about 5 years now, my last medical was in 2005 and the doctor recomended that i be put on long term incapacity benefit, which i am now on.
I've been worrying about my next medical as its always a stressful time but i'm not sure when that will be. Could someone who actually knows and isn't just guessing be able to tell me how often you are reviewed when you recieve long term incapacity benefit.
I thought it was 2 years but so far i've heard nothing, so hopeful someone here will either be on it or be able to ask someone who is.
Thank you xxx
The Answer
It's a bit difficult to answer this question without knowing where you live. Most states and the UK have programs called Incapacity Benefits.
I think the best bet for you would be to try and contact the doctor or clinic that did your original assessment, failing that a non-for profit support organization specializing in mental health may be able to advise you. Any sort of support group you are connected with, a social worker or your own family doctor, would probably be able to help you answer this question so you can stop stressing over it.
In the states normally, but not always, an initial assessment for long-term benefits would be provisional and need to be reassessed after a certain time. Since it sounds like you've been in the system for a while, your assessment might have been permanent, in which case you are set up to keep receiving benefits until your pension age.
In the UK they are a bit stricter. If you live in the UK I would suggest you put a good deal of effort into discovering just what assessments you need to have. By and large they expect more medical support and evidence to maintain long term incapacity benefits.
I’m sorry that isn’t quite as precise as you would like, but I hope it helps a bit. If you tell me what state/country you live in in your feedback, I’ll try to get more precise information for you, but never the less, talking to a medical professional or mental health support worker is probably the best way to find out exactly how your personal situation is working.
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The Question
just wondering is it possible to get an std if you have never been sexually active? and if so how
btw im 13/f
thanks
The Answer
Well, it is in fact possible. There are some viruses, like the herpes virus, that can infect other parts of the body, and many STD's like HIV, can be transmitted through blood as well as semen.
You can't get them by sitting on a public toilet, or by sharing a soda with an infected someone.
So it is technically possible, just really unlikely, to be exposed to an STD without having sex.
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The Question
why do some people judge someone by how they act when they are drunk?
The Answer
A well dress young man goes into a court room and politely explains to the judge:
"I'm so sorry your honor. You see, I was drunk. I had had four beers with my buddies that night. So I was drunk when I beat up the pool boy, and drunk when I kicked the puppy, I was still drunk when I punched that police officer too!"
Do you think the judge is going to say "Ah well I understand, and since you seem to be a pleasant, well dressed young man we'll just let it slide this time."
HELL NO! The judge is going to say "Being drunk is NO excuse. You are guilty of crimes and you are going to do some jail time. Period."
So why do we judge people on their drunken behavior? Because they choose to drink, because they choose how much to drink, and just because alcohol lowers inhabitations doesn't mean another person takes over your body. It's still you doing those stupid drunken things.
A little bit of drunken antics is fine, but if you are behaving ludicrously, then you drunk too much. If people are judging you unfairly, then you are out drinking with the wrong people.
Being drunk is never as excuse for anything. People make their own decisions when it comes to alcohol, so they need to live with the consequences, that includes what other people think of them.
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The Question
hi thanks for the advice and your so right i am afraind of losing him i think thats why i dont say anything. sometimes i stay over at his butthese last 2/3times iv said i can stay over he has made an excuse. so when the next time i see him im going to ask why he doesnt want me to stay. he hasnt acted or said if anything happened the last time i stayed as far as i can remeber everything was good. im 38 and this is my first proper relationship my others have all ended up bad, and my boyfriend has shown me whats its like to have a proper relationship and a proper boyfriend , and not one who abuses you.i am scared of losing him but i know i cant go on being scared of that. when things dont seem right i just sit and cry and i need to say whats on my mind. its like iv got to involed and i need to distance myself emotionally a bit. what do you think. thanks
The Answer
Amen to not staying with a guy who abuses you, but you need to realize just cause a guy may be generally good, doesn't abuse you, and yes even though you may love him, doesn't mean he is the perfect one for you.
You don't need to distance yourself emotionally. You're in a relationship, of course your emotions are powerful and deep. You simply need to face up to them with a clear a mind as possible and reconigize them for what they are.
It's okay to cry and it's okay to be afriad. It's not okay to sit back and hope the badness will just go away. Your boyfriend seems to avoiding talking about the real issue just as much as you are, so one of you is going to have to start this conversation.
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The Question
Ok, so I dye my hair A LOT! i use a hair dye called Manic panic. Well, i know that i'm damaging my hair, and my friends have said that there are certain conditioners you can use to keep your hair.."life-full", so it won't look all dead, and thinning. Because i have pretty thick hair, and i want to keep it that way. I've just started dying it here recently..but it's semi-permanent hair dye, so you have to do it ever week, to two weeks.
So, yeah, what is the BEST conditioner/shampoo you can use for damaging hair.
The Answer
I'm not picky about shampoos, but the best conditioner I have ever found for dyed hair is Redken Condition for Colour-Treated hair. It's such powerful stuff I don't even use it everyday and it's kept my hair fresh and alive, although I've been dying it for almost a decade now.
The other way to minimize damage is not to pick dyes that require you re-dye so often. Manic Panic is praticularly bad for your hair and having to re-dye every week isn't just annoying and expensive, it's even harder on your hair. It's worth it, in my opinion, to dye your hair permenantly, and only re-dye it every 2 to 3 months, or go and have a salon do it for you. Give your hair a chance to recover from all the abuse.
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The Question
hello iv been going out with someone for nearly 10 months and im ususally confident, i say what i feel and i dont let anyone walk over me. but i find it hard standing up for myself with my boyfriend if he saya or does anything i dont like i keep quiet and if he does something to upset me i dont say anything. i think im scared of saying anything incase it starts a argument ( we have never had a row or even shouted at each other). we are both very easy going and i think sometimes he deliberatly does not contact me and im left sitting around for hours and hours waiting to hear from him.can someone please give me some advice as im not sure what to do. thankyou
The Answer
Grow a back bone and do it quickly!
You are loosing yourself in this relationship a bit and you are living in fear. That isn't healthy and can't possibly be making you happy. What is worst of all is that it sounds like you suspect your boyfriend is aware of you insecurity and may be walking all over you on purpose!
It's tough to change a pattern once you have it set, but you need to change this pattern were you keep your mouth shut.
I would bet you are afriad of loosing him right now, and that is why you are being so careful about not making him angry. Trust me hun, in five years you will regret loosing yourself in this relationship far more then you will regret have breaking up with some boy who wasn't treating ya all that well anyways.
So stand up for yourself, make yourself heard, and stop sitting around and waiting on him. Only then will you know if this relationship is savable, and more importantly, if it is worth saving.
It's always scarry when things aren't going so well, but it's far better to face your fears and deal with them, then to let them run your life.
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The Question
Ok, so normally I'm the one giving the advice, but right now I really need some advice, so here's my story...
It's been going on all of my life..My Aunt is a Cocaine addict. She has a son who is 2 years older that I am. So, about 4 years ago, when he was 12 and i was 10, my mom and stepfather finally decided to take him away from my Aunt, and he came to live with us. But, during the year after we took him in, my stepfather came down with lung cancer. He went through everything, like chemo, and radiation and it finally went away. Now, by this time which is about 2 years ago, my aunt starts doing a little better. My cousin, John, by now is 14 and we let him visit his mother more. But then his mother goes in jail, and my stepfathers cancer comes back. So, now about 1 month ago, my cousin is now 16, and a junior in high school. He is acting out in any way possible, smoking pot, having sex, and just not listening to anyone. Also, my stepfather is in very bad condition with his cancer. He can barely walk himself and he probably only has a few months, if that, to live. So we have had it, and we let John go back with his mother. But, we can't help from feeling guilty and feeling like we failed.
So, what I'm asking is if you think ther is anything else we can or should do to help? And if we should feel all of this guilt, and feeling of failure?
Thanks..
The Answer
Feeling bad in this situation is completely unavoidable. There is just so much dissapointment and pain comming from all directions, no one is going to expect you to feel happy or pleased.
But no, you shouldn't feel guilty. You should do all you can, invite him over often, keep him as close as you can, offer him what support you can, but imagine he really needed a trillion dollars? Would you feel guilty that you didn't have a trillion dollars to give him? Probably not.
We give the people we care about all we can, but when we simply have nothing more to give, we have to stop giving. It's just a sad truth, not something to feel guilty over.
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The Question
I don't know if this is the right category but here it goes. I don't know if this helps but it always seems to help in one way or another...14/f haha. Okay, anyways. I'm currently an athiest but I'm very interested in some religious things. I'm interested in wicca and I forgot what this was called but it's where you believe in nature and it's signs. But I'm leaning more towards wiccan ideas. Are they athiestic or nothiestic? I'm just wondering. And if there is anyone out there who can teach me little by litte [I'm horrible at reading online stuff and learning in that way.]
Thanks!!!
The Answer
'Wiccan' is a large umbrella covering quite a few traditions, as I’ve sure you’ve learned in your reading, and the vast majority of Wiccan’s are theists, not atheists, or agnostics, but very decidedly theists.
Theism doesn’t mean you must believe in the one type of Christian God, is simply the belief that there is only one deity.
So, the naturalistic approach of some Wicca where the natural world IS basically a God, is theism. In fact it’s called Pantheism.
The view that there is one creative force in the universe, only called by many names or many 'gods' that are part of a greater whole is also theism. That is called inclusive monotheism.
The worship of the God and Goddess, even when they are believed to be to separate entities and aren’t believed to come together to create one whole, still falls under the theism umbrella, and is called duotheism.
Some are polytheistic, and believe in many distinct gods and goddesses who are not all united.
Of course there are Wiccans who are not theists and some who simply don’t like the label. Some do not believe in the gods as real entities at all and just consider them a kind of archetype or way of telling stories about the world.
There are dozens of different wiccan traditions and groups. It can all get kind of confusing.
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