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On Saturday, my best friend *Carly* went to a party with her boyfriend. She didn't want her parents to know that she was going, so she lied to her parents and said that she would be hanging out with a girlfriend. She told me that was what she was going to do. On Saturday night, or Sunday morning rather, around 12:30, Carly's sister called me and asked if I knew where she was because she was supposed to be home at 12:00. She asked if I knew the person she was hanging out with.
I was worried about Carly. I didn't know if maybe she got drunk or if she was hurt so I snapped and told her sister that Carly was really at a party with her boyfriend. I made her swear not to tell. I only did it because I was worried something happened to her.
Carly didn't find out that it was me that did her in, but her mom made her break up with her boyfriend the next day and she is devastated. I feel horrible. If I would have known that would have happened I wouldn't have done it. It's all my fault and I don't know what to do.
Did I do the wrong thing? (link)
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You and Carly had a deal, of sorts. She told you of her plans so that you could cover for her, but there was the implied deal that you would also know where she was if something bad happened.
She messed it up by not coming home on time, and not informing anyone about it. You did what you had to do at that point. It is NOT all your fault - it is Carly's fault for lying to her parents and then forcing that lie into the open through her own carelessness.
You absolutely did the right thing. Do not feel guilty, and if you find yourself in a similar position in the future, do the same thing again. For the record, if I had been her mother (or father, in my case) I would also forbid her from seeing this boy again, because honesty is very important and transgressions against trust need to be dealt with harshly. You are not responsible for that - Carly is. She's the one who lied.
One thing I notice that you're not asking is whether you should come clean to Carly. I'm going to answer that anyway, because I like to volunteer advice. :)
If she doesn't ask, don't tell.
If she does ask, tell her the truth, and tell her that you would do the same thing again because you won't be responsible for her getting hurt because you told a lie about where she was when you knew better.
I assume that her parents probably first called the girlfriend she was supposedly hanging out with. It would be logical for Carly to assume that this person is the one who blew the whistle, so to speak. If she is making that assumption, then you should probably set the record straight.
If Carly finds out it was you, she'll probably be very angry, but you can point out to her that if your positions had been reversed you would want her to tell rather than take the risk that you might be lying in a ditch somewhere. It is her fault that she didn't get home on time and thereby put you in that position. What you did, you did out of compassion and concern. If she can't understand that and eventually get over it, then it's time to go new best-friend shopping.
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It's a known fact that guys don't go out with girls who aren't skinny, gorgeous, and flawless which is really unfair because i happen to be none of the above. Basically, I NEEEED a boyfriend, like its beyond just wanting to be with somebody it's a need to have that special somebody. Sure, there's friends and whatnot and they're important too (don't get me wrong) but sometimes you want somebody that can be more than just a friend to you. It's frustrating because some girls can get a boyfriend in a split second without even having to blink. people like me on the other hand have to sit back and watch these people and envy them while they work their charm. So what can I do to be more like them? To be glamorous and amazing so that guys will want me as much as they want those other girls? PLEASE HELP. (link)
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I wonder, what is the source of your "known facts"? Last time I checked, there are a lot of women out there who have boyfriends and/or husbands and who are NOT skinny, gorgeous, flawless people.
There's your biggest problem right there, I think - not only are you convinced that you are not pretty enough to get a boyfriend, but you seem to think that all the guys are too shallow to care about anything but looks. Frankly, if that's the vibe you're giving off, it's no wonder you're not attracting any guys.
Here's a list of things that are unattractive:
(1) Neediness. If you NEEEEEED a boyfriend, then that's a surefire way to keep them away. No guy wants that kind of pressure right away! A relationship can evolve to the point where you "need" each other, but that should come from love, not desperation.
(2) Envy. Jealousy is an ugly thing. It reeks of insecurity. No guy wants to date a girl who is going to get upset every time she sees a girl who's prettier than she is.
(3) Hypocrisy. I'm not accusing you of this, but you do seem to be rather hung-up on what guys think of your physical appearance and I can't help but wonder if you aren't using similar criteria to judge them. Consider carefully whether you're watching only the "A-list" guys, and ignoring those who may be really terrific potential boyfriends but who aren't as popular or attractive as some.
Here's what you need to do about it:
(1) Stop NEEDING a boyfriend, and start WANTING one instead. This means that you can't let yourself obsess about it or become upset over the injustice of it all when it doesn't work out. In other words, relax a little.
(2) Stop sitting back, watching, and stewing in jealousy. The girls who get asked to dance are the ones who get up and dance! This isn't the 1950s anymore, and you don't have to wait for your prince to come. You have to show some initiative and dare to make a move.
(3) Physical appearance matters - it's pointless to deny that. But it's not the only thing, and it's not even the most important thing. The most attractive quality a woman (or man) can have is self-assurance. If you have what you consider to be physical flaws that stand in the way of that, then do what you can to correct or minimize them; in this day in age, there are a lot of things one can do to improve one's appearance. Once that's done, though, you just have to accept that you won't ever look like Selma Hayek, and YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
Try this: instead of looking for a guy to be your boyfriend, try looking for one that you can have fun with on a date. There's no need to invest so much emotion in anyone from moment one. Once you take a chance or two on the guys, you will probably find that they'll take a chance on you as well.
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my 3 aunts and my mom and evry1 thinks im going gothic~but i dont think i really am atleast not as much as most ppl~i do love black nails and most of my clothes are black~i do hate my life i only have 7 friends~im a girl my friends are 4 other more gothier ppl a prep tht are all girls and my bffs are a guy and a girl who just has ther own styles~i just feel normal when im around friends and i hate being around my family~around my friends they act like nothings different~around my family there always sayin how they hate my clothes and how i act and tellin me to stop doing different things~i love spencers hot topic and clairs~i did want red or purple tips~and every1 thinks im gothic i guess kind but my mom says shed burn my black~i do not wear all black and not even evryday~i do really act like it but i try not to around them~yes i do think i am ~most of my cousins bffs are gothic but their 18~but they said they would kill me if i did and i no they wouldnt kill me but theyd do something~dont say talk to themthere not tht kind of family they dont care wat i say i can not talk to them~srry tht im gothic but its not my falut i like the style i hate my life and evry1 cuts me down on everything~wat do i do (link)
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There's nothing wrong with defining your personal style, so long as you don't let that style define you.
If you like the goth look and culture, then by all means explore it. However, be careful that you don't allow the look itself to begin to affect your personality. For instance, make sure that you're getting red or purple tips because that's the look you want, not because that's what goths do and so you're going to do it. I'm not picking on goth, by the way; I would have the same cautionary words if you said you were getting into any kind of labeled style. The point is that just because you're into the gothic style, it doesn't mean that you MUST write macabre poetry, hate your parents, pierce everything, or do anything else that's stereotypically goth.
Your family may be able to deal with it better if you can show them that you're able to turn it on and off, so to speak. So at some point, dig the bright yellow dress out of the back of your closet, put on makeup that isn't all shades of gray, and show them that you can still look "normal" when you want to. Then put the black back on and be yourself again.
There are a lot of negative impressions about goth culture. Many people seem to think that it's about drugs, death rock music, hatred of everyone and everything, barbaric rituals, weird satanic cults, and so on. This irrational stereotype is what your family is afraid of, and why they are so adamant about changing you. If you can show them that these ideas are false, then you can get some peace about it.
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is there anything around my house that i could use to enhance my breast size...somthing i dont have to buy??? (link)
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No.
The only thing that might have some effect is if you start bench-pressing. That exercises the pectoral muscles, and since the breasts sit on top of those muscles, it can have the effect of enlarging them. However, since exercise also burns fat (which is a major component of breast tissues), you'll probably find that it doesn't actually change anything. Exercise is generally beneficial, though, so there's no harm in trying it.
If you're looking for some kind of topical cream or something, then you might as well give up. If such a thing existed, you wouldn't have to search for it; it would be advertised EVERYWHERE.
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is the only way 100% to get pregent only by having sex? (link)
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Actual penetration is not necessary. All that is necessary is for sperm to enter the vagina. The penis doesn't have to. "Dry humping" can also cause pregnancy if it's not dry enough, so to speak.
Oral sex CANNOT cause pregnancy. That doesn't mean it's 100% safe, though, because STDs can be transmitted that way.
Of course, one can also employ such methods as in-vitro fertilization (test-tube baby), but I assume you're talking about accidentally getting pregnant, not doing it on purpose.
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ok im a girl and homophobic. but not scared of gays but im scared of lesbians. am i still homophobic or what? i dont hate them or anything but i just get scared of them. and is being homophobic is bad?
(link)
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I don't think it's inherently bad, so long as you try not to let it overpower your facility to reason. Make sure that irrational fear doesn't affect how you deal with people - for instance, if you learn that someone you know is a lesbian, try to treat that person the same as you would if she were straight.
You should try to analyze your feelings - what makes you feel this fear and dread? Is it the very concept of female homosexuality, or is it something more personal?
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so i am going to sound rediculous, and this may be long, i appologize. but i am in a strong need of advice and this is the only place i can turn to without a biased opinion now.
i went out with this guy zach. he was really sweet but kind of immature. but i really liked being with him b/c he understood me like no other person ever has, he was a good boyfriend. well his immaturity got to me and i broke up with him, but we both thought it was only temporary, i know this.
we never stopped being best friends though, the day after we broke up it still didnt feel wierd. its a little bit mroe distant but that was my choice after this happened...
2 weeks later we were talking bout getting back together and we were flirty and he told me how much he loved me. well i have history with this girl in my school, we were friends and we got in a fight b/c she didnt get invited to my party [yea immature little fight that teenage girls get into, i know i was wrong but we all grow up] and instead of just being catty like any other teenage girl she went to the shcool and told them my dad beats me, i had bruises form volleyball but no my family is fine i never told her this she was just trying to cause drama. me and my sister almost got taken out of our house by social services, she thought this was funny. well her name is kelly.
and at this party zach was all over kelly they were cuddling in the bed, fell asleep together, and flirting alllllll night and every1 there [even he admits] that they were acting like boyfriend and girlfriend. this really hurt my feelings b/c it wasnt just any girl, which i would have been upset but not say anything, but he knows what she did to me and he was the one i was crying in the arms of when social services told me and my sister we were going to be taken into foster homes [they didnt b/c lack of evidence, me and my siste rof course denied everything]
it felt liek he betrayed me... i tried to mention it but all he said was "im not replacing you with kelly" and i told him it was about alot mroe than that, he will just make me feel like im being over jealous.
today he asked me out again, he did that with kelly last sunday. i told him im gonna have to think bout it, that hurt me but we are great together. he gets me more than anybody and i love hanging out with him but the kelly thing will always bother me =/
ONE MORE ISSUE, i dnt have alot of time... there is this guy Matt that is the sweetest guy ever. he likes me soo much and i liekd being with him, he makes me feel really good. he's friends with my friends and really the perfect personality but im not sure he knows me at all... he likes me but i feel liek if i let out my crazy side or my temper gets the ebst fo me he will not expect it and think of me differantly
so the questiosn to answer :: should i dump zach? or go for matt? (link)
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Before advising you on your boyfriend, I have this to say about Kelly: what she did was positively vicious. Not only was it a grotesque lie, but every time someone files a false report like that, it puts children who really ARE in abusive situations at risk. I hope you've told the entire story to your parents so that they may choose to deal with the situation. If I were advising them, I'd tell them to seriously consider pressing charges against Kelly for slander.
That having been said, Zach displayed total disregard for your feelings by even acting friendly toward her, let alone flirting and cuddling with her. He knows what she put you through and apparently doesn't care that much. Jealousy doesn't need to enter into it - if he respected you, he would give her the cold shoulder. Heck, even if he didn't know you, he should still know that someone who would be so dishonest isn't good to get involved with.
Furthermore, it occurs to me that Kelly did this on purpose, just to upset you even further. Zach should have realized this and not allowed himself to be used. The fact that he went along with it does not speak well of his character or his intelligence. You might mention that to him when you tell him what to go do with himself.
Because that's what I think you need to do: dump him immediately and make it clear that there is no apology he can make to win you back. As you say, if she had been just some girl, it might be forgivable, but for him to do this with someone who caused you so much pain with her lies... that's just plain wrong.
As for Matt, give it a chance. Maybe he doesn't know you so well, but that's part of what dating someone is about. And if you give him fair warning about your temper and your wild streak, he won't have anything to complain about.
But put Zach and Kelly firmly behind you. Don't sink to their level by using Matt to make Zach jealous (that's totally unfair to Matt in any event), and don't try to retaliate further - just cut them both out of your life as much as you can and be done with it. Kelly is a vindictive bitch and Zach is a thoughtless tool, and you're better off without either of them.
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guys say that when they get erections it feels incredible. do girls get those feelings too? i mean not like from an erection or anythin? (link)
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I would hardly say that an erection, by itself, is "incredible". Heck, sometimes it's actually annoying, especially if you have to pee and it just won't point downward. However, a guy with a hard-on can still converse intelligently, operate heavy machinery, and generally deal with life without collapsing into a quivering pile of ecstasy, so don't believe guys who tell you that a simple erection gives one a feeling of rapture and delight.
However, it is a first step. From there, a variety of touches and other stimulation can bring a guy to orgasm, and that DOES feel pretty incredible, depending on how it's brought about and what the circumstances are.
Here's the thing though: It's a biological fact that women can actually have MORE intense orgasms than men. The essential reason has to do with fluid.
Guys, you see, ejaculate about a tablespoon of semen when they have an orgasm; women will release much less fluid, if any at all. Then, the penis must engorge with blood once again in order to recover and get ready to fire again, which takes a certain amount of time, while the testicles have already emptied almost half their capacity. The clitoris is a lot smaller, and "refills" almost instantly. This is why women can have multiple orgasms while men usually can't.
From what I've been able to tell, men get sexually excited a lot more easily than women, but women enjoy it more in the end. To my mind, it honestly sounds like you ladies got the better end of the deal. ;)
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before you go into the audition room to audition for a play at my high school, you are given your scene, so you can practice with the other people who have also been assigned that scene. you probably have anywhere from 5-15 minutes to practice. when practicing, is it better to do your part EXACTLY how you plan to do it in the room, or is it better to hold back a little bit, until you get into the room. the reason i ask this is because i have found that if you practice the scene how you plan to really do it, then the other people auditioning sometimes sort of "steal" the way you are performing it. especialy if you are being really wacky characters (ex. really happy, angy, sad, mad, silly, etc.). also, if the persons not a very good actor, you feel out of place acting to your full potential while practicing. however, obviously the point of practicing is so you can practice, so if you don't practice the way you plan to audition, you may mess it up when you go to audition. also, would it be mean to not really do it the way you plan to, until you actually go to audition (would it be to mean/shocking to the person you are auditioning with)? what is the best way to handle this situation of practicing with others? it would be nice to hear from someone who has been to auditions before, so i can get an opinion of what you do (or would do). thank you! (link)
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Practice with subtlety, but in your head imagine how you're going to do it for real. Part of being a good actor is imagination, and you must be able to imagine your real performance even if you can't practice it in full.
I also wonder if it wouldn't be possible for you to practice a little beforehand. Surely the plays you are auditioning for are available in the school library. You probably won't know what scene you will be auditioning for in advance, but you will presumably know what character. If it's going to be Hamlet, for instance, practice his soliloquy ("To be or not to be") and get to understand him; in this way, you will be able to summon that character again for a new scene.
There's nothing "mean" about practicing in a different way than you plan. If other people copy your style and it doesn't work out for them, well, that'll teach them to use their own mind instead of imitating others. Furthermore, if they see you doing it badly and can't figure out that it IS being done badly, they probably don't deserve the part. But practicing that way probably won't do you any good either, so I wouldn't bother.
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This guy I like told me he liked me the other day. This is there's this other girl he calls all the time, and talks to blah blah blah, but he won't admit it to me. He knows I dislike her, which makes me even more jealous that he talks to her. He always tells me they don't hang out or talk, but then people who hung out with them will confirm it for me.
I don't know what to do, confronting him doesn't seem to work. Should I act like I don't care? Or what should I do? I know I can't control him, we're not going out, but he did say he liked me..and he can't even be honest? (link)
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It is not a problem that he is friends with girls besides you. It is a problem that he lies about it.
Bottom line is, he should not be lying to you, especially about women with whom he spends his time - even if there's "nothing going on". You describe him as a "guy I like", not a boyfriend. My suggestion is that you keep it that way. You don't want to date a dishonest person. Let this other girl have him.
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Currently, I'm 16. When (if I can) I go to prom, I'll be 17.
Let me start off with saying I have VERY strict parents. To give you an idea of how strict my parents are on me, I'll give you a few rules that they have on me:
-I can't spend the night at ANYONE'S (besides family) house. I never have.
-I can't let anyone besides family ride in my car.
-I can't go to any friends' house.
-I can't ride in anyone else's car besides family.
I want to go to prom with my boyfriend this year (it's his senior prom, I'm just a junior). Nothing mischievous is going to happen between us that night. No drinking, drugs, sex, etc.
Regardless, my parents don't seem to be very trusting of he and I. I'm not sure why since we've never done anything to break their trust. NOTHING. I've been dating my boyfriend for over a year, so they've been able to get to know him.
Now you can imagine how strict they are on me. How would I ask them about going to prom? I prefer to approach my mom first and then let her talk to my dad about it. I need to find out if I can very soon so I can start dress shopping. (link)
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I agree that your parents are too restrictive - considering the extent of their limits on you, I'm actually rather stunned that you HAVE a boyfriend! Unfortunately, you're not likely to be able to change that overnight, and indeed you may not be able to change it at all until you are of age to move out and assume responsibility for yourself. Bottom line is, you may not be able to get them to say yes on this. I happen to feel that's unfair and unreasonable, but it may also be a reality you will need to accept.
However, you may be able to convince them if you use the right approach - that is, with maturity and reason. I think that starting with your Mom may be a good idea if you feel she's more likely to see your side of it, but don't try to hide it from your Dad. Just be straight with her. Tell her that the prom is an important event for you and for your boyfriend, and you want to be able to share that evening with him. Then the ball's in her court. Don't start by presenting arguments or assuming she will say no, because that puts her on the defensive right away.
However, if she does say No, here are some good, persuasive things you can say in return:
(1) "This will be his senior prom, an event that will come only once in his life. I am delighted and honored that he wants me to share that evening with him. If I am forced to say no, he will never be able to get that back. That would be a terrible way for me to treat him."
(2) "The Prom is a school-sponsored, chaperoned event. We will be under nearly constant adult supervision. You would be hard-pressed to find a safer environment."
(3) "I deserve to have happy memories to look back on later in my life, and this evening could be one of the best. Please don't take that away from me."
(4) "The Prom is a celebration of approaching adulthood, which is coming for both of us. We are still teenagers and we know what is appropriate behavior for us, and what we are not ready for. You have taught me well on that score and his parents have done the same." (NOTE - this is assuming that his parents have indeed done so; don't lie about ANYTHING when you're making these arguments!)
You might suggest inviting him and his parents over for dinner, so that the matter can be discussed among all of you. Presumably, his parents are OK with this.
Here are a few Don'ts:
(1) Don't whine or otherwise act childish. Try not to cry. If the answer is No, then I wouldn't blame you for getting emotional, but the point here is that you're trying to show them you are grown-up enough to do this.
(2) When making your case, do not directly accuse them of being unreasonable or unfair. Say instead that their ACTIONS are unreasonable or unfair. It is a small distinction, but it will help to prevent them getting on the defensive.
(3) Don't bring in irrelevancies. This is not about their rules up until this moment; this is about the Prom. Arguing over how you can't go to anyone's house or have friends in the car will only distract from your central focus.
(4) Don't expect too much. If they say Yes to the Prom but No to the after-prom party, consider that a victory. Perhaps you'll be able to renegotiate later.
(5) Don't abuse their trust. From what I read in your question, it's the furthest thing from your mind anyway, but temptations happen and you need to remember to resist. If you get caught breaking any rules, say good-bye to the chance of dating anyone again until you have your own apartment.
I know this has been a long answer, but I really want you to succeed in this; I think it really will be an important and memorable evening in your life, and I would hate for you and your boyfriend to miss out on it. Please, let me know how it turns out, via E-mail or by editing your question. Good luck to you, and all my hopes!
Oh, and one more thing - speaking as a Prom photographer, I advise you to get your pictures taken early. The lines are shorter and your hair and dress will still be in good shape.
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me and this guy were going out last year. it wasnt very serous we didnt really talk. we were 12 gimme a break. and so he broke up with me right before school started and then in like november he said it was the biggest mistake of his life blah blah blah so we started going out again and this time it got wayy serous and it got a little to much for me and then we both changed our feelings and broke up on friday and now i kind of miss having a boyfriend but i dont miss him. anyways now hes telling my friends he still likes me and he kind of hinted he wants to get back together. i hinted back that i dont want to and told my friends i dont want to go out with him. a few of my friends like him and i know it wont work out and im pretty sure hes just using me because he wants a girlfriend. but also, if he really is nice and sincere i dont want to hurt him. and if he is just a jerk i dont wanna play into his game. how can i tell? it seems like he only says sweet stuff when he wants somthing. wich is kind of annoying. like hes working twords a goal and him being sweet is only to help him achieve this goal. omg this is very long sorry! (link)
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He's not mature enough yet to handle a relationship. It's as simple as that.
I disagree that a 12 or 13-year-old can't know what love is yet. I think that emotions are just as real at that age as they are at any other. However, it takes more that that to have a successful relationship with someone. It takes a willingness to commit, an honest desire to put the other person's welfare ahead of your own, and the ability to handle it when things aren't going so well. Clearly, he's not ready to do any of those things.
And that's fine! I wouldn't have been ready to do it at 13 either, and odds are, neither are you. It's just too soon. My advice is to tell him that right now, you don't want a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. He needs to stop pursuing it with you because it just isn't going to happen, and if he tries to make it happen it will only push you away. Stop "hinting" and tell him the straight truth.
In a few years, who knows? Maybe he'll be ready then.
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ok i feel really bad.
i lvoe having a chase. i love it when guys play hard to get. it makes me have a challenge and want them more. but i dont liek it when there like saying how they dont like me and then all of sudden they love me. thats not what i like. i liek it when the guy knows i like him. i especially like it when i just found out that he found out and i get really nervous. and then i like how they play really mysterious nad well hard to get. and like i dont like it when they jsut snap out of and ask me out. i would liek it if they just ease up a tad. maybe like by 1% each day. but still play hard. and liek after we go otu i still liek having a challenge so that its a fun relationship. and i liek being single and saying how he will never have me!! i dont know hwy. im liek really retarded. haha. do guys see htis as a turn down? i mean i will go out with them no matter what becuase i liek them but i still want a challenge. and i put up a challenge to. but i hate it when im the only one giving the challenge. liek if your not a person hoo challenges then like thats a turn off for me. is this a turn off on guys? or do they not like this? is this like nto normal? ahh. so confused. btu i love it!! like right now i like this guy.. and my friend told him.. and so i started spazzing out. but i liekd it. im liek ok now i have to bewared of when i stare and stuff. btu then he said im cute. but not beautiful ro if he liked me. but that im cute. so its keeping me confused. so i like it lol. but still i know i dont have a chance. lol see i lie kthis!! haha. ok i love being single. anyways is this normal? (link)
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I think it's normal. It sounds to me that you prefer the chase to the capture. If you don't mind having a series of short, noncommitted relationships that never get serious, there's nothing really wrong with your approach. There are plenty of guys out there who will want to play the same game you are, pursuing and flirting, having fun with the pursuit and then maybe culminating in a few dates. If you aren't looking for anything long-term anyway, then there's not a problem.
When the time comes that you want a more serious relationship, though, you'll need to alter your approach. What you're doing now is going to attract guys who aren't seeking commitment (again, nothing wrong with that as long as you aren't looking for it either). The only problem I foresee is that by the time you want something long-term, you may have firmly established a reputation as a girl who doesn't settle down with one guy for any length of time, and that's going to discourage the guys who want a committed relationship.
As long as you're careful not to cross the line between "flirty" and "slutty", though, I don't think it'll be a big deal. Enjoy the dating game for now.
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Okay, I'm 17/m and have a beautiful girlfriend that I've even promised to merry(sp?). Anyways, I have a friend that I was talking to, 15/f, and we got into a discussion. This discussion was about sex, we were talking and she asked me what I was thinking about. This was kind of weird because she usually can assume what it is. She kept wanting to know and then she asked me to email her my fantasies that I have about her. I hate to say this but I do have fantasies about her as well as my gf and sometimes all three of us. I know most of you think thats sick but were all young and young people do stupid things. Anyways, I'm scared and don't know what to do. Should I give into temptation and reveal my fantasies or keep them to myself? Is this feeling unnatural? PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!! I'm sooooooo confused!
Thank you.
P.S. Me and my gf are perfectly happy with each other. We never fight, we love each other to death. We've been going out for 1 year. (link)
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You are in a committed relationship. It would therefore not be appropriate for you to discuss your sexual fantasies with another girl, especially if they're about her. To do so would put your current relationship at serious risk.
That having been said, it is perfectly natural for you to have these feelings. It's hardly uncommon for a guy to imagine what sex with multiple girls would be like, and get turned on by it. However, it is usually best to leave such things unrealized (and when I say "usually", I mean 9999 times out of 10,000). Not only are the odds overwhelmingly strong that the girls wouldn't go for it, but even if they did, it would wreak emotional havoc on all three of you.
Another thing to consider is that it is a crime to knowingly send suggestive material over E-mail to a girl under the age of sixteen. Maybe she wouldn't turn you in, but if her parents found out, you'd be in serious trouble, not just with her mom & dad but with the law if they chose to press charges.
So, in a nutshell, I think you should keep it to yourself. As you and your girlfriend get to know each other better, there will come a time when you can (and should) talk about such intimate subjects. Now is probably NOT that time, and it's never appropriate to talk about it with people outside your relationship. That is usually step one of infidelity - don't take that step, and you'll find other temptations easier to resist.
One more thing: 17 is probably too young to be deciding on who you're going to marry. It's fine to be thinking about such things, but remember that life has a way of taking unexpected turns.
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13/f
I know there's nothing wrong with dating anyone of a different race, and I think I may have a crush on this amazing guy, who is of a different race.
Well me and about 2 friends are the ONLY people in the school who think biracial dating is OK.
The rest of the school thinks its disgusting.
And I know that shouldn't matter, and I mean it doesn't REALLY. But I don't want to lose all my friends, just because of a crush. I know they're not good friends or whatever if they don't accept it, but still, it hurts to lose all your friends.
I know some would be accepting of it, but I know most won't.
A subject similar to this came up in school today, where me and the two friends I mentioned, were talking about the cute guy at Burger King, lol.
I kind of bit my tongue about the guy I think I might like in the school, because people were eavesdropping.
And its not just friends, my grandma would know if I had a boyfriend (she has legal custody and I live with her) and she said she'd kill me (in a non literal sense) if I ever dated anyone who was of a different race. No exaggeration, she would make me live with my aunt down the road. My aunts nephew, is currently dating this girl named Janine, who is of a different race, and she's AMAZING. Me and my aunt are more open minded than most of the family. So me and her, and Jesse (the nephew) and Janine, went to the mall one day.
But I don't want to lose my friends / be disowned by my family, what do I do? (link)
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I think the best possible advice in this situation is what we learned from William Shakespeare:
"This above all things: to thine own self be true."
If you feel that love (and lesser forms of love, like crushes and infatuations) should be colorblind, then live your life that way. You have the moral high ground and it is something worthy of taking a stand on.
However, you must also be realistic. If you choose to date someone of a different race, he deserves to know that your family and many of your friends are not going to support it. He will encounter hostility from them and that's something that will test you both. Make it clear that YOU do not share these bigoted and racist views, but that there are those in your life who do and not all of them will be easily ignored.
Think about how far you'll be willing to go. Are you prepared for your grandmother to disown you, if it comes to that? Are you prepared for her NOT to disown you, but simply look upon you with disgust and refer to your boyfriend with ugly and obscene names? When all but two of your friends turn their backs on you, will you have the courage to continue standing up for what is right? These are things that you need to try to answer in advance.
Here's what you should not do: don't date him in secret. That is the same as acknowledging that there is something wrong with it. If you're going to date someone, no matter what the circumstances, it is belittling to both of you to keep it hidden.
This may surprise you, but in the end, I advise you NOT to date him. It has nothing to do with his race, yours, or the attitudes of the people around you - it's about your age. I personally feel that 13 is too young to start dating. Wait until you're at least 15. Among other things, you will find you have a greater emotional fortitude at that point and will be better able to deal with the fallout from those less enlightened than you.
You have the moral high ground, but make sure you have the courage of your convictions before you step into what is sure to be an emotional roller-coaster.
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Our first date was tonight---me and this girl...I think i'm in love...is that possible or irrational? (link)
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I think "Love at First Sight" exists, but it tends to be fleeting. Fall in love in a day, and it usually lasts about a week.
Let's assume these feelings are real. Right now, you are in love with what you PERCEIVE this girl to be. You couldn't possibly know her well enough to know that you can also love her true self, with all the complexities and depth that any person has. As time goes on, you may find that your first impression was a good one, and that you truly are in love with her, warts and all. Or, you may find that you idealized her a little bit, and that as you get to know her better you find that your feelings diminish.
This is why you must be careful and not rush into anything or declare your undying love right from the start. You need to take the time to make sure it's a LASTING feeling as well as a real one. Telling her how much you love her now, and then having to tell her otherwise a week from now, isn't fair to either of you.
Revel in this feeling; there's nothing like the high of love-at-first-sight. But try not to get carried away, and be honest with yourself if you feel it start to slip. I hope it works out for you, because it's great to be able to tell someone years down the road, "I've loved you since moment one."
But if it doesn't work out, a little caution and applied wisdom on your part can still ensure that you both come away with happy memories.
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So i did stuff with my ex boyfriend who has a girlfriend then i told her cuz i felt bad about it but i still really like this guy but anyways she wont let him talk to me anymore now..how can i get him to talk..ive tried emailin he wont write back he doesnt see them cuz she deleted them first or he just doesnt write back he knows my voice on the fone so he hangs up wen he knows its me and hes always with her wen i see him ..i really need to get some answers from him, but i cant get him to talk..any idea? (link)
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You have your answer. He doesn't want to talk to you.
You say you "did stuff" with him. Whatever that means, it's clear that it's the kind of "stuff" he shouldn't do when he has a girlfriend. Then, you told her about it. You got him into serious trouble with his girlfriend because you couldn't keep your hands to yourself and then you couldn't keep your mouth shut about it. Sure, part of it was his fault. But here's the point:
You told her about it because you "felt bad". Did you ever consider HER feelings? Or HIS feelings? Did it occur to you that maybe you should have just lived with your guilt and not tear up their relationship just to make yourself feel better?
He's not talking to you and he's not GOING to talk to you because he is seven shades of pissed off, and I don't blame him. Stop thinking about what you need and start thinking about how much hurt you're causing. LEAVE HIM ALONE - you've done enough damage.
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there's this guy patrick and me and him got really close over winter break... too close, we even made out... so then i told him that i didn't like him "like that", he acted really cool about it but then the next time i saw him he called me a fatass a bunch of times, said that he hated me, and threw my cell phone in the snow.
the next day he texted me on my cell and said hey whats up, so how're you, exc.
then after him doing this for about a month he told my friend that he hated me and i was a stuck up b****, and i f*** with people until i get what i want.
but, he still texts me and says that i'm beautiful and stuff... what should i say to him? (link)
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My guess is that when the two of you got close and made out, it was a big deal to him. He probably got very hopeful about it only to have you dash his hopes against the rocks. Now he's got a love/hate thing going on for you, and he clearly lacks the maturity to deal with it.
The thing is, if you call him on it and point out how he's been kind and complimentary one minute and then spiteful and insulting the next, he's going to throw it right back in your face. He will point out how you made out with him and led him on, then stomped on his feelings. Maybe that's not the way you see it, and maybe it's not a fair way to describe it, but I can guarantee it's how he sees it.
So what to do? I suggest you DO call him on it. Then, when he tells you off for the reasons mentioned above, respond with three things:
(1) A sincere apology. Regardless of what's happened since then, what you did was wrong at the time. Maybe you've already apologized for it once, but do it again anyway.
(2) Point out that since that time, he has essentially been doing the same thing to you, so by rights you are now even. Offer to let bygones be bygones.
(3) Tell him if he wants to hate you, then you can't stop him, but he needs to stop texting you and acting all friendly only to bad-mouth you behind your back. If he protests, remind him of point #2 - he's spent the last month paying you back for your mistake, and you are even.
Hopefully, this will clear the air. If you still have problems with him, then you will simply need to distance yourself; block his messages, don't respond to his calls, and generally present the message that you are not interested in him on any level until he can grow up a little.
You may encounter some fallout over the situation; people that he talks to may look at you from his point of view instead of considering your side of things. In this case, honesty is your best policy. Make sure, if it comes up, that you give people your side of the events and acknowledge that while you did wrong, he's already punished you more than enough for it.
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I am really bored.People tell me to get a life.How do I do that.Please tell me how I should get a life,get rid of my boredom,meet new people and make new friends. Any answers are appreciated
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Your question is very vague, and so the answer will be the same. If you want specific answers, you're going to have to give some details.
When people say "get a life", they usually mean that you should interact more with other people. The easiest way to do that is to join some kind of organized activity, through your school (if you're young enough to be attending school) or through something your community offers. Health clubs, sporting leagues, clubs focused on your areas of interest, or even a good job will get you out more with people.
Some people enjoy living reclusively, and there's nothing wrong with that as long as it's what makes you happy. However, it seems to me that it's NOT making you happy, so you will need to expend the effort it will take to do something about it. Start with one thing; you don't need to become the life of the party overnight. Choose something that interests you and find out where people get together to do it (in real life, not online).
If you can't think of anything in the world that interests you, then you may be suffering from depression. Before coming to that conclusion, though, try picking something that USED to interest you and see if you can get it going again.
You may find more answers if you post this question to the general Advicenators public instead of just me, and include some details like your age, gender, and interests.
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34/f
I have a silly problem. It's my mother and her insipid e-mails. She forwards me all of this junk. I don't really care about the cute, cuddly pictures of kitties and bunnies. It's the political stuff that annoys me. We do not have the same political views and she is WELL aware of this. She sends me e-mails (the ones that say if you agree that communists are inviting Castro to take over the Supreme Court, forward this to 500 people immediately and if you don't, you
don't love Jesus and you need to move to France with the whole A.C.L.U.) touting political, social, and religious views I vehemently disagree with and which provoke argumentative feelings in me. I'd really love to reply to them and tell her
why it's just [baloney]. I have tried using it as a start to a serious, but civil discussion. She gets offended. I have repeatedly asked her to stop sending me this stuff. Her reply is that I can just delete them and that I should just do the "Christian" thing and ignore them. Well, it's about a weekly occurrence that I get something from her that sets me on fire, even though I have
told her point-blank that it offends me.
It's to the point where I feel like replying to each with a baudy snippet from a gay sex columnist or an article from The Onion or even a page from NARAL (abortion rights) just so she can see what it's like to be irritated by this stuff. I feel like she doesn't care or doesn't respect who I am when she does this. Another thing I've thought of is just simply blocking her e-mails. Maybe I should just chill out because she's the only mother I'll ever have and I do love her. It's just hard because I've never felt like I belonged in my family (I like to joke that I'm a white sheep in a flock of black ones) and these e-mails seem to emphasize the point.
Any advice? Thanks.
(link)
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Since when is the "Christian" thing defined as ignoring someone? I wish all the Christians who come to my door selling their religion would ignore me, but I usually have to start foaming at the mouth and speaking in tongues before they'll go away.
I think it's time to block her account. Preferably, do it in such a way that sends a message back to her:
_____________________
Your recent message to this recipient has been flagged as junk and deleted. Please check for possible objectionable content before re-sending.
_____________________
If that doesn't work, then feel free to put her on the mailing lists of the Christian Science Monitor, the Watchtower, the GOP, and all the other right-wing propaganda sources you can possibly find. Then SHE can get buried in it for a while, and if she wonders how it happened, just tell her that with all the E-mails she was spreading around, is it really all that surprising that she would end up on all these lists?
Oh, and call her on the phone frequently to tell her how much you love her.
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