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Bi-racial Dating.
13/f
I know there's nothing wrong with dating anyone of a different race, and I think I may have a crush on this amazing guy, who is of a different race.
Well me and about 2 friends are the ONLY people in the school who think biracial dating is OK.
The rest of the school thinks its disgusting.
And I know that shouldn't matter, and I mean it doesn't REALLY. But I don't want to lose all my friends, just because of a crush. I know they're not good friends or whatever if they don't accept it, but still, it hurts to lose all your friends.
I know some would be accepting of it, but I know most won't.
A subject similar to this came up in school today, where me and the two friends I mentioned, were talking about the cute guy at Burger King, lol.
I kind of bit my tongue about the guy I think I might like in the school, because people were eavesdropping.
And its not just friends, my grandma would know if I had a boyfriend (she has legal custody and I live with her) and she said she'd kill me (in a non literal sense) if I ever dated anyone who was of a different race. No exaggeration, she would make me live with my aunt down the road. My aunts nephew, is currently dating this girl named Janine, who is of a different race, and she's AMAZING. Me and my aunt are more open minded than most of the family. So me and her, and Jesse (the nephew) and Janine, went to the mall one day.
But I don't want to lose my friends / be disowned by my family, what do I do?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
it doesnt matter what other people think. just think really hard if you would want to be with him and if it would even work for thta long. and if you think it would, then go for it hunny!
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Why do you care what other people think of you? If you like this kid & dating him will make you happy then do it. No matter the consequences. Be disowned by your grandmother, have most of your school hate you. Don't you think your happiness is worth it? People shouldn't be so concerned with your life. It's not them so they shouldn't care. If they say something to you about it, tell them to fuck themselves. But go out with him if you like him, and just shrug what people think right off of your shoulders. =)
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I think the best possible advice in this situation is what we learned from William Shakespeare:
"This above all things: to thine own self be true."
If you feel that love (and lesser forms of love, like crushes and infatuations) should be colorblind, then live your life that way. You have the moral high ground and it is something worthy of taking a stand on.
However, you must also be realistic. If you choose to date someone of a different race, he deserves to know that your family and many of your friends are not going to support it. He will encounter hostility from them and that's something that will test you both. Make it clear that YOU do not share these bigoted and racist views, but that there are those in your life who do and not all of them will be easily ignored.
Think about how far you'll be willing to go. Are you prepared for your grandmother to disown you, if it comes to that? Are you prepared for her NOT to disown you, but simply look upon you with disgust and refer to your boyfriend with ugly and obscene names? When all but two of your friends turn their backs on you, will you have the courage to continue standing up for what is right? These are things that you need to try to answer in advance.
Here's what you should not do: don't date him in secret. That is the same as acknowledging that there is something wrong with it. If you're going to date someone, no matter what the circumstances, it is belittling to both of you to keep it hidden.
This may surprise you, but in the end, I advise you NOT to date him. It has nothing to do with his race, yours, or the attitudes of the people around you - it's about your age. I personally feel that 13 is too young to start dating. Wait until you're at least 15. Among other things, you will find you have a greater emotional fortitude at that point and will be better able to deal with the fallout from those less enlightened than you.
You have the moral high ground, but make sure you have the courage of your convictions before you step into what is sure to be an emotional roller-coaster.
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First, I am glad to hear that you do not share the view that it is wrong to date based upon racial differences. This is a very dated and ignorant view that will certainly not disappear altogether, but is being challenged more frequently. We cannot change other people's minds for them, but we can give them opinions and examples of living outside the narrowness to which they are accustomed. Most people are threatened by change and will react with defensive and sometimes offensive behavior and words. Be prepared to offer understanding of their fear, but do not back down in what you know to be right in your own heart and mind. Sometimes people just need to get over the first reaction and shock. Don't ever give up the hope that hearts can open. This usually has to occur before minds can change. If you lose a friend because of their own judgements and bigotry, then it is their loss and definately not yours. It is hard to be a minority voice for any issue, but keep strong and learn more about racial equality and the challenges that have been and are continually being faced all over the world. Any problem can be turned into an opportunity for willing individuals who are not afraid to lead. You sound like a leader to me.
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if you like him then go for it! if people say that they don't like it tell them that they don't have to deal with it. and if they point out that he's a different race say "what! i didn't relize that!" and just walk away. apparently you;ll still have some friends if you date him, just hang out with them, and with him.
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maybe its better that you live with your aunt whos open minded like you...its not your grandmas or your friends choice and you cant live a lie..its better to do what you feel despite what others say..if their going to hate you or disown you then so be it because believe when it comes down to your opinion on what they want to do they wont care..so go for it youd probably be better off with your aunt..honestly as for friends you can always make new and better ones who suit you..dont let anyone decide who you are..do what feels right...not everyone gets along but that doesnt mean you should compromise your beliefs and be unhappy. Those people who disaprove can get over it..if they dont like what they see then they can turn their heads in the other direction because its not wrong or hurting or effecting them..do you want other thought to dictate yours the rest of your life, take a stand.Their disrespecting you..as for schools you can switch if it gets to be bad.
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Find yourself a new crush and spare yourself the agony.
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