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I feel like the worst friend in the world last night.


Question Posted Tuesday February 20 2007, 10:07 am

On Saturday, my best friend *Carly* went to a party with her boyfriend. She didn't want her parents to know that she was going, so she lied to her parents and said that she would be hanging out with a girlfriend. She told me that was what she was going to do. On Saturday night, or Sunday morning rather, around 12:30, Carly's sister called me and asked if I knew where she was because she was supposed to be home at 12:00. She asked if I knew the person she was hanging out with.

I was worried about Carly. I didn't know if maybe she got drunk or if she was hurt so I snapped and told her sister that Carly was really at a party with her boyfriend. I made her swear not to tell. I only did it because I was worried something happened to her.

Carly didn't find out that it was me that did her in, but her mom made her break up with her boyfriend the next day and she is devastated. I feel horrible. If I would have known that would have happened I wouldn't have done it. It's all my fault and I don't know what to do.

Did I do the wrong thing?


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Depressed_Poet answered Thursday February 22 2007, 9:57 pm:
WAY TO GO YOU HAVE A BRAIN! Unlike the other 5% of ignorant teens.
Anyway,
yes you did the right thing. You would've felt guilty later if you didn't tell anyone and something had happened. In fact, she should be very lucky to have you as a loyal and trustworthy friend! But next time, don't make anyone swear not to tell because they need to know if she's in trouble or not because that's her family! So congratulations for having a good brain, and Carly is going to have to understand you did it out of concern for her, not vengeance if she gets mad.
<333

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yoliv answered Thursday February 22 2007, 11:20 am:
Yo.
I think that you did the best possible thing you could do. If Carly HAD gotten drunk with her boyfriend and you HADNT told her sister she might of had some problems with the police. If you tel Carly that you did tell her sister then you should tell her (and from what i read it wouldnt seem like a lie) that you were very worried and thought that it would be best to tell her sister. I think that you did the right thing.
Hope I helped.:)
-YOLIV:)

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sml111992 answered Thursday February 22 2007, 2:37 am:
you so didnt do anything wrong if that boyfriend of hers is taking her to partys late at night doing god knows what then you actually saved her. she could have been seriously hurt. she will get over it. tell her that he was going to hurt her anyway and that you deserve better or maybe you shouldnt lie next time i dont want to see you like this. but yes there mite be some guilt but you did good!

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Xenolan answered Tuesday February 20 2007, 3:21 pm:
You and Carly had a deal, of sorts. She told you of her plans so that you could cover for her, but there was the implied deal that you would also know where she was if something bad happened.

She messed it up by not coming home on time, and not informing anyone about it. You did what you had to do at that point. It is NOT all your fault - it is Carly's fault for lying to her parents and then forcing that lie into the open through her own carelessness.

You absolutely did the right thing. Do not feel guilty, and if you find yourself in a similar position in the future, do the same thing again. For the record, if I had been her mother (or father, in my case) I would also forbid her from seeing this boy again, because honesty is very important and transgressions against trust need to be dealt with harshly. You are not responsible for that - Carly is. She's the one who lied.

One thing I notice that you're not asking is whether you should come clean to Carly. I'm going to answer that anyway, because I like to volunteer advice. :)

If she doesn't ask, don't tell.

If she does ask, tell her the truth, and tell her that you would do the same thing again because you won't be responsible for her getting hurt because you told a lie about where she was when you knew better.

I assume that her parents probably first called the girlfriend she was supposedly hanging out with. It would be logical for Carly to assume that this person is the one who blew the whistle, so to speak. If she is making that assumption, then you should probably set the record straight.

If Carly finds out it was you, she'll probably be very angry, but you can point out to her that if your positions had been reversed you would want her to tell rather than take the risk that you might be lying in a ditch somewhere. It is her fault that she didn't get home on time and thereby put you in that position. What you did, you did out of compassion and concern. If she can't understand that and eventually get over it, then it's time to go new best-friend shopping.

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runawayxlove answered Tuesday February 20 2007, 1:54 pm:
hey, well i would have done the same thing. think about it: what if she died in a car accident and no one knew where she was or who she was with except you? wouldnt you blame her death on yourself because when her sister called you lied for carly? loosing her boyfriend is a bad thing, but her dying would be 100 times worse.

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karenR answered Tuesday February 20 2007, 1:43 pm:
No, you did nothing wrong. You did everything right.
Something could have happened to her.

I know it seems a real tragedy now, but sneaking out
to meet boys and go to parties is a sure way to get yourself in big trouble. What you did will have her parents keeping a closer eye on her and she may not try sneaking around again. That's a good thing.

Her mom kept you out of it, which is good. So don't
even mention it to her that you talked to them.

Its to bad about her boyfriend but he shouldn't have allowed her to sneak out and meet him. They both did the wrong thing. Lets hope they learn from it.

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