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Strict parents/prom
Currently, I'm 16. When (if I can) I go to prom, I'll be 17.
Let me start off with saying I have VERY strict parents. To give you an idea of how strict my parents are on me, I'll give you a few rules that they have on me:
-I can't spend the night at ANYONE'S (besides family) house. I never have.
-I can't let anyone besides family ride in my car.
-I can't go to any friends' house.
-I can't ride in anyone else's car besides family.
I want to go to prom with my boyfriend this year (it's his senior prom, I'm just a junior). Nothing mischievous is going to happen between us that night. No drinking, drugs, sex, etc.
Regardless, my parents don't seem to be very trusting of he and I. I'm not sure why since we've never done anything to break their trust. NOTHING. I've been dating my boyfriend for over a year, so they've been able to get to know him.
Now you can imagine how strict they are on me. How would I ask them about going to prom? I prefer to approach my mom first and then let her talk to my dad about it. I need to find out if I can very soon so I can start dress shopping.
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You should try talking to your mom first. I can see that prom is really important to you, and you really want to go. Let your mom know that. Tell her that you'll be home right after, you won't be out partying, no drinking, drugs, sex, etc. Tell her that you've never done anything before that should break her trust, you've always followed their rules.. and you just want to go out with your boyfriend for one night. Tell her that it's your boyfriends senior prom, there's never going to be another one, and it would be really special if she lets you go. Good luck. :] <3
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I agree that your parents are too restrictive - considering the extent of their limits on you, I'm actually rather stunned that you HAVE a boyfriend! Unfortunately, you're not likely to be able to change that overnight, and indeed you may not be able to change it at all until you are of age to move out and assume responsibility for yourself. Bottom line is, you may not be able to get them to say yes on this. I happen to feel that's unfair and unreasonable, but it may also be a reality you will need to accept.
However, you may be able to convince them if you use the right approach - that is, with maturity and reason. I think that starting with your Mom may be a good idea if you feel she's more likely to see your side of it, but don't try to hide it from your Dad. Just be straight with her. Tell her that the prom is an important event for you and for your boyfriend, and you want to be able to share that evening with him. Then the ball's in her court. Don't start by presenting arguments or assuming she will say no, because that puts her on the defensive right away.
However, if she does say No, here are some good, persuasive things you can say in return:
(1) "This will be his senior prom, an event that will come only once in his life. I am delighted and honored that he wants me to share that evening with him. If I am forced to say no, he will never be able to get that back. That would be a terrible way for me to treat him."
(2) "The Prom is a school-sponsored, chaperoned event. We will be under nearly constant adult supervision. You would be hard-pressed to find a safer environment."
(3) "I deserve to have happy memories to look back on later in my life, and this evening could be one of the best. Please don't take that away from me."
(4) "The Prom is a celebration of approaching adulthood, which is coming for both of us. We are still teenagers and we know what is appropriate behavior for us, and what we are not ready for. You have taught me well on that score and his parents have done the same." (NOTE - this is assuming that his parents have indeed done so; don't lie about ANYTHING when you're making these arguments!)
You might suggest inviting him and his parents over for dinner, so that the matter can be discussed among all of you. Presumably, his parents are OK with this.
Here are a few Don'ts:
(1) Don't whine or otherwise act childish. Try not to cry. If the answer is No, then I wouldn't blame you for getting emotional, but the point here is that you're trying to show them you are grown-up enough to do this.
(2) When making your case, do not directly accuse them of being unreasonable or unfair. Say instead that their ACTIONS are unreasonable or unfair. It is a small distinction, but it will help to prevent them getting on the defensive.
(3) Don't bring in irrelevancies. This is not about their rules up until this moment; this is about the Prom. Arguing over how you can't go to anyone's house or have friends in the car will only distract from your central focus.
(4) Don't expect too much. If they say Yes to the Prom but No to the after-prom party, consider that a victory. Perhaps you'll be able to renegotiate later.
(5) Don't abuse their trust. From what I read in your question, it's the furthest thing from your mind anyway, but temptations happen and you need to remember to resist. If you get caught breaking any rules, say good-bye to the chance of dating anyone again until you have your own apartment.
I know this has been a long answer, but I really want you to succeed in this; I think it really will be an important and memorable evening in your life, and I would hate for you and your boyfriend to miss out on it. Please, let me know how it turns out, via E-mail or by editing your question. Good luck to you, and all my hopes!
Oh, and one more thing - speaking as a Prom photographer, I advise you to get your pictures taken early. The lines are shorter and your hair and dress will still be in good shape.
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wow your parents are strict! well ya go to the mom first hahah just say mom my boyfriend asked me to go to the prom i was wondering if i can go ill be back home at 11 or what ever time you think is resonable. I would love it if we went to go buy a dress together!
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Hey whats up? How you doin?
First of all, I would like to clarify a point there for you that may have not caught your attention. That your not the only one with a family so strict, i mean.. my family are really strict and they set all possible rules like the ones you wrote down and much more than that. My family doesn't even allow me to date.lol. Can you imagine? And there would be so many parties and trips and stuff, and they would always not allow me to go. Its really crappy ofcourse and annoying and stuff, but after all, what can you do? They are your parents and you have to respect them and what they say. Altough i know how much prom means to you and how important it is, i have to admit ,that weird things from drugs, alcohol and sex do take place at such parties, so thats probably why your parents are worried. But they do trust you ofcourse, they just don't trust the place and the drunk horny people there.
I suggest though that you have a serious talk with them where you mention that you respect all there rules and strictness because you understand that they are afraid for you and just want you to be safe, but at the same time, tell them how much the prom means to you and how big a party it is where the whole school attends it and it just wouldnt' be right if you don't. There would be no harm in telling them these couple of words and asking them to give the subject some thought. Besides, they kind of got to know your boyfriend , so maybe if you say that your gonna be with him all the time, then nothing would happen because he's not the kind of boy who would do anything from sex or getting stoned.
And your parents maybe really strict, but they still try to give you what you want and make you happy. So think of what i said, and if you need any other help or advice, please be free to contact me.
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The only thing that I can tell you is probably something that you've already done. Approach your mom and tell her exactly what you're telling us. Just let her know that prom means a lot to you, and there isn't going to be any sex, drugs, alcohol, or anything like that, it' going to be a dance with your boyfriend and that's it. Prom is something that you're going to want to look back on and reflect on in the future. Tell her. Let her know that it's important to you that she trusts you and your boyfriend and just ask her to listen to everything that you have to say before she answers. Good luck, I hope your parents let you go. :/
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