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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
Michael and I have been dating seven months now, we litterally spend all day with each other. (We text before school, see each other after every class/eat lunch together, then hang out after school until 9:30 every night) Its exhausting, I've lost so many friends and I'm sure he has too. We try to hang out with other people too, but he's usually with other girls which causes jealousy fights. Things are just better when we're together. But now, I'm getting worn out always making sure he's happy and were together. I'm not sure what I should do.
The Answer
Get over your 'jealousy' problem so both of you, you and him, can have other friends or interests. Take a class, join a sports team, do SOMETHING besides be his girlfriend.
Your relationship will end, no if ands or buts about it, if you don't change this pattern. You'll smoother each other in the end, because bitter and resentful and just plain tired of each other.
You have to be able to be a person, all by yourself, before you can be a person with somebody else.
So this week, take two nights off from each other. No calling, no texting, no nothing. Two evenings where you hang out with other people, read a book, bake some cookies, whatever, just not together.
If there is nothing going on in your life but your boyfriend, then you don't have a life. That is unhealthy, and pitiable.
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The Question
My boyfriend and I had sex the other night. We have sex alot and it is usually great. But this day he lost his erection. I didnt want to ask him what had happened because Im sure that is embarassing for guys. Is it? I mean he didnt orgasm and either did I, but we were done. It was the worst sex I have ever had. It just made me really tired and turned off. Did he lose his erection because he was turned off by me? Was it something I did? If not, then why did he lose his erection without orgasming?
The Answer
Ask him. There is no other way to know for sure.
And you need to find out for sure, or else it will just eat away at you. It's likely nothing to do with you, although he might have felt how 'not into it' you were and given up. He might also have been feeling upset, sick, needed to go pee, had eaten something icky... anything works.
Guys can just loose errections without orgasming. There is nothing abnormal about that.
And yes, it's probably a bit embaressing for him, but that doesn't mean you should just ignore it. It's something couples need to be able to talk about.
So summon up your courage, and ask.
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The Question
that teenagers are having sex earlier and earlier...
I sure dont want to have sex any time in high school...but I know lots of my friends are ready. to be honest it just all freaks me out...
yes, i'm afraid of having sex...and i just don't see how it would be pleasurable.
any comments or advice would help!
thx....
The Answer
Just 'not being interested' in sex is A-okay. Fraknly, some people are never all that interested in it, and they still lead happy, fufilling lives. Sex has different levels of importance to different people.
It's cool to be freaked out a bit. It is a freaky thing realistically. It's risky and it can expose you to some serious pain. I can tell you that it is pleasurable, that it's fun and great and all that stuff, but you'll make up your own mind eventually no reason to take my word for it, or your friends.
Just relax. If you hated pizza would you force yourself to eat just 'cause everyone else loved it? Probably not. It's more or less the same thing.
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The Question
does it feel better for a guy to cum in a girls mouth rather than a napkin or something? and how can sex feel so much better than getting a blowjob i dont understand.
The Answer
Sex is psychological as much as it is physical.
For most people, it's an experience that happens in the brain, not just in the genitalia. Thank goodness.
So it's not just what feels best physically, but what feels most satisfying emotionally and mentally as well. Most males will achieve orgasm quicker by masturbating then they would by having sex, however, most of them, if given the choice, would choose sex with another person over the quick release.
Sex is, no mater how casually engaged in, a connection. Very, very few people, males included, will deny that and most people are looking for that.
It's hard to say which *feels* best for a guy. That depends a lot on his partner and his own preferences. You're probably better to ask which is most satasfying. Different guys may give you different answers.
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The Question
The girl across the hall in my dorm does not have her own printer. She asks if she can use mine whenever she needs to print something. At first it was fine, but it's becoming a very frequent thing and it is starting to bug me. Ink is expensive and mine is getting used up pretty fast (I think she has used it more times then I have). What should I say to her to get her to stop? I don't want to be mean, but I can't constantly be letting her use up my ink and my paper.
The Answer
Tell her "Ten cents a page, just like library".
Well, no. I don't really mean that, hehe.
Doing a favor is one thing, being abused is another. You don't need to be mean but you do need to be very clear and direct, which sometimes feels a bit mean.
Tell her you don't mind helping her out in an emergency or with a really quick job, but that you are beginning to feel used. Be calm and honest without accusing her of anything. Just tell her the truth in a non-blaming way: Ink is expensive and the constant interruptions are becoming a problem. Ask her if she has any ideas on how this could be handled so that you both could get what you need.
Being passive aggressive and doing things like "uh, it's not working right now..." that IS mean.
If some sort of payment or exchange can't be worked out to make you both happy, she'll have to print elsewhere. Tell her you don't want to become angry or resentful of her, so for the sake of the friendship, she needs to find somewhere else to print.
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The Question
Okay there is this guy that i have liked since like 7th grade and one of my best friends has none this. She started liking him too.. (i doubt it.) And he started liking her.
Now im not trying to be a catty, jealous, caniving bitch, but i mean im the one who got them together because i was being the "good friend". And honestly i dont mind that they are going out.
But she treats him poorly and he knows it. EVERYONE DOES. Shes always with other guys. I just dont think its acceptable. And here i am watching all this. I am wondering .. is she just going out with him because i like him? And i just dont know why she would treat him poorly...when he is the greatest guy in the world and it makes me feel bad because im the one that helped them get together..but he still seems happy and i know i would treat him better... So what do i do?
oh and sorry..its so long. But i think the guy knows that i like him. Is it wrong that i like him and that is my friends bf? im so confused. :[
ill rt.
The Answer
Look, there seems to be one very important person who DOESN'T know she treats him horribly: her boyfriend.
She probably isn't JUST going out with him because you like him. Very, very, few girls are actually that evil. She just doesn't have the same standards as you hold yourself too, and she probably just doesn't 'get' why anything she is doing is wrong.
Apparently he doesn't 'get' it either.
There is nothing wrong with your feelings, you just have to know really well what it is you can and can't control.
You can't control who he chooses to be with.
You can't control her behavior.
You can only control you. So, just leave the mess alone. If her behavior towards you or in front of you gets too intolerable, by all means tell her to cut it out, but you don’t really get a say in how she treats him unless she asks for your advice or imput.
Hopefully he'll get a clue.
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The Question
If i tell my therapist that i have been molested, does she have to tell someone? Obviously theres a certain level of dr/patient confidentiality, but in some situations they're obligated to tell, or can tell. Do you think she can tell me my parents because im under 18? (im 17.) thanks.
The Answer
Most states require a therapist (or really any other professional) to report suspected child abuse or if they felt any client, was in danger or was a danger to others. Molestation would likely need to be reported if the therapist thought you were still at risk of being molested again.
Talk to your therapist about confidentiality and what things they must legally report. Feel free to talk to them about the molestation, until you tell them who was responsible, they don't actually HAVE anything to report.
They should not involve your parents without your consent, although by law, they might need to contact law enforcement in some cases.
ASK your therapist what those cases are. They should know pretty clearly when they need to break confidentiality and be able to explain it to you.
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The Question
hi, i got a text message on my phone this morning at 2:30 am. i didnt know it was there and when i checked my phone later this morning it was there. the message was:(ola) yo Abe stcks poised to explode, Sym:chvc don't regret later Gail
i thought it was really weird because i had no idea who it came from or what it meant. so i just googled sym:chvc to find out what it meant and instead i discovered other people have been getting it. this is all around september 11th, today is the 15th and i got it today, someone got it on the 11th, another on the 12th. its strange and scary and i really don't like it. does anyone know what it is or what it means? im gonna report it to my phone company but is there anything else i should be doing?
p.s. here's the link to the website in which i found out other people got it: http://forums.pcpitstop.com/index.php?showtopic=146901
The Answer
It’s amazing how upset people can get over nothing.
http://local.lancasteronline.com/4/209563
It's a spam message trying to make you buy stocks and inflate their prices illegally. Just like you might get in your e-mail box, only now in texts. Report it to your phone company and don’t worry about it anymore.
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The Question
I have just recently gotten my own advice collumn on here. I have answered quite a few question and nobody seems to respond. I know people just say answer more questions and you'll get more popular on here. But is that how you got to be so popular? or that karen person?
The Answer
Well, I've been here for over two years. I answer questions rather often, I'd like to think I answer them seriously and well, so over time, I became a somewhat recognizable name.
Do you mean Karen aka younggrandma? She's also been here for well over two years and she answers an obscene amount of questions, even the ones far too obvious and repetitive for me to bother with. She is also an upper level moderator. So she is the one who deals with a lot of the abuse reports and issues that go on here.
Basically they are right, answer questions and answer them well, become a moderator when you have been here long enough and post intelligently in the moderators forum. That's all there is to it.
Don't feel to bad about not getting feedback though. A lot of people just don't give feedback, it's said but true.
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The Question
my boobs just started killing today and feel like bricks and are very sensitive,and i think it might be a sign of pregnancy, how long do i wait to take a pregancy test for it to be correct ? i got my period a week ago, but do i still have to wait another month to find out if im pregnant ?
The Answer
Have you had sex since your last period? If so, yes, you need to wait a whole nother month before a test will be accurate.
Sore breasts are also a sign that you are growing.
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The Question
Okay, sorry if this gets long.
I have this crush who is a grade ahead of me (8th grade). I've never talked to him before but last night at the football game, my friend, Ashley, who is two grades ahead of me (shes in 9th grade) told him to hug me. And he did, lol. And he kept smiling at me or looking at me is what my friends told me.
But then another 9th grade friend of mine, Dana, pulled me aside and told me that she liked him too and that she was going to ask him out. She knows that I like him, but I didn't really make a big deal out of it because I really don't want to get in a fight over a guy.
I still don't want her to ask him out though because I like him too and she knows it. She knows him more than I do and she's prettier than I am and whatever, but she already went out with him. Twice. And she broke up with him after like four days both times.
I mean usually Dana's so nice to me and everything. She doesn't know that I'm sort of upset over it, but she should know since SHE KNOWS THAT I LIKE HIM!
What should I do..?
The Answer
Babes, you don't get to call dibs on a guy.
Frankly, that whole "You can't have a crush on him! He's my crush!" is sooooooo very grade school. Most people completely out grow it by the time they hit 20. No one can control who they like. You can only control what you do.
She can ask him out if she wants too! You could ask him out too if you wanted to! He could ask out either of you, or someone totally different! Any of you could break it off when anyone else whenever you want.
That is the power of choice. If you like him, do something about it! Or don't. But don't be angry with her. She isn't doing anything wrong.
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The Question
Hey ya my parents got all pissed off because I didn't call them to tell them I was going to a football game. I didn't think it would be a big deal and they always taught me to be independent. The thing is though they like exploded when I got home in my face and took away my cell phone. What should I do. It has been taken away for like a week and I need a cell because I am very social. I need advice it doesn't have to do with my parents I just need a phone. Thanks.
The Answer
Frankly, I'm with your parents on this one.
You had a cell phone! You had no reason not to tell them where you were. You weren't be 'independant' you were being inconsiderate and irresponsible.
You can use pay phones, hang out with someone who does have a cell, or use the home phone or computer. Those are pretty much your options.
Next time, spend 5 seconds telling your parents where you are and avoid this whole mess.
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The Question
Hey! 17/f
Ok, so i was wondering whats the best type of birth control that you've tried?
If i'm 17... can i get it on my own if i live in Ontario, Canada? Can you just get it over the counter?... i know u can with the plan B pills...
I mean, my mom said if i ever wanted to get on the pill she'd take me... but its just to weird to ask you know...
Thanks in advance!
The Answer
The best kind or type of birth control depends on you. Who you are and how you feel about it.
Some people respond poorly to certain kinds of birth control and can’t live with the side effects. Some people have a psychological dislike for some kinds of birth control. When you go in to get your prescription, your doctor will ask you a few questions and then tell you about your options, so you can decide which one you’d like to try.
In Canada, and in the States, you must see a doctor to get birth control. It is true you can get PlanB over the counter if you are 18 or over, but PlanB isn’t birth control, it’s an emergency contraceptive. You’ve got to have a Plan A. The only thing you can get without a prescription is condoms.
If you want birth control you will have to have, at some point, a pap smear and a full gyno exam. Some doctors will demand it before you go on birth control (especially if you have never had a pap smear before) some will expect the exam after three months of using birth control. In Canada, any family doctor or GP can give you a pap smear and prescribe birth control.
If your mother is cool with it, I would just tell her straight up. Yeah, it’s a bit awkward, but at least you are being honest and its waaay more comfortable to go through this with someone else who already has done it. It can all be a bit confusing by yourself.
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The Question
If been with my boyfriend on and of for the last 2 1/2 years. There was a really good friend i had that i meet before my boyfriend. We hooked up before i even meet my boyfriend so anyway i really miss this friend he never wanted a girlfriend like everrr and i really liked him alot. So anyway he has a girlfriend now and he still talks to me all the time. In school he comes up behind me and gives me big hugs and if i see him and dont say anything or give him a hug and he texts me and says oh whats up with the that look or, why didnt u give me a hug i really wanted a hug. And a few times he asked if i missed him. Of course i said yeah and then he kind of started being a jerk and was like ash your jealous of me and my girlfriend arent u trying to be funny but it wasnt all that amusing to me of course. I dont get it whats up with him?
The Answer
He just wants to think you still want him.
Even though he has a girlfriend, even though he probably doesn't want to do anything with you, he wants to know that YOU stll want HIM.
He is just trying to make you jealous and prove to himself that you are still hung up on him.
It's just an ego trip, and it's a bit mean to you. Ignore him.
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The Question
ok just to start i am a man..ish lol (16 years old) but the thing the proceeds to allways piss me off is the way i see other guys looking at girls as if they are mindless sex objects, damn i hate it. one of my freinds freind today was lookin at a girl across the street going oh wow looka her ass i'd bone that bitch and crap like that. am i missing something? because its demoralising as hell and i hate it... how do i just tell him that he is doing something that pisses me off to no end without being so... oh how to put it harsh... well maybe a little to show him a bit, but i dont know ime confused about it i just need a good one liner that will tell anyone i meet like it in the future.
The Answer
Oh sighs, to be sixteen.
The goodness is a lot of guys will grow out that. The bad news is some wont.
In the meantime, just go ahead and be harsh. What they are saying is pretty harsh. So just be friendly, but blunt "Man, that is so not cool." "Shove it." "Yeah well you'll never get within a mile of a decent girl with that attitude."
The best thing you can do is simply not laugh and not encourage it. It's okay to tell people they are being jerks when they are being jerks.
A little bit of objectification is fine. People's apperances are often a reflection of how they want people to percieve them and there are women who say plenty of things like that as well. So you don't have to go about telling your friend that he is a bad, bad pers on for these comments, he isn't, he is just being a bit of jerk. Tell him it isn't cool.
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The Question
My ex and I have had a long history together. Over a year and some months. So we are pretty close even after that. I was giving him advice about his girlfriend. She just started high school. She's rather immature and flirty. He talked to her about it and things changed but the flirting.
Today my boyfriend told me that they have a class together. For some reason my ex's girlfriend bit my boyfriend in a playful way. My ex and I= both jealous types. I was going to tell off my ex to keep his girlfriend under control but he didn't know about this. So he doesn't know what to do. Last night, she opened up and told him everything... then she did this flirty thing.
Any advice? I know it's hard to date someone who is flirtatious. But she had a crush on my boyfriend and I'll like it if she could keep her hands off of him. She doesn't seem to understand that..
The Answer
Leave it be. Ignore the girl and talk to your boyfriend about your concerns.
If power and attention are what she wants, you'd be giving her plenty of both if you confront her about a bite. Espcailly since you only heard about it second hand. She'll have a great time ticking you off right in front of your face next time!
So ignore her. You can't change her. Niether can your ex.
Talk to your boyfriend about your concerns. You can't tell him not to talk to her, or be friends with her, but you can tell him that you feel she crosses the bounderies and that it makes you upset and uncomfortable. You can suggest to him what he might be able to do to help you feel more comfortable. Try to be clear and realistic. Ask him not to seek being in the same work group as her, or to tell her to back off when she gets to close.
Listen to what he has to say about her as well. It's important you know where he feels the bounderies are in your relationship.
Your boyfriend probably appercaites the attentio and there is nothing wrong with that. Honestly, if someone flirted with you you would probably be flattered too and wouldn't want to insult them. But He is the only one with the power to make it stop, by telling her he doesn't appercaite it.
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The Question
Couple weeks ago, my friend has a party. I went with one of my good friends, Amber. Since she drove, she promised that she wouldn't drink and if she did, she wouldn't have a lot. Once we got to the party I asked her for her keys just INCASE and I hid them in my purse. Like usual, she thought she wouldn't get drunk, she did.
She got SOO wasted that she couldn't even walk for 5 seconds and it freaked me out because everyone there was drunk and I didn't know how to drive but we both had to get home since our parent's and her sister were calling non-stop.
I finally answered to her sister's phone call and explained to her what was going on and she came to pick us up. I did not want Amber to be driving drunk and get us killed. I would never let that happen.
The next day, she was so furious with me that I took her keys and wouldn't let her drive. She even knew I had them. She was also very mad at me for calling her sister and now her sister is mad at her.
I can't help but feel like this is my fault. I didn't want us to get hurt and then regret anything later. What do I do? Advice? Thank you.
The Answer
Tell Amber to shove it. She doesn't get to risk your life and anyone else who might be on the road's lives, just because she felt like getting wasted.
Sadly, sometimes people will get angry with you for doing the right thing. Don't feel guilty, you were bang on in your decision.
An angry friend is far better dead friend, or a dead you. Very calmly and confidently tell Amber that are you sorry you embarrassed her but that you know you did the right thing for everyone and hope she can understand.
Hopefully she is just embarrassed and ashamed. You getting defensive and guilty will only give her the idea that it is OK for her to bitch about this. It isn't, so don't. Be cool and confident in your decision, and tell her as much. She has no right to be upset with you.
You did right. She doesn't need to accept it, but you need to know it and be able to say it loud and clearly to her: “I did what I had to do and the only smart thing I could do. You don’t have to like it but I’m telling you it was the right thing and I'd do the same thing agian."
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The Question
Me and my boy friend have been going out for 11 months now. We are madly in love with eachother. He cries to me at night and i cry to him becasue we have been arguing a lot and hurting eachother. He has anger problems and so do i he disrespects me by calling me names and ignoring my phone calls i get realy upset when he ignores my phone calls. So i call back over and over agin maybe 50 times in a row even thoug he says leave me a lone i dont want to be with you go away i hate you. He said he has a lot going on in his life which he does he has court and he hasa job and school hes trying rally hard to do good in school. I ush him all the time to do good in school and im hapy he wants to organizehis life btu now hes throwing me out of it becasue he doesnt have time for a girl friend. He cares for me and loves me but he covers it up by saying i havnt cared about you in so long i dont love you i havnt and mean things i get so hurt over it but i cant let him go no matter what. Then at night when i talk to him till like 2 on a school night he says he loves me and cares but he doesnt have time for a girl friend even though im moving 10 min away from him and he doesnt work everyday our one year is coming up and it hurts for him to say all those things i cant instantly stop loving him what do i do? I cry every night feel like dieing
The Answer
Just because he loves you, doesn't mean he is going to choose to be with you.
Just because you can't stop loving him, doesn't mean its going to work out.
Give him space and give him time. If he really wants to be with you, he will. If he doesn't want to be with you, he wont.
It really is that simple.
Cry every night if you need too, but let him go anyways. If he wants out, nothing you can say or do will change that.
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The Question
hello everyone, i heard some of my friends talking on this subject and one of them went into this big debate how gay people maybe the cause of aids, since they put their penis's in other mens buttholes and can pick up germs and diseases from there, could this be true?
I was just wondering not that i'm gay, i'm surely straight 100% guaranteed. But, if this is true then i was thinking i could use it for my R.E project.
IS THIS A POSSIBILLITY? THAT GAY PEOPLE ARE THE ONES WHO STARTED OFF THE AID'S DISEASE? (I'm not try to accuse gay people, just curious)
thanks in advance..please reply :(
The Answer
No. Not in the least.
In 2006 The World Health Organization estimated that 75% of adult HIV infections world-wide were infected by heterosexual sex.
HIV got a powerful hold a large part of the gay community back when EVERYONE, both heterosexuals and homosexuals, didn't have very good information about the dangerous of sexually transmitted disease.
There was a real feeling among people just before the AID’s epidemic began that because of a more socially acceptable gay community and developments like the birth control pill and abortion techniques, that the only thing you had to worry about from sex was pregnancy, and even that was ‘fixable’.
They were dead wrong.
But AID's is not a 'gay disease'. Frankly, that is a deeply moronic and immature thing for your friends to be saying. That is a myth and it is spread by bigots who have an irrational loathing and fear of homosexuality, not any actual medical knowledge. Women account for over 45% of the AID’s cases in America today, and they aint all lesbians. In Africa, Asia and India, HIV has always been and still is a heterosexual disease.
If AID’s is God’s Wrath On Gays, God appears to be somewhat inept at determining sexual orientation.
There is only ONE germ that causes HIV, and that would be the HIV virus. You get it from an infected person. Doesn't matter if you are having vaginal sex, anal sex or sharing a needle with them. The risk is basically the same.
Take a ganger at these, it might help clear some things up:
http://www.thebody.com/content/art32330.html
http://www.satyamag.com/march00/myths.html
Please! For the sake of everyone at risk and everyone infected, the next time you hear someone say something that dumb about HIV, set them straight! You might be adding years to thier lives.
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The Question
My name is Angela, im 20 years old. I have a 10 month old son. Im in an emotional bind. I have no idea what to do. Im engaged to an amazing man. I love him so much. The problem, im emotionally attached to someone else. This is the second time this has happened. Ive known my fiance for 6 months. Ive known the other guy for 4 years. I dont know what to do. Should I leave my current fiance for the other guy?
The Answer
You've known him for six months? You aren't ready to get married.
Should you leave your fiance. Well, that really isn't a call anyone here should make, but you definately should take some time and relook at what you are doing. It's pretty obvious you have confusions and doubts. Who wouldn't after only six months?
Don't rush into anything. Wiegh your options. Think about what you want. Decisions do not need to be made tommorrow. Stop pushing yourself.
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