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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
okay so i asked the question about the guy that i like and he says he wants me and we want to do stuff but he has a girlfriend .. so i understand how people say he just wants to use me but we've talked about that and he says thats not true, that he is only dating that girl because she is best friends with his sister and she is in like love with him .. do you still think its awful? and i don't know if i would be able to just let go.. helpp
The Answer
Yes, it's still awful.
It means this guy is a coward who is hurting this girl, and is hurting you as well with his cowardice.
There NO, I repeat, NO excuse for cheating. None.
Not even "they cheated first!". No excuse is good enough. Cheating is lying, it's betrayal and it's breaking your word. Breaking your word is not okay, ever.
It is really worrisome to me, when a guy feels honor bound to be with a girl, but not honor bound enough to be faithful to her.
He is lying. He is being cowardly. You are putting up with it.
Don't.
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The Question
hey guys.
***CAUTION: may be long****
so here is my problem:
this guy named "K" really likes me (I mean REALLY). But i do not like him at all, and like one of his best friends.
today i figured out that the person that i like "D" also has a secret crush on me. D is one of my best friends, and he is super sweet, kind, and thoughful...did i mention cute too???
the word spreads that D likes me, and soon everyone in school knows....even K.
K and D are no longer friends, and K is really mad at him for liking me too. because D knows that K REALLY REALLY likes me.
Now get this....K and i are kinda friends. and K gets mad real easy and starts throwing fights. i know... he did one not to long ago because he saw one of his other best friends and me at the mall. i want to go out with D. and am really afraid of drama and that stuff occuring.
So what im asking is... what should i do.
Did that make any sense to you???
love... DaAdvicePerson. did i mention i am 13?
The Answer
Ignore K.
It's okay to be hurt, and it's okay to be upset when someone doesn't like you back. It's not okay to throw fits and it's certainly not okay to 'punish' your friends for thier feelings.
Drama will occur, obviously, but is that a good enough reason not to go after what you want (ie D)?
I don't think so.
Learning to hold your head high when others are needlessly angry with you is part of growing up and being confident. You'll either need to learn how to do that, or live without D.
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The Question
At the beginning of the school year this kid would always do creepy things like stare at me during class and occasionally drop these mockingly flirtatious remarks.I let it off as just messing around,but it seems like its progressive.Like he'll say and do these weird things (he's said things like "hey sexy" before)and then say "just kidding",and then move on to something else...almost as if hes trying to test his limits or something.
Other things to note are:
-hes always struck me as sort of gay
-he doesn't seem to do this with his friends or anyone else
-I'm not gay but I sometimes give off the impression that I could be.
What do you think,and what should I do?
The Answer
It's none of your business if he is gay. Seriously. Stop worrying about it. All this watching and examining him is a little bit mean.
If YOU are uncomfortable, say something, give him the cold shoulder, ignore him, or otherwise let him know you don't appreciate his behavior.
It's okay if he is gay. It is even okay if he has a crush on you. Neither of those things are your business or your problem. Just be clear about where you stand and tell him to cut it out if you don't like something.
EDIT: What I was pointing out is that you are wrong. Just because he has a crush on you doesn't really make it your bussiness. You ARE sitting around and trying to 'catch' him in being gay, and that implies you view it negatively, and well, it's not nice either. His sexuality is his own bussiness untill he talks to you about it.
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The Question
so theres this guy that i like, but he has a girlfriend. well, we talk everynight and he tells me how he wants me and how he doesn't like the other girl. well , we have talked a lot about doing stuff with each other. so i just wanted to get an honest opinion on what people feel about this .. and he says he would date me if he wasn't taken so what are some ways i can step up my game a little ?? thankss.
The Answer
He doesn't HAVE TO be taken.
If he wanted to be dating you, he would be.
Igore the fact that he obviously is a cheating little dog, he also doesn't really want to date you, because, well he isn't. He only want to screw you.
Go ahead and step up your game if you want to, but you are the one being played.
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The Question
This is a question anyone can answer- but I'd love the opinions of parents, especially.
I'm 15 (16 in a month if it matters) and a LOT of my friends are guys. I'd love to sleep over their house sometime. Problem is, we all have strict parents. They have our best interests at heart, I know. And it's good that they care. But my mom in particular, she won't even allow it if we're sleeping on separate floors. Plus, I'm not even DATING these guys. They trust me 110%- and I've never done anything to break that trust.
Is there any way to one day have them let me sleep over? I don't want to use the "Well a lot of girls stay at their boyfriends houses and nothing happens" because then I'll get the whole 'You're just following the crowd' lecture.
Any ideas/opinions? Thank you in advance =]
The Answer
Some rules are just 'the rules' and will not be changed, simply because parents don't see any benifit, only risk, to changing them.
I'll use this example: I am 22. I am not allowed to have boys in my home behind a closed door besides my bothers. I never have been. It's a silly rule! I have my own appartment! I could do whatever I want when I'm not at home with whoever I want, but when I'm there, I follow the rules that my parents set out for thier comfort. It has nothing to with thier trust for me or what they think I am doing. It just IS that way. It always has been.
It's much the same way you aren't allowed to speed, not even on an empty road. Maybe you should be able to speed, you are only going to hurt yourself, but it's still illegal.
I know this 'advice' isn't what you asked for, but I think this is likely one of those situations where the rules are just the rules. Not being able to sleep over at a friends house doesn't have to put a damper on your friendship with them. If you find it does, because they live so far away, or because you can only arrange to see them so often, that would be a thing to talk to your parents about: The way thier rule negatively effects your friendship.
I don't think any other argument will have the slightest effect. They probably do trust and believe in you, but there is still going to be that rule.
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The Question
I don't know what to say or do. I graduated college a few months ago, and now my parents are on my back about doing something with my life, as they like to put it. I got in a huge fight with them over this, and I have ZERO support from them.
-what I want: job/internship in magazines to gain experience, and then eventually go to grad school.
-what they want: get a job, and apply to grad school at the same time.
I want to get job experience BEFORE I apply to grad school (journalism), but that is something they absolutely fail to understand. I don't know what to tell them...it's as though every chance they get, they're on my back about this.
I had a terrible day thinking about it, and it always makes me feel like complete crap.
What should I do?
The Answer
Apply to grad school. Seriously.
There are one of two things that could happen
1.) You wont get accepted, probably because they want you to have more workplace experience.
2.) You will get accepted, you'll find out in a few months and you will have that much more time to look for the intership you want and deal with what comes of the application when it happens.
All the while encourage your parents to see your workplace education as a form of education, because that is what it is. Look at grad schools, and realize how many wont even look at your application until you have at least 2 years of work experience behind you.
There is no harm in applying, learning how that works and applying agian next year, or in two years. In fact, it will reflect possitively on you if you applied before, taken thier input, and apply agian later.
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The Question
okay. I'm kinda freaking out right now.
let me start from the top...
on sunday the 21st of october, i started birth control for the first time. [[ One week ago ]] the Nuva Ring. and i'm supposed to wait for 1 week before having sex.
well last night my boyfriend stayed the night.. and well, we couldn't help ourselves. lol. and we had sex about 10 hours before it would be 7 days. so i waited 6 days and 14 hours... but we did use a condom. THEN this morning we did it again, in the heat of the moment, I just figured it would be fine. it had been 7 days. so we didn't use a condom [[ we were out of them anyway ]]
but i'm really nervous about the whole thing. If I get pregnant, it'll ruin both of our lives. we're only 17. [[ i know, 17 year olds shouldn't have sex ]] i've heard all the lectures. just please help!!
The Answer
Yes, you could be pregnant. It IS possible.
Using protection is great, but there are no garentees in life.
You likely are not pregnant, but, you could be.
Here is your REAL problem:
You think 17 year-olds shouldn't be having sex.
You are so nervous you are making yourself ill.
You are not really using your birthcontrol responsibly.
Do you want to know when you are ready to have sex? You are ready to have sex when you can look at the risks, like pregnancy and STI's and say "Yeah, but I'll take care of myself and I can be comfortable with those risks."
You are not taking care of yourself (not perfectly anyways) and you are not comfortable.
YOU aren't ready to have sex. Other seventeen year olds may be, you are not.
Rethink what you are doing before you get pregnant, not afterwards.
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The Question
How much time does it usually take to get over a broken heart? Its been one and half months, two other guy's kisses later, and I still can't get my cheating ex out of my mind. Its getting mentally exhausting to trick myself not to think about him.
The Answer
I seem to like the general rule that it takes half the time you went it out with them. That has held pretty much true in my life.
You can't expect total apathy though. Even a decade later you will probably *feel* something towards someone you once loved. Don't try to fight that. Even when you are happily with someone else, your mind might wander back to an ex.
Just don't give it too much power over you. Accept it and ignore it, don't obsess. If you want to go home and cry about it, go ahead. As long as you aren't crying about it on a regular basis, you're doing fine.
However much time it is 'supposed' to take, you clearly aren't there quite yet. Don't beat yourself up over it. Just deal.
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The Question
I use Q-Tips a lot, because I don't like to think that there is any gross stuff in my ears, and I heard that if you use Q-Tips too much, you can get ear infections. How often is too often to use them? How many times a day should I use them? Once? Twice? I use them once to twice a day, and I'm afraid that I'll get an ear infection if I use them too much, but I don't know when I shouldn't use them.
The Answer
Once a day, at the absolute most.
Your ears are self clensing. That means, unless you are sick, they will keep themselves clean. That is actually what most of that "gross stuff" is for, to keep your ears clean and healthy. When you remove it, you make it more likely for you to get infections.
Try to stop worrying so much about it and lay off the Q-Tips.
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The Question
I've been active on Advicenators since like March, and I am a moderator, and I answer and ask and rate questions like crazy, but I am STILL not a featured user? What do I have to do???
The Answer
It's mostly luck hun.
The featured user is selected by a script that randomly picks someone who is eligible. It isn't a person making the choice.
Make sure you have the Would you like to be a featured user someday? box checked on your Profile Settings page, and then update often.
Remember there are a lot of eligible columnists. I've been here since June of 2005, a long-time mod and pretty damn active if I do say so myself, and I've only been the featured user twice that I know of… It only changes every two to three days at best. It takes a while.
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The Question
I'm 16/female. I've noticed some little pimple like bumps on the underside of my boyfriend's penis near the head.. and i've looked it up online and most websites say it's completely normal, but i'm not sure. I'm worried about when we have sex. but I'm not sure what to do.... anyone know what it could be or what i should do??
The Answer
Ask him about them.
It's important to be able to share your concerns and fears with eachother. He might have an explination for you.
That, and you should be using a condom anyways.
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The Question
Ok so I have a "friend" who lives like 8 hours away. We've been friends but i just recently moved and now we've been talking. We are like bf/gf but not actually. He and his chick friend[she has a bf] came to my place to visit so we could go to a theme park a few weeks ago and he slept with me and she slept on the couch. And we had sex[i'm 19and he's the second person i've ever had sex with..and i'm his 3rd]. They only stayed a day and then they had to go back home. I expected that we would finally be official but he told me that he was confused and he didn't know if it would work..he's also going into the army in like a month.And then the other day we talked and he still said that he really really likes me alot but he doesn't know how it will work. And so, but he still calls me baby and still acts like we are b/f and g/f but theoretically we are nothing so i'm soooo confused. SOMEONE TELL ME WHATS GOIN ON!!
The Answer
He doesn't want to commit to you.
He is going to keep 'not knowing' until he joins the army.
Asking someone to commit, when they know they are leaving, might be expecting too much.
Why don't you think of it this way insteed: How do you best enjoy the time you have with him? What are you willing to do and not willing to do with someone who hasn't commited?
Look, he probably isn't going to commit to you right now. He doesn't feel free too. Accept it, and make it about enjoying your time togeather, rather then obsessing about labels. Respecting his descion, deciding on your bounderies and remaining his close friend is probably the best road you can take to maybe being something more someday.
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The Question
13/f.
well last night at the fair me and my boyfriend kissed for the first time. it was really cute. btw, his name is brandon.
ANYWAYS, theres this girl. lets just say her name is alex. she says she dosnt like brandon but i think she does. heres what she does & says.
- she went over to his house.
- she used to like him.
- she calls him all the time.
- she send him pictures of her.
- she wanted to ride rides with him.
- she says hes her BESTFRIEND.
all i know if whenever i have a bestfriend thats a guy, like him a somepoint. and ive told her to back off but she hasnt really. i trust my boyfriend, so i know he wont like her back or anything. what do i do about her.
ive already told her that i dont like it and she still doesnt do anything!
The Answer
She doesn't have to back off.
If you trust your boyfriend then there is absolutely nothing to do about her. If he wants to be her friend and thinks she is harmless then you will just have to trust is judgement.
If HE has a problem with her behavoir HE needs to speak up. If he doesn't, you'll just have to respect that.
Don't be bitchy. If you trust him you have no reason to rail on her.
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The Question
I visited my grandparents a few weeks ago and totaly loved it there, I saw all my old friends (I used to live there when I was 9), and the youth groupe rocked! I told my mom how much I loved it there and she asked if I wanted to move there. I told her yes but I ment my entire family. My mom really misses it back in her home town and wants to move there and has made arangements to move back there but without my dad. They aren't getting a divorce but they still aren't going to live together for like 3 years. Mom says that there marriage will last, but I can't help but think that she is sacrificing here marriage for me... should I tell her that i don't want to move (I really do) because she says that we won't if I don't want to.
The Answer
You were honest. That was the best thing for you to do. The truth is your mother is moving because she wants too, not because you want too. She is probably happy you agree.
Think of this way: If you wanted to move to say New York you could go in and say "Mom, I want us to move to New York!" and she would probably say "Are you kidding? All our work and friends are here. We are adults. We can't just up and move cause our teenage kid wants us too!"
So you see, she isn't moving because of you. She is moving because she wants too and has decided too.
The important part in all of this is that you sit down and be clear with your parents about your fears. It's true that a lot of parents don't live togeather. Consider people married to soldiers. They could easily spend years away from one another. But it's still really important for you to be able to talk about your concerns with your parents so that you know where they both stand.
Just keep being honest about your feelings.
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The Question
Does anyone know if MIKA has concerts? If so, where do they have them? I live in Massachusetts and they're like my favorite band. I can't get enough of "Happy Ending". Do they only play in other countries or in Cali or anything. Websites are great. Thanks in advance.
The Answer
Um, Mika isn't a 'band', it's a person. Singer songwriter Mica Penniman.
This is his offical website:
http://www.mikasounds.com/uk.php
As far as I am aware his current tour is in Europe only.
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The Question
Well, my friend told me that when he dyes his hair, he waits until about 30 minutes after he puts the dye in, and then he blows it dry, like when th dye is still in. and he told me that it makes the dye work better.
Is this true?
And are there any other things like this that help when you die your hair?
The Answer
Sure it's true. You're hair will also turn to straw and fall out, but there ya go. If his hair is rather short, or if he using something weak like Manic Panic, he might get away with this, but it's still a bad idea. Horrible for your hair and for your skin.
Follow the instructions on the box, use two boxes if your hair is quite long, use shampoo and conditioner that is meant for colour-treated hair, and wash your hair in cool water insteed of hot will help it from fading. Those are the only real *tricks* that will help the dye last longer and look better.
Edit in response to feedback:
No, not attitude. A little bit of humor and a bit of good advice. Please, don't leave hair dye on your head and blow dry it. Not only will it destroy your hair, the stuff is toxic. It is full of substances that can posion you, and the temporary stuff is even worse then the permenant for that. Follow directions for best results and take care of your hair afterwards.
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The Question
Okay so like last night I was hanging with my friends, lets call them.. Hannah, Leslie and George
And george was gonna invite all of us over for a scary movie night for tonight and we all were like YAY YES WE CAN COMMEE!!
and the last night i slept at hannah's and this morning she was lile, "I wanna have alot of people over tonight" And then I was like "Well we are going to George's" And then Leslie was like "Yeah lets just tell him we all cant come though"
But i was like "no we can't do that thats mean we are practically ditching him"
And then we all go in this whole arugement and now we are pretty mad at eachother.
Hannah Said im still invited if i wanna come, BUt i dont know what to do.. Should I still go to George's? Or Hannah's? If I go to George's I would be the only girl but i dont really care.
BUt like the sad thing is George wasnt even invited to Hannah's SO i think that is really mean
Also this isnt the first time hannah has done this she done this before and when she did to it leslie would be like OMG SHE IS SO MEAN and now leslie is doing it with her and she is on her side 100%
I tried talking to them a million times but it keeps ending up in a fight..
so i just need help with this huge mess..
help!!!!
The Answer
Take a deep breath, go to Georges, have a good time and let it go.
You can't Hannah or Leslie from being cruel or inconsiderate. You can only control YOU. So, tell them simply that you are sorry you can't make it as you already promised to go to George's. You would do the same thing for any of them, if you had said you were coming, you would go, not ditch them. Wish them a good time and forget about them.
You can only do your best. You can still be nice and friendly to them, just tell them that you already had plans.
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The Question
me and my boyfriend were hanging out with some othr guys at one of their houses and in this guy's bedroom was a cartoon poster of a girl with big boobs. Me and my BF and some guys were in their and my BF goes "why cant you have boobs like that?" pointing to the poster. My boobs really arent that big, and im so insecure about it. I feel like im not good enough, like he wants more than i can give. how can i like, satisfy him, you know? This is seriously making me really upset :(
The Answer
It's a CARTOON CHARACTER.
It's not real. It couldn't be real.
The proper response to that comment is "Oh? You'd rather I be a figment of your imagination rather then your real, living and breathing, girlfriend?"
You are who you are hun. You can't take those sort of comments seriously. If your boyfriend can't stop making them. Dump him. If he really wants a pin up girl. Dump him.
If he just meant it as a silly, tasteless joke, laugh it off, or better yet, stare at him blankly until he gets the idea that it is plainly not funny. Guys will say very stupid things in order to empress other guys. If yours does that, call him on it.
There is nothing insufficient about you, although your boyfriend is certainly lacking some gray matter.
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The Question
Hi. Okay, well. For Christmas, my sister, brother & I all got cell phones for Christmas-and we have the basic plan along with 250 texts each [pr. month]---that costs $5.
I've been begging my mom to get unimited texting, which is $5 more than what we have. I've even offered to pay for it!
But anyways, here's the bad part.
Plain and simple, I went over last month ($10 worth) as did my brother- and she didn't make us pay for it.
Then I did it again this month-about $50 worth--as did me, my sister and my brother. It obviously wasn't done intentional, but she tells me that I should have learned from it the first time. And then she goes on to say that "there's no reason to haev unlimited texting"...
Obviously there is, if I just went over.
But anyways, she
a) took away my phone for a month
b) is making me pay for it
c) i can't go out for a whole week, (with Halloween being an exception...but I have to go with my little cousins.)
I basically wrote a whole gigantic e-mail and I told her that it was unfair that if I was paying for it and my phone (my LIFELINE) was taking away for a month, that's basically enough for a punishment. I really want to go to a party tomorrow, it's a sleepover party. The boy that I like is going to be there, and I rarely see him because he lives in another town. I really want to go because of that and a TON of my other friends are going. Additionally, I already told my friend that I was going to her party last night. Ive been looking forward to this all week.
I told her that I didn't need to sleep over, to try and bargain with her....
So what do you think I should do?
thank you for taking the time to read this.
The Answer
Take a deep breath and accept these few facts:
The cell phone was a gift. Her paying for the plan that she choose to pay for was a GIFT. She does not owe you unlimited texting.
She is the parent. She doesn't have to be fair.
This isn't about fair. She doesn't have to be 'fair' she has to be your parent and try to take care of you and teach you responsibility the best way she knows how so telling it it's not fair will get you NOWHERE.
Try instead, to make this about reason and rationality:
Rationally, this make sense:
If you have a cell phone plan, you obey plan and do not go over it and end up paying higher fees. You and your brother were very irresponsible if you knew what the limits were, and you choose to go waaaay beyond them.
If you find yourself paying high fees, you either need to stop going beyond your limits, or change your plan.
What you mother is telling you, is that she is not willing to change your plans. She is probably trying teach you about responsibility and limits.
You had a chance, and you didn't learn. She is understandably very angry at you refusal to learn the lesson she feels is important.
So what should you do? You should calm down first and remind yourself that you did in fact make a mistake. Then you need to ASK your mother WHY she is not willing to sign up for unlimited and WHY she feels this is an appropriate punishment.
You need to listen calmly and with an open mind. She might feel you shouldn't be texting that much, in that case, you are outta luck until you can sign your own contract and purchase your own phone and you'll need to lay off your texts in the future.
Your best argument for going to the party is acknowledging that you made a big mistake but that you are being punished and the phone has been taken away and you will willingly pay for it (frankly, that those are FAIR consequences for the choice you made).
Then tell her calmly that the party is really important too you and you don’t want to back out.
If you can stay calm, admit your mistake, and make this discussion about the PARTY not about texting arguments, you might be able to convince her.
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The Question
first off i would like to say that i really only want the older teens to adults to answer this please.
I went out with this guy for about 2 months and i broke up with him the beginning of june because my parents never allowed me to see him because he was a "bad kid" he was on probation,dropped out of school and was in a detention center for like 3 weeks and did weed,but he said that was all in the past but my parents forbidded me to see him or even talk to him.But after i broke up with him for about 2 weeks he said how much he missed me and that he wished my parents would change their minds.(while we were going out btw he claimed he "loved" me)so after about 2 weeks of us being broken up he goes out with another girl (even though like 2 days before he was texting me he missed me and called me,it got me so p.o'd) so i havent talked to him since june so thats like 4 almost 5 months and out of the blue i get a text message 11:00 at night saying "hey its boys name long time no see" and i said hey how are you and he said "im good,guess what im... engaged!" and i was just shocked he's only 17 and has been with the girl for only 4 months! then i said "omg are you serious?" and he said "yeah i got the ring and got down on one knee and everything" i said um oh uh wow i dont know what to say" he said"you dont have to say anything..so you...seeing anyone....your parents approve of? lol" and i said no and he "said oh you have plenty of time" and i asked him what sparked him to text me? and he said" i just wanted to see how you were doing :)" and that was it.I thought i was dreaming because i was half asleep when he text me lol this happened last night,and i just want some advice on what this means like why after 5 months does he decide to talk to me? i asked some of my friends and they said that he probably got the girl pregnant, he tried to make me jealous,and he wants me back.But like i just really want to know what ya'll think of this why would he tell me? and did i say the right things to him?(i thought i shouldve said more but i was like asleeps and i didnt want to argue with him) i dont want to talk to him anymore so i deleted his phone numbers and i didnt really want to go into detail about the engagement.
16/f
thank you very much :)
The Answer
He is an idiot?
We can't read minds, and don't know exactly what has happened, but I'm reasonably confident to say a guy who gets engaged at 17 to a girl he has known for less then 1/2 a year, is just an idiot.
So why did he tell you? You will never know for sure, but it's a safe bet that he wanted to get rise out of you, get a reaction, make you feel angry, or upset or hurt, or make you say something about how much you want him or miss him.
Which is a stupid, mean and childish thing to do.
Don't talk to him anymore. Try not to think about him anymore. In this case, it looks like your parents were right, he isn't a very good guy, and they were trying to protect you from an idiot boy. Try to be thankful he's out of your life. You'll meet far better.
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