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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
Does anyone have any real, personal sucess stories of how you overcame depression sans medication?
The Answer
Sans medication, no, that I do not have.
But with the aid of medication and professional counseling, my goodness yes, I have a personal success story there!
Medication doesn't 'cure' depression, but it does do something almost as valuable: It reduces the physical supports depression uses.
I took medication for about 3 years straight as a teen, and as an adult, when I had a relapse; I happily took it for a short term again. It doesn't fix me, and I don't depend on it, but it did TEACH me what ‘normal’ felt like. It showed me what I could feel like. It allowed me to think clearly and rationally, without all the garbage depression dumped in my brain.
I honestly believe, if not for the aid of medication and counseling, I would be dead. Without them, I could never have found my way clear of the illness. I wouldn’t have been able to believe that there was existence clear of the illness.
Depression is a self-perpetuating disease. If you think of it like any other virus you'll realize that the only thing depression wants is make more depression! So depression causes you to think of ways to keep yourself depressed. It twists your reason so that you believe that medication is evil or wrong and that counseling is hopeless and you can’t be helped.
Those thoughts are the depression talking. That is what depression MAKES you think in order to survive inside of you. Depression keeps you down and keeps you from looking for help.
Are there those who beat it without medication? Absolutely. There are also people with cancer who have it go into remission, completely without treatment! But that is no reason to NOT seek treatment.
If you are depressed, start by talking to a trusted adult, or better yet, a doctor. I know nearly no depressed person WANTS to do that but fighting any mental illness actually means doing a whole bunch of things you might not WANT to do. That is what change is, even change for the better.
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The Question
Can you get pregnant if a guy cums all on your vagina lips and then stick it back in the vagina?
The Answer
Yes.
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The Question
Okay, so I like my best guy friend. Thing is, hes enagaged. He will call and ask if I want to go over to his house and play videogames. He referrs to the times when I go over to his house as "dates." He also says that he plays better when I am not around because when I sit next to him I make him nervous. He is always flirting with me. He will tease me, playfully hit me, and playfully kick me in the butt. He is also sensitive to my feelings, and is always trying to figure out what is wrong when I am upset so he can make it better. If he goes to the store, he will usually ask if I would like to go with him, or if I go to the store he will usually go with me because he said that he would feel bad if something happened to me. Also when we go out he will pay for me. I try to pay him back, but he wont let me. Also when I leave his house to go back to mine he will walk me out and watch me as I walk home to make sure I make it okay(we're neighbors. he lives like 2 houses down from me.)
Now him and his fiance have been engaged for almost a year now. They have not set a date, and they do not live together. They only see eachother on saturday, but other than that, they talk on the phone a couple times a day. She is leaving soon for another 4 years of college in another city, some 400 miles away and he is not going with her.
Before I ask my questions though, I would like to add: As much as I do like this guy, I would never get involved with him as long as he is with his fiance. I have no intentions of breaking them up either. If they were to break up, I dont want it to be because of me.
So onto the questions. Do you think he likes me? Do you think he is possibly having second thoughts about getting married? And do you think its weird that they are engaged but dont live together and havent set a date for their wedding yet??
I know this is kind of long, so I appreciate you all for taking the time to read and respond to this. Thanks!
The Answer
He cares about you.
Everyone has second thoughts about getting married.
No, it's not that wierd.
What is wierd I gotta say, is the fact that you are allowing this behavoir.
I get that you like him, but you need realize that what you two are doing is something inappropraite. He is treating you like a girlfriend, you know it and you like it.
That doesn't make either of you bad people, but it still wrong.
It's wrong because it's unfair and disrespectful to his fiance but even more so because it's wrong and disrespectful to YOU.
Think of how you will feel when this guy blows you off and lives happily ever after with her. Or worse, marries her but keeps treating you this way.
Protect yourself and him from your own bad choices. Tell him to lay off the couple-ish behavoir.
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The Question
...the guy comes inside the girls ass.
And after a couple of minutes they have sex again only this time he puts it one time in the ass...one time in the pussy, again and again.
Chances of getting pregnant?
The Answer
Yes.
Semen, anywhere near vaginal opening = risk of pregnancy.
Anal sex = risk of pregnancy. That hole is designed for things to come out of: It leaks.
Accept it, and don't do it if you don't want the risk.
Almost more importantly however:
NEVER DOUBLE DIP!
That is very crude way of saying that no toy, no finger and no penis should enter the vagina after being in the anus without being thoroughly washed and disinfected.
Unless you both showered with soap and water prior to having vaginal sex the girl is just begging for an uncomfortable and nasty bacterial infection in the vagina.
Useing a condom is the obvious solution, but even if you aren't willing to be that intelligent, at least realize that what is in your anus should probably not be placed in your vagina. So clean up!
When you get a yeast infection, or worse, bacterial vaginosis doing that, you'll wish you had.
I know this was a hypothetical question, but seriously, never do that.
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The Question
15/f
ok my boyfriend gets really jelous of any guys, and he knows this hes told me like "im sorry im the jelous type" but its getting to me now. how can i reassure him that i love him and only him and i want to be with him forever? what can i say to him?
also like he gets really upset sometimes ove nothing really and says things like i dont love him and that im going to leave him. were both completely in love with each other. the problem is i tell him so much, all the time about everything and how i would die without him! its like how can he not know!!! but he gets like depressed and it brings me down and makes me really sad. i ask him whats wrong and he says just dont leave me and stuff. hes worried i guess because he loves me so much and hes thinking what it would be like if we ever were apart, and it worries him. i dont know what else to tell him. ive told him that i need him and id die without him but i dont think he really knows still how much i love him. all i want is for him to know how i feel, or theres really no point in life. i love him so much. please help me with the jelousy thing and him being sad what should i do?
thankyou in advance xxx
The Answer
Look, he knows. He just wants you to tell him. Over and over agian.
Stop it.
Next time he says "You are going to cheat" tell him you've already told him you wont and he needs to stop saying it.
When he says "You are going to leave me." say you haven't changed your mind since you last talked about it and you are sick of him saying things he knows aren't true.
What he doing is mean. He is being an attention whore with this behavoir. Nothing you can say will make him feel better except "Stop."
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The Question
How do you get a girl you like to get over another guy so you can be with her?
The Answer
You wait.
You can never make anyone else feel anything. They are incharge of thier own emotions. You can only wait it out.
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The Question
Now, I don't mean to sound like one of those whiny, overdramatic, angsty teenagers, but lately everything is well...sucky. It's my senior year of school and I'm having like noo fun. Well my best friend that I'm like with all the time got a new boyfriend, and well she is ALWAYS over his apartment, and when shes not around him, thats all she talks about. It's not that I feel left out, its just I envy her. I can tell they really love each other, and I just want what they have. I don't have even any guys lined up at all, and I guess its just taken a real affect on me. I'm always moody, gotten pretty close to the color black, and started listening to hardcore "emo" music. Not to mention, I haven't been eating at all lately. It's not on purpose, I just don't have any interest in doing anything anymore. I just never seem to be happy...
The Answer
What people don't tell you about depression is this: It's actually a rational sort of response.
Depression that gets treated and dealt with by professionals is the stuff that sticks around for months and years. What you are describing sounds like you are feeling poopy because things are pretty poopy!
That is okay. In fact, that only makes sense.
Do what you like and what makes you feel good, until what you like is starving yourself or self harm.
Being happy isn't just this thing that happens. People think they should just 'be' happy, and that is a crock of shit. Happiness is something we have to actively work on, something we have to look for and some times it is something that realistically just isn’t there.
Try to find something you can enjoy. Even if it's your own private movie night. Good food. Baking. A hobby, a class, or an assignment you can really sink your teeth into.
It's hard work to find happiness sometimes, but it isn't impossible unless you are mentally ill.
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The Question
I'm a 29 yr old female. Don’t know how to explain this, but I have a friend, actually "friends with benefits" sorta thing, whom I used to hangout with all the time, dance with, go clubbing, hang out with his friends, so we were like buddies…and YES we have been “physical”.
Lately he has been acting weird (cold, nasty attitude, careless...) and he simply stopped calling me or ask me to join him/his group for no reason and no explanation whatsoever! But he's still hanging out with his other friends & enjoying his life...while I am left out, boiling with rage…feeling dumped, used, and humiliated. My pride couldn’t let me call him to question him about his weird behavior.He’s a reckless bastard, and has many options on the shelf (so he doesn’t need me) which makes it harder to get him back on his knees! And i dont have other alternative friends whom i can move on with, cuz i've been hanging out with him for the last few months. I don’t love him, but I feel like a fool and want to revenge to regain my self image and self-esteem back!I’m just UNABLE to get over it! It’s frustrating me! And I will only be relieved once I make him feel sorry and regretful!!
The Answer
You can't. Period.
You can't MAKE someone feel anything. Ever.
Revenge is a great concept, it works well in theory. In real life, it is rarely effective, and even less often satisfying. You aren’t a child, you already know that.
You knew what you were getting into babe. You fucked without feeling and now, oh my goodness, you FEEL something.
Take it as a lesson: Friends with benefits can work out, but only if both partners want the same things and can be respectful. The two of you apparently didn't want quite the same thing (You wanted to maintain this because it made you feel good, he didn't want to maintain it and clearly doesn't give a damn how you feel) and obviously he is lacking in the respect category.
Cry me a river darling. You are just going to have to deal. Call up old friends. Take a class. Find a new hobby. All the normal advice applies to you, just as it applies to every other dumped girl.
Fantasize about revenge all ya want, even if you could get it, you still wont feel better until you get over it. Getting over it takes time and yeah, it’s hard damn work.
You know this all already! So take a deep breath, and get down to the hard work of get over a jackass and being okay with yourself agian.
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The Question
My dog is a Jack Russell/Rat Terrier and she is pregnant.
How many weeks / months til she will have her puppies?
Thanks.
The Answer
Take her to a vet.
Ask the vet.
Please. Dogs need doctors, just like people do.
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The Question
Well my english teacher is making me type an essay on why he should give me an A. you see i wrote it and i gave it to him and i used because i work hard, i try,and im here everyday.. he said that would benefit me adn not him so he said i have to re write it so that it will benefit him as well. I've been brainstorming for hours nowand i cant think of anything, can you help?
Please and thanks
The Answer
He has the satisfaction of knowing he has encouraged you to aspire to that level of academic achievement. Having tasted glory once, you will likely crave it again.
Or maybe he doesn't care about you at all, which is fine, but giving you a A will improve your average, and in that way, his class average, making him appear a more effective teacher to his peers and the school board.
If the you truly deserve an A to assign you less then the grade level A would be a disservice to his profession and would be unjust. It would compromise his integrity to grade you less then you have fairly earned.
How will it benefit him to NOT give you an A?
There are only two ways I can see:
He is sadistic and wants to see you unhappy because it gives him pleasure.
OR
Hhe feels you don't deserve an A and will not compromise himself by assigning an undeserved grade.
Hmm... I realize I just did your homework for you, but that was fun. I do hope you realize though that your teacher is a jackass. He has asked you to do something that doesn't really matter, because he has likely already made up his mind as to whether you will receive an A or not. I doubt what you write will change his mind. You are really only doing this so he will deign to tell you what your grade is. It's munipulative behavior, and the only thing you can really learn from this is that some people are assholes who make you jump through hoops and grade you an A and some people are assholes who make you jump through hoops who don't. It's actually a very valuable lesson.
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The Question
Well the other night, I had my boyfriend over at my house and we were up late talking. I decided to model some really short shorts I have for him. I've never worn shorts before for him so I thought it'd be a nice treat. So I put them on and asked his opinion. He said they looked nice, but I could tell he had other ideas. I asked him what he really thought and he asked if I wanted him to be honest. I said yes, and he said I have a bit of cellulite which would put some people off but he still likes my "rear end." Of course I was very hurt by this and went straight to bed. In the morning he had written me a note saying he was sorry and he loved how I looked, he was just saying that some people wouldn't like it, but he still thought I was hot.
Yes.. I know he apologised, and it really is no big deal, but my boyfriend has a tendency to put me down [without realizing it at times] Like once he told me I shouldn't eat so much junk food. Also he told me once I could do with losing weight (I had asked him if I needed to) He did apologise for that saying he was wrong, but still. I guess I'm learning now not to ask him things I know I won't like the answer to!
What hurt more was today I asked if he'd prefer me to be more like this girl we know called Bessie. Bessie is the stereotypical teenage male's fantasy..blonde, tanned, tall, etc. (everything I'm not!) She did modelling for some sports mag. He had liked her previously. He said no he wouldn't, but then I asked if she had liked him back before we went out would he have chosen her over me? He said maybe he would've, but he said she'd never have been interested in him and he didn't like her enough to make a move. But still, he's with me, why aren't I good enough?
What do I do? Am I making a big deal? He knows I'm insecure. He does genuinely feel bad when he upsets me but I don't get why he keeps doing it?
19f.
The Answer
Only you can decide if he is simply a bit dense, or if he is in fact being disrespectful.
You can also stop asking dumb questions. Now, there is no reason you shouldn't be able to comfortably wear a pair of shorts around the guy, but don't EVER ask a guy if he would rather be with someone else unless you want to be miserable. Testing your partner like that is actually quite mean. If they say no, you'll think they are lying, and if they say yes, you get miserable. It's a loose-loose situation. Don't do it.
In my opinion these are your two problems:
One.The guy is a bit dense, but is honest and just hasn't learned when to keep his mouth shut. This can be a good thing.
Two. You test him with questions. Almost all insecure people do this, and then getting annoyed when people fail thier tests.
If you think he really doesn't want to be with you. If you think he lying and isn't attracted to you. Then dump him.
If you trust him and think he just says dumb things sometimes, forgive him, get over it and try and don't bully him into giving you answers you wont like.
Take the damn compliment.
This is the trick to all relationship: Believe the best in your partner until they prove otherwise. Believe they care for you. Believe they are attracted to you. Believe they are honest with you. Believe they mean well.
Because if you can't believe that, you shoudn't be with them.
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The Question
ok you seem to be really wise and give good advice so maybe you can help. Please don't make fun of me. I'm a 15/f freshman. There is this boy i like who is a Junior. His name is Ryan. He is what you would call a super genius. He seems really shy and sweet. I asked some of my Junior friends about him and they said he was a sissy/pansy but i don't care. He has never spoken to me before. I left a note saying "your really cute" and "you're very attractive" in his locker. I called him last night and asked him if he got them he said yes. I asked if they bothered him, he said "a little bit because i didn't know who they were from." He does not have a girlfriend. He's in my lunch and always sits alone. My question is how can i get to know him enough for him to start to like me? thanks sooo much!
The Answer
Well, talking to him in person would be the next logical step.
Notes are flatering and cute, but they don't help someone get to know you. Without following up on it, you just seem creepy. You might start by inviting him to eat lunch with you or with you and your friends.
Asking questions is the best way to for people to get to know eachother. Ask about hobbies, interests, classes, anything you know he is into. If he is interested, and not stupidly shy, he'll ask some questions too.
First conversations, espcailly when you both know that at least one of you are interested, can and will be awkward. There is no getting around it. You just need to summon up your courage, smile and plow through the awkwardness.
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The Question
What's the difference between having a Academic and Aplied class? Is it the intellectual skill of the work or do you do the exact same thing but differently?
I just heard form people that you do the same thing but get no or less homework =/
The Answer
Fundementally, Academic courses lead to University level courses and Applied courses lead to College and Workplace level courses.
Taking a few Applied courses, even if you want to go to University, is just fine. Just make sure you have the Academic courses you need as pre-reqs to University classes in grade 11 and 12.
To use myself as an example: I took all Acedemic courses except for math and technology courses in grade 9 and 10, but because I didn't need university level math for my university applications, I took the appropraite Acedemic courses and was able to apply without a problem.
It is generally best, if you can manage the Acedemic course, to take it. If you think it would be more stress then it is worth, and you suspect you don't need it, then take Applied.
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The Question
recently ive been gettin pretty involved with this boy i like no only physically but also emotionally we have been a thing for a couple months now but he hasnt made it official he talks to and seems to flirt with alot of girls which worries me that im being played i talked to him about it but he said im the only one he likes and he wants to be with me but i still dont understand and im really worried im going to end up in heartache becuase we havent really made any progress please help me out what should i do? do you think im being played?
The Answer
Why isn't it official?
Ask him that question. If he gives you a bullshit answer, and frankly after 'a couple of months' I'm not sure what decent excuse there could be, then end it.
Some people are okay with loose arrangement and no definitions. Some people like their relationships that way! Some don't.
Apparently you don't. That is okay.
Tell him so.
Better to loose an 'unoffical' boy now, then have a 'offical' one play you for a fool.
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The Question
Hi, Im 24 years old and so I think im addicted to sex or just sexual pleasure Im currently in a relationship (3yrs) and its becoming a problem between us Im to horny she is not. I think about it all the time I need it from her or im just upset or down I show her love its not like Im just here for sex but it is a perk in a relationship or thats how I look at it. She never wants it, its more of an occasional thing I need it everyday more than once and its more like 3-4 times a month if that, and Ive delt with it for 3 years of being with her now its really becoming an issue and I hate it I love her and Im trying not to act on my sexual feelings like releasing as much as I can before I see her (sorry if its to much info trying to get it out literally lol) that doesnt work its getting so bad that I start scimming through porn I hate porn I want the real thing ya know. I have even notice myself flirting a bit more and thats the last thing I want to do is cheat guess what Im trying to ask is how normal is this and is this a therapy type deal should stay with her or is it wrong?
The Answer
Normal enough, yes.
You don't need therapy.
You both may need a little kick in the butt.
Or maybe you need to break up.
Staying with her or not is a decision only you can make. Lots of couples have to deal with different sex drives, and some successfully deal with it and some don't.
But I will say this: You probably don't 'need' it everyday, and you probably aint going to get it from any girl (unless you are paying her) everyday. That is unrealistic.
If the message you are giving your girlfriend is that you 'need' it everyday, it might be a part of the problem. Feeling inadequate and like you are failing at providing for your partner is a big turn off. Keep your message positive about the sex you do have or she might be pulling away even more.
So, start talking, positively, about the sex you do have. Encourage her to talk about what she does like and want. Listen, and be open to what she has to say.
She might also just not want sex, and not be willing to compromise on that point at all, in which case, you simply need to decide if you can live with that or not.
Regardless of what you do, find some sort of porn, fantasy or erotica that you can enjoy, because you aint going to find a girl who can keep up with your idea of your 'needs'. Be pragmatic and be willing to literally take your problem into your own hands.
Be realistic and don't exaggerate! It only confuses people.
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The Question
where would i find a Forever21 store?? i live in Vancouver Island...so is there one anywhere near? if its only in the states then where would it be thats near? there is no store finder on the site and i really like their clothes, so i was just wondering..thanks:)
The Answer
They do have a store locator on their site.
http://canada.forever21.com/store/storelocator.asp
However, Forever 21 has only just expanded into Canada. They currently have only three locations: two in Ontario and one in Edmonton.
So you probably need to order online or travel to the states.
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The Question
Has anyone on here ever re-dated a guy and had a successful relationship? I want to know if a second try is always disasterous.
The Answer
I never have.
I don't know anyone who has.
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The Question
okay i ahve this problem with my math teacher, well call her Ms. Fry (i dont know haha) But she said that i we dont understand somehting to come after school for extra help, so i ask her what day would be good and she tells me. So i call my mom and tell her but she cant come and get me, so i hav to cancel, thats apparently MY FAULT.
Anyways come the test i have no idea what im doing and I ask Ms. Fry a question and she says she cant answer it, but i was totally lost, but decided shes doing it to be fair to the other students which i understand. BUT we have this packet where we have to look up the answers (like where to measure)and the packet isnt tiny either, ITS HUGE and that was the easy part, but i spent so much time on the hard part i had no time for the easy part and by the time i got to it, everyone was crowded by the door waiting for the bell to ring. So i say aloud "Im never gonna make it, where do i find this?!" cuz the packet was huge and someone gives me the answer. I had onl one left, so she calls us up in teh front of the classroom and i explain to her i wasnt cheating, but i do understand it was wrong to talk during a test. I tell her that and she says she doesnt care and that its not her fault im "Slow". Then i ask her when the best time for extra help would be and she says its too late for that. I mean its never too late to know more about anything, maybe a possible retest, but im not even expecting THAT i just want to understand what i didnt. If that makes sense haha.
But i dont know what to do in this situation, im failing and have a bad teacher that hates her job and tells us everyday "im only doing this for the money"
HELP!
The Answer
Ask another math teacher.
Life is a bitch.
Some people aren't good at or don't like thier jobs.
Taking tests requires some stratigic planing on how you should spend your time.
Some rules don't bend, even if you weren't trying to do something wrong.
Parents aren't always supportive.
It's a pain in the ass when all those bad things pile up on you, but there is really nothing to do but take a deep breath, and find someone who CAN help.
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The Question
Well, the other day my bf stayed over at my house for the first time. I had been telling him that if we got a chance we could take a shower together if my mum wasn't home. I'd been promising for quite a while and I could tell he was looking forward to it.
But when it came to it I freaked out, because I have a lot of insecurities. He has seen me naked before and we've done stuff (not all the way) but still i didn't feel comfortable. As soon as I told him this he started trying to convince me, telling me that he loved the way I looked and I shouldn't feel insecure. But I persisted in saying I didn't want to. Finally, with much hesitation and a great deal of disappointment he agreed. So I went to have a shower. 10 minutes later he opened the door of the bathroom and came in. I screamed at him to close the door. Afterwards I wouldn't speak to him because I was so shocked he would come in. He did apologize for not respecting my wishes and I could tell he felt really bad the entire day. He didn't know why he'd done it but he said he did it to show me that he wanted to see me like that and I shouldn't feel insecure. But I still have lost a lot of respect for him for doing that.
So what should I do? Just forget about it or talk to him about things? Do I have a right to feel mad at him for what he did? I've never known him to be like this before. He's never been pushy or anything and always respected me.
19.female.
Thanks!
The Answer
Absolutely, you have a right feel angry. What he did was disrespectful. You said no. He knew you meant no. It was an awful, jackass of a thing to do.
If you choose to forgive him and let this go it has to be for your own reasons. If you think that this was just a mistake, and that is not actually the disrespectful, controling and munipulative little boy his actions could certainly paint him as... then forgive and forget.
Maybe he was actually so completely misguided and dumb as to think he was being 'helpful' or
'suportive'. Though I think, no matter how well-meaning he wanted to be, there was a good bit of 'selfishness' motivating him as well.
If you think he is only apologizing and mooping because he didn't get what he wants and now you are angry with him... well, then you have a different sort of problem.
We don't know him. It's up to you decide. Whatever your choice, stand by it. If you think he made a mistake, tell him so and do your best to let it go. If you think he is trying to bully you, dump him.
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The Question
I dated this boy for seven months, I was truly in love with him. We got into countless fights over other girls he would spend time with and definitions of cheating. Eventually I called it off. I've been miserable for the two months we've been apart, I haven't gone more then five hours without thinking of him. A lot of my friends despise him for the way the treated me at some points in the relationship.
Tonight I spent time with him, we went to dinner. It felt so .. comfortable being back with him. It was like things were finally back to normal, I even got butterflies. I think I'm still in love with it. Would it be stupid to try for a second shot at love?
The Answer
I wonâ??t call you stupid, but it's certainly not the brightest thing I have heard today.
It's okay for a couple to disagree on the definitions of cheating, but if you can't come to an respectable agreement about appropriate behavior with the opposite sex after SEVEN months, you and he never will agree.
You are literally flirting with disaster.
You have NO reason to think things have changed in two months.
You will not get him out of your heard, or your heart, until you get him out of your life. No more romantic date-ish dinners if you know what is good for you.
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