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Not respecting me?
Well, the other day my bf stayed over at my house for the first time. I had been telling him that if we got a chance we could take a shower together if my mum wasn't home. I'd been promising for quite a while and I could tell he was looking forward to it.
But when it came to it I freaked out, because I have a lot of insecurities. He has seen me naked before and we've done stuff (not all the way) but still i didn't feel comfortable. As soon as I told him this he started trying to convince me, telling me that he loved the way I looked and I shouldn't feel insecure. But I persisted in saying I didn't want to. Finally, with much hesitation and a great deal of disappointment he agreed. So I went to have a shower. 10 minutes later he opened the door of the bathroom and came in. I screamed at him to close the door. Afterwards I wouldn't speak to him because I was so shocked he would come in. He did apologize for not respecting my wishes and I could tell he felt really bad the entire day. He didn't know why he'd done it but he said he did it to show me that he wanted to see me like that and I shouldn't feel insecure. But I still have lost a lot of respect for him for doing that.
So what should I do? Just forget about it or talk to him about things? Do I have a right to feel mad at him for what he did? I've never known him to be like this before. He's never been pushy or anything and always respected me.
19.female.
Thanks!
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I am kind of going through this stage with my boyfriend too... It's a hard one! You don't want to disapoint them when it seems like it would be so easy to just do this thing to make them happy... I have continued to tell mine no and he COMPLETELY respects that but I took a shower at his house the other day and I'm not going to lie and say I didn't lock the door just in case he tried what your guy did... SO back to the advice... I would try and talk to him about the real reason why, even though he loves your body, you don't feel comfortable in such a "vulnerable" setting of a shower. He obviously cares enough to try and make a gesture and he DID leave when you told him to so I wouldn't be too angry. But I would advise you to be wary in the future for misunderstandings of what he thinks you want. Keep the communication lines open and talk to him! I hope this works out for you! Good luck!
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Absolutely, you have a right feel angry. What he did was disrespectful. You said no. He knew you meant no. It was an awful, jackass of a thing to do.
If you choose to forgive him and let this go it has to be for your own reasons. If you think that this was just a mistake, and that is not actually the disrespectful, controling and munipulative little boy his actions could certainly paint him as... then forgive and forget.
Maybe he was actually so completely misguided and dumb as to think he was being 'helpful' or
'suportive'. Though I think, no matter how well-meaning he wanted to be, there was a good bit of 'selfishness' motivating him as well.
If you think he is only apologizing and mooping because he didn't get what he wants and now you are angry with him... well, then you have a different sort of problem.
We don't know him. It's up to you decide. Whatever your choice, stand by it. If you think he made a mistake, tell him so and do your best to let it go. If you think he is trying to bully you, dump him.
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I'm sure that he didn't mean to disrespect you. He seems like he really loves you and just wants to express it. I do think that you overreacted a tad. He probably thought that even though you seemed very serious about how you weren't comfortable or ready, that maybe if he tried one more time he could make it happen. Trust me, he was only trying to help. You shouldn't have gotten his hopes up or promised anything you couldn't provide in the first place. I think that you could get help from a counsellor about your insecurities and learn to love yourself as you are. Not just about sex, but in general, being comfortable about yourself. I hope you forgive him, and that this helps!
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