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I need advise! its complicated...!
I'm a 29 yr old female. Don’t know how to explain this, but I have a friend, actually "friends with benefits" sorta thing, whom I used to hangout with all the time, dance with, go clubbing, hang out with his friends, so we were like buddies…and YES we have been “physical”.
Lately he has been acting weird (cold, nasty attitude, careless...) and he simply stopped calling me or ask me to join him/his group for no reason and no explanation whatsoever! But he's still hanging out with his other friends & enjoying his life...while I am left out, boiling with rage…feeling dumped, used, and humiliated. My pride couldn’t let me call him to question him about his weird behavior.He’s a reckless bastard, and has many options on the shelf (so he doesn’t need me) which makes it harder to get him back on his knees! And i dont have other alternative friends whom i can move on with, cuz i've been hanging out with him for the last few months. I don’t love him, but I feel like a fool and want to revenge to regain my self image and self-esteem back!I’m just UNABLE to get over it! It’s frustrating me! And I will only be relieved once I make him feel sorry and regretful!!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Sweetheart, you should have long since learned to let these things go.
Yes, you've been fucking a douche. It happens. I know plenty of girls who bitch about how they all do it too.
But, when you are looking for a friend with benefits, usually the guy who is into that kind of relationship for more than a few months is either a douche or has a wall 50 feet thick between himself and his emotions and generally acts in a similar manner.
Simply put, at the beginning he put what investment you required for sex. As time went on, sex was assumed and he didnt have to keep doing those things to get laid. He got bored with it, and this is the result.
You both used each other, and he was done using you first. Else you got more invested in him than you should have been for a fuckbuddy.
Move on, and don't be as careless with your feelings next time or don't get into FWB relationshps with douchey guys.
And just a little sidenote, I have been a vindicitive person. At the end of the day, getting your revenge doesnt make you feel any better. Because the cathartic jolt from punishing someone you think deserves it doesnt last very long.
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You can't. Period.
You can't MAKE someone feel anything. Ever.
Revenge is a great concept, it works well in theory. In real life, it is rarely effective, and even less often satisfying. You aren’t a child, you already know that.
You knew what you were getting into babe. You fucked without feeling and now, oh my goodness, you FEEL something.
Take it as a lesson: Friends with benefits can work out, but only if both partners want the same things and can be respectful. The two of you apparently didn't want quite the same thing (You wanted to maintain this because it made you feel good, he didn't want to maintain it and clearly doesn't give a damn how you feel) and obviously he is lacking in the respect category.
Cry me a river darling. You are just going to have to deal. Call up old friends. Take a class. Find a new hobby. All the normal advice applies to you, just as it applies to every other dumped girl.
Fantasize about revenge all ya want, even if you could get it, you still wont feel better until you get over it. Getting over it takes time and yeah, it’s hard damn work.
You know this all already! So take a deep breath, and get down to the hard work of get over a jackass and being okay with yourself agian.
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I understand how frustrated and angry you must feel - I think anyone would. The wonders of friends with benefits eh?
I know you want him to suffer because of how he's basically made you feel, but plotting revenge will only make things worse. You want the situation to get better - not break out into something huge which may never be resolved.
The best thing to do in your situation is to be mature and ask him why he's being so cold towards you - you have every right to know what's going on.
He must have reasons for his strange behaviour - possibly because he might not want to carry on the friends with benefits relationship - so you need to think ahead. Think about the possibilities, be prepared and think about what you want to do. If it turns out he doesn't want you in "that way", ask if you can still be friends because you've enjoyed going out with them etc. If he's okay with that and you definitely are, then fair enough, but if he's being an idiot and doesn't want to carry on a friendship and he doesn't include you anymore - then I'm sorry to say, but you need to forget him. Would you really want to be feeling the way you are over someone like that? No. He doesn't deserve you.
Want a way to make him feel sorry and regretful? Ignore him. Don't try to call him, talk about him, whine over him etc. Ignoring someone is the ultimate way to not only get over them, but annoy the hell out of them. He probably wants you to feel bad - but you aren't (even though you are deep down) - just act like it's not bothering you and move on. Find someone else and show him what he's missing.
Probably not what you wanted to hear, but it's the best approach with situations like this.
Within time you will get over this, I promise. and you won't feel hatred - you'll just come out as a stronger person and would have learnt an important lesson.
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