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He always puts me down...?
Well the other night, I had my boyfriend over at my house and we were up late talking. I decided to model some really short shorts I have for him. I've never worn shorts before for him so I thought it'd be a nice treat. So I put them on and asked his opinion. He said they looked nice, but I could tell he had other ideas. I asked him what he really thought and he asked if I wanted him to be honest. I said yes, and he said I have a bit of cellulite which would put some people off but he still likes my "rear end." Of course I was very hurt by this and went straight to bed. In the morning he had written me a note saying he was sorry and he loved how I looked, he was just saying that some people wouldn't like it, but he still thought I was hot.
Yes.. I know he apologised, and it really is no big deal, but my boyfriend has a tendency to put me down [without realizing it at times] Like once he told me I shouldn't eat so much junk food. Also he told me once I could do with losing weight (I had asked him if I needed to) He did apologise for that saying he was wrong, but still. I guess I'm learning now not to ask him things I know I won't like the answer to!
What hurt more was today I asked if he'd prefer me to be more like this girl we know called Bessie. Bessie is the stereotypical teenage male's fantasy..blonde, tanned, tall, etc. (everything I'm not!) She did modelling for some sports mag. He had liked her previously. He said no he wouldn't, but then I asked if she had liked him back before we went out would he have chosen her over me? He said maybe he would've, but he said she'd never have been interested in him and he didn't like her enough to make a move. But still, he's with me, why aren't I good enough?
What do I do? Am I making a big deal? He knows I'm insecure. He does genuinely feel bad when he upsets me but I don't get why he keeps doing it?
19f.
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Omg. I would never let my boyfriend act like such a prick. Im sorry but jeezzz. How rude! He needs to understand that girls are very sensitive and saying things like that makes us feel terrible & doesnt make us motivated to look like somebody else. You should talk to him about it and tell him to think about what he says before he opens his mouth.
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Only you can decide if he is simply a bit dense, or if he is in fact being disrespectful.
You can also stop asking dumb questions. Now, there is no reason you shouldn't be able to comfortably wear a pair of shorts around the guy, but don't EVER ask a guy if he would rather be with someone else unless you want to be miserable. Testing your partner like that is actually quite mean. If they say no, you'll think they are lying, and if they say yes, you get miserable. It's a loose-loose situation. Don't do it.
In my opinion these are your two problems:
One.The guy is a bit dense, but is honest and just hasn't learned when to keep his mouth shut. This can be a good thing.
Two. You test him with questions. Almost all insecure people do this, and then getting annoyed when people fail thier tests.
If you think he really doesn't want to be with you. If you think he lying and isn't attracted to you. Then dump him.
If you trust him and think he just says dumb things sometimes, forgive him, get over it and try and don't bully him into giving you answers you wont like.
Take the damn compliment.
This is the trick to all relationship: Believe the best in your partner until they prove otherwise. Believe they care for you. Believe they are attracted to you. Believe they are honest with you. Believe they mean well.
Because if you can't believe that, you shoudn't be with them.
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He does it because he respects you enough to be honest. He just hasn't figured out that sometimes you would rather hear him omit the brutal honesty. Sorta like instead of commenting on your cellulite, just commenting on your rear end.
But most of all, you need to train yourself not to ask him questions that run the risk of having an answer you don't want to hear.
Asking him if you need to lose weight, if he would have chose so and so over you, etc, etc, is just you setting yourself up for the hurt.
Until you can do that, you need to be glad that at least he is honest and tells you the truth, and accept his apology. I mean, he knows you are insecure, yet he knows you still prod for an honest response.
ygs-29/f
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