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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
Kaay, so I'm pretty sure this is pointless.
Anyways, I'm fourteen and turning 15 in March, and I'm not experinced with guys. Like I've never made out with a guy. And I'm like always single. I mean I'm not ugly. But I'm really shy and it feels like I can never get a guy. I mean I've been dating guys but guys over online. But I'm going to stop because I really hate seeing couples out and about and me being lonely. It gets me sad, because you ALWAYS hear about your friend and her boyfriend. It drives me crazy. Is there anyway I can break my shell, I mean I've cracked it, because I like talk to guys a lot more. But I don't feel comforable dating guys in my school, esp. in my grade because they all act like little kids, yahkno?
So I guess what I'm saying is what can I do to break my shell?
The Answer
Are you sure you need to 'break your shell'?
It sounds to me like the real problem is not that you can 'never get a guy', but that you realize that there are no guys worth getting at the moment. So you haven't put yourself out there in that way.
That's okay. In fact, that makes a lot of sense.
You are using your friendships with these 15 year old children to help build the skills to chat to guys and speak with them. That is all you really need to be doing right now.
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The Question
this is kinda weird but i'll say it anyway. so you know how girls pee? well you know how theres these two lips and this thing in the middle? well the thing in the middle for me is weird. its bigger than the lips and its really weird. and this s really gross but i also f-u-c-k my self. lol. no sex toys. i just slip my hand down my pants, put it between my thighs and myv area, put one leg over the other and squeez. i this probably what caused it? because in my health books be had to look at one (eww) and the 2 outer lips are covering t middle part. you have to like, push them aside to see it and for me its longer that the the outside lips. is this wrong??
The Answer
Nope, there is nothing wrong with you.
The inner labia, which are the two lips you are describing are different lengths, shapes and colours on all women. There is nothing unusual about that.
Masturbating, which is what you are doing when you touch yourself for pleasure, is not causing this. It's just the way you are.
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The Question
15/f NOT sexually active
mk so over the past 2 days or so my vag has started to hurt a lot..for the first couple of days i was scared i have my first yeast infection because as well as hurting, it itched and smelled like beer.
but i decided that it wasnt a yeast infection because i dont have other symptoms such as excess discharge (think or thick) and it doesnt burn when i pee. so...now i think i mustve scratched my clit or something while masturbating because the pain is more on the surface.
so..i read somewhere that leaving the clit alone for about a week and putting a minimal amount of petroleum jelly (vasoline) on it twice a day for a week will help it heal..so im going to try it..but will it hurt me in any way?
also if you think i might have a yeast infection anyway please tell because i want to be sure before going to my mom (something i dont want to do =[ too embarassing)
thanks in advance
The Answer
You could still have a yeast infection. Abnormal discharge takes place in the later stages and burning when you pee isn't a required symptom.
Tell your mother and see a doctor. I have scratched my labia and what you are decribing doesn't sound like what I experienced. In my experience scratches just itch, a lot and constantly. There is no other pain.
In short: I don't know what is wrong with you and you don't know what is wrong with you. Time to see a doctor before you do anything else.
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The Question
ok so me and my boyfriend want to have sex. im 15/f. don't tell me i'm too young or not ready, because i know i am ready. but im just really really worried about getting pregnant. he said that we could do anal sex so i would have a lesser chance of getting pregnant.. so if anybody has had an experiance with that..?? and also, he said he would wear 2 condems, would that make it safer? thanks so much
The Answer
Do NOT use two condoms. That makes them more likely to break.
Anal Sex HURTS. Period. It does. Some people like the pain and get used to it and really enjoy it. Your first time at anal sex, it takes a long time, a lot of lube and a lot of swearing. It hurts like hell. The skin can rip, there can blood and embaressing to explain infections if you do get ripped. It will probably hurt FAR more than your first time having vaginal sex.
Also, that hole leaks. So, it's really not the perfect way to prevent pregnancy. Semen that drips near the vaginal opening, can cause pregnancy. It's a bit less likely, but still possible.
You may be ready hun, but HE is not ready to have sex!
These two ideas of his prove that is an idiot who doesn't know the first damn thing about sex. He should not be trusted when it comes to your body, and maybe not even when it comes to his own.
Do not sleep with him. You'll will end up fucking a moron sooner or later, but always do your best to avoid it.
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The Question
16/female.
i just want to know how do you know when you're in love?
I mean, I really want the real answers. I know it's different for everyone and I know "it's something you can't explain. you just know."
But I really can't tell between real love, physical lust, or just plain hormones.
I know I'm young and apparently, too young to know what love is.
But it feels so real.
I liked him from the start. He was smart, witty, charming, fun, nice, interesting. Everything appealed to me. Eventually, he had me completely. my heart, my mind. just everything.
During the summer, I really wanted to get over it because he's leaving for college next August and I went 3 months without talking to him and the feelings still were the same. I didn't like him any less.
It's hard for me to flirt with other guys now. It's weird. I just don't feel attracted to anyone else and the more I try to flirt with another guy, the more I miss him.
It's just something that's there..I don't know what it is.
We used to like each other a lot and we were close to dating but not anymore. Do you have to be dating someone to be in love with them?
so basically, my two questions are
How do you know when you're in love and it's not hormones?
and do you have to be with someone to love him?
The Answer
You are old enough to be in love when you are old enough to DECIDE to be in love.
I know, that sounds horribly unromantic and there are a million rose-wielding people out there who will say shit like 'you just feel it!'
I have feelings everyday of my life: love, hatred, misery, lust... Love isn't just a feeling. The man who beats his wife might honestly 'feel' that he loves her, but clearly whatever he is feeling isn't prompting him to behave as a 'lover'.
So when do you know you are in love? You are in love when you can behave like a lover. When you point to someone and think, despite all their faults that you choose them, and the world be damned. If love were just something you 'feel' there would be no divorce and no breaking up because frankly, it’s EASY to feel it. It’s tough to act love.
Do you need to be with them to be in love? In my opinion, yes. You can't really be a 'lover', that is, behave with love towards someone, when that person is absent.
For better or worse, this guy is absent from your life. You and he, because of your age, because of school, because of whatever, weren’t free to choose to love. You both have other things you need to do right now. That doesn’t make you bad people. That just makes you people. The feelings don’t conquer all and don’t make the choice possible.
Your obsessed and your are seriously infatuated. I know teens hate to hear it, but it’s still true: Most people have been there. It sucks, and it hurts and it drags you down for a good long while, and then slowly, you pick yourself back up and find yourself surprisingly attached to another person who seems even more perfect then that silly old crush.
That part just takes time.
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The Question
To make a long story short, I received a 3-day suspension today for making a really bad decision and pulling a prank that could have gotten worse if I wouldn't have ratted myself out. There were other people involved but I took all of the blame because if it weren't for me then it wouldn't have happened. A note was written by myself and 3 others that the administration found. I let the administration find it without thinking about the consequences.
Anyway, I was suspended for 3-days (a more than fair suspension) they were even nice enough to count today as day 1 which means I return to school Tuesday.
My question is about college. I have already been accepted to one college and am awaiting word from the other 2 that I applied to. How will this effect me? If I were to choose to go to the college I'm already accepted to and if I graduate, maintain my grades, etc., then will I still be allowed to go? After I graduate they ask for a final copy of my transcript which I'm not sure if it will have the suspension on it, probably though. What are my chances of being kicked out or them taking back the acceptance and saying nevermind, you're not accepted?
It's not an amazing college but I'm still worried. The other college I applied to is the one I really want to go to, (App State) but I'm afraid that my suspension will ruin my chances... Does anyone have any experience with this?
The Answer
You are best to ask your principal or guidance counselor what sort of information will be released to those colleges. The answer varies by state and school boards.
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The Question
Ok, so my name is Mandy and my boyfriend is Evan (not our real names). We've been going out for two years, so everyone knows we're like the "class sweethearts". But anyway...
Today in science I was flipping though my book (which stays in the desk and is used by whoever sits there each period), and on one page someone had written: "I love Evan Smith - and I'm not Mandy!" And then someone else wrote below it: "Me too! And I'm not Mandy either!"
Arggh! It made me soooo mad! So I wrote: "I love him too! and I AM Mandy!" (but then i crossed it out because I thought that sounded kinda rude, like haha I'm going out with him and you're not).
But anyway, I cant stop thinking about it. I mean, I know a lot of girls think my bf is cute and funny, and some probably have crushes on him... but they actually LOVE him?? Enough to write it in a book for anyone to see?? And what are the odds of it being two people who sit in the same seat (and MY seat, at that)? That must mean half the school is in love with him!
Now I know he really loves me, so I shouldn't let this bother me so much... but it really does. Because now I'm thinking that everyone I pass in the hall is secretly in love with my boyfriend, and behind their fake smile they're really glaring at me with jealousy. And I hate feeling so paranoid and suspicious! Ugghh.. what can I do to stop feeling so upset about this?
The Answer
Chill out hun! The whole school is not 'in love' with your boyfriend. Two people (or maybe just one with two different pens) thought it would be a funny joke.
You didn't think it was funny, but that's okay. You don't have too.
The truth is lots of people get jealous sometimes and it doesn't make them fake or bad people. Good friends get jealous of eachother from time to time, but they take a deep breath and deal with it and still care for thier friend regardless.
Besides, if you know he wants to be with you and trust him, it doesn't really matter how many people, if any, are jealous.
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The Question
I know being an adult is tough, but when theyre in a bad mood did u ever think of what WE think??
I dont think so, not once theyre worried about their problems. I dont think they give a damn about ours. Its actually sort of frustrating, but whatever.
The Answer
Hun, this isn't about adults vs teens. Seriously.
This is about PEOPLE.
There will always be people who belittle you and treat you like your opinions and struggles don't matter. There will always be people who don't know how to NOT take thier bad mood out on others. You will be fourty years old and still meeting these people.
These people should be rationally and politely corrected, ignored and maybe avoided.
Getting that upset and making sweeping generalizations like "Adults DON'T understand." or worse "Jew's Don't get it!", "Catholics are nuts!" or "Haspanics can't be trusted!" IS NOT going to help you in life.
It will make you miserable and no one will take you seriously.
If you want people to treat you as a person, and not as a 'teen' then you need to prepared to treat adults as people: flawed, imperfect, people.
When you have a problem with a person, address the behavoir, not thier age, or thier race, or thier gender or thier fricking hair colour!
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The Question
my boyfriend goes away to college but he comes home every weekend to see me, his family and his friends.
but lately things just seem so different.
we rarely talk because he says he's really busy with work..all of a sudden.
and we fight a lot.
i trust him completely, but there's still that
little thought that he could be or might cheat.
or that he's using me for sex every weekend.
but i don't understand why i would think that because there are plenty of girls at his college that would happily have sex with him.
he tells me that none of them are better than me though (looks&personality).
i feel SO horrible for thinking those things.
and i've just been so depressed about it.
how can i tell if i'm wrong?
what can i do?
we used to be like the perfect couple. seriously.
i love him so much and it would kill me if i lost him.
please, please help. :[
The Answer
I humbly suggest he might be 'all of a sudden' busy because it's the end of term. Most colleges have exams and final projects right now. Does his?
If his does, this is actually a very stresful time for him. He's never been through this before, he might not be handling it well.
It comes down to this: When your partner says everything is fine, you have to trust them. If you can't trust them and think they are lying to you, then you shouldn't be with them.
Ask him if things are okay between you and share your fears. If he says it's nothing, believe him.
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The Question
People laugh in my face when i say that being a kid isnt as easy as you think it is. Yes theyre the ones with all the bills and taxes, but we have to deal with all of their problems: for example devorce. Grades. Gossip. Teachers. Caring if what your wearing out of the house one day will make you cool. I know they were one kids themselves too, but they weren't kids in the 21st century. I mean, if you dont have the right phone, you not consisdered cool. I just need to know people have my back on this. We have to deal with everything they throw on us. They take advantage of the fact that they do everything, like "I worked my tail off" then when i say "So did i" they laugh in my face. being a kid (im 14) isnt that easy!!!!
I just need to know someone has my back on this
xoxo
The Answer
Hun, They DID work thier tales off.
It's not the same, granted, but it was hard and it is hard. The universe is always coming up with new sorts of ways to make life, at any age, hard.
Go ahead and call people on it if they are belittling you, but don't chalk up to agaism what is simply poor communication.
I am 22, so I wasn't a teen all that long ago, and yeah it was tough, friends, school, mental health, pressures from everyone and everywhere. In unversity, and now in the work force, it hasn't gotten any easier. Not a tiny bit. I've gotten better at handling the stresses and the issues, but they haven't gotten simplier.
Perhaps instead of getting your panties in a knot because some people phrase things poorly you try make something good out of thier bragging and say "How did you manage it then?"
Because that is what being a young adult is really about, it's not about it being an easy or hard time of life, it's about learning how to live.
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The Question
15/f
alright well one of my really close friends (15/f) has only made out with a guy once. i dont think anything of it but shes embarrassed by it.
.. so this past weekend she went to her campfriends house and met some of her guy friends. she came home telling me that she likes this kid and he liked her.. but they didnt hook up. she tells me to talk to him for her once in a while to make her seem 'cool' and 'experienced'. i did this once or twice to get them kind of started, but now she keeps telling me to tell him lies. for example she wanted me to tell him she been to 3rd. shes pretending to be someone who shes not.
i was recently going to mention this to her, but i was afraid i would hurt her feeling or she would take it the wrong way. should i confront her? and if yes.. what should i say?
The Answer
Remind her that not all guys like thier girls easy but they all like 'em honest.
She'll only be stressing out to live up to her lies if she ever gets anywhere with this guy. She's only making her own life harder.
Tell her you are happy to tell him that she is cool, because she is! But if she wants to lie to him, she'll need to do that herself.
Better you hurt her feelings a bit now, then become a partner to her lying games.
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The Question
I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months now and I care about him alot. With the Christmas season here he has been having to work about 60 hours a week with no days off(since about the begining of November). Now all we do is fight. I know it is because he is stressed and exhausted and I never feel like I get to see him; I also know that it will get back to normal after holiday season calms down in about a month. I just don't know what to do to make him not hate me for fighting with him all of the time. I don't want us to break up but I don't know how to calm my mood swings and fighting so he won't get tired of me. Please help... I have been so depressed because of this.
The Answer
You said: I just don't know what to do to make him not hate me for fighting with him all of the time.
The answer: Don't fight with him.
If you really think the only problem here is YOU, that is great! Because you can control yourself.
Take deep breaths, remind yourself that it's not reasonable for you to feel that way and tell yourself firmly that when you do speak to him, you need to cerish that time, not beat him up about it.
Only you can control you. There aren't any real tricks to it, you just have to decide to change.
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The Question
okay, so me and my bf were having sex with a condom on then he took it off anddd, like he "cumed" but not all the wayy, he wiped his penis off andd asked me to stick it back in, one more time w/o the condom, so he did & we put a condom BACK on and had sex tell he fully came, my period was supposed to start friday, the 7 but now its the 11 and i havent started, i took a test and it said no, but i took that sunday, could i be pregnant?
The Answer
Yes.
It's possible, but unlikely.
Also, most pregnancy tests are not accurate at all until at least 3 days, and most 7 days, after your missed period. Read the instructions very clearly if you are going to use one.
You are probably not pregnant, but don't do that agian. It simply isn't all that smart.
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The Question
what does "television personality" mean? Like kendra wilkinson and ryan seacrest are supposedly tv personality... whats that mean?
Also, what is "girl next door" (not the show) people say "im not the type of girl next door kina girl ..."
so yeah i dont get these phrases...
The Answer
A TV Personality is a person on TV who are not actors, it is thier own 'personality' that they use. Anchors, hosts and VJs are TV personailties.
The girl next door phrase is just a common phrase that is understood to mean a pretty, conservative, approachable, all-american kind of girl.
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The Question
I've been invited to a Christmas family gathering by my boyfriends family. It's a family affair, i.e. his whole extended family is attending. It's not a gift-giving thing, but I'm wondering whether I should buy some presents for his family, i.e. he has some really young brothers and sisters (6, 11, and 17). Would it be the done thing to buy them a present each? We've only been together 2 months. I don't want it to be weird or anything.
Thanks.
The Answer
Bring some cookies or squares that can be enjoyed by everyone.
It wouldn't be right to bring the children presents if the family has decided it's a non-gift-giving occassion.
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The Question
Okay, I'm kind of confused in the middle. my boyfriend asked his parents to pick me up tomorrow so i can see him, since i don't get to see him that much. and something happened, he said his dad said "no" so my boyfriend started crying. then he texted his mom saying "I never thought i would say it but i hate my life now i never wanted to move I'm probably gonna loose my girlfriend soon cause of this you're the one that promised to take Mary to our house and back in the first place! and it may not seem like a big deal to you guys but it is to me!!! she's the only person that makes me smile if ya'll take that away from me I'll do something very drastic i promise.. you better not mention to this to dad." and he told me that his dad said that him seeing me is enough once a week, and that his mom back stabbed him, by dragging him out of his room into the living room and started yelling at him and saying that if i really did love him then i wouldn't leave him or anything. and that they might come to my house and tell my parents about us and then break us up. (my parents don't allow me to have a boyfriend especially my dad because I'm the daddy's girl). which kind of confuses me, because he says that his parents LOVE me... i mean LOVE me. then all the sudden his dad texts me, saying: "Mary, please try to help Adrian (he's depress) we can't understand why? if his relationship with you is affecting him then we need to take care AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, since we want the BEST for you guys, PLEASE don't forward this message to him, otherwise we will think you don't REALLY love him.... thank you for your understanding, Please respond." so then i was confused.. and his dad called me to tell me to help my boyfriend and stuff like that.. and that they have reasons why they can't take me and stuff like that. and i understood.. but i don't understand why all of this is happening. they say it's because my boyfriend(Adrian) is depressed about it.. and doesn't do anything besides sit in his room. then his mom texts me saying: "Please don't think that we are blaming this on you it's Adrian that don't understand that we can't take him to see you everyday and we had our reasons to move here. he will be able to see you more often i will get his driving permit on Friday so he can learn how to drive but i just need you guys to be more patient"
they told me to help him on school & etc.. but yet it's kind of hard to believe who and stuff.. help me please? how can i help him? and what is the right thing to do?
PLEASE & THANK YOU.
The Answer
Half of the solution to this problem is not always accepting calls from your boyfriend's parents.
Yes, you must speak to them from time to time, but keep the conversations quick and superficial.
When they call, ask to speak to your boyfriend.
They are meddling to an unhealthy degree. They are confusing you both, and likely without meaning too, they are playing you against each other and trying to keep you on their 'side'.
The very idea that an adult would threaten, and it was most definitely a threat, to believe that you don't "REALLY love him" is DISGUSTING. It makes me sick to believe there are such adults in the world. I hope you can see how colossally wrong it is of them to try to bully and guilt you into helping them to parent your boyfriend.
You aren't his parent, you are a girlFRIEND. They are throwing things at you that are not your fault or your responsibility and they are telling you THIER side of the story, rather then the side that is actually important to you: Adrian's.
This doesn't mean they are horrible people. They are still his parents and must be respected, just not blindly trusted in anything they say. Focus on speaking to your boyfriend.
Listen to each thing he tells you as though it's the first time you are hearing it. Remind him what his parents say or do means nothing to you. Reassure him.
If they think he is depressed, then it is THIER job to get him to a doctor. If you think he is depressed, it's your job to talk to him and encourage him to seek help.
If they call you, gently remind them that you appreciate all their help and information but you would like to speak to Adrian.
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The Question
in like the 1800s did women get their periods?
if so, what did they use for a tampon/ pad??
i know this weird but im very curious..
The Answer
Cave-women menstruated, about once a month, just the way women do today.
What did they do about it? Probably not a damn thing. In a very early societies it would not have mattered quite the same way. People worked, got dirty, and dealt with it. In other cultures, women on their periods were perceived as being ‘sick’ so they didn’t go out or socialize, making the clean up less of a necessity.
Commercial pads have been around since the 1800's, before then, women probably did use rags, sponges, skins or whatever else they had handy that would do the job.
The sad truth is that human history was written by men, and men had little interest the ways women dealt with their periods. There really isn't any historical data on the subject.
You can read a bit more here: http://labyrinth.net.au/~obsidian/clothpads/padhistory.html but I’m afraid you wont find any perfect answers to your question.
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The Question
Okay, so I'm 15/f
I have a feeling that this guy I like is going to ask me out, mainly because everyone's been saying he likes me and he keeps on asking to be alone with him for a few minutes sometime this upcoming week. I know, I shouldn't get my hopes up because I can get disappointed majorly. But to be prepared:
What are some good ways to say "yes" to him if he asks me out nonchalantly. Not excited/naive sounding but at the same time not "I'm not interested but I'll go out with you out of pity" sounding. Help!
The Answer
Why be nonchalant?
I promise you, that whole 'playing hard to get' line is total bullshit. If you are happy and excited to go out with him, let him see it in your face. Smile brightly and say "Yes. When?"
Playing it 'cool' doesn't make guys want you more (contrary to what foolish, game-playing, females might tell you) it actually makes them nervous, insecure and less likely to approach you and be honest and comfortable with you. It makes them doubt themselves and shy away from you.
Gentle encouragement is what you give a crush, not the cold shoulder.
So, as long as you don’t leap into his lap, you’ll do fine. Don’t mislead him about your affections. If he asks you out, say ‘yes’ with the happiness you genuinely feel.
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The Question
Hi All,
This is the low down, I have a boyfriend we have been going out for approx. 2 months it's been quite rocky as we both approach relationships differently but recently he seems to be really getting on my nerves to the point where I can't even controll my anger. He recently got a car which he said he needed badly to get to work and back and I was all for it I was supportive throughout the process. But now it's become more then Just a car for going to work and back now every week-end or randomly during the week he goes out with his brothers and friends and comes back late at night and during that period he won't even text me to say his safe and missing me. He even tells me little white lies about where he's going with his friends I have no problem with him going out because I trust him. But I've taken the backseat in this relationship because of his car. He gets very annoyed or angry when I tell him about his faults and he just replies ''ok'' to everything. I just feel neglected and I just feel his not romantic enough he doesn't even take me on dates nor do small things for me to show he cares. Nor makes time for me anymore.
If there's anyone out there who could please give me some advice on how I should handle this situation with him beacause he has an attitude when it comes to problem solving.
Thank-you all for your time..
The Answer
Look hun, if things have been really rocky after only two months, and you are feeling neglected and both of you are dealing with your anger poorly, you don't have a 'problem solving' issue, you have a 'dump him already' issue.
EVERYONE is on thier best behavoir at the begining of the relationship. If this is the best you two can be for eachother, yipes!
Cut your losses and look for someone else.
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The Question
alright so a little over a week ago i had unprotected sex with my current boyfrend and yesterday we chilled again and he fingered me and i started bleeding it was sort of brownish but i was wondering if the reason i bleed was some sort of minor misscarriage? is that even possible?
i know one of my friends had a misscarriage and what she described sounded like what happened to me
i wondering is that possible or is this theory even probable
The Answer
Possible, but less likely if you are young and healthy.
Sexual activity can also dislodge old period blood and cause some light, brownish, bleeding.
Truth is, you'll never really know. Many miscarriages take place before a woman ever notices she is pregnant.
How about using some protection eh?
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