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parents & boyfriend
Okay, I'm kind of confused in the middle. my boyfriend asked his parents to pick me up tomorrow so i can see him, since i don't get to see him that much. and something happened, he said his dad said "no" so my boyfriend started crying. then he texted his mom saying "I never thought i would say it but i hate my life now i never wanted to move I'm probably gonna loose my girlfriend soon cause of this you're the one that promised to take Mary to our house and back in the first place! and it may not seem like a big deal to you guys but it is to me!!! she's the only person that makes me smile if ya'll take that away from me I'll do something very drastic i promise.. you better not mention to this to dad." and he told me that his dad said that him seeing me is enough once a week, and that his mom back stabbed him, by dragging him out of his room into the living room and started yelling at him and saying that if i really did love him then i wouldn't leave him or anything. and that they might come to my house and tell my parents about us and then break us up. (my parents don't allow me to have a boyfriend especially my dad because I'm the daddy's girl). which kind of confuses me, because he says that his parents LOVE me... i mean LOVE me. then all the sudden his dad texts me, saying: "Mary, please try to help Adrian (he's depress) we can't understand why? if his relationship with you is affecting him then we need to take care AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, since we want the BEST for you guys, PLEASE don't forward this message to him, otherwise we will think you don't REALLY love him.... thank you for your understanding, Please respond." so then i was confused.. and his dad called me to tell me to help my boyfriend and stuff like that.. and that they have reasons why they can't take me and stuff like that. and i understood.. but i don't understand why all of this is happening. they say it's because my boyfriend(Adrian) is depressed about it.. and doesn't do anything besides sit in his room. then his mom texts me saying: "Please don't think that we are blaming this on you it's Adrian that don't understand that we can't take him to see you everyday and we had our reasons to move here. he will be able to see you more often i will get his driving permit on Friday so he can learn how to drive but i just need you guys to be more patient"
they told me to help him on school & etc.. but yet it's kind of hard to believe who and stuff.. help me please? how can i help him? and what is the right thing to do?
PLEASE & THANK YOU.
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The mess is not yours to clean up. Just get out of it. Remove yourself from the situation, the conversation and the humiliation. Tell them you don't want to be involved in the drama and that you don't want to be a bargaining chip. Tell them that his depression and the whole family dynamics are nothing to do with you and you cannot be involved. I would break it off with the boyfriend, at least until they figure out a plan that does not include you.
Wow. I would be confused, too. There is a lot of serious manipulation going on here. They did put you in the middle and it is wrong. Your boyfriend has learned to manipulate his parents, probably from watching his parents do the same...you do not want to be in the middle. Take yourself out of their mind games. They have a lot of problems that have nothing to do with you, and you are not ever responsible for making them happy or for keeping the peace or whatever else they are trying to make you do. Do you want to end up married into that mess? Get out now and don't look back. Nothing will ever change there and they will never stop using you.
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Alright. I see what's happening. So, your boyfriend moved away...but im guessing not that far away because if it was too far, than his parents wouldnt even consider driving. My suggestion is this: talk to him about how he is behaving. He seems he has really fallen for you because he is all depressed that he doesn't get to see you as often. Like he said "she is the only one who makes me smile". the best thing you could tell him...is to stay positive. Tell him he needs to look on the bright side of everything. That's the only way someone can learn to relax and take one step and day at a time. If you do love Adrian...tell him. If you do have strong feelings for him...tell him that you dont like it when he is depressed...that it makes you sad and you want him to be as happy as ever. You know what I do when my boyfriend has had a rough day and feels down? I write him a huge email. I have not written a single email that hasnt made him feel better. In your email, tell him how much you care...that things will get better BUT it's important to say positive. From experience, the more positive you think, the better you feel and the stronger you become. You can face harder things without getting too upset. Another suggestion would be...keep in contact with him. Check up on him daily (like asking "how was your day") If he is upset...try and get him to talk about it..then just comfort him. As for his parents asking you to help him with school..if you think you can help, go for it..but if you dont think it'll do much good...then tell them honestly that it might not be the greatest idea.
Okay, this also sounds like a long distance relationship. Im gunna tell you the truth, they dont always work out. I've had many friends get hurt because of their attempt at it. Some people do figure out something though =)
Adrian, seems to be emotionally crushed when you arent around. You are gunna have to tell him to relax more. That becoming all sad doesn't do anything...except hurt him.
And when you talk to him if he says anything like "but i miss you..i wanna see you noww!!" then just calmy say (or type, text, whatever) "you'll see me before you know it :) and we can hang out. im excited, i cant wait :)" ***the important thing is you keep sending him smiles. he'll eventually get the point that you are happy..and that should help him out***
Well, that's about all I can tell you. Good luck girl! I hope everything works out for you.
Keep positive..and smile as much as you can (as i always say "smile until your cheeks hurt!" :)
=D <3
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ok so it is kind of shitty that his dad said that you wouldn't forward his text to your bf if you really loved him..watch out for him, that's manipulative. but all you can do is be there for him. talk him down. remind him how much you love him, and that you won't just leave him. remind him that very soon he will have his permit, and will then get his liscense. just be patient. and you might want to talk to your parents about the fact that you have a bf. I know it might be hard, but if his parents, and your parents are trying to contribute to you two seeing eachother, then you guys will get to spend more time together.
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Half of the solution to this problem is not always accepting calls from your boyfriend's parents.
Yes, you must speak to them from time to time, but keep the conversations quick and superficial.
When they call, ask to speak to your boyfriend.
They are meddling to an unhealthy degree. They are confusing you both, and likely without meaning too, they are playing you against each other and trying to keep you on their 'side'.
The very idea that an adult would threaten, and it was most definitely a threat, to believe that you don't "REALLY love him" is DISGUSTING. It makes me sick to believe there are such adults in the world. I hope you can see how colossally wrong it is of them to try to bully and guilt you into helping them to parent your boyfriend.
You aren't his parent, you are a girlFRIEND. They are throwing things at you that are not your fault or your responsibility and they are telling you THIER side of the story, rather then the side that is actually important to you: Adrian's.
This doesn't mean they are horrible people. They are still his parents and must be respected, just not blindly trusted in anything they say. Focus on speaking to your boyfriend.
Listen to each thing he tells you as though it's the first time you are hearing it. Remind him what his parents say or do means nothing to you. Reassure him.
If they think he is depressed, then it is THIER job to get him to a doctor. If you think he is depressed, it's your job to talk to him and encourage him to seek help.
If they call you, gently remind them that you appreciate all their help and information but you would like to speak to Adrian.
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The only thing you can do is talk to him to calm him down. His parents probably hate going behind your parents back, And then gas isnt cheap. They may be in a comprimising position you never know all the details. The best thing for you and adrian to do is to calm down and take it one day at a time. As long as you can hear his voice and know hes ok then ya'll should be fine.
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