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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
ok i know sex hurts for the first time but is it a pain your able to tolerate...like your able to suck it up? and does it hurt afterwards too? sorry i know this question is asked frequently!
thanx in advance!
The Answer
The truth is it shouldn't hurt much at all.
Think of it like getting a needle: when the doctor is sensible and good at it, and when you are calm and confident, it isn't painful at all. Everything just sorts of works itself out: It might be a bit uncomfortable, but it isn't painful.
Sex, even for the first time, should basically be the same thing: perhaps a good bit uncomfortable as you start, but NOT painful. If something is painful, you shouldn't be doing it.
You shouldn’t engage in sexual activities where you have to ignore your negative feelings (such as pain, shame or disgust). There is nothing wrong with those negative feelings, most of the time they are giving you important clues about what you and your body can handle.
Use lube, be relaxed and ready. If it hurts, stop. In all aspects of sex it’s important to listen to your body and respect your partner so there shouldn’t be any reason to continue something that is painful.
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The Question
I have a fever of 101 and I wanna get rid of it.. it's been close to three days with it...
Ive been taking ibuprofin but i've like stopped now since my fever keeps coming back. :(
The Answer
Go to a hospital, a clinic, or a doctor. Soon.
That is a serious temperature which has remained for a serious length of time. You need to see a medical professional ASAP.
A temperature of over 100 that persists is something to be genuinely concerned about. See a professional.
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The Question
I did it once.. pulled out. Cleaned myselff off it cold water. Dried off with a dry towel. And made sure the pee hole was dry then went back in should I be concerned?
The Answer
This question makes no sense. I've read it six times now, and I although I think I could guess what it is you are asking... I don't do guess work when it comes to sex.
If this question was asked to the pool, I wouldn't answer it because I can't be sure I understand well enough to be confident in my advice.
Please use complete sentences, indicate your gender and what precisely your fears/concerns are if you would like an equivalently comprehensible response.
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The Question
k. 15/f i have heard that some of my friends have their dogs like their va jay jays. how bad is this for u? i mean. isnt a dogs mouth cleaner than a humans? so isnt it cleaner if a dog eats u out and not a guy?
The Answer
It doesn't matter about cleanliness.
It's animal abuse.
That's why it's illegal.
Tell them to stop. Aniaml services will take away thier pet, as it should. An animal cannot consent anymore so then a toddler. It's not wrong because it's gross or preverted, it's wrong because it's unethical and falls under the cruelty towards animals laws.
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The Question
15/f
I'm in this program, thats suppose to help you with your grades. It teaches you like study skills and such. I already know all of that. The only reason my grades arn't as good as they should be, is because I make small mistakes. Like, forgetting to put a negative sign next to a number. You know what I mean? So, I basically want out of it. I talked to my guidance counselor twice. And she keeps telling me to think about it. I know she doesn't want me to drop it. But, I want to do whats best for me. My mom and dad also agree I should drop it. How can I convince my guidance counselor to let me drop it?
The Answer
If your mother and father want you out of it too, have them speak to your guidance counselor.
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The Question
my partner and me enjoy peeing when we make love can this be dangerious to her inside's. she loves me to pee inside her, and watches our pee and cum shoot out of her.
The Answer
Urine is generally rather clean and without harmful infections, so by and large, I suppose this is alright.
Of course, you are exposing yourselves to STDs when you don't use proper protection... but I would hope you already knew that.
Make sure your girlfriend goes to the doctor if she experiences any pain or reddness. What you are doing could possible throw off the healthy balance in her vagina and cause infection, so if you are going to enagage in this kind of risky behavoir, be prepared to visit, and be honest with, a doctor if the need arises.
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The Question
Ok, so, you know how when girls ejaculate, they like, well, almost like, pee a little? How do guys react to that? I wouldn't want to be doing anything and do that all over him and have him think it's gross.
The Answer
Although it feels like pee, female ejaclation is NOT pee.
Although it's possible to urinate during sex, it's different completely then female ejaculation. Totally different fluids.
Guys who have any sense are thrilled, flattered and turned on by it. If you guy doesn't have any sense, educate him.
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The Question
What would I be called if I believed in God (singular), but didn't recognize any sort of prophet or holy book?
Thanks.
The Answer
EDIT:
If you are actually looking for belief structures or faith community (you should say so in your question please) and you should probably look into Unitarian Universalism.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unitarian_Universalism
The idea that there is only one God, but without identifying with any one religion IS BROAD so yes, the answers you are receiving are equally broad. I gave you an accurate philosophic label. I can't tell you what your religion is.
Most dictionary definitions of religion include the use and belief in prophets or holy books. Once you cut those out of the equation, there is limited guidance we can offer.
-
Simply monotheism.
Monotheism is the belief that there is only one deity.
Wikipedia is always a good place to start:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monotheism
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The Question
Lately people haven't been rating the answers you leave to their questions nor do they leave feedback if they even bother to rate it.
Is this just me or is this happening to all of you ?
Because I've answered about 20 questions and onnly got rated on about 5.
Thanks !
The Answer
You are right, but this isn't a 'lately' thing.
I've been here for years, and geting rated about 1 in 4 to 6 times, and actual feedback about 1 in 10 times, has always been the norm as far as my memory goes.
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The Question
In April, I will be traveling to England and Ireland for about a week (although I believe we're spending four days in England, three in Ireland). I've researched many sites for information about traveling there and things to remember to take and whatnot, but I only get very general information like "bring an umbrella" and "make sure you have your passport, money, and valuables in a safe place", which would be advice for traveling basically anywhere.
So, to anyone who has been there or similar countries in western Europe, what are any tips/information that could be useful for me? Please do not recommend travel websites that give out information like I listed above, whereas they're not of much use. I'd like more personal experiences. Thanks in advance! (:
The Answer
My best advice for someone traveling to England and Ireland is this:
Don't say 'bugger', it's a serious swear word as far as they are concerned. Children will stare at you bug-eyed and mothers will give your dirty looks.
Don't be offended by the word 'cunt'. It doesn't seem to have the same negative connotations there that is does here. Sometimes they say when you or I would say 'dude'.
Other then that, hell, just have fun, obey those standard traveling tips and enjoy yourself!
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The Question
18/f
I've liked my friend for a while and at my christmas party we were talking about relationships and we'd both just come out of one. We both said that we just want to have fun cos we're young but then we ended up kissing. After we were talking on msn and he asked if i have feelings for anyone so i said him and he apologised for what happened at the party and said if he knew he wouldnt have kissed me. Then at my friends New Years party it happened again but neither of us have mentioned it to each other and we're just acting like friends. So do i carry on with the way things are or try and do something to further the relationship? But im not very confident and wouldnt feel comfortable asking him out or anything.
Thanks!
The Answer
If you wont talk to him about this then you are shit out of luck hun.
He has made it pretty clear he isn't interested in anything but (drunken?) hook-ups. Listen to what he is saying: He is sorry to misled you. He just likes to fool around and have fun.
If there is anything more to it then that, he isn't about to tell you unless you push the subject... which you say you wont... so, there is nothing to be done.
Don't allow this to just continue if what you want is a relationship, that will only make you miserable. If you wont risk the confrontation and questions: Move on.
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The Question
No, not on the playground.
Before my husband and I were married (we are going on 9 years now), we had a very different relationship. We had been together in high school, then apart for 3 years. During that time, I discovered a sexual side of myself that I loved. When we got back together, I made sure he knew that part of me. He loved it too. I'm a bisexual submissive and he knew how to dominate me. On occasion, we would play with others. He'd let other people whip or spank me with no issues. We toyed with another young woman. Then, we got married and had a baby (he's 8 now)and it all seems to have gone away. And it wasn't gradual either. I got depressed, and still am. I think a lot of it has to do with feeling like I have to suppress who I am because of the way things have changed.
I've been working on getting past my depression. That led to finding what I need/want. I want at least a bit of our old relationship back. And that includes involving others. I love the feeling of him being in control, even when someone else is with me.
I want to try swinging, even just once to see if it is really what I want. How do I bring this up to DH without causing a problem? It isn't that I feel he is inadequate, but I am afraid it will sound like I do. Also, if he does take to the idea, what would be the next step? I don't have anyone in mind. How would I find a good couple to be with?
*Note - If you would say that I should not be considering this at all 'cause I'm married, or that I am wrong for being bisexual, please don't answer. That doesn't answer my question at all and will get a low rating as a result.
The Answer
Is swinging really what you want?
I have no intention on judging you in anyway, I just think you need to realize that 'at least a bit of our old relationship back' to 'sexual activity with others' is a bit of a large leap, one that takes serious discussion, lots of planning and can take a long time to bring to fruition and one that. I think you've already discovered this piece: is a bit less compatible with your mommy and daddy lifestyle then it once was.
Saying 'I want some of the old passion and games back' is a whole lot different than saying 'I want someone else in my bed' and is probably a better place to start, both for his comfort and security and also for yours.
So start steadily and small. Increase the sexual bond and pleasure the two of share. Even when other people are involved you know that your most important connection is with him. Making the focus your shared pleasure and renewing the sexual fun in your relationship will assure both of you of that connection rather then approaching him with your personal sexual desire to get other people involved (which could certainly come off to him as ‘demands’)
I'm not saying don't swing. I'm saying, think hard about what it is you really 'want' before dedicating yourself to the idea of swinging AND absolutely renew and firm up your relationship with your husband first and foremost. Sex, as I'm sure you know, can be practiced and enjoyed in so many ways. My advice to you is to approach your husband looking to explore, and re-explore your passion for one another. Only when that is going well, will you both be ready for the idea of other participants.
Don't get ahead of yourself. Don’t step back into an exciting sex-life with this goal of having other people in mind. Step into it with dedication, excitement and with an open mind about his pleasure as well as yours. He’ll be more receptive, and the end result will be a stronger marriage rather than insecurities and confusion.
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The Question
Hi, ive been going out with this girl for about a month now and i like her sooooo much, im 17 and according to her she was turnin 16 next month, but last night she phoned me in tears and confessed that she had been lying and is really 14 and about to turn 15.
What should I do? im not a pedofile, ill be 18 and she'll still be 15! Surely that's wrong isn't it? Help me please
The Answer
It doesn't make you a pedophile and in most states, it's totally legal.
But when you are a teen, a few years is a huge differences, you'll finishing up college, or in the workforce, years before her. That is a very large hurdle for most couples, and a difficult thing to get past.
You are right to be hesitant. If you feel that the age (and the lying) means this wont work, listen to that feeling. If you want to take the risk, do so, with the promise from her that she won't lie anymore.
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The Question
Okay. Well. Yeah. =]
I'm a 17-year-old guy and I'm bisexual. It took me a while to admit to it, but I finally accepted it. =] Anyways, I've told my mom and she has no problem with it. My parents are divorced, by the way. Well, I want to tell my dad, but he is extremely homophobic. I seriously think he would yell at me. He lives in another state. I visit him in March.
Should I tell him I'm bisexual, and if I should, then how? I'd like to tell him before March because I wear eyeliner and don't want to stop wearing it when I see him.
The Answer
I doubt your eye liner will be taken as evidence of your bisexuality... he'll probably just call it a phase. Or, you know, you could stop just for the visit...
Look, coming out is truly you choice. You don't *hafta*, it's not a requirement of being bisexual. If you are comfortable with your relationship with your father without telling him, then don't tell him.
If you don't want to tell him yet... don't tell him yet.
If you need you need too be honest, then be honest. Do it over the phone, script it out if you must, but just get it over with. Of course he'll have questions, it's best if you can geuss what they are and have your answers ready.
You might also look to your mother for advice on how to talk about this. She might not have stayed with your dad, but she probably still knows who he is really well.
Good luck.
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The Question
19/f - I am in serious need of advice. :(
I've been hanging out with my older brother's friends for about 3 years now. My brother is 25 and his friends range from 21-27.
One of my brother's friends has a New Years Eve party every year, and I always go. I've always liked one of his friends, "B", who is 24 now and we've finally got to know each other. I really think he likes me as well. :]
Well, 2 days after the party, "B" and some of my brother's other friends asked me to hang out. It was already 11:30PM and my mom gave me a real hard time about going, but I ended up going anyway.
After that, I decided to tell my brother and dad about "B". My brother is, I'm guessing, upset with me about hanging out with "B" and hasn't spoken to me since the 5th. My dad is uncomfortable with "B" being 24. My mom is really upset about the whole thing as well because she thinks me hanging out with "B" is gonna ruin everything.
The thing is, me and "B" really have a lot in common and I really like him a lot. I've secretly hung out with him three times since then, because if I told my family where I was going, they probably wouldn't let me.
I've told practically EVERYONE I know about the situation and nobody thinks it's a big deal AT ALL. Just my family.
I have no idea what to do. I just got done talking to my mom about some things, and she basically hates me right now. She said I'm turning into someone she doesn't like. But it's like, I'm 19 and it's my life, why can't I just do what I want and date who I want?
This really isn't fair. I'm at the point where I just don't care anymore, and I'm gonna see "B" when I want. Why are the only people who don't approve have to be my family? Please help. It's got to the point where I doubt it matters what I say, they're never gonna be happy with it, so why not just do what I want and show them that nothing bad is going to happen and that they're blowing this way out of proportion? I don't know, PLEASE HELP. :'[
The Answer
Lying to them and misleding them is 'something bad.' If you want them to realize they aren't blowing this out of purportion, don't up the ante by lying to them.
The way to show them that you are mature and capable of handling this is not to 'just do what you want', but to calmly explain to them what is going to happen.
Try this:
"Hey mom and dad, I'm going out with B tommorrow. We are going to 'whatever' and I'll be back at 'whatever'. I know you don't really like him, but I do and I am going to talk him and hang out with him. I want you guys to be as comfortable as you can with this so I'm being honest, but I am old enough to select my own friends. I promise to be honest with you and listen to your opinions, but I need you respect my decision to have a friendship with him. I know you'll be here for me if something goes wrong and I love you for that. I'm going to be careful and take care of myself too."
You live in your parents home babe. As long as you do that yyou CAN'T just do what you want. Sorry. That is just the fact of it.
But it's not like they can 'ground' you anymore. They could deny you the use of the car or something, but then you just need someone else to drive...
If you want to be mature, act it. Teenage brats sneak around with older guys behind thier parents back, at nineteen you should be beyond that. Just be calm and honest... then do what you want.
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The Question
I love this boy but you see he acts different when he is around his friends. I told him that he does but he doesn't listin to me and blams the whole thing on me saying i am changing and that im not the same person he feel in love with. i don't know what to do and my friends just seem to not know either. i need help. Do you have any advise for me?
The Answer
What does 'different' mean hun?
Everyone is different around thier friends then they are when they are in a large group. Unless his different is abusive, cruel or disrespectful, I'm not sure I see your point.
My only advice is to make sure you still have valuable times alone togeather. To make any further call we would need more details.
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The Question
My daughter is turning 21 next month. I want to give her something that she will cherish but I also want to give her something she won't stash in the back of her jewelry box.
I would like to give her my strand of pearls that my mom gave me and the matching pearl bracelet. First, is this a good gift? Second, I have to have them restrung, right now the necklace is about 20", would it be nicer to have a long strand and no bracelet or keep the bracelet and maybe add a cool silver monogram to the bracelet.
I am really at a loss, she works for a large corporation in Southern Cal doing event planning but is also a college student. Any thoughts or suggestions would be a great help. Thanks!
The Answer
Ask her.
I know, it would be lovely for it to be a surprise, but it could be just as lovely and even exciting for her to hear the story behind the pearls and be part of the discussion of what will be done to them.
When it comes to a gift of expensive jewelry my opinion is that it is always better to have the input of the person you are getting the gift for.
Perhaps surprise her with a smaller, less expensive gift as an add-on as well but if you are going to give her this necklace and make it over for her, do yourself a favor and get her opinion.
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The Question
My son is dating a girl who, I feel, is very spoiled by all the material blessings that have been bestowed on her lately (a new BMW, a $l,700 ring from her Dad, A Birthday party with a limousine and dinner for l5). It's not so much the fact that she has received these things, but, that there have been big changes in her personalilty because of it.
I was doing her nails (I am a nail technician) and after l0 minutes of hearing all about this extravagant party and the limo and the ring her dad was about to buy her, I kind of "got all over her case" about how she would feel if her and my son ended up together someday and he could not provide all the material things that she so loves for her. My husband and I are people who live paycheck to paycheck and these things big presents are not something we can do. I guess that is why I started talking to her about this, because it bothers me that we cannot provide all this materialism for our sons. We also had just gone through a legal crisis involving my older son who got into a situation where he was accused of doing something he did not do and was arrested for. It cost us $l3,000 to get a lawyer. The case was dismissed, but the bill still stays the same. So, I guess this is why I came down sort of hard on her, because I basically said that she was spoiled to her. It seems to me that all she cares about are her designer bags or shoes or her horse, or her car or her jewelry. Maybe because it came all at once it seems to be so much. Like I said, it's not the stuff as much as it is her attitute since she got all of this. She got mad because my son couldn't get her a $200 handbag for Christmas.
My saying something to her was proably wrong, but I am concerned for my son. I also feel guilty in a lot of ways because I can't be as generous to my children. But, I don't want him to be in a situation that will make him unhappy where he has to cater to her material whims. She is really bossy and pushy with him. Everything has to be her way no way.
I know I should keep my opinions to myself, but it is too late, I already told him how I feel. Then the worst happend...my son did not hang up the phone when I was talking to him about her and she heard me say that the "last car accident she was in could have been avoided if she had more experience". She had two accidents last year 6 months apart and totalled both cars. Both technically not her fault. I could be wrong, but it was just an opinion.
I feel bad about saying things about her to him, but, I can't help feeling this way. I know I cannot fix this can I. They have been dating two years. I don't want them to break up. I just wish she would go back to the sweet person she was when we met her two years ago.
The Answer
You owe her an apology. What you said was not 'probably wrong', it was very wrong of you to confront a teenage girl in such a way.
You are the parent here and you are not obligated to keep your opinions to yourself but your concerns about their relationship and her attitude should be brought up in a concerned and loving way with YOUR SON, not her.
The fact that you didn't mention in the least what her response was to your being
'hard on her' makes it seem to me as though you are completely aware that this has a great deal more to do with your stress and frustration, then it does with her behavior.
I feel I should also mention to you that I too have bias in this: I come from a very wealthy family who have been generous and provided many things for me as a teen: I had a car, two horses, jewelry and lovely European adventures and travels. At seventeen I was only beginning to realize what this did to me as a person, and learning to appreciate the lives and limitations that others had. I have now gradated from university and lead a simple life with few luxuries, a not-so-well paying job that I adore. I don't think anyone has thought of me as 'spoiled' in years and no one but my closest friends would even be aware of my parent's income bracket.
Although I certainly do miss some of the perks (man, what I wouldn't do for a PS3). I am happy with my life. My happiness, my desires and goals, are not defined by how much money my parents have made.
Hers might not be either, but you can't possibly know that yet. Neither can she. She's seventeen for fucks sake. She hardly knows herself yet. Your son hardly knows himself yet either!
Apologize to the girl and to your son. Perhaps do it in a letter if you feel that a spoken conversation would be difficult for you to manage. Explain that your own fears and troubles with money lead you to speak to her unfairly (and you DID speak unfairly). Tell them that although their differences in family earnings worries you, you trust them to come to compromises that will work (as they must be doing decently well, having managed to stay together for 2 years.)
From now on I would challenge you to support your son when you see him being treated unfairly by this girl. Listen to him and encourage him to be honest with both you and her when her demands are excessive or her behavior pushy. You canâ??t tell him how to run his love life, but you can understand of where he is coming from. Like many parents, you need to listen more then you speak, and let him make his own mistakes. Step into the picture only when he is serious danger. Allowing him to experience and own his own relationship troubles (rather then becoming one of those troubles yourself) will allow him to learn how to solve them, and perhaps eventually, break-up with this girl, and end them.
When you insult the girl he is dating, you insert a wedge between him and yourself. You have given these two something new to bound and over: their anger at you.
Be the adult, apologize and be supportive. Only become protective when the situation truly warrants it.
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The Question
so heres the deal
ive been with my boyfriend for 3 years on and off.. im really in love with him and this weekend was crazy.. friday we stayed in a hotel 2gether.. and we hang out all the time.. i live in missouri and he lives in illinois. he comes and picks me up all the time.. he calls me his shawty..
the thing is, hes bout 2 b locked up.. hes turnin himself in about 2 weeks.. im waitin on him.. hes not going in for something real bad, it was a big misunderstanding and hell be out real quick.. should i stay with him????/
thanks=]]
The Answer
If this 'misunderstanding' involves physical violence, illegal drugs or weapons then NO you should not wait for him.
But it's up to you to make your own mistakes babe. We can only offer opinions.
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The Question
Hey people,
There's this guy I really like from Uni for over 2 years now, but he's not the dating type as it seems as he's quite focused on studies. We're med students. The thing is we're kind of friends, i've done a lot for him as a friend, so it's more of a one-wayish thing. but he's really nice, it's not a love-at-1st-sight thing, cause i fell for him months after we met. It sort of developed into this really crazy thing and it's driving me nuts.
I'm not in the same batch anymore due to certain circumstances and I really miss him so much. We went on a trip to a fun park once, and when i refused to go on the scariest ride there, and I said I'd die if i go on that, he said, "I'll die with you", but it was really soft and I dont know if it was a random thing or he meant it..i've no clue.
I talk to him online sometimes, i usually say hello first. He never says hello first, even when we meet. I really cant read him, need some help..
Acc to our common friend, he said I take the effort to dress well and look good etc.. so that means he notices me, right?
I thought he couldnt care less about me.
THe thing that's bothering me is, the last time i logged on MSN, he signed off 5 mins later, it sounds really immature, but I'm quite affected by it.
I've fallen way too hard for him and it's the first time i'm feeling this way for someone, but how do I know what he feels? it's really hard causeof the small things he does like the MSN thing for instance..
The Answer
You are reading way too deeply into things like clothing and msn sign offs. It's unhealthy and it will, if it hasn't already, make you very unhappy.
Either speak to the guy, invite him out for coffee or a 'study date' or SOMETHING. Or stop talking to him and keep yourself too busy to think about him.
You really need to either take a step forward and risk it, or give up. What you are doing right now will make you physically ill. There is NO way to know what he thinks until you push the friendship up a notch to see how he'll respond and/or to ask him straight up.
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