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19/f - I am in serious need of advice. :(
I've been hanging out with my older brother's friends for about 3 years now. My brother is 25 and his friends range from 21-27.
One of my brother's friends has a New Years Eve party every year, and I always go. I've always liked one of his friends, "B", who is 24 now and we've finally got to know each other. I really think he likes me as well. :]
Well, 2 days after the party, "B" and some of my brother's other friends asked me to hang out. It was already 11:30PM and my mom gave me a real hard time about going, but I ended up going anyway.
After that, I decided to tell my brother and dad about "B". My brother is, I'm guessing, upset with me about hanging out with "B" and hasn't spoken to me since the 5th. My dad is uncomfortable with "B" being 24. My mom is really upset about the whole thing as well because she thinks me hanging out with "B" is gonna ruin everything.
The thing is, me and "B" really have a lot in common and I really like him a lot. I've secretly hung out with him three times since then, because if I told my family where I was going, they probably wouldn't let me.
I've told practically EVERYONE I know about the situation and nobody thinks it's a big deal AT ALL. Just my family.
I have no idea what to do. I just got done talking to my mom about some things, and she basically hates me right now. She said I'm turning into someone she doesn't like. But it's like, I'm 19 and it's my life, why can't I just do what I want and date who I want?
This really isn't fair. I'm at the point where I just don't care anymore, and I'm gonna see "B" when I want. Why are the only people who don't approve have to be my family? Please help. It's got to the point where I doubt it matters what I say, they're never gonna be happy with it, so why not just do what I want and show them that nothing bad is going to happen and that they're blowing this way out of proportion? I don't know, PLEASE HELP. :'[
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Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Lying to them and misleding them is 'something bad.' If you want them to realize they aren't blowing this out of purportion, don't up the ante by lying to them.
The way to show them that you are mature and capable of handling this is not to 'just do what you want', but to calmly explain to them what is going to happen.
Try this:
"Hey mom and dad, I'm going out with B tommorrow. We are going to 'whatever' and I'll be back at 'whatever'. I know you don't really like him, but I do and I am going to talk him and hang out with him. I want you guys to be as comfortable as you can with this so I'm being honest, but I am old enough to select my own friends. I promise to be honest with you and listen to your opinions, but I need you respect my decision to have a friendship with him. I know you'll be here for me if something goes wrong and I love you for that. I'm going to be careful and take care of myself too."
You live in your parents home babe. As long as you do that yyou CAN'T just do what you want. Sorry. That is just the fact of it.
But it's not like they can 'ground' you anymore. They could deny you the use of the car or something, but then you just need someone else to drive...
If you want to be mature, act it. Teenage brats sneak around with older guys behind thier parents back, at nineteen you should be beyond that. Just be calm and honest... then do what you want.
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You are not a child anymore. You're a fully grown, 19 year old female who deserves to make her own choices, especially who she wants to date and share experiences in her life with. It's somewhat understandable to see why your family is worried about you hanging around someone five years older than you are, solely because they care about you and they don't want to see you get hurt. If they weren't worried about it, somthing would actually be wrong with that. HOWEVER, it is not a case in which you are 12 and the other person is 17. Now THAT, is a big difference, but in your case, you are both fully grown adults. That's the part that I don't understand about this, although you still probably have alot to learn in life, as does "B." You shouldn't have to keep this a secret from your family though. To try and get your family aquainted with "B", invite him over for dinner or do somthing where your parents are involved as well. If he is the right guy for you, he WILL show your mother and father respect, and let them know that he wants to be with you. As for your brother, I think it is up to "B" more so than you to consol him. "B" needs to let him know that he will take good care of his little sister. I would still tell your brother how you feel about the whole situation once he decides to talk to you again. If your family truely loves you, they will respect the decision that you follow and they will support you through anything you decide to do in your life. Consider it a blessing though that they care about you and don't want to see you fall in with the wrong people, because there is plently of sons and daughters that aren't cared for. They just need to see the good guy "B" is and what good qualities he has. I don't think your blowing this out of proportion either.. love is a big thing to deal with! I wish you alot of luck in this situation, and hope the right thing happens! :) Dave
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I dated a guy who was older than myself, and my parents didn't approve at first. Neither did my older brother or sister. My dad was practically furious that he was 3 years older than myself. I was so frustrated, and didn't know how to go about the situation.
I finally told them "If you really love me, you'd want me to be happy, I've finally found someone I truly like, and I'd appreciate support from the people I love most" and it took them a little bit, but they finally agreed with me, and got along with him great. It was a little odd for my brother at first, but he realized there wasn't much he could do.
They say that I was happy, and they were happy too. I think you just have to tell them how important it is, and that you really like him.
It's not easy to do, but you have to stand up for yourself if you really do like him, and think it'll go somewhere.
I hope I helped somewhat, just here sayin' I know how that goes, and support is here if ya need it.
Good luck with the situation (:
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