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thinking of swinging
No, not on the playground.
Before my husband and I were married (we are going on 9 years now), we had a very different relationship. We had been together in high school, then apart for 3 years. During that time, I discovered a sexual side of myself that I loved. When we got back together, I made sure he knew that part of me. He loved it too. I'm a bisexual submissive and he knew how to dominate me. On occasion, we would play with others. He'd let other people whip or spank me with no issues. We toyed with another young woman. Then, we got married and had a baby (he's 8 now)and it all seems to have gone away. And it wasn't gradual either. I got depressed, and still am. I think a lot of it has to do with feeling like I have to suppress who I am because of the way things have changed.
I've been working on getting past my depression. That led to finding what I need/want. I want at least a bit of our old relationship back. And that includes involving others. I love the feeling of him being in control, even when someone else is with me.
I want to try swinging, even just once to see if it is really what I want. How do I bring this up to DH without causing a problem? It isn't that I feel he is inadequate, but I am afraid it will sound like I do. Also, if he does take to the idea, what would be the next step? I don't have anyone in mind. How would I find a good couple to be with?
*Note - If you would say that I should not be considering this at all 'cause I'm married, or that I am wrong for being bisexual, please don't answer. That doesn't answer my question at all and will get a low rating as a result.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
A question: what is the more thrilling, being with someone aside from your husband, or having your husband control you? For someone of my acquaintance, the big thrill was thinking of herself as completely her husband's posession, someone that he could loan out like a plaything.
Has your sex life gone completely vanilla, or are you still playing games? You might want to arrange a 'fun and games' weekend - ship your son off to Camp Grandma, unpack the toys and the Depeche Mode CDs, and have some fun. I bet he misses the old days too.
On the subject of threesomes/ polyamory, that can be a bit more touchy. Does he consider your old life something that responsible married people don't do? Is he afraid your son will find out and misunderstand? Is he afraid you'll leave him for someone else? This is all stuff that you both would have to address. Obviously, you both deserve to have a satisfying sex life, but not at the expense of the other's needs. I'd arrange the fun and games weekend before the big talk, just to give him a taste of what he gave up.
Hope this helps.
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OK you aren't wrong for being bisexual and be proud of who you are. I'll tell you a secret: I am too. My boyfriend lovves it! OK with your question, if you like threesomes with your husband and another girl, try them. Expirement with it to see if you like it and talk it over with your husband: you'll need support babe! Hope I helped!
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Is swinging really what you want?
I have no intention on judging you in anyway, I just think you need to realize that 'at least a bit of our old relationship back' to 'sexual activity with others' is a bit of a large leap, one that takes serious discussion, lots of planning and can take a long time to bring to fruition and one that. I think you've already discovered this piece: is a bit less compatible with your mommy and daddy lifestyle then it once was.
Saying 'I want some of the old passion and games back' is a whole lot different than saying 'I want someone else in my bed' and is probably a better place to start, both for his comfort and security and also for yours.
So start steadily and small. Increase the sexual bond and pleasure the two of share. Even when other people are involved you know that your most important connection is with him. Making the focus your shared pleasure and renewing the sexual fun in your relationship will assure both of you of that connection rather then approaching him with your personal sexual desire to get other people involved (which could certainly come off to him as ‘demands’)
I'm not saying don't swing. I'm saying, think hard about what it is you really 'want' before dedicating yourself to the idea of swinging AND absolutely renew and firm up your relationship with your husband first and foremost. Sex, as I'm sure you know, can be practiced and enjoyed in so many ways. My advice to you is to approach your husband looking to explore, and re-explore your passion for one another. Only when that is going well, will you both be ready for the idea of other participants.
Don't get ahead of yourself. Don’t step back into an exciting sex-life with this goal of having other people in mind. Step into it with dedication, excitement and with an open mind about his pleasure as well as yours. He’ll be more receptive, and the end result will be a stronger marriage rather than insecurities and confusion.
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