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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
hi! i read an answer you gave another questioner and i just want to ask how you retain so much info. for example, here: http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=513694
you say:
In 2006 The World Health Organization estimated that 75% of adult HIV infections world-wide were infected by heterosexual sex.
i would like to be able to remember facts like that! i dunno if the fact is important to you or you have a good memory or what? haha umm i hope my question makes sense
The Answer
It's not so much about memory hun, as it is about research.
All facts are contestable. All surveys can be in error. All data can be misinterpreted, misread, misapplied or simply taken out of context. All authority can, and should be questioned.
When I give statistics like that it is normally the result of an hour of research into the statistic itself, and then another half hour or so into the organization and study that produced the statistic and other studies that might refute it.
Take this as an example: In May 2006 the US Department of Health and Human Services reported this: "Worldwide, more than 90 percent of all adolescent and adult HIV infections have resulted from heterosexual intercourse."
(find the official government page here:http://www.niaid.nih.gov/factsheets/womenhiv.htm)
Wow eh? That is even higher then the WHO statistic and it's taken in the same year, likely from people looking at many of the same studies... So how did they get different numbers while reporting on something (new cases of HIV world-wide) phrased in a very similar way?
Its good ask yourself these questions when you look at statistics. Who is reporting them? Where did they get their information? What is the goal of the organization that is sharing this information? Who is this organization trying to speak too with these stats?
Please, never take my advice, or my statistics, blindly. I do my best to be responsible when I give my advice, but I ask the reader to do their best as well.
I don't pretend to have a great memory. In fact, my memory really sucks, anyone who knows me can tell you as much, but I do my research, I try to present the best information I can, and I gauge my overall impressions on a topic from a variety of sources, even ones I might disagree with initially.
I hope that answers your question...
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The Question
Okkay, my boyfriend always says he's going to kiss his girlfriend, & not referring to me, (referring to my other friend) & he goes in to kiss her & I pull him back, I know he is just playing but I would really like him to stop, what should I tell him?
The Answer
Tell him it isn't funny.
Then stop pulling him back. Simply look at him and remind him that you told him it isn't funny and that you aren't laughing.
Once you stop playing the 'game' he should stop it pretty quickly.
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The Question
Ok so ive been on my period for about a month now- my problem is im on this shot called depro provera its a birth control shot that makes your period barely ever come, and i havent had one in about 6 months. Well i am sexually active with my boyfriend of 9 months. Recently when we have sex i bleed, and now it just stays like that, and its hurt the hole time when were having sex and doesnt even feel good. What should i do? I have an appointment with the gyno soon, but what do you think could be wrong with me??
The Answer
Stop having sex.
Ask your gyno.
We are not doctors. It would be wrong of us to speculate.
In the mean time, drinks lots of liquid. Constant blood loss can cause dehydration. You'll feel better if you stay hydrated.
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The Question
If you are two months pregnant, would that show up on a pregnancy test even if you take it nowhere near your period (not right before or after)..I just took one and it said negative, but I have what looks like a little pouch in the front of my stomach, along with possible symptoms. Basically, are all pregnency tests 95% accurate no matter what time of the month it is?
The Answer
Yes, it is should still be as accurate as it normally is.
Pregnancy tests are just as accurate in the 2nd month of a pregnancy as they are right after you miss your period. When you are pregnant what 'time of the month' stops mattering.
Urine tests don't begin to loose thier accuracy until the second trimester (13 weeks or longer). If you are unsure of your results, use another to varify or see a doctor for a blood test.
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The Question
im 14/f ok
and my current bf is 14/m. ok so we have been going out for about 2 weeks now and so far i have seen him every day! i usually go out with guys from other schools so i don't have to see them every day bc that makes it mean more when you do see him. and its almost valentines day and he wants this shirt but to tell you the truth i could care less about what he wants! im not really in to him. hes not my type at all.. i don't think im over my ex Patrick ether! witch sucks even more. bc he was the first kiss first love and what not! it hurts not to be with Patrick. every time i am with andy i end up thinking about Patrick and it pretty much makes me cry! i can't be with andy any more bc im not over Patrick at all.. but if we break up then theres no friendship bc he isn't friends with any of his ex's witch sucks bc i want to be his friends but he hates them!ah:[ it makes me cry even though i don't even like him like that!
so how do i break up with him or should i give him a week or two?
The Answer
No, just break up with him now.
Giving it a week or two will only make it worse and more painful for him, and it's pretty damn difficult to 'fake' you way through vday.
Save yourself, and him, the agnst and money, and end it now.
Just be kind and use your still being hung up on your first guy as the main reason. Then just hope for the best. If he is the immature type of person who automatically 'hates' all of his exes, there is nothing you can do about that. Not now, and not in a week or two either.
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The Question
Okay...to start off im a 16 y.o. female and have been dating my bf for 2 years and 2 months (hes also 16).
Unfortunately, a few months ago i found text messeges to my best friend on my bfs phone telling her that he likes her and i found that he had been texting her every night for about a week. finally he asked if she felt anything back and she said no...bc she didnt ever feel that way towards MY bf.
Me and him were broken up for awhile, but i realized that my love for him made me forgive him...he told me it was just a physical attraction crush thing. Anyways...to make a long story short...were together.
However, my best friend had been dressing in shirts that are VERY low cut and leaving nothing to the imagination. I CONSTANTLY find my bf sneaking looks at her chest and i get sooo angry with him. He says its a natural reflex and to tell her to stop hanging out. I tell him that i should trust him not to look..but he "cant help it". I cant help but be jealous and i really need him to stop.
I DONT KNOW what to do. He's said that he would stop looking a billion times and he doesnt. I REALLY need help as to what to do bc i cant take him staring at her all day...it just brings up bad memories.
Thanks for your help...and im sorry its so long :-(
The Answer
If they have eyes, they will look. It is fair enough to say that he can’t help it ALL the time.
But it is rude and disrespectful of him to be looking 'constantly', just to way it would be rude to stare at anyone, for any reason, constantly.
It's even more inappropriate that he is continuing this behavior despite the fact he really ought to be focused on proving to you that his past infidelity is truly in the past. The persons who betrays doesn’t just need to behave, they need to really put the effort forward of being absolutely perfect, in order to earn back the trust they have lost.
You don’t ‘hafta trust’ him at this point. He betrayed you, so trust is no longer something he gets automatically.
However, you do have to trust him again, or break up with him.
It sounds like he isn’t even really denying this behavior, and that is the biggest problem in my opinion... If he can’t, or isn’t interested in putting in the extra effort of adverting his damn eyes from one particular person’s breasts, or at least not doing it around you, you should reconsider how serious you believe him to be in getting back together with you.
This guys message of “You have to trust me! Even though I cheated in the past willingly. And admit to still staring at her too much. And blame it on what she chooses to wear and she should change her behavoir to avoid my learing and end your jealously.” paints the picture of a deeply self involved little person.
It’s okay if you love him but is this really the kind of person you want to be with?
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The Question
this is embarrassing but here it goes...
i have been going to a therapist for a 2 months (im a 25f and he a over 40 m). i cant stop thinking about him because it makes me feel relaxed. i hinted about these feelings in the 3rd session and he said nothing. i hoped that he would discuss it but he didnt.
now a month has passed and ive made my liking of him obvious. last week i couldnt stop noticing his eyes.this week i sent him an email and made the session earlier than usual.
he hinted to me at the last session that he realised that i was confused about my feelings towards him and that if i didnt feel comfortable coming to sessions anymore there would be no hard feelings.
i dont know whether to stop seeing him or if i should discuss it with him - i mean this kind of transference is a pattern in my life. i dont know if i have the guts to be totally open about it and if he would be comfortable with it. i feel so stupid and like i never want to face him again.
what should i do?
The Answer
You can discuss this with him if you choose, but he is going to tell you the same thing I am about to tell you: You need to find another therapist.
It's good to feel comfortable and relaxed with your therapist, it's harmful to the process, and inappropraite for you to feel your sessions are rommantically or sexually charged and it speaks to a huge ammount of emotional confusion that you've found yourself in this position.
You certainly are in need of therapy. You know you are confused and struggling. You have certainly indentified that if can be benifical for you. You can't continue to see a therapist you have intense emotional feelings for.
Confess your feelings to him you would like. He wont be disprectful or cruel and will probably be totally comfortable with it (it happens to every decent therapist from time to time) but he WILL insist you find another therapist and perhaps give you a reference to another therapist he thinks would be a better match for you.
Even if you don't explain why you can't continue your sessions with him, take his hint and admit that you feel something isn't working and you should see someone else. Ask for suggestions on that someone else.
You CANNOT continue therapy with him if you are rommantically obsessed. It will make your progress meaningless and the therapy ineffective, and eventually, it will add to your problems.
Please, do continue to get help, but find someone else to do it with.
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The Question
there is this boy i like but he is dating someone but she treats him like ____ i want to get him a rose should i
The Answer
Nope.
It's disrespectful and mean to get someone such a rommantic gift while they are in a relationship.
It will make his life miserable, rather then pleasant like a gift ought too. Give him a vday hug, at the most, and hope he gets a clue about his current situation eventually.
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The Question
people tell me you were way too much makeup
and i ignorge them but i just dont know to believe them or not because they say
a lot of people are making fun of you.
i just dont know anymore what to decide..
helppppppp!
The Answer
Go to a professional.
Seriously. Go to a professional make up artist or beautician and be taught how to put on make-up. Learning from your mom or you girlfriends is fine, but it's not the best way to make sure you are learning the best techniques and ways to deal that you can be.
Talk to someone who does bridal make up, get a consultation. Talk to your friends and see who has done their makeup for proms or the like.
A pro will be able to tell you where your problem lies and make you feel more confident about what you are doing.
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The Question
13/f he's 16/m
MMkay , wellme and my new boyfriend have been dating for 4 days and yesterday he wanted a handjob...I've done it before and all but I told him no , he had to wait because I have my own morals and I'm not a slut...I know it was a good choice to wait.
Also , he's 16 and expelled from school , so he doesn't go to school and has no plans on going...meaning he basicly has no future.This upsets me...
Another thing is that yesterday we were talking and he asked me what are my limit's ? And I said nothing below the belt.And then we were talking about how many previous sexual partners we've had and I told him I'm kinda a virgin [ well techniclly not because penis in vagina = non-virgin ] and he said he'd had about 35 girls who he's had sex with and 15 who have given him blowjobs.I was like :O man whore.He said if he tried he wouldn't beable to rememeber all their names and he didn;t know all their names in the first place.This also upsets me.
So , I'm thinking about asking him to get tested for STD's , STI's and AID's and all that before we do anything.
Answers ? Opinion's ? ANYTHING would help me...I can't get this out of my head !!
The Answer
When you are less then a week into a relationship and you discover that your values are not possibly compatiable, you break up.
That is the rational, intelligent, adult thing to do here.
Listen to the 'upset' feeling. It's telling you that you made a mistake. You now have hard proof that he is unmotivated, sexually indiscriminate and quite possibly a liar. It's okay to make mistakes, but once you realize it's a mistake, the best thing to do it stop making it.
Don't 'get him tested'. If he hasn't been yet, he doesn't, or wont care, and might even lie to you about it.
Just break up with him.
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The Question
Does anyone have any advise on how to deal with an ex, when there is a child involved?
The Answer
Respectfully, honestly and with as complete agreement to thier wishes regarding the children as is realistic.
The trick with being a 'step-parent', in my opinion is anyways, it realizing that you are not in fact a 'parent'. You don't get to be a parent just by virtue of marrying one thier parents. It's not an automatic right or privilage.
Thier parents are still thier parents, and your role is as another responsible and loving adult in the childs life. Deserving of respect of course, but not in a position where you get to call the shots.
If you have a problem with 'the ex', the first person you talk to is your partner, then perhaps, all three of you speak about it. You don't get to make decisions with regards to the children by yourself, ever.
In time, it is true, with respect and love, a step-parent might become an equal parent to the child, but that is a long-term thing, being married don't make you 'mom'.
A lot of the details depend on the ex and the nature of the seperation, the age and temperment of the kids, but I think if you can realize your role in this properly you are off to a good start.
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The Question
long story short.
my boyfriend cheated on my and slept with another girl. and might i mention one of the ugliest girls. but thats besides the point, i see this girl frequently but ive never really been forced to be in a small area with her since i found out.
now one of my good friends is having a birthday party and this slut is going to be there. i dont know how to act or if i should say anything. so my question is, what do i say to my boyfriend before the party and how do i act around this girl?
all of our friends know and everyone acts awkward because of what the two of them decided to do. oh and i hate this girl. but i dont want to cause a scene, its my good friends 21 birthday.
The Answer
She's a cheating whore? What does that make your boyfriend exactly?
Seriously babe, you are hating on the wrong person here... but fine, moving past that.
You tell your boyfriend he will keep his mouth shut if he knows what is good for him and do everything in his power to make sure the birthday party is a positive experience for the birthday girl and you.
If you can't be at least civil this girl and, I dinno, talk about the weather or the new episode of Heroes, then don't speak to her at all.
This probably isn't going to be the problem you think it could be: If everyone there knows the history, they will be doing thier best to keep things from getting messy. Just take a deep breath and go to the party expecting to enjoy yourself despite her, not expecting a cat fight, and you'll get what you expect.
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The Question
I was crying about something & I went downstairs to talk to my mom about it. Then she started yelling at me & blaming everything on me. So, I just said, "Okay. Well, I was gonna talk to you about it, but screw that." & for some reason, she thinks that I said, "Screw you." Yeah, and now I'm grounded. I tried to tell her that wasn't what I said, but she just started yelling at me even more. How can I get her to just...calm down? I didn't even do anything.
The Answer
Accept it, and deal with been grounded for at least the next 24 hours. Then try to speak to her about it.
Saying 'screw it' was still disrespectful, and frankly, the difference between 'screw it' and 'screw you', if you were speaking in a tone of voice to your mother where that could be easily misunderstood... well, you can't really hate her for mishearing in the heat of the moment. She's only human, we all do that.
Tommorrow, when things calm down, tell her this "Look mom, I'm sorry I was yelling at you, but I only said 'screw it' not 'screw you'. I know better then to say that to you."
You might still be grounded, that is just the way it is for a teen, you have to live by someone elses rules, even when they don't seem fair, but at least you will have been honest with her and she will have heard you. Just leave it for today. You can't hear eachother right now.
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The Question
so i was just wondering if anyone knew if this was legal or not and if you could maybe find a page that says its not, you dont need to but it would help, since i couldnt find one. so anyways..
alright so the other day at my school i asked to leave the class to use the bathroom and the teacher wouldn't sign the pass.. and i seriously needed to go and so i kept asking and the teacher called the assistance principle and said that she was going to escort me there?? and so i was like um? okay and so like 20 minutes past and the escort never came and like i was shaking so bad because i needed to use the bathroom and so i got up and just left and then i came back and my teacher made another phone call and then later that day during another class i got called to the assistant principles office and i got and ext det(extended detention, its you have to stay after school for 3 hrs and you cant talk or do anything except work) and they really suck. and i asked why? and she said because i left the class and i was suppose to have an escort and i told thats fine but my escort never even came when she was suppose to and then i asked why i even needed an escort and she said because i was on bathroom restriction witch is like crazy because i never did anything wrong to get that... and i asked her what i was suppose to do.. piss myself? and she said yes... and i just wanted to no if what happen was even legal?
if it helps im a sophmore in hs, and i live in the state of ct.
The Answer
It is perfectly legal.
As you are granted opportunities during the day, between classes and during your lunch to use the bathroom the school is not 'denying' you use of the bathroom (which would be illegal) merely restricting you. It is alright for them to restrict access for the safety and control of the students. You don't have to agree with what they call safety or security ;) you can argue that all you want, but they are allowed to do it.
Bathroom use during class time is a privilege, not a right. Most schools will be quite flexible on this rule if a doctor's note is produced, and most elementary schools don't enforce these restrictions on children grade three and below, as their bladders are still developing. But as a teen, you are shit out of luck. You have to go when you have opportunity, or abide by the rules. Believe it or not, there are workplaces where the same sort of rules can be enforced, even agreed too, by unions. Taking advantage of specific breaks in the day is not an unrealistic expectation by any means, and not one you'll find only at high school.
What happened to you was definately not cool, someone should have come to assist you, but the rule itself is still valid. Use the bathroom on your breaks and avoid this mess.
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The Question
I'm a virgin, and I will be for a while, but I have a question about it, when your "cherry pops" how bad does it hurt?
The Answer
That entirely depends.
Some women have a very thin hymen, some women have a much thicker hymen. Some women's hymen will have already been stretched or broken in different activities, some wont.
I'm afriad there is absolutely no way to say for sure.
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The Question
about a month and a half ago i got my first pap smear. my gyno called me with the results and said it was abnormal. i went in to get a coloposy. is it very likely that i have hpv or cervial cancer? is this anything to worry about.?
The Answer
If you are sexually active it is quite possible that you have HPV.
Statistics right now suggest between 50% and 70% of sexually active women have HPV at some point in thier lives. It is an infection that can disapear on it's own, or stick around for years without causing anything.
Very few kinds of HPV have been linked to cervical cancer AND cervical cancer generally persents later in life, not as a teen (excuse the assumption, but I am geussing you are a teen or a quite young adult).
Is there a risk? Yes. Should be terribly nervous. No.
However, if you find out you do have HPV. ALWAYS use condoms. Men carry the virus, and there is no way to find out if they have it or not, so they can spread it to other women. Be respectful and protect your partner, and any other partner they might ever have.
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The Question
If someone was a virgin, (most definitely)!, and their parents had not had the disease (indefinitely), because the fact they themselves are fine and they've had three healthy children (oldest of which is in late teens), is it likely to say that one of the children could have an STI despite being a virgin? I know they can be passed on from mother to baby but I would have thought that the mother, after so many years would show some isgns of infection, as would the child.
If it is possible, what are the chances, do you think?
Thank you very much :)!
The Answer
First off: Most good doctors will test expectant mothers for all STDs, since some can be transfered (mostly through the birth process) and others can negatively affect development.
Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, Herpes and Syphilis can all be transferred to a child from mother, but the likelihood of neither child nor mother being diagnosed or showing symptoms of those diseases is ASTRONOMICAL.
Pretty much impossible.
HPV is only STD a mother might pass to a child that is not easily diagnosed and can exist for years without symptoms.
Of course, it's worth it to mention that STDs can be transfered through sexual touching and oral sex, even if a person is technically a virgin.
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The Question
Sorry a little long . please read though
Ok , well me and my boyfriend have been dateing for 11 months . And i cant stand that woman , seriously im not over reacting by no means . She is only nice when its convenint to her and when she feels like it. She pushes her husband around and her kids . My boyfriend got one bad grade on his report card and he's been grounded for 5 weeks now , & today is our 11 month anniversary and she wont even let us see each other at all today , not even for a damn little bit , she is the most horrible person i have ever met , even my whole family doesnt like her . I cant take her bullshit anymore . She doesnt like me and i just know all she wants is for me and him to break up . Iv cryed so much because i couldnt see him today . what do i do ?
The Answer
Unless you break up with him, his mother isn't going anywhere.
He's a teen, which means no matter how irrational and mean she is, he needs to respect her and abide by her decisions.
It isn't your job to hate his mom. It's your job to support your boyfriend and try to make things better for him.
You aren't going to make things better by flipping out and sobbing because he can't see you today. That makes it worse for him, and things more strained at his home. Support him by listening, not by attacking his mother.
Take a deep breath and perhaps write him a sweet note in honor of your 11 months togeather, then look forward to your one-year anniversry, which is truly worth celebrating.
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The Question
So theres some presents that a guy should give a girl in every semiserious relationship.
I think they are as following:
1.flowers
2.a sweatshirt of his
3.an item of jewelry
4.a stuffed animal
what else?
The Answer
Um, permission to give him sweet and considerate gifts as well and enough sense to realize that gifts aren't a requirement, just an occasionally nice perk.
Oh, and her favorite sweet or chocolate.
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The Question
Sorry for the length, but thanks in advance to anyone who answers.
Here's some background info: This year, they spilt up the districts for the school that I go to. They sent half of them, which includes three of my best frineds since first grade, to the new school & the other half, which includes me & my other best friend (Nicole) since fifth grade. & at the new school, my best friend since fifth grade's boyfriend, Kyle, is also there. They've been going out for a year & for some reason think they're going to get married. & this whole week, Nicole's been acting sad & refused to tell me why.
So, I came home yesterday & Nicole called me saying that she needed to talk to me. I was all prepared for her to say her & Kyle broke up, & I was ready to go drive over to her house to comfort her. But then she says, "My parents transferred me." I started crying as soon as I realized what she was talking about. The thing is, when one of my friends asked her if it was her decision, she said yes. Then she told me it was all her parents decision. I haven't yelled at her or anything that most people would do. I've just cried. First of all, I don't enjoy knowing that my best friend doesn't give a crap about me & just flat out ditched me without caring. She keeps bragging about how much fun the other school's going to be also. Second, she lied to me for a whole entire week & won't take the responsibility for anything. Third, she went & complained to one of my other "best friends" that she thought I was mad at her. Then, to make a long story short, the girl who she complained to calls me & yells at me for no reason. I guess it's cause she thought I was mad? Anyways, everytime I'd try to stick up for myself, she told me to shut up. So eventually, I just stopped talking. That's what shut up means, right? So then she starts telling me what a horrible friend I am for being upset & that Nicole is the only one who has the right to be upset. THEN, she tells me that I'm stupid for not talking. & that was after she had just told me to shut up. I'm pretty sure it's just because she wants another friend at her school & doesn't care if I get ditched. I have't stuck up for myself at all while the two of my friends have been telling me all of this crap & how horrible I am. On the other hand, one of my best friends is actually on my side, & trying to help me through everything. I just keep telling Nicole I'm not mad because I don't want to upset her, but I've been crying for about two days now.
My question is, well, what in the world is wrong with my "best friends?" Am I handling this the right way? Do I have a right to be upset?
The Answer
It's okay that you are upset, but no, you aren't handling this the right way.
If she is your friend, give her the benift of the doubt about her lying to you about choosing the other school. Maybe she really did choose it, but you don't know for sure and it isn't nice to assume the worst in people.
It's also not okay for you to tell her you aren't mad when you are. She's not an idiot. Clearly she knows you are mad.
People can, and will be, mean to you in life. They will misunderstand and treat you badly, but the best thing you can do it be respectful honest (and for goodness sake, if anyone ever yells at you on the phone the correct response "Call me back when you can speak calmly" and hang up on them.)
I would suggest you try telling Nicole simply thing "I'm really hurt and upset that you are leaving me behind and you don't seem to care." and see what her response is. She might be upset as well and just trying to hide it to keep from feeling guilty. Or she might be a mega bitch. You wont know until you calmly bring it up.
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