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crush on therapist

Question Posted Tuesday February 12 2008, 3:00 pm

this is embarrassing but here it goes...
i have been going to a therapist for a 2 months (im a 25f and he a over 40 m). i cant stop thinking about him because it makes me feel relaxed. i hinted about these feelings in the 3rd session and he said nothing. i hoped that he would discuss it but he didnt.
now a month has passed and ive made my liking of him obvious. last week i couldnt stop noticing his eyes.this week i sent him an email and made the session earlier than usual.
he hinted to me at the last session that he realised that i was confused about my feelings towards him and that if i didnt feel comfortable coming to sessions anymore there would be no hard feelings.
i dont know whether to stop seeing him or if i should discuss it with him - i mean this kind of transference is a pattern in my life. i dont know if i have the guts to be totally open about it and if he would be comfortable with it. i feel so stupid and like i never want to face him again.
what should i do?

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Razhie answered Tuesday February 12 2008, 3:13 pm:
You can discuss this with him if you choose, but he is going to tell you the same thing I am about to tell you: You need to find another therapist.

It's good to feel comfortable and relaxed with your therapist, it's harmful to the process, and inappropraite for you to feel your sessions are rommantically or sexually charged and it speaks to a huge ammount of emotional confusion that you've found yourself in this position.

You certainly are in need of therapy. You know you are confused and struggling. You have certainly indentified that if can be benifical for you. You can't continue to see a therapist you have intense emotional feelings for.

Confess your feelings to him you would like. He wont be disprectful or cruel and will probably be totally comfortable with it (it happens to every decent therapist from time to time) but he WILL insist you find another therapist and perhaps give you a reference to another therapist he thinks would be a better match for you.

Even if you don't explain why you can't continue your sessions with him, take his hint and admit that you feel something isn't working and you should see someone else. Ask for suggestions on that someone else.

You CANNOT continue therapy with him if you are rommantically obsessed. It will make your progress meaningless and the therapy ineffective, and eventually, it will add to your problems.

Please, do continue to get help, but find someone else to do it with.

[ Razhie's advice column | Ask Razhie A Question

Brandi_S answered Tuesday February 12 2008, 3:03 pm:
Best bet is to find a new therapist.
You are going to therapy for a reason, and your feelings for him may interfere with that, if it hasn't happened already.
If you like the guy, it's best to try to pursue it when you aren't involved in this type of professional relationship with him.


[ Brandi_S's advice column | Ask Brandi_S A Question

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