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Boyfriend staring at her = bad news
Okay...to start off im a 16 y.o. female and have been dating my bf for 2 years and 2 months (hes also 16).
Unfortunately, a few months ago i found text messeges to my best friend on my bfs phone telling her that he likes her and i found that he had been texting her every night for about a week. finally he asked if she felt anything back and she said no...bc she didnt ever feel that way towards MY bf.
Me and him were broken up for awhile, but i realized that my love for him made me forgive him...he told me it was just a physical attraction crush thing. Anyways...to make a long story short...were together.
However, my best friend had been dressing in shirts that are VERY low cut and leaving nothing to the imagination. I CONSTANTLY find my bf sneaking looks at her chest and i get sooo angry with him. He says its a natural reflex and to tell her to stop hanging out. I tell him that i should trust him not to look..but he "cant help it". I cant help but be jealous and i really need him to stop.
I DONT KNOW what to do. He's said that he would stop looking a billion times and he doesnt. I REALLY need help as to what to do bc i cant take him staring at her all day...it just brings up bad memories.
Thanks for your help...and im sorry its so long :-(
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dump him bc you shouldnt have to go through this and even though you may have feelings for him, that does not mean you should make yourself uncomfortable.
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If they have eyes, they will look. It is fair enough to say that he can’t help it ALL the time.
But it is rude and disrespectful of him to be looking 'constantly', just to way it would be rude to stare at anyone, for any reason, constantly.
It's even more inappropriate that he is continuing this behavior despite the fact he really ought to be focused on proving to you that his past infidelity is truly in the past. The persons who betrays doesn’t just need to behave, they need to really put the effort forward of being absolutely perfect, in order to earn back the trust they have lost.
You don’t ‘hafta trust’ him at this point. He betrayed you, so trust is no longer something he gets automatically.
However, you do have to trust him again, or break up with him.
It sounds like he isn’t even really denying this behavior, and that is the biggest problem in my opinion... If he can’t, or isn’t interested in putting in the extra effort of adverting his damn eyes from one particular person’s breasts, or at least not doing it around you, you should reconsider how serious you believe him to be in getting back together with you.
This guys message of “You have to trust me! Even though I cheated in the past willingly. And admit to still staring at her too much. And blame it on what she chooses to wear and she should change her behavoir to avoid my learing and end your jealously.” paints the picture of a deeply self involved little person.
It’s okay if you love him but is this really the kind of person you want to be with?
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